Making Love & Raising A Family - Family (2) - Nairaland
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| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 1:53pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
chaircover: Please go ahead! |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by damiso(f): 1:56pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Nice thread. .... .I have the opposite end of the Inlaw issue (hubby lost both his parents).I find I am the one who does the reminding to call HIS family sef.I speak to my mum every other day and she used to complain that he did not call enough (like once a month after I say Mummy said it's been long she's spoken to you)I find I have to hold forte for him concerning keeping in touch (and that is even to his family) he really is so not top notch in that aspect.I top up the phones so he has no excuse so I guess its me complementing him in that regard as he really means no harm.Even the call sef its 10 mins max while I spend £40 or more a month ob calling Nigeria.I guess as you said it's knowing your partner because this issue used to cause alot of conflict in the past. |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 2:04pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
jennykadry: As for MIL palava. When you meet a nice man that treats you like a princeless just know one thing, he was born and raised by a queen. That queen is his mother and she holds a special place in his heart. Look for that place in his heart and pitch a tent there. My mother and paternal grandma were very close She called her enyi nwa m till the day she died( my son's girlfriend) lol My mom's friends made references to their relationship and any aunt or relative that turned to criticize my mom was met with fire by my grandma,you dared not. I came into marriage expecting to be same with my MiL from the start but it didn't happen that way right away We started on a very wrong footing right from the traditional wedding and when she visited to spend time with us,it was not memorable. I learned a lot and did things differently so when I speak of mil I speak from experience It takes a lot to apologize to someone who wronged you but that action melted her heart and our relationship changed dramatically Till this day she calls me " the good thing" And she told me it is from the scripture where the bible says that a man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from The Lord She tells people I am the best thing that happened to her son. There is no better compliment from an mil She even complains about her son to me lol I say this to tell any lady in that awful position that things can turn around,it takes wisdom and understanding and you have to initiate it and put the past behind you. 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 2:05pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
I wasn't gonna read any of it (i'm lazy, i know)  But after going through d comments, I decided to go back and I'm glad I did! About the first point, i don't gerrit...are tou saying once something is missing, take a walk or love covers Cos to me, it seems lyk u favoured both assertions! |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 2:11pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
alutacontinua: I wasn't gonna read any of it (i'm lazy, i know) No I didn't favor both. I said in a nutshell that one must be realistic in their expectations and also decide what they can live with from the very onset before saying I do. |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 2:12pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Next up ,the bedroom and keeping it going |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 2:21pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Nice write-up baby mama, following!! 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Miner13: 3:10pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Family clinic lecture class! Madam i left my book at home thats' why i came late. I beg mark my name. Biko 2 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 4:59pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Down in the bedroom I hope I don't venture into uncharted territories but any marriage without great sex and explosives ones every once in a while is doomed! Good sex can sometimes keep a marriage from breaking. The scriptures say the woman and man must not withold sex from one another and I believe that 100%. A woman must never punish a man by witholding sex and vice versa. It serves absolutely no purpose but builds further resentment if there's already a problem. Good healthy sex life can turn around a failing marriage because it can help open up conversation,problems discussed are problems solved. A woman should make herself attractive to her man and make him rush home from work. She should be willing to try new exciting things make out time to set the mood for love It's your home,your man, your marriage,make it the best thing on earth. Intimacy is not just his thing,it should be your thing too Play the music you like to make love to Take a good bath Get the sexy lingeries,the sweet body sprays no monotony,ask him what he likes and do it Tell him what you like too Perfect your teasing skills and you'll have that son of a gun woof woof whenever he thinks of you. Men by their make up like sex. Women like romance and the feeling of being loved more than the actual sex. That's just the way it is Sometimes a woman may not feel like it but if that's what he wants,give it to him. It only takes minutes not hours, you can do it. There are some I describe as fast food. Let him have it and everybody is happy There's absolutely no need claiming headaches and backaches when you have a fully loaded man infront front of you. Most of the time these ones are short and quick,only the length of abour 3 or 4 TV commercials. Any loving wife should be able to handle that. Let the babies cry,they can wait a few minutes for that bottle,there's business to be handled . Keeping it exciting Variety they say is the spice of life. There is no rule anywhere that says it must be on the bed missionary style. Monotony creates boredom Add excitement and your love will never grow cold. There are many rooms in the house, use them. Change positions often in one session,you'll be surprised how long you both can last doing that. The cloud of affection in the room could be cut with a knife just make sure to put a pillow over your mouths as you yell out your obscenities, or whatever you yell for the sake of the kids and the neighbors. I cannot over emphasize soft romantic music That is a great ingredient in an intimate moment with one's spouse. As for me this is it! My one and only marriage and I'll do whatever it takes within my power to enjoy it to the max. The marriage bed is undefiled,let the couple do whaever they are comfortable with. there are some no go areas personally if you ask me and they are: 1.Porn 2.swinging / three and foursomes 3.Anal That is just my personal opinion. 3 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 5:12pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
From a Christian point of view Personally I would say that 2 things that have kept us together till now with the zeal and commitment to have a loving marriage, without which we would have been long divorced are 1.Our faith in the Lord 2.Great se.xual chemistry I knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that he was the one for me and he felt the exact same way, I cannot describe it but defnitely love at first sight. We felt it in our souls and it was confirmed at a Christian meeting in a remarkable way in my absence by a preacher who knew nothing about us. This has served as a reminder to us that we were meant for each other and that God was in this union from it's inception and that spurs us to work harder at it even when it seemed almost impossible. The second reason I wish not to stress further. It is self explanatory such that we know that even if we were ever to get a divorce for any other reasons,, it would be nearly impossible not to cheat on those new spouses with each other. I had a thread here sometime ago about test driving which I know was against my Christian beliefs about waiting till the wedding night It is a subject that keeps coming up How can a Christian woman go into it blindly believing that all will work out? What if he can't have ER.ections? What if we don't gel sex.ually? What if his body disgusts me? There are women who cringe at the thought of their man touching them,they tell their best friends such stories,it is a miserable place to be These are real questions because this is a real life situation If I am about to sign on to love a man till death separates us how do I know I will enjoy being with him if I haven't been with him . I admit I failed in that regard and tried out my goods before purchase  Good se.xual chemistry is a must for a happy home There is no denying that fact 1 Like 1 Share |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Ngokafor(f): 5:47pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Nice thread..*subscribing* 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by dayokanu(m): 6:17pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Baby mama: You no buy "No testing" Nice thread BTW 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 7:04pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
when trouble comes for it must surely come There'll always be big and small dis-agreements in every marriage but how one handles them and applies the lessons learnt makes a huge difference. A lot of women are close to their families especially their moms. The biggest mistake any woman can make is badmouth your husband to your mother and your family. I am no saint, I've made my mistakes earlier on but thank God I learnt a great deal from them too. Never ever share any of your marital problems with your family (Except of course you're in a life threatening situation,that is my exception.) Most women have a best friend,that is the person to unburden your heart to. Not his friends, not your family, not your family friends. You may speak to your pastor's wife or an older more mature sister in the church that you trust and admire,she can give you tips on how to handle some things. Everyone goes through stuff from time to time,yours is not unique The reason you don't speak with family is that long after you've gotten past those hitches, your family will never forget those tales you told and they may secretly hold something against your husband. Most men don't talk that much and are good at keeping family misunderstandings within the family but women have a need to unburden their hearts to ease their pain. That is by nature who we are Be careful who you unburden your hearts to. And what ever you do,Don't discuss your husband or his shortcomings with another man,it is a recipe for infidelity Always a female Pick your friends and confidants wisely A wrong advise implemented can have catastrophic and irreversible effects If you've made the mistake already,don't beat yourself up,determine to make things better and stop telling tales,Try instead to seek ways of starting a dialogue with your husband from the tips I've given previously and where you've erred,you apologize. Then you must take conscious steps to firewall your home from attacks from your family if that's the case. You must set rules for yourself,e.g 1.Don't tell negative tales about your husband to them 2.Be quick to let your family know that it's not OK to badmouth him 3.If your issues are getting better or you're working on it, make it clear to them. I can say from experience that humans are not as complicated as we think. Everybody responds to love Everybody responds to kind words It doesn't take that much to turn a marriage about to hit the rocks back in the right direction. Pride still remains the number reason why we live in this bad situations. If only someone could own up to their goof ups and apologize. 5 Likes 1 Share |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 7:19pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Rules for your family I told my mother whom I love dearly that when she comes visiting,she is a guest The house belongs to my husband and I I also told her that if she was ever coming down the stairs and heard hubby and I arguing,she should remain upstairs and if she was downstairs and heard him raise his voice in anger,she should not say a word but quietly make her way upstairs and not make any responses until her opinion was sought. I thank God my mother respects those rules. I had a problem with my MIL initially and didn't want my mother in the same problems with my hubby so I made those rules which I am glad she respects. The first time my mother went to spend time with my brothers and their wives I reminded her of the same rule Keep shut and allow them be themselves and iron out stuff without your interference. The worst label an MIL can have is being the cause of the failure of her child's marriage. I have lived in America for years and this year alone I know two people closely who are divorced And the MIL and SIL were implicated in the demise of the marriage as in many I have heard about over the years. My husband's relative came to spend time with us from Nigeria and told me some concerns about her brother's wife in another state here in the USA I pleaded with her not to say a word to the woman. I said " aunty,if anything happens tomorrow,you will be blamed" If you must say something,speak to your brother,never to the wife about these things I said thank God she listened. 3rd parties always complicate issues especially when they are kin to one of the parties involved It usually doesn't go well It is better to get a neutral mediator or one known closely to both parties ,they are better able to be unbiased or take sides. I believe every man and woman should take out time and speak to their mothers and sisters especially before they visit They are two commonest inlaws that have wrecked havoc in people's marriages Warn them to keep their mouths shut It is very necessary Wife doesn't know how to cook and clean She is not training the kids to their taste She is not respectful enough They should stay in their homes and leave you alone Don't allow them meddle in your affairs or side with you in an argument,you are slowly digging a grave for your marriage 2 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 7:34pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by skimpychick(f): 7:35pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Wonderful n educative. Keep it coming sister 2 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 7:57pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
jumzzy448: Nice write up baby mama. Learning from every bit of your post. Let me be very practical and blunt without colorations Saying sorry is hard for most men,mine inclusive It is just their nature If you took a poll here I am certain most women here will tell you the exact thing It frustrated me so much in my early years too,I would call him insensitive and uncaring. It's an ego thing,it is a man thing Men do it because they don't want to appear weak,that is just how God made them It took me years to understand this If you watch closely,there are some actions he will take to let you know he is sorry for what he did rather than have those words " I'm sorry"come out of his mouth. I came to a conclusion long ago that men and women are just so different We are more emotional than they are,that is what makes us maternal Your thoughts constantly are on the kids and the things you want to do with them and the family,his thoughts are on how to prove his manhood by his achievements. I quit trying to make him understand how I feel and how somethings makes me feel It is pointless most times Men are not wired to understand those feelings That's why you feel like you are hitting a brick wall every single time. Not to sound condescending,but men are like babies A baby will try and push his luck every time to see how much they can get away with Men are the same With wisdom you can teach a man to respect those boundaries by you doing things differently First of all ask yourself this fundamental question,which I asked myself in my early years,can you say with all certainty that your husband loves you and will give his life for you and the kids? If your answer is yes,you are in a good place Then secondly quit begging to be forgiven when you have done no wrong It serves no purpose You will only succeed in creating an atmosphere where he never takes responsibility for his wrong doings since you will always come around to beg.Don't allow yourself go down that route. Find other interests,friends,hobbies,other things to occupy your leisure time rather than focus on a man You have to change the way you do things I have come to understand that men may seem like they want to dominate things but speak with close male friends or cousins,most men like strong women who can hold their own. Don't allow certain things to weigh you down,believe me he will respect you for that strong stand. 9 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 7:57pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
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| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:04pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
chaircover: Baby mama, You are absolutely right . . . .all dirty linen should be washed in your ensuite bathroom LOL. . not even in the general bathroom, because you would have moved on yet some family members will never forget. So true Lol to the CD one Another silly one mine does is when I am mad at him and expecting him to apologize profusely,he just comes from behind and grabs my butt or boobs. That is his way of saying forgive me,I am very sorry I will yell out,please leave me alone,this doesn't take the place of a proper apology Keep your hands to yourself Before you know it ...  3 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:09pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
In the earlier years of marriage,whenever we were so mad at each other we slept separately That is a recipe for disaster But we made a conscious effort never to do that again Even when we can't stand one another,we remain on that same bed,bathe in the same bathroom,dress in the same closet. Now how long can you be mad at someone while watching them bathe and dress up or lay in bed beside you especially someone you have great SE.xual chemistry with? Not too long It works,believe me There is no man that cannot be disarmed by SE.x Anybody can quote me on that No man,that man is not born  There is no action I have taken to wrong my husband that cannot be wiped away in an instant by a good ikwokirikwo. It is not juju o Not juju at all at all 9 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:20pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Dealing with a lazy spouse I am talking about a lazy husband here.You know ,the type that can work but refuses to work, refuses to go out there and hussle like real men do. The ones that'll be sitting in the house watching TV and eating buns while the woman is doing 2 and 3 jobs meanwhile they'll be doing "father Christmas" with your hard earned money or worse still playing cha cha cha with it That is abuse. No woman should condone such laziness in the house. If he was fired, injured ,incapacitated in some fashion,etc,that is a different issue. Nurse him back to health,encourage him,help him and support him. Be patient while he sends out his applications and pray with him that God will open a way We all fall on hard times sometimes. But if he just would not get a real job to fend for the family and tells you and everybody he's "doing business" but you look around and that business ain't putting food on the table but instead is depleting your bank account,you need to take action. He has to get a job immediately. Any paying job. Give him no rest till he finds a job He can go flip burgers, drive a cab, ride on the back of a dumpster truck, drive a senior citizens bus, get a security job, nurses' aide,wash dead bodies in the funeral home. Infact he can do 3 of the above such that I don't see him all day and all night What do I need to see him for?can I eat him? It is 100% better that he is gone all day than having a dead weight around the house. I will not support a man that can work and refuses to work and no woman should. Period! If you cannot get a job in Enugu try Onitsha Go to Aba Try Alaba market You can't sit in one spot and expect manna to come from heaven Who will feed the kids? Mbanu If you send applications to all the banks and ministries plus shell BP and and nothing is working maybe that is not where your talent lies,change gear try buying and selling Open church ( that was a joke)Find something doing ( legally) 5 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nnekacherry: 8:23pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Nice thread.. Following.. You and CC has just taught me something on anger management and the act of saying sorry.. I will try and put it into practice.. 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by carmelion(f): 8:24pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Baby mama: In the earlier years of marriage,whenever we were so mad at each other we slept separately This must be formular 1,I mean the main formular.I read this somewhere else too.somebody like me that likes sulking  Hmmm....God help us 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by ichidodo: 8:30pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Just wished i could get married today |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:32pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
carmelion: It works all the time Sulking and carrying on grudgingly has no place lai lai,only makes things worse |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:32pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
ichidodo: Just wished i could get married today Hey yaaa Your time will come don't worry 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:35pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Dealing with physical abuse By the Grace of God I've never had to deal with this so I can't speak from my experience but I know that this is one of the reasons why I would match up to the courts and obtain divorce papers. No woman ever deserves to be pushed, kicked, slapped or punched around like an animal.The moment any man raises his hands to his wife,whatever brought on the fight is forgotten and you become guilty in my books. An absolute no no! If you have such violent tendencies,please seek mental and spiritual help You are definitely out of control Some nut is lose somewhere and it needs to be tightened. Why do you have to get your point across with your fists? Who died and gave you that authority? Speak to a real man and ask him what he does when he's mad. Real men get into their cars and drive off to cool off They lock themselves in their study and stay there till things subside Go and eat isiewu and drink gulder if you must but please do not lay hands on that woman. If she lashed you with her tongue,use your tongue and lash back not your hands Men who do this usually claim that the women pushed them to it. That is their typical lie rather than face their inner demons. Nobody can make anyone do anything. You abuse physically because you lack self esteem Abusers are actually cowards Some are underachievers They are control freaks without compassion and somehow beating a woman to submission makes them feel powerful. I have in times past asked women married to men who hit them if they saw this coming at courtship and they have always said yes. Some were even beaten during the dating period and they still went on to marry these men. These men should be weeded off at the dating/courtship.Many have killed their wives It's not love when someone hits another adult. These abusers always get worse without treatment. My sisters flee from such menTake the kids and flee before you become part of the statisctics They sometimes will kill you and then kill themselves Classic mental illness issues they have I say flee! I couldn't say it louder 4 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:44pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Yes o! Lafta is d bam! Play like children, even ur kids r watching. I joke a lot. Will always misinterpret a very serious situation. We r great fans of cartoon cos it makes us giggle like kids. I went to a friends house to inquire about something and after greeting her hubby, the man asked me how is ur husband? Instead of me to say he is fine, I said,' that one, is for sale, husband number 2 is what I'm looking for'. Old boi, that man was very pissed off. He rebuked, preached and admonished me no be small. The wife was just laughing away cos she is my type. I still saw him another day while I was with my baby. He said, is this not that ur small baby, b4 he could finish, I hv answered no, its so so and so child. Do u know he was suprised and believed me. Had to ask d wife later. The same man again, but this time I saw him along one express, b4 I could say good.......he asked eehm, do I know u? And we burst out laughing. He has gotten the message since that day. Abeg, let loose and crack jokes, laugh and laugh cos laughter is that very wonderful medicine u can never buy in d market. 7 Likes |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:52pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Baby mama: Ikwokirikwo  What is ikwokirikwo? Baby mama explain pls. I'm not igbo  |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by carmelion(f): 8:54pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw: It means jigijigi *runs away* |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by ichidodo: 8:54pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
yellowpawpaw:**Coughs virulently*** 1 Like |
| Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 9:03pm On Dec 11, 2013 |
Lol @ yellow I like your humor We have loads of it too Sometimes I call my husband akpuruka and he answers to it And sometimes when I do ,I forget that people are around One day a relative was mortified that I called him akpuruka Akpuruka is a slang word for counterfeit,Aba made, Tokunbo stuff like that Lol I don't even know how I started calling him that |
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