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Nairaland Forum / Entertainment / Literature / OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden (41562 Views)
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Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by Juderejoice(f): 2:51pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
Finally on FP. Thank God 1 Like |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by AYODEJI4LOVE(m): 4:57pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
..this is interesting...glue to the first page for a long period of time... |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 5:41pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
AYODEJI4LOVE: ..this is interesting...glue to the first page for a long period of time...Tnx bro |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by vitrendy4eva: 7:18pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
Totally breathtaking I must tell you! A true masterpiece! I've been glued to it all day. Thanks @DanWrites. Keep up the good work. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 7:44pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
vitrendy4eva: Totally breathtaking I must tell you! A true masterpiece! I've been glued to it all day. Thanks @DanWrites. Keep up the good work.Thanks a lot Vitrendy. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by Nobody: 10:40pm On Jan 04, 2014 |
guys read my love story https://www.nairaland.com/1574806/mists-mountain-cruelty-distance#20678801t |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by Nobody: 1:46am On Jan 05, 2014 |
Wow Dan Wow!!!! I stumbled on this story at about 5pm and couldn't stop till i just finished it now. My credit is finished and my thumbs ache from scrolling but it was a great experience. I am grateful to pple like VV who inspired u to continue posting but somehow i'm glad that i discovered the story late because the suspense could have KILLED me, i wuld have been having dreams of Ola or nightmares of the witches (depending on ur last post for the day). I absolutely loved Nene but funny enuf, my fav character is Ikem who was always rude to all who deserved it, (lmao at his response to those who came to beg his sis). I think that u shud separate ola and the prince, we all know that she must sacrifice sumthing to hold the incredible power of the moon girl and that would make the story more real. When Ekuku mentioned that she was related to the priestess, i thot that u were preparing us for Nene's 'call to bar' (the land need a priestess na). I almost died with laughter when the silly Efu named herself. Finally, there are places where u mixed up tenses, you started the narration as a reported speech and completed it in present continous tense. When i log on with a PC, i'll try to quote them. All in all i had a blast and will definitely watch out for more from u. Thumbs up and more ink to that amazing pen of urs |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by Thankgodtt(m): 2:42am On Jan 05, 2014 |
Wow----- u re gud. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by OmoKhary(f): 3:23am On Jan 05, 2014 |
This piece reminds me of the book "pot of life",you took my breath away with this piece. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by Udeme288(m): 5:26am On Jan 05, 2014 |
Its 5;19am nau nd i started reading this piece since 3:25pm yesterday. i pity my ba3 sha.I had all the sceneries in my head,even faces of people, this was a page-turner. i coudn't drop my fone for once. you will go place DAN. anxiously waiting for the contiuation. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 7:22am On Jan 05, 2014 |
bestestgirl: Wow Dan Wow!!!! I stumbled on this story at about 5pm and couldn't stop till i just finished it now. My credit is finished and my thumbs ache from scrolling but it was a great experience.Thanks a lot Bestest...expecting the instances Thankgodtt: Wow----- u re gud.Gratitude Thankgodt OmoKhary: This piece reminds me of the book "pot of life",you took my breath away with this piece.Glad you enjoyed it. Udeme288: Its 5;19am nau nd i started reading this piece since 3:25pm yesterday. i pity my ba3 sha.I had all the sceneries in my head,even faces of people, this was a page-turner. i coudn't drop my fone for once. you will go place DAN. anxiously waiting for the contiuation.Lol..Thanx bro |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by jugbada(m): 9:40am On Jan 05, 2014 |
Wow a 9c 1 pls keep it up |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by cherriex(f): 11:34am On Jan 05, 2014 |
Wow Dan u got me real good beautiful work I must say,I read the whole story picturing every scene as if iam there,saw it lastnight and am already through patiently waitin for ur next tale.it was fast because I made it easier by openin each page nd saving for ofline readin thereby saving my Mb.keep it up,I wish ders a hard copy to keep for my future kids. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by whitemosquito(f): 12:43pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Ok Dan, this is a nice one. But my first ish is with the title. Is it the moon that is young or the maiden? Cos if its the maiden, we all know maidens are young so there rili is no point in repeating young/maiden. If its the moon, well.... It cant be the moon, can it? Really, OLA- THE MOON MAIDEN sounds better. That having been said, I LOVE the simplicity with which you tell the story, I can already imagine the village scenes, and Iv never been to one. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by vandac: 1:20pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
nice one, its quite intrestingnd intriguing but i tink some of d names looks or beta still sounds like yoruba names or western names, plz try nd work on dem. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by pius15: 1:51pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
This is awesome,i can't wait to read the next chapter. Don't keep me waiting please |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 2:49pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
jugbada: Wow a 9c 1 pls keep it up |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 2:49pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
jugbada: Wow a 9c 1 pls keep it upThanks jugbada cherriex: Wow Dan u got me real good beautiful work I must say,I read the whole story picturing every scene as if iam there,saw it lastnight and am already through patiently waitin for ur next tale.it was fast because I made it easier by openin each page nd saving for ofline readin thereby saving my Mb.keep it up,I wish ders a hard copy to keep for my future kids.Thanks Cheriex...sure, i believe in no time Ola will be in print. white mosquito: Ok Dan, this is a nice one. But my first ish is with the title. Is it the moon that is young or the maiden? Cos if its the maiden, we all know maidens are young so there rili is no point in repeating young/maiden. If its the moon, well.... It cant be the moon, can it? Really, OLA- THE MOON MAIDEN sounds better. That having been said, I LOVE the simplicity with which you tell the story, I can already imagine the village scenes, and Iv never been to one.Thanks for the observation white mosquito. In defence, d maiden term refer more to their innocence than age. Remember even very old ones still bear moon maiden. Young is there because Ola fought her battle while still young. Hope that clears you a bit? But then titles are not carved in stone...thanks a lot man. Expecting more of something like this. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 2:56pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
vandac: nice one, its quite intrestingnd intriguing but i tink some of d names looks or beta still sounds like yoruba names or western names, plz try nd work on dem.Thanks vandac....pls can u pick a name out? Though most times the names were shortened, they are entirely Igbo. pius15: This is awesome,i can't wait to read the next chapter. Don't keep me waiting pleaseThanks Pius |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by LerrieJohn(f): 8:45pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Dear Dan, I must commend you on a finely plotted piece of art so far. I came across your post this afternoon n I have been wonderfully captivated as the events unfold. Pity I didn't see this post when you started. I have one or two critics for now but will be saving them for the end. I love reading and I read books from authors with strong captivating characters, the like of Stephen king and Dan Brown and so far you have not bored me with your plot. So far my best character ( only because I haven't seen a flaw yet) is Nene. The rest of the characters are all beautiful though. Would love to write more but I have to get back reading. I'm only on page 3 and still have a lot to cover...will fill you in on my opinion gradually... |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by cheruv: 9:00pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
смегол(smegol) hates nasty hobbituses Juderejoice: Boju reminds me of smegol in Lord of d rings |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by omotoyiwa(f): 9:36pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Dats nice,more pls |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by dedarkman(m): 10:03pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
I must say I spent my whole on bed ,not going to church not that I am proud of it.i am not a fan of reading novels and story but I will say you are really very to have got my attention.you are very good keep up the good work. Dan you are good |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 10:20pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
Lerrie John: Dear Dan, I must commend you on a finely plotted piece of art so far. I came across your post this afternoon n I have been wonderfully captivated as the events unfold. Pity I didn't see this post when you started. I have one or two critics for now but will be saving them for the end. I love reading and I read books from authors with strong captivating characters, the like of Stephen king and Dan Brown and so far you have not bored me with your plot.Thanks John, expecting your observations. cheruv: смегол(smegol) hates nasty hobbituses"Oh no, Boju not like smeagol, Boju hates that ugly creature. Boju not want friends with him." |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by DanWrites(m): 10:25pm On Jan 05, 2014 |
omotoyiwa: Dats nice,more plsThanks Omotoyiwa. dedarkman: I must say I spent my whole on bed ,not going to church not that I am proud of it.i am not a fan of reading novels and story but I will say you are really very to have got my attention.you are very good keep up the good work.Ola made you miss church? **makes some waddly wobbly dance steps** Then covers face before God vex 4 me. Thanks Man. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by Abbeyunique2(m): 12:54am On Jan 06, 2014 |
You make me remember only one author his name is Rick rodan . Keep it up. Wanna know if u are an undergraduate |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by LerrieJohn(f): 12:57am On Jan 06, 2014 |
Dear Dan The first thing I couldn't envision properly is the division of the kingdom. I understood it was made up of several villages of which Oji, Abo, Udah and Iseke. What is not clear is the distance between these places. For instance, Ola and her family lived in Oji. How far is Oji from the palace? From your narration it seems very close as Nene ran several times to the palace or training field of the prince. Even the children came singing and pleading to Ola and they all left for the festival which held in Efu's shrine and therefore, close to the palace. Wouldn't it have been better they lived in the same village but she lived like downtown? The second question is when they travelled to search for Okala with Ekuku they made it in one day even though Okala wasn't in the next village. If Ekuku walked as slow as a tortoise that journey must have been strenuous for her to make a return the same day as they arrived in the early evening. Or what do you think? |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by LerrieJohn(f): 1:11am On Jan 06, 2014 |
The language in the plot was ok until you got to the gatekeeper to Uwoma forest. I found the language there went a bit off-line. It went more European than African. For example, when the short old man says: "“And what shall I call thee, tall lad?” " I find thee and lad a bit off line. You could use "you" to replace "thee" and "boy" to replace "lad". You could as well phrase the question in a different manner of speech to represent the old tongue if you feel it's too plain. Hope you don't mind? They are just my observations and do not take away any credit as your book is really a smash. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by LerrieJohn(f): 1:21am On Jan 06, 2014 |
Still on use of words. Azu was carrying a sword on him. I can barely envision a sword in the African setting. If he carried a knife (maybe carved) that would make more sense in this particular setting. Ola was addressed as "Mistress" in Uwoma forest. There's something about mistress that doesn't quite suit. Sweet or fair maiden perhaps or something much better ( I'm sure you can come up with one) will be ideal. Don't you think so? |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by LerrieJohn(f): 1:29am On Jan 06, 2014 |
Enough with my observations I'm getting bored of my self too. **yawns heavily** Mind blowing, well plotted story. Totally captivating from beginning to end. Would willingly buy a copy as soon as it's edited. @ everyone to me Boju looked more like the goblin in Harry Potter (Dobby) than Smeegol. |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by cheruv: 2:01am On Jan 06, 2014 |
qweenaxx:Let's hold a minute silence for Nnaa and Ikenna..the casualities of the story Frankly speaking to you guys,I enjoyed Ikenna's character.I can't help but imagine aww bicepic his arms could be together with an increase in number of girls here who wish for those hands to hold them |
Re: OLA: The Tale Of A Young Moon Maiden by cheruv: 2:27am On Jan 06, 2014 |
kamia: For a moment Dan, I was beginning to think the whole story was real, and wanted it to continue each day, I was taken unawares when it ended abruptly, but you know what? I think I'll conclude this story in my head...Shior!!!!!!!!!! For your head? ...shey you know say Yaba left don full abi you wan naked dey waka for street?....abeg oo I still need your sane form around in case Oga Dani comot part 2 |
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