Thanks OP. It was a good read. No. 4 is especially accurate. If we learn to believe that, then all the rest simply fall into place.

If I refuse 2 comment, God'll ask me y. Nyc 1 OP, u're so ryt about 85% of those things.

Nice piece. Absolutely refreshing read.

idris4eva: Nice one @op even doe I dnt read it....will come back leta gat to catch some sleep

You didn't read it,how do u know its nice?lol

grwin up in my aunt's hom ws a bita bt lyf eductin xpirns.i fasd rejctn,despis,no supot/encorgmnt,hatrd,wikdns,gen maltrt,discrmntn,fals acsatn,n ws fosd 2 blv dat evr1 ws bta dn i.bt m giftdly briliant in studis wic i y i ws hatd.i've fasd 50% of ur post.my sdn rys 2 sucs ws because no 1 tot cud eva mak it,m hnsom a gft 4rm god lovd n acptd by many n livn bta nw. Frm ur post i stii nid re-ajustmnts tnx gud job.

AirborneLacer: If you learn to accept the past instead of wishing you could change it, it will no longer control you. You may also find that the person you want to prove yourself worthy to is you.

I'm guilty of this...really you can't change the past.

I see

eleojo23: Does your mental soundtrack go anything like this?
‘’I don’t want to go out tonight, but Mike will think I’m boring if I stay in.’’
‘’I can’t wear these same shoes I wore last week again – people will think there’s something wrong with me.’’
‘’I’m over-committed already, but how can I say no to John? He’ll think I don’t like him.’’
‘’I’d be really refreshed by taking a day off just to do what I like … but my colleagues will think I’m just being lazy.’’

When we were kids, we didn’t have many things to worry about. We saw adulthood as a place of amazing freedom: when you’re an adult, you can do the things you like and go to places you like. Yeah, so much freedom
But somehow, by the time we reach adulthood, this world of vast possibilities has narrowed. We go to tertiary institution, because that’s what everyone else is doing. Then we look for a sensible, entry-level job, because that’s what everyone else is doing. Pretty soon, we think about getting a house, getting a better car, working towards a promotion … because that’s what everyone else is doing.

What Went Wrong?
Life isn’t supposed to be a dull, day-in-day-out routine where work is bearable and evenings are spent going through the motions: eating dinner, watching television, surfing the net … waiting for it to be time to go to bed, and get up, and repeat it all over again. But unfortunately, that pretty much describes the lives of many people.
Most times we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone. In some ways, this is a natural thing: as humans, we’re social creatures, and it’s hard to risk being derided or excluded by our community. But we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask. There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. Below are some reasons why you should stop trying to prove yourself to everyone.
I have tried to make a list from articles by persons who have discovered and are practicing this truth. I do hope you will find them useful on your quest for the freedom you seek. Please don't fall asleep on me yet! Ok, here we go...

1. Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.
Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me! Look at me!” But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top. Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step. Don’t rush through your life and miss it. Forget where everyone else is in relation to you. This isn’t a race. You get there a little at a time, not all at once.
Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

2. Most people are NOT thinking about you anyway.
Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. Everyone is pretty much preoccupied with himself. If you feel like they always are, understand that this perception of them watching you and critiquing your every move is a complete figment of your imagination. It’s your own inner fears and insecurities that are creating this illusion. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.

3. The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.
In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not. In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.
Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Prove yourself to yourself, not others. The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by. Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

4. People’s Expectations May Be Based On A Narrow, Inaccurate View Of You
People make snap judgments in life: they might meet you briefly, and proceed to offer all sorts of advice based on an inaccurate assessment of who you are.
Families often fail to recognize how you’ve changed and grown over the years. They also tend to label you – and it’s easy to end up conforming to these labels because you believe them. They say “Oh, Tunde’s always been the lazy one” or “Chidimma never does anything right” or “Ali never could focus on anything.”
It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it. Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality. What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep living your truth. The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.
Your parents or your friends might have pigeonholed you – but you know there’s more to you than what they see. Even if you do have plenty of habits and characteristics that you’d like to change, you have the ability to do that.

5. Your Values/Priorities Could Be Wildly Different From Theirs
This is one of the big problems with trying to meet other people’s expectations: they might have a completely different agenda to yours. You need to get clear about your own values and priorities: then you can figure out what you want to refocus your life around.
Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going. You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

6. Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.
No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.
They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that – material things don’t matter. Don’t chase the money. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. Never sell yourself short.

7. It’s Ok to fail Sometimes
If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth. You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way. It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing. If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward.

8. You cannot Win everyone’s approval.
When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval. Don’t ever worry about the haters. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just upset because the truth you know contradicts the lies they live. Period.

Final words: Just know that You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.


Can you relate to this piece?
Feel free to leave a comment


Credits to Marc Chernoff and Aliventures.com for some excerpts used in this post.

nice one for dose Dat don't knw... good or bad people will always run their mouth.. I do what I like and I like whatever I do..don't give shitz about Wat people say
live ur life don't let people live it for u!

nice write up.proud of u bro.Love u

truetalk

I don't feel like commenting ...but d OP might think i don't like his post

This came at d ryt time..God bless u op

@OP, it's a nice post. I also believe that sometimes we would need other people's approval. Like your boss or people in authority. We would want recommendation for one reason or the other. Sometimes I believe we want people to have gOod opinion about us because their opinion matters.

Nice piece @OP, it is 100 percent. And for those commenting that you still have to prove yourself to some people out there, I think OP is still on point here. As much as you don't want to portray a bad image about yourself to people, you shouldn't also allow people's opinions to determine how you live your life. Sometimes we have this unnecessary hesitation when we about to take a step just because of what it will reflect in the minds of people, despite the fact that our mind is clear about it.

Wat a kool write up.8-).. Tnx for sharing OP:*

Nice rite up @op
Wats d proving for anyway?when pipul finer,beta etc av come nd gone!!
Abeg just do ur own b4 yu sef park up jare
Cuz people will always talk(dats for sure)

vislabraye: @OP, it's a nice post. I also believe that sometimes we would need other people's approval. Like your boss or people in authority. We would want recommendation for one reason or the other. Sometimes I believe we want people to have gOod opinion about us because their opinion matters.

Thank you for your comment. It's good to be in the good books of people like your boss, friends and family because it enhances your relationship with them. But when they're constantly seeing only the negative and always pointing out your weaknesses without any help on their part to make you a better person, then don't try proving anything to them. Just make sure you're doing the right thing and engaging in things that will make you a better person.

5minsmadness: So OP are you trying to say that I shouldn't be ashamed to say I love cartoons?

what's there to be ashamed of. People have different preferences when it comes to entertainment. Just don't be a cartoon in life, be a real person.

Nice piece.. @op thanks for sharing

You just nailed the point to the board,good rightup

chinziaski: Don't let anyone gain authority over your decisions and actions. Live your life the way you think its best. Boost your life with positive thoughts and mindset. Self esteem is important. You cannot be Okoro and Orji at thesame time. Live responsibly.

Clapping my hands...Nothing but the truth.

#2 & 8 makes more than sense, so true, especially #2

you misunderstood them

What about when some1 tells u u can't suceed in sumthing? because sum1 told me indirectly i cant gain admision into the uni,dat it's beta i gt a poly or college of edu form.bt i av written the unilorin pume nd am hoping to gain admision to prove dat mofo wrong.........pls its a question oh no abuse me nd i'd love to gt answers quote me!

eleojo23: Does your mental soundtrack go anything like this?
‘’I don’t want to go out tonight, but Mike will think I’m boring if I stay in.’’
‘’I can’t wear these same shoes I wore last week again – people will think there’s something wrong with me.’’
‘’I’m over-committed already, but how can I say no to John? He’ll think I don’t like him.’’
‘’I’d be really refreshed by taking a day off just to do what I like … but my colleagues will think I’m just being lazy.’’

When we were kids, we didn’t have many things to worry about. We saw adulthood as a place of amazing freedom: when you’re an adult, you can do the things you like and go to places you like. Yeah, so much freedom
But somehow, by the time we reach adulthood, this world of vast possibilities has narrowed. We go to tertiary institution, because that’s what everyone else is doing. Then we look for a sensible, entry-level job, because that’s what everyone else is doing. Pretty soon, we think about getting a house, getting a better car, working towards a promotion … because that’s what everyone else is doing.

What Went Wrong?
Life isn’t supposed to be a dull, day-in-day-out routine where work is bearable and evenings are spent going through the motions: eating dinner, watching television, surfing the net … waiting for it to be time to go to bed, and get up, and repeat it all over again. But unfortunately, that pretty much describes the lives of many people.
Most times we try to show the world we are flawless in hopes that we will be liked and accepted by everyone. In some ways, this is a natural thing: as humans, we’re social creatures, and it’s hard to risk being derided or excluded by our community. But we can’t please everyone and we shouldn’t try. The beauty of us lies in our vulnerability, our complex emotions, and our authentic imperfections. When we embrace who we are and decide to be authentic, instead of who we think others want us to be, we open ourselves up to real relationships, real happiness, and real success.

There is no need to put on a mask. There is no need to pretend to be someone you’re not. Below are some reasons why you should stop trying to prove yourself to everyone.
I have tried to make a list from articles by persons who have discovered and are practicing this truth. I do hope you will find them useful on your quest for the freedom you seek. Please don't fall asleep on me yet! Ok, here we go...

1. Life isn’t a race; you have nothing to prove.
Everyone wants to get to the top of the mountain first and shout, “Look at me! Look at me!” But the truth is, all your happiness and growth occurs while you’re climbing, not while you’re sitting at the top. Enjoy the journey by paying attention to each step. Don’t rush through your life and miss it. Forget where everyone else is in relation to you. This isn’t a race. You get there a little at a time, not all at once.
Let go of the foolish need to prove yourself to everyone else, and you’ll free yourself to accomplish what matters most to you. Sometimes you have to remind yourself that you don’t have to always be and do what everyone else is being and doing.

2. Most people are NOT thinking about you anyway.
Forget what everyone else thinks of you; chances are, they aren’t thinking about you anyway. Everyone is pretty much preoccupied with himself. If you feel like they always are, understand that this perception of them watching you and critiquing your every move is a complete figment of your imagination. It’s your own inner fears and insecurities that are creating this illusion. It’s you judging yourself that’s the problem.

3. The people worth impressing just want you to be yourself.
In the long run, it’s better to be loathed for who you are than loved for who you are not. In fact, the only relationships that work well in the long run are the ones that make you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself, and without preventing you from outgrowing the person you used to be.
Ignore the comparisons and expectations knocking at your door. The only person you should try to be better than is the person you were yesterday. Prove yourself to yourself, not others. The RIGHT people for you will love you for doing so, and they will appreciate all the things about you that the WRONG people are intimidated by. Bottom line: Don’t change so people will like you; be patient, keep being your amazing self, and pretty soon the RIGHT people will love the REAL you.

4. People’s Expectations May Be Based On A Narrow, Inaccurate View Of You
People make snap judgments in life: they might meet you briefly, and proceed to offer all sorts of advice based on an inaccurate assessment of who you are.
Families often fail to recognize how you’ve changed and grown over the years. They also tend to label you – and it’s easy to end up conforming to these labels because you believe them. They say “Oh, Tunde’s always been the lazy one” or “Chidimma never does anything right” or “Ali never could focus on anything.”
It is your responsibility, and yours alone, to recognize that regardless of what has happened up to this point in your life, you are capable of making choices to change your situation, or to change the way you think about it. Don’t let the opinions of others interfere with this prevailing reality. What you’re capable of achieving is not a function of what other people think is possible for you. What you’re capable of achieving depends entirely on what you choose to do with your time and energy. So stop worrying about what everyone else thinks. Just keep living your truth. The only people that will fault you for doing so are those who want you to live a lie.
Your parents or your friends might have pigeonholed you – but you know there’s more to you than what they see. Even if you do have plenty of habits and characteristics that you’d like to change, you have the ability to do that.

5. Your Values/Priorities Could Be Wildly Different From Theirs
This is one of the big problems with trying to meet other people’s expectations: they might have a completely different agenda to yours. You need to get clear about your own values and priorities: then you can figure out what you want to refocus your life around.
Walk your path confidently and don’t expect anyone else to understand your journey, especially if they have not been exactly where you are going. You have to take the steps that are right for you; no one else walks in your shoes.

6. Society’s materialistic measurement of worth is worthless.
No matter where life takes you, big cities or small towns, you will inevitably come across others who think they know what’s best for you – people who think they’re better than you – people who think happiness, success and beauty mean the same things to everyone.
They’ll try to measure your worth based on what you have, instead of who you are. But you know better than that – material things don’t matter. Don’t chase the money. Catch up to the ideas and activities that make you come alive. Go for the things of greater value – the things money can’t buy. What matters is having strength of character, an honest heart, and a sense of self-worth. If you’re lucky enough to have any of these things, never sell them. Never sell yourself short.

7. It’s Ok to fail Sometimes
If you try too hard to impress everyone else with your “perfection,” you will stunt your growth. You will spend all your time looking a certain way, instead of living a certain way. It’s impossible to live without failing sometimes, unless you live so cautiously that you aren’t really living at all – you’re merely existing. If you’re too afraid of failing in front of others, you can’t possibly do what needs to be done to be successful in your own eyes. You have to remember that it doesn’t matter how many times you fail or how messy your journey is, so long as you do not stop taking small steps forward.

8. You cannot Win everyone’s approval.
When you run into someone who discredits you, disrespects you and treats you poorly for no apparent reason at all, don’t consume yourself with trying to change them or win their approval. Don’t ever worry about the haters. Don’t let them get to you. They’re just upset because the truth you know contradicts the lies they live. Period.

Final words: Just know that You are GOOD enough, SMART enough, FINE enough, and STRONG enough. You don’t need other people to validate you; you are already VALUABLE.


Can you relate to this piece?
Feel free to leave a comment


Credits to Marc Chernoff and Aliventures.com for some excerpts used in this post.

Great piece.

bennyzer: Great piece.

Great piece? That made you to quote all the post? U sef,u no de try at all!

Wow! This is really awesome!!
However, I must say that the young(teenagers,adolescents and youths) mostly fall victims to this.Well,I once was..trying to prove myself,be someone else and so what not.Yes, I got the approval of many but I wasn't happy @all or fulfilled.I missed the person I used to be.
But then something SPECTACULAR happened! By the grace of God,I was able to retrace my steps;and not only did I become myself,but also brought out the best in me.Infact,I was an object of admiration as my desirable qualities were gradually becoming subtle.I became so happy as my purpose in life became clearer.I uplifted my life as well as that of others. I still give God thanks for that SPECTACULAR something, else my life would have been wasted trying to be a 'number 2'to another.
I reiterate that the issue of self contex be properly addressed,especially to teenagers;because failure to understand oneself results in confusion and distortion of identity,and is mostly a determing factor..Once again Well done@OP

Wow! This is really awesome!!
However, I must say that the young(teenagers,adolescents and youths) mostly fall victims to this.Well,I once was..trying to prove myself,be someone else and so what not.Yes, I got the approval of many but I wasn't happy @all or fulfilled.I missed the person I used to be.
But then something SPECTACULAR happened! By the grace of God,I was able to retrace my steps;and not only did I become myself,but also brought out the best in me.Infact,I was an object of admiration as my desirable qualities were gradually becoming subtle.I became so happy as my purpose in life became clearer.I uplifted my life as well as that of others. I still give God thanks for that SPECTACULAR something, else my life would have been wasted trying to be a 'number 2'to another.
I reiterate that the issue of self contex be properly addressed,especially to teenagers;because failure to understand oneself results in confusion and distortion of identity,and is mostly a determining factor..Once again Well done@OP

Sennard: What about when some1 tells u u can't suceed in sumthing? because sum1 told me indirectly i cant gain admision into the uni,dat it's beta i gt a poly or college of edu form.bt i av written the unilorin pume nd am hoping to gain admision to prove dat mofo wrong.........pls its a question oh no abuse me nd i'd love to gt answers quote me!

Some people can be very negative. It is a good thing that you want to gain admission into the university. But think of it this way: you're not going to get admission to prove him wrong. You're doing it first of all because it is something that is good for you. If it ends up proving him wrong, then that's his own problem. If you really did not want it, I don't think you'll go through all the stress just to prove him wrong. In doing things, consider first what you really want and don't be driven by the urge to prove someone wrong. If not, they might as well ask you to sacrifice yourself in order to prove a point. Your happiness and fulfilment in life is more important. I hope this helps.

Most of u criticise too fcukn much... Nice one jor @op

Let me like d post b"cos other's did....u know i be mr Ibu i have no education...B-)

Nice one Op...In John Mason's voice "Live the bestseller don't die a copy"