"When you lose touch with yourself, you lose yourself in the world." -Eckhart Tolle

When it comes to losing touch with themselves, some women seem to do that best, especially when it comes to relationships. They
inadvertently give up or stop doing many of the things they enjoyed before the relationship. Why? They were never asked to do so - weren't expected to do so - weren't told to give up or stop doing many of the things they enjoyed - they just did anyway.

The Disappearing Woman phenomenon is what happens when women lose track of what they believe in, what they stand for, what's important to them and what makes them happy, just because they happen to be in a relationship. No matter how successful, assertive, or powerful some women are, the moment they become involved with a man they begin to give up part of themselves -- their social life, their time alone, their spiritual practice, their beliefs and values. In time, these women find they have merged their lives with their partners' to the point where they have no life to go back to when and if the relationship ends.

Maybe that's why when many women divorce, it feels so freeing. Suddenly, they have time to return to the things they loved or find new interests. There's no one to tell them not to do that, even if it's their own voice inside their head that's been telling them. They don't have to please anyone other than themselves. And, of course, that independence, vitality and renewed passions are exactly the things that make them attractive to someone new.

So why aren't more women doing that in the relationships they already have?

Because women think they're being nice. Actually, they're being anything but nice -- to themselves and their partners.

By tossing away their own passions and interests, women lose their authenticity - their identity. They'll pretend to agree when they don't really agree, they'll go along with things they don't really believe in, and if they do that long enough, they'll no longer know what they feel.

There can be no truly happy outcome to that.

And, the more women give up of themselves, the less they are the women their partners were attracted to in the first place. Nice girls think they're giving up something to get something better in return. So they give up control over their own lives. When the time comes for them to get what they expected, they wind up disappointed. In addition to being empty-handed, they're emotionally depleted.

Many women find themselves in this dilemma because they've been brought up to see a romantic partnership as the main event of their lives.
How many women do you know who will break plans or give up a favorite activity for a guy? Not that it's not OK to do that from time to time or for certain situations; it's just that somehow in the togetherness of coupledom, too many women forget to have lives of their own. Instead, they look to their partners to fulfill all their needs -- and get frustrated and resentful when they're partners don't. They see the problem as something wrong with their partners, and not themselves.

The Disappearing Woman is a burden for a guy - a heavy load to bear when he feels like he's the center of your life. It could breed resentment in the guy toward the woman, leading to marital problems and even divorce.

More women than men in committed relationships are saying they need personal space and want nights out solo but, will they act on it?

Source: Huffington Post - Excerpted from the Article "Why Do Women Lose Themselves in Marriage?" by Vicki Larson

looks like you would've sued seun for his life if he hadnt fixed back nairaland soon enough.

I wonder what goes through this op's head.

I see a sense in the topic. Once you loose that individuality that attracted a man to you, you look like someone else to him. In the end, we must never loose our identity as long it doesnt pose a threat to the rest of mankind. Be yourself and avoid being someone you are not.

Nice topic! Following.

Sophyrocks: I see a sense in the topic. Once you loose that individuality that attracted a man to you, you look like someone else to him. In the end, we must never loose our identity as long it doesnt pose a threat to the rest of mankind. Be yourself and avoid being someone you are not.

True, I believe there is someone for every one. No matter how crazy or twisted you are.

rebella:
True, I believe there is someone for every one. No matter how crazy or twisted you are.

Yeah. we can only makes changes, realistic changes as regards our flaws. But anything that has to do with who you are as a person, your identity, should not be compromised to please an imperfect person who does not appreciate them. Seriously, be yourself and allow someone who loves you as you are to take you that way. Women have got to stop all these their pretences and appearances. Marriage should not change who you are. If you have been a sexy,gorgeous woman while single, continue to remain so after marriage. If you've got hobbies you enjoy doing while single( as long as they are not harmful), continue to engage in them. If you love outings, then continue to love it and go for it. Home can be so boring that you would need occasional vacations. If you have good friends, do not throw them away simply because you are married. Married women are fond of doing this. If you love living the life, continue to live the life ooo. There is a difference between being alive and living life. Thats why i loooooove Jlo. Imagine she is 44 good years and still looks that good. seriously working towards looking that good at that age. Continue to do and be what makes you happy.

Seriously, I did not read anything and I don't plan on reading anything on this thread. I just feel like posting something

The Disappearing Woman is a burden for a guy -
a heavy load to bear when he feels like he's the
center of your life. It could breed resentment in
the guy toward the woman, leading to marital
problems and even divorce.

Let block heads and copy cat advice block heads and copy cat.
How would couples value and appreciate themselves when they don't spend so much time together. Most successfull men want to be the center of their wife's life.

Checkout the marital life of some pastors that are called by God all their wives do is to give them support.
What can be so sweet as supporting your spouse with everything God gave you for free to serve humanity without expecting anything in return. MISSION GIVEN TO YOU BOTH BY GOD, SO THEIR IS NO PROBLEM IN MAKING YOUR SPOUSE THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE TO PURSUE A PURPOSE TOGETHER GIVEN TO YOU BY GOD.

ONLY THE WORD OF GOD CAN STAND THE TEST OF TIME.

Stop interfering in the life of your neighbour for your own good for your opinion doesn't count since you cannot reveal your identity.

ireneidiva: I wonder what goes through this op's head.

you are so right. Her topics are alwys.....(I don't knw the right name for it).

@op I would like to see a face behind the I'd.

bennyrazz: Seriously, I did not read anything and I don't plan on reading anything on this thread. I just feel like posting something

Lol! Me too.

oyihou: The Disappearing Woman is a burden for a guy -
a heavy load to bear when he feels like he's the
center of your life. It could breed resentment in
the guy toward the woman, leading to marital
problems and even divorce.

Let block heads and copy cat advice block heads and copy cat.
How would couples value and appreciate themselves when they don't spend so much time together. Most successfull men want to be the center of their wife's life.

Checkout the marital life of some pastors that are called by God all their wives do is to give them support.
What can be so sweet as supporting your spouse with everything God gave you for free to serve humanity without expecting anything in return. MISSION GIVEN TO YOU BOTH BY GOD, SO THEIR IS NO PROBLEM IN MAKING YOUR SPOUSE THE CENTER OF YOUR LIFE TO PURSUE A PURPOSE TOGETHER GIVEN TO YOU BY GOD.

ONLY THE WORD OF GOD CAN STAND THE TEST OF TIME.

Stop interfering in the life of your neighbour for your own good for your opinion doesn't count since you cannot reveal your identity.

What can be so sweet as a husband supporting his wife in all HER endeavors, without expecting anything in return? Where is the problem in a husband making his wife the center of his life, working with her to pursue a purpose together given to the both of you by God?

Martyrdom is not a good look for today's woman.

Don't believe the hype!