The headache of step this step that in nigeria setting is even worst.

jeffizy: Sometimes, when a horse throws you down, you get yourself up and climb it again.
But when it throws you off and leaves you in a desert all by yourself , what do you do?

I think such a man is a weak person. Sorry about that. If so early in life he can walk out on you and a child, what will happen when he marries you, makes a train-long number of babies with you and he runs off again?

I believe in second chances but since you already said you don't feel any affection for him anymore, I don't think you should force yourself.
Avoid the head-ache.

Have you loved anyone since he left? I doubt it with your signature. Listen here, if you TRULY loved someone to begin with, you will always have a soft spot for them and the fact that you have an amazing bond (your son) should have made it easier. For the sake of your son, you need to let go of your bitterness, forgive him. In an ideal world, father, mother and children but let me tell you this, we have step fathers that are 10 times the man, the daddy the biological father could ever be so If you think you cant love, respect him, don't do it.

I see people asking the OP to go ahead with marrying him for the child's sake and I know as well as you know that that's a very wrong move.

Let me ask you. Do you think your child deserves to be in an unhappy home? Because a home without love can never be a happy home.

You want to marry him for the sake of your son, don't you deserve happiness too? How will your child be happy when you are not happy considering you'll influence him more being the mother. Or are you planning on raising a sadist?

The best you can do for your child is save him from an unhappy home. His father should support him if he wants to but please don't let your happiness and heart pay the price because it will have a rippling effect on even the child you are trying to protect.

Please poster, i beg you, dont commit the remaining 72 or more years of you life to a loveless marriage, to someone you dont love. When you meet the right person, he'd make you forget that boy isnt his biologically. Please, just commit it all to God and wait for that man- there're too many unhappy married folks nowadays, it's shocking! Dear, pls, dont become part of the statistics. I feel like continuing to beg you, but I have to go for now. All the best

Its better to have all your children for one man.Take my advice and thank me later

Thanks everybody for all your advice. am really getting myselve cause i spoke out.
there are so many qustions for me here, so am going to answer everything all together pls.
1.Yes. am fianancially okay that i can take care of my son.
2. He said he ex. was cheating and he broke up cause he couldn't stand cheating
3. i've not had any relationshp since then.

olubolove: Thanks everybody for all your advice. am really getting myselve cause i spoke out.
there are so many qustions for me here, so am going to answer everything all together pls.
1.Yes. am fianancially okay that i can take care of my son.
2. He said he ex. was cheating and he broke up cause he couldn't stand cheating
3. i've not had any relationshp since then.

Firstly change ur signature,its kinda annoying,Secondly i would like you to answer this 3 questions 1 Why is he coming to you now after 2yrs 2 would he have come back if his Ex never cheated on him 3 With the way u see him now does he look like a man who regrets leaving you and ur son? dont think cos ur 28 that ur getting old and theres nothing wrong with u having a kid,there are some good guys out there who doesnt care if u had a kid or kids,they would still love u unconditional,thumbs up to u for keeping urself

Easy to say forgive him but when he mounts on you you start feeling disgusting.
OP, if you have someone who loves you, go for it, you can make your son accessible to his father even if he marries else where. Let him understand things didn't work out between you too. Your husband too can also adopt your son.

A father can be one who is really there for your child and not necessary the baby father.
All the best in your decision.

olubolove: Thank you all for your advice. i have lots of things in my head but the most important is how to give my son the very best.
everyday i try not to remember all i went through all myselve for the sake of love. it's hurting. am strong, bold and more matured now. the truth is: i cant love him again. cause i did that so much before. He walked away because he said he was not ready to have a family then and had an ex. whom he met. so it was difficult for him to chose between us. now he's back because he said he belong here.
All that is not my problem. i let him walk away cause i wanted the best for him and dont want him to feel tied down.
now i know i can never love him again. but considering marrying him for the sake of my son and i dont want to have my kids with different fathers but am not happy about the step i want to take.

My dear. I had an aunt who was in your same situation about 15years ago. She walked away with her daughter and got married to someone else, she has 3 boys from her second marriage and she is still happily married and the 1st child is her husband's darling because if you were not a family member you wouldnt know she is not his daughter. Pray that God will lead you to your own husband (Someone who will love you and accept your child totally). If he can walk away because of indecision once, then another ex might come up and he will walk away again.

All said here my dear, I believe love conquers everything. I was once in a relationship with a single mother and I was ready to accept her no matter w@. So my dear don't ever make the mistake marrying someone out of pity or bcuz of something... Cuz d outcme will b disastrous

olubolove: Am thinking of doing everything for the sake of my son and am here because am not thinking about me alone now. my son is the most important now and am ready to do anything that will make him alright. just that i've been trying to love him again and feel the way i use to about him, but it's not just happening to me.

My question is this Are you sure its for your son's happiness you are marrying him?

He broke up when things are bad, now he wants to make up because things are getting better huh? Dear, when things go awry again he'll find his way out again! These are natural RED-FLAGS to tell that the guy is UNSTABLE. Run for your life now, while you can!

Do not marry or make decision of marriage because of your son.

Let your decision be guided by where you will have peace of mind, flourishing relationship, and home filled with mutual love, understanding and respect where your son can thrive to achieve his dream.

The overall interest of the parties involved must be taken into consideration such as you, your son and the man. I think the problem you have with this guy is trust issue which if its not in any relationship, its bound to hit the rock.

If you do not want the guy, be patient and wait for a man that will marry you with your son.

Your son's happiness & u having all your children are your only reasons u are considering this marriage.This is your life too.U have to love yourself,be happy & fulfilled too.Your child(ren) will have their lives too.
If u genuinely want to marry him for d above reasons,then discuss wit him,tell him how u feel now & that u can only marry him if u are able to love him again.Be friends first,test for trust,see if u can be confidants,go one step @ a time.There is NO NEED to RUSH.
If u still don't love him after this,take a LONG walk.Your true love is somewhere waiting.Best of luck

Thank u all for your advice. i've finally made up my mind. it's good sharing this here, so i wouldnt die in sillent.

Everybody deserves a 2nd chance.
There must have been something that you saw in him initially that was able to ignite that fire in you.
You are still hurting that is why you are turning a blind eye to that.
The final decision rests with you but I want you to remember that saying that goes,"if you love
somebody,set them free(let them go) and if they are meant for you,they will come back".
He is back now but you should take it one day at a time to make sure he is for real this time.
Please don't marry him because of your son,if things don't work out with you guys,
PLEASE,always let him have access to him,that's the least you could do for him as long as he treats him
like a father should do his son.

NOTE to us men;if a woman really really loves you and you too know that the love is real,PLEASE don't take
that woman for granted,APPRECIATE her and love her in the lil way you can but let her know that you appreciate
her so that she doesn't feel it's a waste of time being with you.
My 2 cents.

Only you can make that decision no matter what you are told here....The problem is sometimes we really don't know what we want out of life,hence,we allow emotions and sentiments to guide our decisions...If you really know what you want out of life taking a decision won't be an issue for you on this matter.I expect you to know what you want out of life at 28...you have already made a mistake of having a child out of wedlock, that is enough reason to be a thorough Captain steering your ship to a safe harbor. Goodluck.