nubian22: but before i agreed to marry him, he made a promise that no lady will enter his apartment again that is from the day i agreed to marry him and our preparation is in progress.

nubian22: i need advice from married people in the house, i and my guy are planning our traditional wedding next month but before i agreed to marry him, he made a promise that no lady will enter his apartment again that is from the day i agreed to marry him and our preparation is in progress. i was with him yesterday being Sunday in the house when the first lady called and i heard through the phone when she asked him to come and follow her to her sister's place at Lekki, he told her that he can't go with her and ended the call without letting the lady say any thing more maybe because i was around.
when i asked him, he said that the lady is his customer, that he was just being nice to the lady and she misunderstood his being nice, well i allowed that one to pass. the next person that called was his ex - girlfriend and this girl is the person that he said left him for another guy but since we started preparing from our wedding she has been calling and sending different kind of text to him,she said that she wanted to come and visit him and he told her not to come but she still came with one of her friend. we were inside the house when they came and he went to met them outside and they were like he should invite them inside and give them something to eat and so he invited them in and i had to leave the house from the back door and went to one of the neighbor's flat, there was no fuel in the house, he had to send somebody to get fuel for him because there was no light, he was trying to make them very comfortable knowing that i was not happy with their coming. now everybody including him is saying that i should have stood my ground because am the woman of the house that i shouldn't have left the house because i was in the other flat until they left, the lady i went to her house saw that i was not happy and when she asked me what it was i have already started crying, i was so heart broken and she was like all men are the same, she was telling me about her own husband who bought a lady to the compound inside one other guy's flat and one pastor that lives in the compound that slept with the wife's sister.
so when the girls left, he went to see them off and when he came back he was begging me but i was very angry and since yesterday that i left the house i have not spoken to him and he has not call because my phones are off. right now i don't know what to do because am like would he had done the same thing if he has already married me. pls i need advice from experienced people before talking to him, i don't want to talk to my family and friends about it, pls i need help before i make mistake of a life time.

MizMyColi: Waow! Eleyi Gidi Gáàn

Hey Nubia, first off, I am not married, but please read on

While you've done your best to elucidate on certain points as it pertains issues you're currently having with your fiancee, I don't think it's enough for well meaning RomanceLanders to aid you in your decision making.

That is not to say that I expect you to say more. From your post, I could sense your fears. Besides you seem to have always known this part of Him, but have always tolerated. There are two things involved Sweeree "He'll either get worse or get better". You know him better than anyone on this thread, now answer honestly to yourself, the statement above in quotes.

Lastly, I'll leave you with my all time favorite quote "There is a spirit in man and the inspiration of the almighty gives him understanding" of what is right and wrong - of what to do and what not to do.

Nubia, the answers you seek lie within. You might need some alone time to figure it out. When you do, either positive or negative, please don't look back.

nubian22: before i met him there were so many ladies in his life then i refuse to ever kiss him not until we went for HIV test though he told me that he was not sleeping with all of them, i left the house because i was not happy and being the type of person i am, i can't fight any girl because over a guy and since we are not yet married he wants me to move in which am not going to do until after next month.
thanks to everyone that advised me i just on my phone and him called, he said he has been calling my line since last night well i want he to respect me, that was why i off my phone because i don't to take any kind of thing from him just because i want to get married because if i don't correct these things now that we are not married, he might still repeat it in marriage so that was why i off my phones, he even called my sister because he was worried, he was begging me to forgive him.

pickabeau1: I like your scriptural outlook on issues

Thanks! Beau

ThoniaSlim: Some men sure do take the piss! And I think women allow it!

How can he allow his ex girlfriend he knows is interested in him that way to his house with you there?

That shows he has no respect neither does he hold you in high regards! That's a straight up red flag right there for me!

ThoniaSlim: Some men sure do take the piss! And I think women allow it!

How can he allow his ex girlfriend he knows is interested in him that way to his house with you there?

That shows he has no respect neither does he hold you in high regards! That's a straight up red flag right there for me!

Spot on Sis. The guy even went as far as ordering for fuel Another Royal Red Flag

ammyluv2002: first of all, delete all those stories your neighbor told you from your head. In life, being positive is the way out! Theres a lot of temptation that comes with marriage preparations especially from ex, in laws , friends etc but how you handle them matters. if i were you, i wont give him that condition not to let any lady into his house cause the most important thing is...how does he treat you in their presence? it doesnt make sense for him to tell his ex to leave because my fiancee is around though is not too good to keep your ex as friend but some people handle it well sha. please, forgive him and move on! dont let devil ruin your state of happiness, switch on your phone so he can reach. i believe he has learn from the whole thing.

Islie:


but, she could have stayed and let them know who owns the house now.....
And she should stop listen to negative hear-say and let her mind and the being in her direct her steps

blank: @ OP, My opinion is that you should have stayed back and hosted his visitors. That is what the lady of the house does. No one said you should fight anyone. It might have been his game plan so that the ex will see you there and start understanding that he is off the market. Some guys don't know how to be blunt and you should have helped him. A woman stands by her husband through whatever.

That being said, you need to sit down and have a hard discussion with your beau. It is not enough to set the rules, they have to be followed or there will be consequences. Talk to him about his lack of respect and ask him to make up his mind if it is you he really wants. I hope you have a strong base cos i can see that you are going to need it to remain married to this kind of person.

ThoniaSlim:

What do you mean by letting them know she owns the house? Is it her house? Is that how she wants to start a marriage?

It is not her job to keep them other ladies in check! The man should be able to do that! A man who truly loves and holds his woman in high regards, lets every other woman know she's his priority! If the tables were turned and it was her ex bf, I bet you the man would be crying blue murder! I guess cus its the woman, then that makes it ok! She's suppose to sit on her butt and happily take whatever crap the man throws at her! Anyway like I always say, guys dey look face before they pull such stunts!

A man would treat you the way you let him treat you. If you show him you've got no regards for yourself, then don't expect anything less!

ThoniaSlim:

What do you mean by letting them know she owns the house? Is it her house? Is that how she wants to start a marriage?

It is not her job to keep them other ladies in check! The man should be able to do that! A man who truly loves and holds his woman in high regards, lets every other woman know she's his priority! If the tables were turned and it was her ex bf, I bet you the man would be crying blue murder! I guess cus its the woman, then that makes it ok! She's suppose to sit on her butt and happily take whatever crap the man throws at her! Anyway like I always say, guys dey look face before they pull such stunts!

A man would treat you the way you let him treat you. If you show him you've got no regards for yourself, then don't expect anything less!

Islie:

pls do go and read what the OP said in her write -up
u will see that he discourage his ex to come and visit him...... she said on several occassion she wanted to come but he sail NO,
but, she now decide to come with her friend thesame day she was arround..... thats why i said she should have stayed back.... and let them know she owns the house, she owns the mans heart, she is in control

Islie:

pls do go and read what the OP said in her write -up
u will see that he discourage his ex to come and visit him...... she said on several occassion she wanted to come but he sail NO,
but, she now decide to come with her friend thesame day she was arround..... thats why i said she should have stayed back.... and let them know she owns the house, she owns the mans heart, she is in control

ThoniaSlim:

Oga you are even confusing yourself! How can he discourage the ex and she still came to the house? Please how do these two add up?

If that dude really discouraged his ex, she wouldn't even have the effrontery to go past the gate of his house! So please spare me all that yadi yadi yada.

DukeNija:

I wonder why and how a Woman will date and decide to marry a man with so many women in his life, even to the extent of taking an HIV test. Na waa O

SMH