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Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 5:31pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by EfemenaXY: 5:44pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
chaircover: Seconded Osisi! This is so...so...true CC and I've been pleasantly surprised (and I still am!) There is so much I can say on that point but don't want to digress. Bottom line, we women should sometimes learn to let go and give our men the chance. |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by damiso(f): 7:48pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
What I like about this thread is that its real.It highlights the fact that there will be differences and those differences do not necessarily mean you have a bad relationship, bad marriage or lousy partner. On a lighter note, what is it with the tapping 'secret' places taking the place of I am sorry .Mine is exactly the same used to annoy me to no end cos I was taught as a child that please, thank you and sorry were golden words of wisdom and now this man will just tap my backside or pull my cheeks and expect forgiveness. .But to be honest though his apologies or makes ups with the lacck of the word 'sorry' are more genuine than my 'sha sorry *rolling eyes*'. 1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:12pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Efemena_xy: Please go ahead and say it Women need to hear it and learn from the experience of others |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:19pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
chaircover: Seconded Osisi! I am glad you agree,you are one of the persons on these family threads that I respect. There are women who cannot come out to hang with the ladies alone because their husbands won't let them.It is so wrong to control another human being like that. It is good for a woman to just be alone sometimes free off all encumbrances. I go to functions like bridal and baby showers and just shake my head at the ladies there with babies and children. Those are women events where we laugh,play games,give tips,eat, dance and just do girly stuff How can you truly enjoy it with little babies tugging for your attention. Why do our men find it difficult to watch their children and allow their wife once in a while to be herself and let her hair down? Why must that wife log 3 children along wherever she goes when the husband is at home watching TV Why can't he relieve that pressure off her? Any woman can tell how tough it can be to do grocery shopping with little kids A task of 45 minutes will take you almost 3 hours,and I'm not counting the time to get them ready .then the talking and yelling and the No No No and the breaking up fights and arguments will almost drive you insane. CC I recently took up a job that requires some travel,at least once every three months or more if I wanted ,for just 3 days at a time . I am so looking forward to it starting January I love my family dearly but I also love to travel and be out of the house free of cooking and cleaning I'm glad I have an opportunity to do it. 4 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by EfemenaXY: 8:30pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: Let's just say, something I'd always fancied doing but never really put much thought or effort into it. When I started, I thought hubby would be like - "yep, your head's in the clouds...again" and wouldn't support it - but I was so wrong. Not only did I get a lot of encouragement even when I was plauged with self-doubts at the beginning, he actually sat with me and went through every misgiving I had. And it wasn't a one-off thing. He's stood by me right through to the very end and the level of support increased as my confidence in my abilities increased. People who've seen the almost finished product have been like "wow!" at the professionalism. I think the most important thing is that I have a friend in my hubby - a friend I've been able to talk through my darkest moments and...(sigh)...ladies, give your men the chance to be there for and with you...With the right support and encouragement, the sky will always be your limit. 2 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:30pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
damiso: What I like about this thread is that its real.It highlights the fact that there will be differences and those differences do not necessarily mean you have a bad relationship, bad marriage or lousy partner. You are so correct No one size fits all There could be women out there for instance who don't mind working to bring home the bacon while their husbands watch the kids in a sort of role reversal.I couldn't handle that I don't want my man sitting at home I want him working and working hard I don't wanna be the main bread winner I don't want to earn more than he does Maybe that's the old fashioned-ness in me,I want him to make more,achieve more,be the man by all definitions of that word I am OK being the helper 3 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 8:57pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Somethings have to give There are sacrifices women make in marriage and sometimes they are not easy but it is so much easier to handle when the man understands and appreciates you for all those efforts and selfless sacrifices you made for him and the family. Shortly after my wedding I left Nigeria to join my new husband who had moved abroad for further studies. That was the first of many moves. We moved wherever he got a job or better opportunity,we even moved from one continent to another and from one city to another while he pursued his dreams. Every move we made was for him to realize his dreams and in one of the moves I got back in school and training and obtained my license to practice. nevertheless I just tagged along and settled in any job I could find within that vicinity The result is that my career has not progressed as much as his ,on the other hand,he has done quite well for himself and for us ,for which I am very proud . That is a sacrifice women sometimes make,I made that sacrifice too. Sometimes somethings have to give people may look at me and say that I have done well in my field but I know I would have done much better than this. Are there moments i wished it wasn't so,yes! has it been worth it. Yes! Would I do this over? In a heartbeat Yes !! Why wouldn't i That's what marriage is for His successes are also my successes,I played some part in helping him get to where is and he appreciates it That is enough for me I am at a job now that I am beginning to enjoy and re invent myself If he decided on another move,will I go along? Absolutely yes! 3 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Saraha1(f): 9:17pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: Somethings have to give |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 9:36pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Efemena_xy: There is nothing as romantic for a woman as a man who supports and values her opinion There is nothing that crushes a woman as much as not letting her do the things she feels in her heart she needs to do I like it when my hubby gives full consent for things I wanna do but there are three occasions in my life I can recount vividly that my husband has reluctantly given consent for actions I sincerely felt in my heart I needed to take and in those three occasions the result has been amazing. A reluctant Ok is better than "Don't" A reluctant Ok to me is him saying that though he may not do the same but he recognizes that I am my own person with full thinking faculty,able to make my own decisions outside of him. It takes a real confident man to stand by his wife while does her own stuff. Let me share about one of the occasions I went with my heart without seeking consent from him I was working at this clinic and in eighteen months my roles had included teaching students and supervising residents as well as patient care but my salary stayed the same. One day I felt strongly to write to the oga way at the top for a salary increase I did not approach my immediate boss or his boss but the oga way at the top in the main hospital with a well worded email My husband was livid,he feared I was becoming a unionist and feared labeling as a troublemaker He was very uncomfortable with my actions and concerned it would hurt me at that job My immediate boss was very upset when he learned about this However 2 months later we all got salary increases on the account of my letter and it was backdated 6 months and we were paid arrears I have never heard of such in America The moral of the story men,if you are confident that you have married a wise woman,allow her to soar Give her the benefit of the doubt You might just be surprised by what she can do 3 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nnekacherry: 9:39pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
^ ^ Hahahaha.. The sacrifices women make just to have a happy home.. But sister this is hard oo.. I can identify with this post because i see a bit of your husband in my fiance.. Dude is a go getter, working and schooling, professional courses after the other and i have a feeling this is just the beginning.. Lol Now you are saying a wife may have to put her career on hold in some circumstances inorder to help her husband actualize his dreams.. Well that's not bad, but wont one feel kind of useless or something.. |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 9:46pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Nnekacherry: ^ ^ Hahahaha.. The sacrifices women make just to have a happy home.. Yes it is not easy I felt that way the first few years of marriage I was a stay at home mom running around with two kids I felt ashamed when I ran into my classmates.I felt I was wasting away I saw people I did much better than in school ,in their careers and I was just a mommy and a wife It is a sacrifice I made and looking back I have no regrets I may not have progressed as much as I would have liked professionally but I haven't done badly either My greatest achievements are my children My career doesn't compare to them 1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 9:59pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
The only regret I have and the only thing I would do over If you woke me up from sleep and asked me the regret I have in life ,without thinking I would tell you it is the fact that my children neither know my culture like I do nor speak Igbo. Anyone who has followed my posts can attest to the fact that I am a very proud Igbo woman with great love for my people.maybe that is why I am unable to help myself when I read people denigrate Igbos and I often meet them head on with guns blazing. If I could have another lifetime,I would still want to be Igbo I love our culture,our festivals,our foods,our music,our traditional dances,our rich proverbs ,our republican nature,our frankness,our zeal for success,the pride we have in who we are and our ability to adapt in any environment and succeed. Igbos love who they are so much so that they name their children names reflecting the tribe Igboerika Igboanugo Igboekwusigo Igbokwe Njubigbo Igboanusi Igboeli Igboazam Etc I have brought my kids up to love and appreciate my culture and Their heritage They are all Americans but they identify themselves with the Igbo and Nigerian culture. sadly my kids don't speak Igbo that was not my dream I wished that were different My first child didn't speak on time so I feared she might get behind in school so we stopped speaking Igbo to her so as not to confuse her Knowing now what I know,that was a bad move She didn't learn Igbo and so the others behind her followed suit. They are sad they don't speak Igbo They eat Oha and ukazi soup,they love peppersoup,they eat all our Nigerian delicacies ,love nigerian music and gatherings but they speak no Nigerian language. Sometimes I feel like that is an area where I failed as a mother I wish I could do it over It is odd that a child with an Igbo name and last name does not speak the language. 1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:06pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:21pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Enoquin(f): 10:24pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Deep and beautiful. I not only like the good message, I like the tone used. 2 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:24pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
chaircover: I wouldn't beat yourself up over it. I try not to beat myself up on it The highlighted is just plain Stoopid why a parent will allow that I have nieces in Igboland that don't speak Igbo I know someone of Igbo parents raised in Lagos that can neither speak Igbo nor Yoruba Now ,how crazy is that I also know someone with a yoruba father and sierraleonian mom born and bred in Lagos that cannot make a complete sentence in Yoruba I think that is just incredible |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:27pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:30pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
chaircover: I've never been able to understand it myself . . .even if the parents dont speak it to them, surely these kids must come in contact with other people that speak it. It seems to me the kids were trained and warned from childhood never to speak "vernacular" as we say it Side bar The funniest of all was a cousin of mine when we were kids,they lived in some ghetto in Lagos and the poor kid spoke pidgin English And will happily say " I no dey speak Igbo" or " I no dey hear Igbo" when people spoke Igbo to them in the village at Christmas I thought that was hilarious You couldn't be caught dead speaking pidgin English in my house You either spoke Igbo of you spoke correct English Somebody will be forming Lagosian speaking broken Only God knows where they lived |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:41pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
All of una wey just dey read,write something na Ask questions Give your opinions and counter opinions Let's make it a discussion |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by damiso(f): 10:51pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: Somethings have to give chaircover: Thank you for this posts. They soo speak to my (or should I say our) situation at the mo.Glad to know that thinking my children are as or if not more important than my career is not alien thinking afterall. 1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 10:57pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: The only regret I have and the only thing I would do overwell, as long as they acknowledge their roots, there is no problem. I have lots of Jews as friends, and most of them cannot construct 5 sentences in hebrew. Does that take away anything from them? They're still jews. So don't see yourself as a failure at all. |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Victosin09(f): 11:01pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
God bless you babymama...and u too Charircover and every other person who has contributed to this thread. Though am single, but am learning. *closely following* 2 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nnekacherry: 11:26pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: This sounds like something my mum will say.. Now i understand perfectly well why she had to put us first before her career.. 1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by bukatyne(f): 11:37pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: All of una wey just dey read,write something na the thread was to learn, you are changing the rules half way! lol! how did you cope with staying at home for a while? were there no options or was it what you guys agreed before marriage? |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by EfemenaXY: 11:57pm On Dec 12, 2013 |
Baby mama: Very true. You know the best part? When your Simple words, yes...but the effect? An uplifting experience that makes your heart soar. Maybe I'm just being sentimental, but it's how I feel. |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 12:08am On Dec 13, 2013 |
bukatyne: I got married right out of the university and got pregnant immediately We moved to Obodo oyibo shortly after Since we were in JJC in Obodo oyibo ,I had no choice but stay home,it wasn't by design I did some menial jobs at some point part time here and there to help out while he was a grad student I always wanted to work ,I didn't like being at home full time and when the opportunity came for me to get my license,I took it and we worked hard to make it through . There are women who enjoy being stay at home moms,I don't advocate it A woman needs to work and earn her own money IMHO I have seen marriages fail and the woman has no working skills I have also seen the man pass away and the woman is left with kids and no working skills For those two reasons,a woman should work outside the home even if part time Nobody knows tomorrow You don't want to be stranded with no where to turn when things don't work out as planned |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 12:09am On Dec 13, 2013 |
Lemme just add this, even if it is a bit off topic... I'm an igbo with ghanaian conection, and i want to just share a little experience with y'all about my cousin's marriage. Well, he's been married for six years, has a boy and a lovely wife (she's ghanaian too) well, he lost his job during the recession, his wife just gave birth a few months earlier and he was heart broken. However, he cheered up and started helping his wife kitchen wise, bathe the baby, wash the napkins, e.t.c. The only thing he didn't do was to breast feed the baby. Months passed and he didn't get another job. When his wife's maternity leave expired, she had to get back to work, so it was him and the child, feeding, diapers, washing of clothes, even waking up at night to take care of the baby(na so he tell me o, i wasn't there) he practically became a stay at home dad. Almost four years down the line, the status quo almost remaims o! He is stilk a stay at home dad, cooking cleaning, taking the boy to schook and back and helping out in his home work. When i visit, i also help out, his wife still works and earns the bulk of the money. The only thing that changed is that he learnt how to cut men's hair and does so freelance. But he is the stay at home dad, and the wife is working. My family members on the Nigerian side of the divide often deride him and threaten, but he would not yield. He says he likes the life he's living. Tending to the wife and kid. I'm indifferent and i want to ask the house, do you think he's normal? He says that his home is happy, is it really happy? Your opinion pls. |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 12:12am On Dec 13, 2013 |
Lemme just add this, even if it is a bit off topic... I'm an igbo with ghanaian conection, and i want to just share a little experience with y'all about my cousin's marriage. Well, he's been married for six years, has a boy and a lovely wife (she's ghanaian too) well, he lost his job during the recession, his wife just gave birth a few months earlier and he was heart broken. However, he cheered up and started helping his wife kitchen wise, bathe the baby, wash the napkins, e.t.c. The only thing he didn't do was to breast feed the baby. Months passed and he didn't get another job. When his wife's maternity leave expired, she had to get back to work, so it was him and the child, feeding, diapers, washing of clothes, even waking up at night to take care of the baby(na so he tell me o, i wasn't there) he practically became a stay at home dad. Almost four years down the line, the status quo almost remaims o! He is stilk a stay at home dad, cooking cleaning, taking the boy to schook and back and helping out in his home work. When i visit, i also help out, his wife still works and earns the bulk of the money. The only thing that changed is that he learnt how to cut men's hair and does so freelance. But he is the stay at home dad, and the wife is working. My family members on the Nigerian side of the divide often deride him and threaten, but he would not yield. He says he likes the life he's living. Tending to the wife and kid. I'm indifferent and i want to ask the house, do you think he's normal? He says that his home is happy, is it really happy? Your opinion pls. |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 12:15am On Dec 13, 2013 |
PocketEconomist: Lemme just add this, even if it is a bit off topic... I'm an igbo with ghanaian conection, and i want to just share a little experience with y'all about my cousin's marriage. Well, he's been married for six years, has a boy and a lovely wife (she's ghanaian too) well, he lost his job during the recession, his wife just gave birth a few months earlier and he was heart broken. However, he cheered up and started helping his wife kitchen wise, bathe the baby, wash the napkins, e.t.c. The only thing he didn't do was to breast feed the baby. Months passed and he didn't get another job. When his wife's maternity leave expired, she had to get back to work, so it was him and the child, feeding, diapers, washing of clothes, even waking up at night to take care of the baby(na so he tell me o, i wasn't there) he practically became a stay at home dad. Almost four years down the line, the status quo almost remaims o! He is stilk a stay at home dad, cooking cleaning, taking the boy to schook and back and helping out in his home work. When i visit, i also help out, his wife still works and earns the bulk of the money. The only thing that changed is that he learnt how to cut men's hair and does so freelance. But he is the stay at home dad, and the wife is working. My family members on the Nigerian side of the divide often deride him and threaten, but he would not yield. He says he likes the life he's living. Tending to the wife and kid. I'm indifferent and i want to ask the house, do you think he's normal? He says that his home is happy, is it really happy? Your opinion pls. I guess it works for them It won't work for me I can't imagine my husband pounding yam and frying akara on a daily basis and running errands while I am working and bringing the paycheck Then at night he will turn to man under the sheets Mbanu! I may fall out of love In short I will fall out of love I like my men manly and macho and go getters I love hard working intelligent and career minded men ( with small agbero tendencies) That one cooking Ofe nsala at home may look like a sissy in my eyes The day he annoys me I may just say something along the line of "my fellow woman" with this my sharp tongue and the marriage will just scatter 2 Likes |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by EfemenaXY: 12:44am On Dec 13, 2013 |
PocketEconomist: Lemme just add this, even if it is a bit off topic... I'm an igbo with ghanaian conection, and i want to just share a little experience with y'all about my cousin's marriage. Well, he's been married for six years, has a boy and a lovely wife (she's ghanaian too) well, he lost his job during the recession, his wife just gave birth a few months earlier and he was heart broken. However, he cheered up and started helping his wife kitchen wise, bathe the baby, wash the napkins, e.t.c. The only thing he didn't do was to breast feed the baby. Months passed and he didn't get another job. When his wife's maternity leave expired, she had to get back to work, so it was him and the child, feeding, diapers, washing of clothes, even waking up at night to take care of the baby(na so he tell me o, i wasn't there) he practically became a stay at home dad. Almost four years down the line, the status quo almost remaims o! He is stilk a stay at home dad, cooking cleaning, taking the boy to schook and back and helping out in his home work. When i visit, i also help out, his wife still works and earns the bulk of the money. The only thing that changed is that he learnt how to cut men's hair and does so freelance. But he is the stay at home dad, and the wife is working. My family members on the Nigerian side of the divide often deride him and threaten, but he would not yield. He says he likes the life he's living. Tending to the wife and kid. I'm indifferent and i want to ask the house, do you think he's normal? He says that his home is happy, is it really happy? Your opinion pls. I see absolutely nothing wrong with that. Your cousin has chosen the well-being of his family - and more importantly, the mental development of his young son as his number one priority. One cannot underestimate the huge sacrifices this man's making for the sake of love. For his son to come back from school with a hot meal ready and waiting, a parent - his dad, sitting with him to do his homework, bathing and putting his son to bed every evening...that child will grow up knowing he was loved very much by his dad. Every now and then we read horror stories about jungle justice being dished out to women for petty theft. Of men doing unmentionable things to these women in public...but do we ask how it started with those men? Something obviously was broken along the way very early in their lives. It didn't happen overnight but a peek into their background and growing up / crucial formative years gives a clearer picture. There is more to life than money. Money can NEVER by love, nor can it ever make up for quality time and lost childhood. 1 Like |
Re: Making Love & Raising A Family by Nobody: 12:44am On Dec 13, 2013 |
Baby mama:Haha haba madam. You get sharp mouth o! So if you and your oga argue, that your weapon for mouth go wound am pass dirty slap wey you suppose give am. Hehehe! On a serious note however, he does free lance barbering now. He has a corner in the house with a mirror and a chair. But all he makes goes into gifts for the wife, and other stuff. I guess it's due to our upbringing. We are liberal people and believe that life shouldn't be guided by rigid rules. But my bros own is too much. He is now the butt of jokes. His new nickname is HOUSE HUSBAND. But the most weird part is that the wife don't care. She loves him to pieces! |
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