KC, i liked it aiite, just get back on it(part-time) if u can and polish up ur skillz, u would do a whole lot better than this, but so far, it's good! hey, u're a whole lot better than me, heaven knows i can't write to save my life. good work, don't quit! _{by d way, could u finish it pls(as in d story)?}

Seun:

I find critics like daviylan irritating. Get out of here; how many books have you written? How high is the quality of writing on your blog anyway? Let's check it out, to see what he know about writing: davidylan..com/

Unfortunately the job of a critic is never a pleasant one. If you read through i have never used my writings as a comparison to anything or that of anyone. The writer sent a story in and called for "what you guys think"? i dont think its a crime to write your TRUE feelings even though they may not be pleasant.
I get negative criticisms when i write froom other people, i dont take it as "irritating", rather i use it to get better. When i was 17,, my stories were a wash too, many pple told me i could not write, i simply took their criticisms as reasons to do better.

That's the essence of criticism, not necessarily to pull down

K2DAC,
pele. nice to see people who start early doing what you do. Your story isnt bad, i learnt early that when you write, do write in anticipation of the kind of audience that would read it. Be mindful that some may be turned off by excessive use of expletives, some may like your style and some may not. Criticism is not reason enough to quit, it's opportunity to do better and learn from others.

BTW, i dont write good stories either, i just enjoy reading good stuff from people.

im not a writer guys i just have imaginations n write it out feel me? i have imaginations i dont really write that good but i have imaginations lol but i will finish it later

but thanks osi n the guy above me

the next boncom that will say non-sense to this girl will here it from me. she wrote for fun. either u criticize without insulting her or you shut your disgusting puking mouth up. how many have u written huh? bloody ingrates.

@K2
abeg find time continue jare. i dey kampe for this end. nothing spoil at all at all.

u wey carry dat ya mouth talk say u dey kampe na u go begin vomit by the time the girly carry dis mumu tory reach the end. sho! u nefa know say na wen u tear tear pesin na him the pesin go wan do beta? wella, make u ready sha cos na u go fes tear comot wen she post dat tin again.

if i cyber woze you ehhhh, your face go clear. wetin she do? she no talk say she no be writer? why una no fit leave the girl alone? no make me come there oooo.

who was insulting me ? i missed it

of i find it i will surely cuz a muhfuker out

neoteny ior whatever the fuk ur name is f u got bs to say about me get the fuk out

aw, c'mon, k2dac don't take it so hard just because i rip the belly of your lame story open. look, most of the time i kid around and you should expect all kind of weird shite in a forum but it don't mean nothin personal, was just having a piss for a blast so take it like the almost-18 year old you are ok? no hard feelings because i gat a story all posted and seun the uber moderator is tearing it wide open even as i type and i wont get angry (aside to seun:im saying this for public relations' sake so don't get smug) so lets have some fun at each other's expense. to show you my goodwill gesture i'll ignore the foul language you threw at me, hell i'll even cowboy up and read your story to the end and pretend i enjoyed it. peace girl. peace.

KC Dear, don't mind him jare. Imagine someone bashing another person's story. Go and see the crap he posted here https://www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-18389.0.html

No capital letters, no comma, no full stop, no paragraph. KC, could you manage to read that? Buhahahaha!

lmao

@neoteny

my man u be an apology ooo. your own sef even bad pass her own. kai, ppl se. see as you came here to tal like say u be soyinka while your own is like dat of a child's story. remove the spec in your eye b4 removing the log in someone else's eye. geddit?

and, um, IAH stands for I'm A Ho, right?

not cool mehn infact that was lame

wtf? how dare u call her dat? are u insane? u really disappointed me. thinking u all mature and shiit. grow up man.

neways i don't kno why yall are attackin the critics, they are actually the motivation that help writers or people like KC do better in whatever they do.
neways, since am not a writer nd don't no jack about writing but i obviously know something about reading cuzz i read novels a lot, so am gon say KC i enjoyed your story nd i didnt appreciate u leavin me hangin like that cuzz i was really into it, so girl when u posting the next episode cuzz am sure gon read through everything and kno what the Bleep gon happen to cute boy Shawn. i hope Brandy nd Toya join hands nd rip his cheatin ass apart
nice work girl just shake them critics nd hatas off yo shoulder nd give us some more

Neoteny:

and, um, IAH stands for I'm A Ho, right?

Yeah, you are right. Sure you can't take a joke but you want to throw it at people. How selfish is that?!

2diddy4uk
<yawn> this is getting tiresome. the insect mind, such as it is, cannot grasp the sublimity of the story nor the the intricacies of concocting one, therefore your lesser minds dwell with such grotesque relish on the pathetic offering of k2dac. well scoff all u want, cretin, i wont boohoo cos i put it there for fun. can u dish urs up?

oh come on, people! watever happened to ur collective sense of humor? why must everybody take tings personal? ok then. k2dac, im genuinely sorry. diddy4, im really sorry and same for you too IAH. ok?

Neoteny:

oh come on, people! watever happened to your collective sense of humor? why must everybody take tings personal? ok then. k2dac, im genuinely sorry. diddy4, im really sorry and same for you too IAH. ok?

Well I never ever take people like you seriously. So I didn't take it personal. Kiss.

@neoteny
you are really pathetic and such a disgrace to your body as a whole. i did rather practice and be perfect b4 putting it up than do the kind of pathetic work u did and call it a story. please go back to primary school and learn how to use commas and full stops cuzz man u suck in it. and u might wann@ cross check your english cuzz u made a whole lot of grammatical error. hit your head on the wall cuzz u are an apology.

diddy chill the guy already apologized

why the hell should he diss me and apologize then expect me to keep shush and suck up to his apology.
fine he apologized, i accept it next time he should think twice b4 dissing ppl. im kool with him though. i just dont take shiit from nobody. im aiight.

like for real jeeeeeeez  
it's a free world, ppl that don't enjoy a story shd be free to criticize it nd those that enjoy it like me shd be free as well to praise it

I have a dream that one day critics will be allowed to voice their opinion without being attacked

lol 2fine


diddy i get ur point

glad u do baby.

oh i got the song u wanted me to download but i couldnt download the tongolo remix

oh ok, imma hit you up.

K2DaC,

First of all, no story is supposed to appeal to everyone. Sometimes, when someone says a story is 'rubbish', what they may really be saying is that they don't relate to the characters, the plot, the style of narrative. That's OK - the extent to which you relate to something will depend on your experience. I have to say that if I didn't relate to the story, I'd say so - I wouldn't call it rubbish. But that's me.

OK, now with that out of the way, here are my observations (again, they're just personal):

- DavidDylan took you up on not having introduced your characters to the audience before launching into the story (while you actually did do this). It's interesting, because I don't really go with the idea of a formal introduction of characters. I'd rather discover the nature of the characters as I read the story. It's no different from a drama or soap on TV. You don't have a segment where you have a formal introduction of characters either - you just discover them as the play progresses.

But if you're going to follow this route, you need to slip in enough clues as the the character's personality so that they don't wonder too much about them. I think you've done this to some extent - for example, even if you hadn't put the intro about Brandy, I'd have guessed already that she was a no-nonsense girl from her response to Shawn when he tried to fob her off. I find it interesting that you've paid attention to making the style of dialogue from Toya quite different from Brandy's style (I guess this is to reflect their differing backgrounds and personalities?).



- You've gone straight for the jugular and introduced elements of conflict in the story. I think this is OK - conflict keeps people interested. However, I think you're trying to cram too many dramatic events into a first episode - Brandy having a quarrel with Shawn, Toya wanting to force the issue of marriage with Shawn and a face-to-face confrontation between all three. If you start like that, you won't have the energy to keep up! Or maybe I'm too old, and I prefer to see my drama developing much more slowly.

The other issue with trying to cram too much at once is that it makes the whole story less believable. Like the issue of Toya bringing up marriage with Shawn. Is it reasonable that she would do that while she's still in college? I doubt it.



- I notice that you're going for the love triangle angle here as well (one man, two women). There's nothing exceptional about this - it's been used in so many stories - but I'd be interested in seeing whether you'll give it an interesting spin as the story develops.



And those are my thoughts for now. Please keep on writing - don't let anything I (or anyone else) have said put you off, if you're finding you're enjoying yourself!

@ka
wow. finally someone sensible here. u know when u said u were reserving ur comments i was hoping for some serious salvo but now im a convert to ur way of thinking. that was smooth, critical without bin harsh or judmental and totally devoid of the arrogance some of us (myself included) tend to show in dissecting others' work.

@diddy4
seems you are still fuming despite my earlier apology. well my greatest mistake was thinking everyone shared my sarcastic sense of humor but i see im wrong. well i still apologize to all those i slighted, like i said i meant no harm and did it for larfs. meanwhile i put up my writing so's people would criticize and make suggestions so if indeed there are errors (and there must be, was just typing straight on) you should have pointed out in the thread but given your present rage at me i'll say your judment is clouded by temper.

@neoteny

its aiight man. im cool with you. sorry for the outburst.

thanks, man. i needed that. k2dac, hope im in your good books now (no! not THAT book).