Disclaimer: This article is written from the point of view of a writer, who is not a big football fan, claims he supports the Super Eagles and the Gunners but can’t mention the first 11 players. (But I know Keshi, Enyeama and Yobo.)

The world cup kicked off in Brazil a few weeks ago, with what I can call the worst opening ceremony ever (like can Jennifer Lopez just come out and tell us she’s dating Pitbull or something) and as usual the games are on. 64 matches in 12 stadia and we await the winners (which I can pretty much tell you isn’t Nigeria)

1. The Bets – This, by far is one of the best highlights of the World Cup for me. You ever heard of someone using his school fees to bet and you thought it was a lie? I saw this one real and alive. And yes you guessed right, he lost the bet. All these betting houses have gotten a fortune from the hands of students (who don’t really have so much). And then, after the regular matches and the disappointments and heartbreaks, you hear arguments when they’re back to the hostel calling on one players name and all the likes. The tears and the regular begging (especially when they’re hunting around your kitchen once they smell food) are priceless bits of the Brazil 2014 tournament.

2. Suarez the Vampire – Okay, swear down. I rolled when I read this one. I hope I got his name right. He’s Louis Suarez right? I think he plays for Uruguay and he bit some Chellini guy. He didn’t kick him; neither did he give him an elbow. He fucking bit him, like dogs bite other people. He probably was like “The kicks or blows won’t affect him as much as the bite he going to get” and all of a sudden, bruhh. FIFA should actually ban him from playing for like 10 years. Looks like his mouth is way too valuable, can play vampire and let Buffy the Vampire slayer be the queen bee.

3. The Ladies – Has your boyfriend/husband/boo/a friend that is just a boy left you because of the World Cup match? Are you angry? Have you been lonely? Then this is for you. You’re probably tired of pinging and all and you need company but guess what, he’s out to watch the match and knowing the time zone of the host country, matches aren’t really as early as normal European matches. We are very sorry, do accept our condolences (or more like sympathy)

4. The Super Eagles - I love Nigeria and so far, I have followed all their matches (following, in this context means checking the scores after the match). I sat through the first game with Iran, slept mid-way second half with my disappointment to myself. The one with Bosnia where we won, even though Bosnia scored a goal (which I think was very valid but that’s their bad luck) was great and then I was very surprised when I came out of mass and was told Nigeria scored 2 goals against Argentina who scored 3. I was like “WAWUUUU” (which is Yoruba for wow). Enyeama deserves a special award anyway for being Vincent Enyeama.

These are my favourite things bout the world cup what is yours!!!?