For those of us that were born abroad, how do you think this effected you and your relationships with natives of that country, your country and your loved ones?
How did your enviornment affect your parents? Were they more protective? Busier?
How about your friends? Were you ever questioned of your family's "strange" behavior/food/clothing?

Well, myself and my sister were both born and raised in North London.

We didn't honestly see ourselves as any different from anyone else, at least, not till we went to Nigeria for the first time.
Our English school mates didn't treat us any differently, we were invited to birthday parties by their parents, and there were no "colour" issues.

Our parents were very enlightened, and were both in good jobs.
As for them being more protective of us, they weren't, I doubt they felt the need, as we had good friends in our neighbourhood.
Apart from the odd arguements, and little fights, (as would be the case regardless of where you were) it was all good.

I remember our white neighbours, and their kids coming to ours for dinner, they did enjoy my mom's cooking, though she toned it down, as far as the use of pepper was concerned! There was a Welsh lady next door to us, and she used to come over to ours, as she wanted my mom to teach her how to cook some of our dishes.

One thing we were not, was "fish-and-chips" kids, we did eat Western meals, but Nigerian cuisine still reigned, so we got used to Nigerian meals from the very beginning, and loved it.

We were never questioned with regards to our clothing, as we did not wear Nigerian attire, neither did our parents, so we blended perfectly.

To be honest, we were treated differently, only when we first went to live in Nigeria.

Ok! My turn!

Hmmm growing up I actually didn't have many friends, but I was drawn to the punk scene, I loved the high energy music, the casting off of mainstream beauty standards, basically just the rebellion from society in general

My parents put a huge emphasis on the importance of education, but I was always reading things way higher than my grade level, which diminished my interest in my grade school work, till i got to college that is and was able to work around that .

I think my parents were more protective since the few friends that I had were into the punk/goth/alt scene as well and they didn't know much about it, it wasn't till they realized that I'm actually a good person that they eventually loosened up

The few people that I invited over to eat loved the food me and my mom prepared, usually asking me to bring it to school LOL!

My mom makes african wears for living and we were always decked out in african clothes, I remember all of our neighbors staring at us the first Sunday we were going to church, I thought a fly was going to enter their mouths !!!

I did have a lot of white friends during high school but as I got older I slowly began to opt for fewer more meaningful friends, most of which are african Americans who are into various things, I , for one, still have a bit of "punk rock" edge to my style, even though I usually just wear anything I can find.

There was a clash between alot of the Nigerians here and back home, but I don't really bother with the ones here (unless they seem to be worth the effort) and back home I just stick to my family (which is a whole 'nother set of differences).

I do hope to eventually befriend and even travel with some Nigerian-Americans, since the few I know that are in the alt scene seem to share alot in common with me. I also met some on the site www.afropunk.ning.com

Feministic:

For those of us that were born abroad, how do you think this effected you and your relationships with natives of that country, your country and your loved ones?
How did your enviornment affect your parents? Were they more protective? Busier?
How about your friends? Were you ever questioned of your family's "strange" behavior/food/clothing?

.

well growing up, i didn't think i was different because all my neighbors were either african american or african(mostly). in school (elementary), we were are either african, AA, of latino. when we moved to our new neighbor, there were more AA and latino and only one old white ex-police officer who never showed his face. it was only in middle school that i knew i was kind of different (refering to my nigerian heritage) because almost all of the kids were AA. there was like 13 dominicans in the whole school and they were all cousins and few whites. in high school, that's where i felt more comfortable bacause it was a very diverse school. almost of all my friends were foreigners or children to foreigners so will talked and compared our different cultures. so i basically felt pretty close to africa/nigeria.

with my parents, they fit in perfectly without losing their africaness (if u know what i mean). they were protective of me because they thought that every AA was out to get you. lol. that was back in the days but they're over it.

Well let me start off by saying that my parents are both from Nigeria and they are Ibibio I guess and I was born and raised in New Orleans, LA (Katrina sound familar to anyone), but I currently reside in Texas. It sucks.  Anyways growing up has always been quite difficult for me. Between my abusive father and my stuggling mother its no wonder I have lots of issues with self-esteem 16 years later (that's how old i am as of the time of this post or whatever). I guess you could say i have a pretty strained relationship with both of my parents, especially my mom being that it is just the two of us cause my dad is still in Louisiana. Most of the time my father was going in out of jail for domestic violence and if my mom wasnt there, he would take it out on me. I remember the first day of school we all had to say our names and it was was my turn and I was like, "My name is Itoro Eduok", and everyone just laughed their asses off, even my own cousin; her names Ekemini. So I guess you could say that I was always being made fun of. I mean the insults were just so humiliating. They called me everything from "bush baby" to stupid questions like "did you swim in a river to get here"? even though I'm an American citizen and othere stuff like "did you live in mud hut and you yall walk around naked"? I would tell my mother, but she wouldnt do anything neither would my father. Even till this day I still think they didnt really care and what made it even more embarrasing for me was that my dad was a cavb driver and he would come pick me up in a nasty ragedy ass trilfin looking cab and they would make fun of me because of that; y'know it just never really stopped. I also constantly had people telling me that I was ugly or that I looked like a man y'know just because I was tall for my age and just stupid ridiculous stuff like that. So almost everyday, I would go home crying y'know cause its just really depressing and it still at times even while I'm writing or typing this rather, it makes me want to cry y'know like I mean I know you''re supposed to move on from the past and just forgive people but I honestly don't really think I ever will maybe its just me and saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" and that is so untrue because they do hurt and they last a lifetime and I will always remember how awful they  treated me till the day I die.
Now about friends I guess you could say I never really had true friends cause they just didnt understand me and my culture at all and they would always judge me so I kind of just had school associates but never really close friends even now its really hard for me to trust people because I don't want them to judge me or my family, so I rarely bring people over to my house.
As for family i guess you could say that I don't really know my family outside of the US. I guess they just don't really get me. Like when I went to Nigeria when I was eight like at first they was like y'know, "she thinks she's all that", and they would be like, "she is so American" or they would tell my mom, "your daughter is so Americanized" and so forth and so on. And sometimes they didnt even understand what I would say because I guess I had and accent which is understandable now that I think about it, but back then I was like whatever I don't really understand what you're saying either so it kind of just went both ways I guess. It was such a culture shock to me and now I really know that Nigeria is just as good as America with the exception of a few things but the same stuff that we have, they have it also, so that whole steroype of people thinking that Africa as a whole is a poor country is so not true; its a continent with several different countries in it.
My whole point of all this is it doesnt matter if you are a child of African, Asian, or whatever ethnicity. If you are living in America with parents that are immigrants you are never truely execpted in this so called "Amercianized" culture. So sorry about this post being so long its just that I had a lot to get off my mind, I would greatly appreciate the feedback whether it be positive or negative. Thanks.

@ Linda

My whole point of all this is it doesnt matter if you are a child of African, Asian, or whatever ethnicity. If you are living in America with parents that are immigrants you are never truely execpted in this so called "Amercianized". So sorry about this post being so long its just that I had a lot to get off my mind, I would greatly appreciate the feedback whether it be positive ot negative. Thanks

true sha.

Dont worry- in time you'll find friends who accept you as you are. In the meantime, just work on being happy with yourself and dont let the past influence your future in a negative way.

@ at linda,

i really appreciated your story. it was touching.

@linda, wow, girl, that's sad! I understand what you're saying, trust me. Americans don't really understand us but like SeanT21 said, it depends on the kind of school you go to. Rude kids are everywhere,trust me. There are some schools even in Nigeria where people would still make fun of your name and judge you.

People make fun of what they don't understand. You know in Nigeria, there are different ethnic groups and different languages. Unless you have an English name, there'll always be that loser who'll want to make fun of your name. But you don't have to listen to them, they don't know what your name means to you, most of these people who think their names are 'cool' don't even know what their names mean.

It all has to do with self-confidence, if you have confidence in yourself, people will respect you. The name thing was difficult for me at first but now, I'm way past that. In conclusion, this isn't only peculiar to American kids, it's everywhere. You choose what you let affect you positively or negatively. I'm sure you'll be fine, most of this childishness and ignorance by your school mates mostly ends in high school anyway.

Good luck.

I dont think I can ever stress enough how going to Naija for secondary school was the best thing my parents did for us. I'll always be grateful

Seriously highschool in the states is a bloody nightmare. Really dont wish it on anyone. Luckily I didnt go but I know how miserable my siblings were when they had to come back and finish up high school here.
Im sorry about what you went thru Linda. it's nonsense like that is why I have bad feelings towards most black americans. Was always fighting in elementary school cos of them and their big mouths.
It was when my brother got into a fight in the 2nd grade where he actually tore out the braces of a classmate who was bullying/making fun of his name and what not that they knew it was time for us to go. Lmfao.

You know something is wrong when it's the black kids that give you headache for your heritage over the whites. Didnt make sense then, still doesnt make sense now. Yet they think they are fooling people with the sudden boom of afrocentrics and wearing fake Kente cloth and Kwanza bullshit

, anyway rant aside, my parents were overprotective before we left for Naija. once we were there, it was like whatever, friends coming anytime. yada yada. It was all good.

I grew up abroad my whole life. I had all my education and experiences in the states. I and im greatful that I did. High school in the states is brutal. Im talking mad hard. I went to a very diverse school with pretty much every race was present. I had to go through racist teachers who basically put me through hell because i would always beat my white and asian counterparts in grades and class work. The teachers would discriminate between us. If a white or asian kid wanted to do something, no problem. But us blacks and hispanics were always seen as doing something bad. They constantly asking if we got a pass or whatever. But it didn't faze me cause living in the South, you get use to such people. Then the students. The kids were also pretty brutal. People think that it is only black kids that get into fights, but you are dead wrong. The problem with that is, when a black person was in a fight, the whole school wanted to see so then the problem escalated. But when some two white boys were fighting, no teacher or student would pay mind. But i enjoyed it. Im glad that i was exposed to different cultures and people. Im glad unlike Nigeria where you turn to your left then turn to your right, you still see the same race. I have seen all types of cultures, religions, customs, you name it. And surviving high school was a big accomplishment. Because you are under A LOT of pressure. Teacher pressure, parent pressure, pressure, gov't pressure, media pressure, and self pressure. But i survived. I graduated top 10 of my class. And mind you that most of those kids who graduated on top were of African descent not asian. So i loved growing up aboard. It had its challenges but i would change it for the world. If you can survive FOUR years of highschool, you can survive anything.

onyinye2:

I went to a very diverse school with pretty much every race was present. I had to go through racist teachers who basically put me through hell because[b] i would always beat my white and asian counterparts in grades and class work[/b].

that's whats up gurl!

lindabong:

So almost everyday, I would go home crying y'know cause its just really depressing and it still at times even while I'm writing or typing this rather, it makes me want to cry y'know like I mean I know you''re supposed to move on from the past and just forgive people but I honestly don't really think I ever will maybe its just me and saying "sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me" and that is so untrue because they do hurt and they last a lifetime and I will always remember how awful they treated me till the day I die.

wow linda you have been thru a lot, but please don't let the foolishness and ignorance of others ruin the rest of your relationships in life. By the grace of God you will heal from all these bad experiences and be able to trust the good people that will come into your life. Amen.

people have many touching stories to share , I'll share mine someday.

@ Syren
Baby how u dey?
been kind of busy lately, how was ur 1st day in ur new job?

doe82:

@ Syren
Baby how u dey?
been kind of busy lately, how was your 1st day in your new job?

HI doey , nice to hear from u again. I'm not so good at the moment, feeling a little bit down, the job isn't going great either, problems with my contract and other things. But i can't complain too much. it isn't terrible either.

And how are u dear?

Linda
I grew up in Nigeria but I came from the poorest areas southern Nigeria. Tell you what, I have known discrimination from the first time i stepped into the city till now I am in the UK.

The whole tribe i came from curse with my tribes name, my closer clan curse with my tribes name. No body believes anything good can come out of us.

I was in the University chior and it was time to select a new chiormaster. I knew I was very good. There were 2 of us that came out. The second person was mentored by me. When I was asked  to say things i had achieved in music. i said I won the regional competition and when I mentioned where, it was like night of 1000 laughs was unleashed on me. I would have sank into the ground if it was possible.

I am trying to tell you that discrimination is everywhere

But the worst will be for you to allow it to affect your self esteem.
What this did to me was to make me competitive rather than make me sulk. I always aimed to be the best. Did i succeed? YES

Baby try and get over it. when you come out with bright colours, you will silence all of them. I believe that when you stand where they cannot stand and make statements they will want to be your friends.
Success they say has many friends. NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO FAIL.  If you lose your esteem, you will hardly make it because confidence will go with it.

What I went through in nigeria, made me to disregard the so-called racism tag. Tell you what? It is good for me.

MOVE on girl. You are not anyway less human. know this, believe this and you will have those scrambling to be acquinted to you not even  to be your friend. Bless your soul

agaba123:

Linda
I grew up in Nigeria but I came from the poorest areas southern Nigeria. Tell you what, I have known discrimination from the first time i stepped into the city till now I am in the UK.

The whole tribe i came from curse with my tribes name, my closer clan curse with my tribes name. No body believes anything good can come out of us.

I was in the University chior and it was time to select a new chiormaster. I knew I was very good. There were 2 of us that came out. The second person was mentored by me. When I was asked to say things i had achieved in music. i said I won the regional competition and when I mentioned where, it was like night of 1000 laughs was unleashed on me. I would have sank into the ground if it was possible.

I am trying to tell you that discrimination is everywhere

But the worst will be for you to allow it to affect your self esteem.
What this did to me was to make me competitive rather make me sulk. I always aimed to be the best. Did i succeed? YES
Baby try and get over it. when you come out with bright colours, you will silence all of them. I believe that when you stand where they cannot stand and make statements they will want to be your friends.
Success they say has many friends. NEVER ALLOW YOURSELF TO FAIL. If you lose your esteem, you will hardly make it because confidence will go with it.

What I went through in nigeria, made me to disregard the so-called racism tag. Tell you what? It is good for me.

MOVE on girl. You are not anyway less human. know this, believe this and you will have those scrambling to be acquinted to you not even to be your friend. Bless your soul

Godbless you for this post brotha! I pray linda is encouraged.

syren:

HI doey , nice to hear from u again. I'm not so good at the moment, feeling a little bit down, the job isn't going great either, problems with my contract and other things. But i can't complain too much. it isn't terrible either.

And how are u dear?

Its not usually easy at the beginning but i m sure things will strengthen out with time.
Remember to take things "one -step-at- a-time"
I m good,just that I ve on a little pressure but I m sure I ll come over it in a few dcays

doe82:

Its not usually easy at the beginning but i m sure things will strengthen out with time.
Remember to take things "one -step-at- a-time"
I m good,just that I ve on a little pressure but I m sure I ll come over it in a few dcays

I really do hope so it's like, when you don't have peace of mind it makes the job twice as hard to do.

I hope ur takin things easy too, what kind of pressure are you under?

@ lindabong

take heart what your going through ,must be tough but jus rememba that for gold to be refined it must go through fire. Work on your self and determine to be the best person u can be cos no one else will do it for you.

@ post

I spent my first decade and a bit in naij and I've been in the U.K for 7 years now, almost done with uni, thank God! Am glad this was the way it was cos I've learnt there's so much more to life and made so many friends in particular those from other African countries. I hate injustice and I sometimes find discrimination hard to deal with but I've learnt 2 take it in my stride cos at the end of the day I believe in myself and I know im a great being, black or white. So keep you r head up and know your value.

Dear lindabong,

Your story was very touching. Thanks for posting.

Don't allow those ill feelings to keep affecting you. You have to realize that you're beautiful inside and outside! Keep up the good spirit, stay out of trouble and keep good friends. Take your studies very seriously, love God, forgive and love your parents, reconnect with your dad (even a monthly phone call is a good start) and find peace in your heart.

Love,
RichyBlack.

About people making fun of your name. It happens everywhere.
I went to secondary school in the western part of Nigeria. So, majority of my class mates were Yoruba. My Edo name was totally strange to them.
And yes, I got made fun of. It only bothered me for about 2 years or so. Then I just joined in the fun and nicknames.
Now that I am in the US. I refuse to use my middle(English) name.


So @linda. Your name is one of you identities. The more distinct it is, the better. I bet you people will make fun of your name in many parts of Nigeria. At a young age it might bother you, try not to let it. Most are just being kids(an teenagers), with its attendant bad behaviour. As you grow older, you will get less of it.

Thanks to all yall for understanding.
I actually do feel a lot better since posting that.
Thank God I found this website.
I feel like I can connect with people with the same thoughts as me.
Thanks and God bless you all!

@lindaboug

I am very sorry for what happened to you. is one thing to get trashed in school by people who do not know who we are but is another when you do not have that emotional from our parents. I hope that you change your past to something positive. I know and feel you can do it. we nairalanders are here for you. much love.

Hi linda, I think we may be related,

It was so stressful.But my mind was made up.I had B.SC in microbiology before living Nigeria hoping that it will be so easy for me to secure a good job but getting here in NEW-YORK Nigeria certificate was not recognized so i need to start all over again,and i changed to nursing.

@ Linda

Your story is very depressing but I will blame your parent. It is not only in US that people make fun of others. Even in Nigeria, there are some that make fun of your name is they can't pronounce it or haven't heard it before. It is left to the parent to put confidence in a child. If your mum or dad had said something positive to you about your name and how beautiful you were as kid that will give you the confidence to challenge them. I know you find it hard but when you say positive things to yourself, you will see the difference.

naija_diva:

.

well growing up, i didn't think i was different because all my neighbors were either african american or african(mostly). in school (elementary), we were are either african, AA, of latino. when we moved to our new neighbor, there were more AA and latino and only one old white ex-police officer who never showed his face. it was only in middle school that i knew i was kind of different (refering to my nigerian heritage) because almost all of the kids were AA. there was like 13 dominicans in the whole school and they were all cousins and few whites. in high school, that's where i felt more comfortable bacause it was a very diverse school. almost of all my friends were foreigners or children to foreigners so will talked and compared our different cultures. so i basically felt pretty close to africa/nigeria.

with my parents, they fit in perfectly without losing their africaness (if u know what i mean). they were protective of me because they thought that every AA was out to get you. lol. that was back in the days but they're over it.

damn you must have been brought up in the hood.

This is why I continue to advise every parent with Nigerian kids to send them back for secondary school no matter how harsh it will seem in the beginning the overwhelming positives of creating an identity for them is extemely important fo their well being.


Otherwise they walk around confused and bitter at not knowing exactly where they belong either opting to totally ignore their African heritage or despising the African Americans for their usual mistreatment.

Even mixed kids who come back home do much better than mixed kids growing up in the UK or the states with exception

to some other european countries who do not have a large black population. Its sad you have to expericne the most crucial developing stage of your life in confusion and desolution.

@linda, your story is quite touching. i can only imagine what you must have gone through.
But thank God for God, He has always been with you through it all and He will continue to be with you.
God bless you.

igbo boy:

damn you must have been brought up in the hood.

lol no not really.

It is terrible what children have to go through just for being different. Linda I think what made it so bad for you was that your parent`s couldnt stand up for you.
I had a real hard time growing up in Nigeria because I looked different. all the kids had short halr then and I had this long tail of curly hair. The kids pulled my hair from the back and when I fell down they all started laughing. This used to hurt me real bad. One day the teacher called me a bat, said I didn`t belong anywhere, was neither black nor white. At school the kids beat me up to give them the things my mum bought for me. I feel my parents did not handle the situation well. I recall one Christmas, we all went to the club and you had to pay some money to see father Christmas. All the girls got this doll that had no hair and a very cheap dress, no shoes. When I was called up I got this lovely doll. My mum had given it to the father Christmas to give to me. I wanted to have a doll like all the other kids and no one wanted to play with me again. They abused me and hit me. It hurt so bad.
Even more painful for me is dealing with this problem with my kids who are growing up in Germany. I have had endless battles at school etc. But I never give up. I am ready to go to the limit. My son faced a lot of racial discrimination at his new school when he was about 12. They beat him often and called him nigger. It was so bad, the teachers pretended not to know about it and always tried to turn it round on my kid. Once the school said my soon had ejaculated on a pillow, when they went on a trip and expelled him from school. The children made up the story, they admitted it but the school suspended him. They said he had an abnormal high sexual drive The day he went back to school I dressed him in rags, tore the cloths and shoes and wrote the word nigger big on his T-shirt. When his classmates and teacher saw it, many of them burst into tears they felt I was so mean. They called the welfare on me but I explained to them that I would send my son to school like that everyday. I only wanted him to learn how to be a nigger so that he could cope with them. They had to really bed me not to do that, because they agreed that I had a case. Anyway my son came home and told me all the kids were so nice to him, like they had never been. Some of them went home crying to their parents. After that day everything changed for the better. It was a desperate move on my part but desperate situations need desperate solutions.
I forgot to mention, those kids threw my son on the floor and kicked him and put the pictures in the internet. The principal wanted the matter settled in the school but I still went on to inform the police. The father of the kid that put the pictures in actually wrote me through his lawyers to withdraw the case or he would sue me I did`nt even bother answering.
When another son got into the school last year he came back crying too. The school is a good school so hardly any blacks. This tie I stopped it at once. He was so scared to mention names but I got it out of him and I called the parents. One of those bitches actually had the nerves to tell me her son had been beaten by immigrants in his old school. So she felt it was payback time. I warned them, in no unclear words. I even told them I was ready to die for my kids and I would leave no stone untouched. SO they better call their kids off my son because I could not guarantee their safety. that really scared them.
Sometimes it is so funny, when I see how scared they are of me, the parents. I can`t count how many times I have threatened to beat them up and throw sand in their mouth . You just need to behave like a jungle cat and you have them running- cowards Well just as well. it makes things easier.