One psychologist says "faulty listening" is usually at the foundation of most marital communication problems. Sometimes it merely causes annoyance or irritation. But when a person is talking about something quite important, trying to get a problem resolved or seeking emotional support, poor listening can have a very disastrous effect.

Yet, most of us prefer to talk, rather than listening. We enjoy expressing our ideas and telling what we know and how we feel about matters. We often tend to expend more energy in expressing our own thoughts, than in giving complete and undivided attention when others are expressing theirs.

Read more: http://frontiersnews.com/index.php/component/content/article/49-opinion/7043-opinion-effective-listening-techniques-in-relationship

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Opinion: Effective Listening Techniques In Relationship
Sunday, 29 December 2013 22:12 | Print | E-mail

[Faithful Iyobosa]

Faithful Iyobosa
By Faithful Iyobosa

One psychologist says "faulty listening" is usually at the foundation of most marital communication problems. Sometimes it merely causes annoyance or irritation. But when a person is talking about something quite important, trying to get a problem resolved or seeking emotional support, poor listening can have a very disastrous effect. Yet, most of us prefer to talk, rather than listening. We enjoy expressing our ideas and telling what we know and how we feel about matters. We often tend to expend more energy in expressing our own thoughts, than in giving complete and undivided attention when others are expressing theirs.

Listening seems like such a simple thing to do, yet most of us are poor listeners because listening is indeed hardwork.

In order for us to listen effectively to our partners and also become better
listeners, here are some techniques:

1. Be alert to body languague- We communicate by spoken word, but we also communicate by what we do not say (body language). About fifty five percent of what we communicate is expressed through facial expressions- a pout, a sigh, a grimace, a smile or a squint of the eyes. Such body language speaks volume than words. Other non verbal messages are caught through body postures or gestures, a nervous tapping of the foot, tightly clenched teeth or a notion of irritation. Such behaviour patterns offer keys to feelings behind the words and set your barriers before conversation begins.

2. The door opener- A good listening technique is found in responding with a " door opener" or the invitation to say more. These responses do not communicate any of your own ideas or feelings, yet they invite your partner to share his thoughts. Some of the simplest "door openers" when communicating with your partner are: "I see" "you don't say" "really"? "tell me more" "i'd be interested in your point of view" "tell me the whole story". You encourage your partner to talk more and you do not give him the impression that you can hardly wait to snatch the conversation away. "Door openers" convey respect by implying, "I might learn something from you" "your ideas are important to me" "I am interested in what you have to say".

3. Active Listening and "Deliberate Listening"- Deliberate listening is the ability to process information, analyse it, recall it at a later time and draw
conclusions from it, but "active listening" hears the feelings of the speaker first and then processes information secondarily.

However, deliberate and active listening skills are very important in relationship. Active listening is particularly useful when you sense your partner has a problem, maybe anger, resentment, loneliness, discouragement, frustration, or hurt. Your first reaction to such feelings of your partner may be negative. You may want to argue, defend yourself, withdraw or fight back. But in active listening, you catch what has been said then restate what you think the feeling is, not the facts of what has been said.

Faithful Iyobosa is a Journalist and a Baker based in Abuja, and you can reach her on 08038980404 or faithfuliyobosa@gmail.com

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