Until we totally change the way we
elect our leaders, until we remove
private money from public campaigns,
lying will be the de-facto method of
governance in this country.
Peter Schuyler
By Fejiro Oliver
Dear President Jonathan,
I’m not supposed to ask how you are the
way I asked my grandparents when I wrote
letters to them in those days, because I
know that you are very fine. I should even
be flogged if I ask such useless question
from you. So the best way to phrase it is how
is America? Kedu m’aka America? Oh yes, I
must ask you that since I know that it’s not
all the people that went there truly had it all
fine. But for you, it’s very obvious that you
are more than fine, even finer than the
United States President, right there in his
own country.
I would have even called you while you were
there, but my Airtel number has been
tampered with by people who obviously
hate my reports and write-up, hence I
cannot call or receive calls. They have made
it possible for me to stay away from the
internet for a full day; hence I could not
even send you a mail. I tried to even send
message to your wife, who is a Facebook
friend, but I have also be reported to Mark
that my Facebook is a source of terror to
people who feel they own Nigeria and Africa,
hence I have been blocked from sending
messages for some time, probably until I
‘repent’ and play ball. I tender my
unreserved apology for the lack in
communication.
I understand that you will be having a media
chat tomorrow with selected media
practitioners, who were picked by Reuben
Abati, media men that will not ask you the
real questions that the masses would have
wished to ask you. I won’t bother to waste
my megabyte in sending you questions via
twitter, knowing that they won’t read it for
you to answer. Please I advise you; do not
try to use your signature language of “I
don’t give a damn” this time around; else
the real media (social media) will chew you
raw and make mincemeat of you. I do know
you will also deny spending 6 billion Naira
for the UN trip, but please, do us a favor by
accepting the blames if need be and not
give excuses or defend yourself. But before
you go on the ‘hot seat’, take 20 minutes of
your time to read my sincere letter to you.
I’m told that you read any of my reports and
write up and this will be no exception.
I’m sorry for not writing this letter to you
earlier, as I had been busy, just the way you
are busy. I read the text of your speech
delivered to the UN general assembly and I
must confess, once again, you disappointed
us. As I write, I cannot remember one
memorable thing written in that speech, an
act that leaders are known for. I cannot
remember the last time that true world
leaders made speeches and writers like us
did not pen down one or two lines as quotes.
You sure need a speech writer and if you
need my services, I will gladly offer it to you
pro bono.
Anyway, that’s not the essence of my letter
to you. How do you find your hotel room in
your favorite hotel, where everything is
working and you did not need to call the
hotel services to pump water for you? Did
you also observe that when you got in, there
was no special display on the hotel brochure
saying, “24 hours light with standby
generator and internet facilities? That is
what most of us enjoy in America when we
lodge in hotels, as there is a 24 hours
internet service and power supply.
When you got to the Venue of the UN
assembly, the streets were sealed off by
security, but did you observe that there
were no battalions of armored tanks with
helicopters hovering over the place? Did you
also notice that the residents there talked to
the security men with smiles on their faces?
Can you remember that there was no stop
and search on any of the citizens who drove
past or walked down the road? That is how it
is done everywhere in America, where we
don’t have gun trotting men harassing
citizens because Obama is around. Don’t
think it’s due to America’s age; far from it. It
has been so even when they celebrated 20
years of Independence.
GEJ, how did you see the fox news you
watched four days ago, where President
Obama was being reported on negatively
and yet there was no cry from his media
aide that such stories were false or did you
check International Newsdesk websites (it
was even reported there on how you spent 6
billion Naira for your UN trip) were citizens
frown at the few security in the UN assembly
complex, which they feel intrudes on their
‘free movement’ and yet his party members
did not have to cry that they were opposition
voices and the Senators did not attempt to
pass a law regulating the social media?
You were in America when Kenyan President
delivered his heart touching speech to the
country on the mall incident, but do you
recall that he never blamed the insurgents
on his political foes who want to make Kenya
ungovernable to him. That is your fellow
African President, in case you think I’m
comparing you with Obama too much.
When you were driven to the New York Stock
Exchange building, your multitudes of aides
stayed back and you did not see vehicles
clearing the way because the President of
Africa most populous country is passing. You
sure did not feel embarrassed as you had to
drive gently without some irresponsible sets
of military men driving and swinging on the
road just to announce you presence. That is
America for you; nobody gives a damn if you
are the President.
By the way, what was that grammar you said
to Obama that he must fix Nigeria? You
obviously must have taken a shot of vodka
to have used the word ‘must’, or don’t you
know that in America, that word is
forbidden? How would you expect Obama to
fix Nigeria if he must fix Africa? Did we vote
for Obama to lead Nigeria? If that is your
language of saying that the problems of
Nigeria are two big for you to handle, quietly
tender your resignation letter as soon as
your Presidential jet land. Obama should fix
while you loot. When you budgeted 6 billion
Naira for this trip, did you seek Obama
consent?
Here we are; waiting for you to explain to us
how many people you took to US and how
many billions you budgeted, since your
aides are denying the report, you are busy
asking a black man like you who does not
earn half the salary you earn to run your
government for you.
Before I continue, I want to point out to you
were you goofed in your watery speech to
the UN; you kept using the word “Mr.
President” while addressing them; or
weren’t you told that Prime Ministers and
Monarchs were in attendance? When you
spoke on the Syrian issue, you condemned
the continous use of chemical weapons
there, but you refused to state Nigeria stand
on the issue,whether the US should use the
instrument of war on Syria or not. Was it
part of the weakness you have in you, that
you could not tell Obama that we reject his
planned invasion to Syria?
You were asking for support for Nigeria
seeking a non permanent seat of the UNSC
in the 2014-2015. What rubbish support?
Do the people back home support you,
before you stood up to ask the world to
support you? On what ground do you have
to combat terrorism, when few members of
the Boko Haram sect have grounded the
North. Didn’t you hear over there that the
man, Shekau who was alleged to be dead is
not dead, but alive and kicking as he gets
ready to make our soldiers scamper for their
own safety? When next you want to ask for
international support, please seek our
collective consent before you embarrass us
in the comity of nations.
Did we hear you right that you are offering
assistance to Kenya in order to combat
terrorism? Common, don’t make us laugh;
you must not play April fool with everything.
How can you render assistance when you
have worse scenario in your birth place?
What manner of assistance will you offer
when Borno state burns and your soldiers
kill innocent citizens in Apo and tag them
“Boko Haram”? Please stop taking serious
issues like jokes; we beg of you.
Do you know I forgot to ask you how the
roads you were driving on is? Sorry my dear
president. Did you hear any bump sound as
you drove past the various buildings in New
York and did you see that there were no
patch roads? Those roads are over 55 years,
built by ministers of works like the ones you
have in Nigeria and none of the money
allocated for it went into building of
mansions for themselves.
You watched the CNN more often there; I
hope you remember that there was no time
in all the days you stayed that you saw the
First Lady of America, Michelle Obama
appearing and making long speeches? You
didn’t see her, not because she hates
publicity, but she knew that she is not an
elected official who should be seen often;
rather she was in the white house taking
care of the home.
You wife must have learnt a great lesson
seeing that nobody in America knew who
she was, as you people entered the $10,000
hotel. Did you see that she was greeted
casually as you entered the lift with her,
with nobody falling over themselves on who
will bow down first before the Jesus of
Okirika? Certainly, America don’t give the
f**k who you are as they go about their
duties.
We have a version of the African Union First
Ladies meeting, which is hosted by your
wife after the African Union meeting is held,
with even a proposal by her to waste our
collective wealth on an African Union first
ladies peace mission building. Do you think
Michelle Obama cannot do a thing like that
and name it United Nations first ladies anti-
terrorism building? She can, but American
Senators will never allow her, hence she
can’t even dream of it. Who will take the
land of former President George Bush wife
and give to her in the first place? That is the
America you stayed and enjoyed.
I forgot to ask you about your arrival and
departure at John Kennedy Airport. Did you
see that there was no stern looking security
frisking passengers as you have in MIA? All
the passengers you saw there are going to
live at the exact time on their ticket and
failure to do some may attract penalty from
the America Government. It’s not like the
Arik airline I fly to Abuja, when I leave by
10.30pm, when my ticket bears 8am, and no
government official listens to me when I
complain. That’s America for you and if you
think I’m lying,tell your pilot to delay for five
minutes when he is supposed to take off and
watch for yourself how he will be arrested
and queried, before he would be allowed to
go after an apology from you.
I didn’t forget to ask you how it felt like to
look through Pierre Hotel windows at night
and there was light everywhere, without
sound of generating sets deafening your
ears. They are not magic o. They are electric
light with some powered by solar, should
you be thinking otherwise. When you got to
the meeting, I’m 100 percent sure that there
was no blink of light for a second; that is
America for you where money is used for the
right purposes.
The call you made across New York did not
have to ‘cut’ as you answered as there was
neither network failure, but the call you
made to Nigeria I know had to ‘cut off’
annoyingly at every 2 minutes; typical of a
system that don’t work, which you head. I
bet you that should you have network
problem America, that telecommunication
network will be very sorry for themselves.
You have enjoyed America with our money
and have seen the civility of governance to
respond less to criticism and work hard to
earn even the praises of your enemies. We
do not expect you to be the best for there
are no best men anywhere. The only places
where best men exist are in weddings; just
as there are no saints even in the temple;
yet we have men who remained immortal.
This you can be. Jona, Kedu m’aka America?
These little things matter… www.theparadigmng.com/?p=3976