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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Politics / Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs (5196 Views)
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Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Seun(m): 3:52pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
It is a fact universally acknowledged that politicians, not entrepreneurs, are responsible for the creation of jobs. If you vote for me as the next president of Nigeria, I promise to create jobs in my capacity as the commander in chief of the armed forces. I will use my sophisticated weapons to create millions of automatic jobs for Nigerians. For example, I'm going to plant troops along the expressways linking the northern part of Nigeria to the south. When those troops spot lorries moving large quantities of agricultural produce to the south, they'll shoot the tyres so the lorries will lose control and veer into the bush. Many jobs will be created in the agricultural sector, because farmers in the north will have to employ more hands to replace the destroyed vegetables and fruits. You may have witnessed customs officials destroying foodstuffs, medicines, clothes, and other items imported into the country illegally. This creates jobs in local industries and deprives those greedy importers of their illegal profits. The problem is that they don't go far enough - they allow some products to get into the country, destroying local jobs in the process. As the commander in chief, I will create millions of local jobs by making importation illegal. Also, I'm going to purchase long range stealth bombers to sink some of the ships heading out of Nigeria. This will create more jobs in the maritime sector as shipping companies struggle to replace lost crew members. It will also create jobs in all exporting industries - oil, agriculture, and mining - because more goods will have to be exported to replace the ones destroyed. Imagine that: a single policy that creates jobs in two ways at once! To create more jobs in the construction industry, I will employ demolition squads from the army to use grenades, dynamites, and bombs to completely destroy large office complexes all over the country. Don't worry - this will only take place on weekends and public holidays - so the only workers who might lose their lives are those who work hard when they are supposed to be relaxing at home. That is a risk that I am willing to take to create jobs. But that's not all. I will influence the senate to create laws against deviants (atheists and homosexuals, geniuses and idiots) and moral offences like (adultery and fornication, envy and greed). All laws will come with long prison sentences starting from ten years and above. With millions of Nigerians in prison, there will be enough jobs for those who are lucky enough not to be convicted of any laws. There'll be more than enough jobs to go around! Finally I will make it mandatory for any registered business to re-staff. I'll make it an offence for any company in Nigeria to operate without employing 250 Nigerians in each branch office. Registered businesses will have it easy - only 100 employees per branch and 2 branches minimum. Any manager who doesn't comply will be thrown in prison, making his job available to someone else! This is the secret of communism's success - job creation by fiat! Some of my critics have suggested that with so many jobs created, paying the employees will become a problem. Isn't this ridiculous when, as the president of Nigeria I can just order the CBN to print more money? So please vote for me in the 2007 presidential elections, and I promise you that unemployment will become a thing of the past. I promise to make Nigeria the Zimbabwe of West Africa; in fact Nigeria will be much more gigantic giant. His Excellency, The Most High Chief And Professor S Osewa (JSCE, SSCE, NFA) 5 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Christino(m): 4:00pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
I'll be right back, i gotta get myself together! |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by gbengaijot(m): 4:02pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
<ironically> I will vote for you </ironically> |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Christino(m): 4:06pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Seun, when did you become a cartoonist? All i can see here is the Memoirs page on saturday punch, its entertaining and interesting and I believe this is the Kind of President we need, like SOLUDO |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by woleprof(m): 4:12pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
unhuuuuuuuuu Seun hope this is another JOKE |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Garuba(m): 4:20pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Gold. . . Pure Unadultrated Gold 1 Like |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Folaby(m): 4:22pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Spot on !! Spot on!! |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by otokx(m): 4:23pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
this won't work |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by twinstaiye(m): 4:36pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Seun, I want to be your Vice President. I am a sucker for demolition and creation of more jobs. 1 Like |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Christino(m): 4:42pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
I want to be in the ministry of finance (cabinet fo sure) so that I can emulate my hero, Soludo. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Bibi(m): 5:07pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Are you standing as independent Candidate or on which party platform are you running? I prose to include resource control in your agenda. Let the South South keep their oil wealth, The North their income from Groundnuts and colanuts, and the west their, hmmm, what? and the east, what? |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by food4tot: 5:21pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Just chipping in my bit. Diplomacy is the a crucial skill a leader should have. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Shagari2(m): 5:23pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Lmao! we need somtin different from the current regime!! |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by timmy(m): 6:47pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
<? php $answer; if ($answer == 'YES') { echo "ERRRROORR" ; } else { echo "ild vote SEUN OSEWA FOR PRESIDENT" ; } $answer = 'YES'; ---------------------------------------------------------- ERRROORR |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Damsal(f): 7:28pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
i don't know this looks a tad dodgy what are the percentages of you actually carrying out all your proposals. Seun. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Ka: 7:34pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Seun, Go ---> here to see why your idea is flawed. <offtopic> Do you have some code which turns ellipses into commas? If so, why? </offtopic> |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by exu(m): 9:30pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
Vote for me and I'll kill you all. Peace. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Efani(m): 9:33pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
i dont vote |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Mariory(m): 10:35pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
timmy: LMAO!! |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Eastcoast(f): 11:18pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
@Seun, i would vote for you only if you can prove that you will promote democracy in nigeria. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Seun(m): 11:48pm On Jun 16, 2006 |
It's another broken attempt at satire. 1 Like |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Eastcoast(f): 12:04am On Jun 17, 2006 |
@seun, i choose to believe you ain't refering to me |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by eveseh(f): 1:42am On Jun 17, 2006 |
i dont vote, i win |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by woleprof(m): 8:42am On Jun 17, 2006 |
@Seun na wa o, gbogboyin fe di minister Seun!!! uhunn se e ti ro sha? i hope u re not planning to use the electronic voting machine? |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Christino(m): 11:53am On Jun 17, 2006 |
sure banker, NL voting system is fanimorous and interesting with a forum to support it, so no campaign. Electronic Voting is da bomb, we won't waste your time and resources in printing papers and ballot boxes and compiling bla bla bla OMG! we are in the 21st century, we don't even need to click, one might as well write a code to generate VOTES, i tell you its much better than rigging, it's DUPLIcAting! |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by woleprof(m): 12:06pm On Jun 17, 2006 |
Definitely this not ELECTION it is SELECTION, with 21st century technology |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Christino(m): 12:30pm On Jun 17, 2006 |
Selection, that's it, yes, OBj was selected in 99 and 2003 so we keep selecting, okay. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by woleprof(m): 12:42pm On Jun 17, 2006 |
so you and Seun wants to keep on propagating this menace |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by molluma(f): 3:14pm On Jun 18, 2006 |
wow finally a Nigerian with novel ideas and an idea to take care of unemployment and our large population in one swoop.you have my vote. |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Efani(m): 6:29pm On Jun 18, 2006 |
i wouldnt vote for seun |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Seun(m): 6:59pm On Jun 18, 2006 |
Efani: you know this is a joke, right? |
Re: Vote For Me And I Will Create Jobs by Efani(m): 7:05pm On Jun 18, 2006 |
yea i kno |
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