What would you do if you were married to a man who did not care for your kids and didn’t lift a finger to help you?

We're going to have a conversation

Nothing, u can't compel a full grown adult, if I have the means, I will take care of my kids and my self, the man should however not expect to enjoy the privileges and rights of a husband, if he tries to compel me, I'll move out of the house, my daddy didn't treat my mum like that so I won't take it from my hubby,I refuse to have high blood pressure over any man,or to die prematurely. No one is worth it.

parismarc: Nothing, u can't compel a full grown adult, if I have the means, I will take care of my kids and my self, the man should however not expect to enjoy the privileges and rights of a husband, if he tries to compel me, [/b]I'll move out of the house[b], my daddy didn't treat my mum like that so I won't take it from my hubby,I refuse to have high blood pressure over any man,or to die prematurely. No one is worth it.

@bolded....seriously?



@post....why would I even marry someone like that? You would have seen warning signs of such behaviour before saying 'I do' nah.

Computer games all day?
When does he work?

Is that one marriage? Simple, u both come to an agreement to leave like broda and sista or if u want to get yr groove on,divorce. That is when all avenues for change have failed.

liberty24: What would you do if you were married to a man who did not care for your kids and didn’t lift a finger to help you?

Another thread making the woman out to be the beast of burden.

@OP: A couple of questions for you:

~ How does answering this question of yours determine whether a wife is good or not?

~ If the man's attitude towards his wife, kids, and domestic chores has been consistent ever since they both shouted "I do" to/at each other, why rock the boat now? What I mean is, if the woman saw nothing wrong with been mistreated by a lazy man boy, and that he was good enough,despite his warts 'n all to get married to then, why complain now??

~ If she knew she was being maltreated by this same guy from the beginning, why have not just one kid but several kids for him?

Typical case of shutting the door after the horse's bolted.

Send the kids to boarding house.....

Ignore him and do the damn job myself!
He ain't gonna be worth my time.
My kids are the priority.
I HAD THEM AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM MYSELF. . . by any means necessary!

He was only a SPERM DONOR in the first place!
He only gets to answer to his children.
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!
I don't need no man for that.
THIS IS AMERICA. . . THE HOME OF FEMALE BREADWINNERS!
Not AFRICA. . . THE CONTINENT OF NO BREADWINNERS OF POVERTY!

What a man cannot do. . . a WOMAN CAN DO X3. . . .without A MAN!

Unless you are DAFT. . .OR DISGUSTINGLY LAZY!

I am neither!

liberty24: What would you do if you were married to a man who did not care for your kids and didn’t lift a finger to help you?

Before the name callers and hecklers start coming...

What is his reason for doing so, as in, why won't he help? Does he feel its the woman's job exclusively? Or is he too busy with his work i.e wakes up early, rushes off to work then comes home late when the kids have slept?
Is he angry about something? Do you view this as a change in his behaviour or this is how he has always been ever before you married him?


All these questions need to be answered, a lot of issues can be sorted out through discussion.

Oh. Guess I was too late

Dazzlee: @bolded....seriously?



@post....why would I even marry someone like that? You would have seen warning signs of such behaviour before saying 'I do' nah.

. Abii o. What else was I doing during courtship if not scrutinizing though with love.

Can a bad wife answer too?

Dazzlee: @bolded....seriously?



@post....why would I even marry someone like that? You would have seen warning signs of such behaviour before saying 'I do' nah.

What if there was no warning sign? except we are saying that it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to CHANGE for whatever reason.

Godmystrength:
What if there was no warning sign? except we are saying that it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to CHANGE for whatever reason.

I honestly do not know why some people think human beings can't/don't change. People do change! Or at least pretend as long as possible to get married. Reason our elder ones say; marriage is a wrapped parcel, whatever you see inside, you take.

Op to your question, i assume you're talking about him not caring financially, emotionally, chores and otherwise. . . I will do nothing (that is after I must have used every necessary measure to make him see reason). I will then know I'm alone in that marriage. Employ domestic help to help out with the chores and work my as$ out to cater for my kids financially.

I won't be divorcing. But we are sure gonna live like strangers in that house. The marriage will be as good as over in my head.

Godmystrength:
What if there was no warning sign? except we are saying that it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to CHANGE for whatever reason.

I don't believe one won't see such warning signs during dating/courtship. Certain triats of a phelgmatic would be obvious......like the 'I-don't-care' attitude. Those little little things we don't usually count are actually meaningful.

Besides, signs of irresponsibilty are not that easy to cover up you know. It's quite easy to identify an irreponsible person.

But just incase I didn't take such signs seriously and married him, then I guess I've become a single parent automatically. The so-called love I have for him would be history. I'm educated, have a job, good health, and not handicapped in anyway.....so where's the problem? My kids would be my focus. It's would be just My Children & I. Their father is brain dead as far as I would be concerned.






God forbid though..I don't pray for such.

Dazzlee: I don't believe one won't see such warning signs during dating/courtship. Certain triats of a phelgmatic would be obvious......like the 'I-don't-care' attitude. Those little little things we don't usually count are actually meaningful.

Besides, signs of irresponsibilty are not that easy to cover up you know. It's quite easy to identify an irreponsible person.

But just incase I didn't take such signs seriously and married him, then I guess I've become a single parent automatically. The so-called love I have for him would be history. I'm educated, have a job, good health, and not handicapped in anyway.....so where's the problem? My kids would be my focus. It's would be just My Children & I. Their father is brain dead as far as I would be concerned.

God forbid though..I don't pray for such.

People can pretend o

Then why stay?
To keep up appearances?

Phema:

I honestly do not know why some people think human beings can't/don't change. People do change! Or at least pretend as long as possible to get married. Reason our elder ones say; marriage is a wrapped parcel, whatever you see inside, you take.

Op to your question, i assume you're talking about him not caring financially, emotionally, chores and otherwise. . . I will do nothing (that is after I must have used every necessary measure to make him see reason). I will then know I'm alone in that marriage. Employ domestic help to help out with the chores and work my as$ out to cater for my kids financially.

I won't be divorcing. But we are sure gonna live like strangers in that house. The marriage will be as good as over in my head.

cococandy: Then why stay?
To keep up appearances?

Maybe. Maybe not. It could also be for the popular "because of my kids". Or the fact that I may be thinking he might change one day.

I won't be divorcing for a non life threatening issue. But, that is just me.

Ok

Phema:

Maybe. Maybe not. It could also be for the popular "because of my kids". Or the fact that I may be thinking he might change one day.

I won't be divorcing for a non life threatening issue. But, that is just me.

Phema:

I honestly do not know why some people think human beings can't/don't change. People do change! Or at least pretend as long as possible to get married. Reason our elder ones say; marriage is a wrapped parcel, whatever you see inside, you take.

Op to your question, i assume you're talking about him not caring financially, emotionally, chores and otherwise. . . I will do nothing (that is after I must have used every necessary measure to make him see reason). I will then know I'm alone in that marriage. Employ domestic help to help out with the chores and work my as$ out to cater for my kids financially.

I won't be divorcing. But we are sure gonna live like strangers in that house. The marriage will be as good as over in my head.

Or rather still get a transfer to another state, come home weekly/twice a month to cook for him and no congo shinning till he sits up

bukatyne:
Or rather still get a transfer to another state, come home weekly/twice a month to cook for him and no congo shinning till he sits up

Will you get out of my head?!

Phema:

Will you get out of my head?!

Lol!

I will only seek divorce (separation really because I do not see myself going to court for any yeye proceedings when I can just pick up and leave ) in cases of infidelity & physical abuse

Others..., can work it out

Kanwulia: Ignore him and do the damn job myself!
He ain't gonna be worth my time.
My kids are the priority.
I HAD THEM AND I WILL TAKE CARE OF THEM MYSELF. . . by any means necessary!
He was only a SPERM DONOR in the first place!
He only gets to answer to his children.
I CAN TAKE CARE OF MYSELF!
I don't need no man for that.
THIS IS AMERICA. . . THE HOME OF FEMALE BREADWINNERS!
Not AFRICA. . . THE CONTINENT OF NO BREADWINNERS OF POVERTY!
What a man cannot do. . . a WOMAN CAN DO X3. . . .without A MAN!
Unless you are DAFT. . .OR DISGUSTINGLY LAZY!
I am neither!

LMAO!!

..There is some truth to this post though

bukatyne:
Lol!

I will only seek divorce (separation really because I do not see myself going to court for any yeye proceedings when I can just pick up and leave ) in cases of infidelity & physical abuse

Others..., can work it out

You can say that again.

The day i chop one slap (God forbid) is the day I start making "other plans". No shouting, no quarrelling, just calm and calculating

carefreewannabe: Can a bad wife answer too?

Lol!

I certainly would like to read the response of this / these "bad" wife(ves)!

Godmystrength:
What if there was no warning sign? except we are saying that it is IMPOSSIBLE for people to CHANGE for whatever reason.

There must have been something that would have given away his true character. You can hide some flaws for a while, but it's near impossible to hide ALL of your flaws, ALL the time - especially if the couple in question dated each other for an extended period of time, and it wasn't some sort of shortgun-dating game between them.

There is also the possibility that the wife chose to turn a blind eye during that crucial dating period for reasons best known to her, in the belief that those "issues" were non-issues then. People do not undergo a complete metamorphic change overnight (without good reason). This lady in question has made her bed. Let her manage him make do with what she's got and lie squarely in the middle without complaining.

cococandy: Then why stay?
To keep up appearances?

My dear, it's not that easy to cut the cord, especially when children are involved in the union / marriage. It can get very messy emotionally, physically and even financially. It's a lot easier to walk out whilst dating though, nothing spoil.

Phema:
Maybe. Maybe not. It could also be for the popular "because of my kids". Or the fact that I may be thinking he might change one day.
I won't be divorcing for a non life threatening issue. But, that is just me.

I agree with you on the bolded. Most times, couples in that boat just "get on with it" and adopt a lukewarm attitude towards each other. That doesn't mean the va-va-voom can't be rekindled though.

Phema:

You can say that again.

The day i chop one slap (God forbid) is the day I start making "other plans". No shouting, no quarrelling, just calm and calculating

Lol!

Na so now.

Been there,done that. Gone from every possible scenario through it, from shouting,to vexing,to crying, keeping to myself etc etc. On a certain moment you will realize you can talk all you want and wait all you want but a man doesnt change if he doesnt want too.

In that case, choose for yourself and the kid(s). Move out, fend for yourself, and things will get better. Not advocating divorce here,but marriage shouldnt be about enduring and suffering your entire life for somebody who doesnt care for you.Life's too short and you need to live it,else you will only live to regret it in the end.

Just my 2 cents.

We will use his money to get a nanny to help me with the children. Like him i will also be tired after a long day of work.