Staying together for the kids is a dilemma that many spouses in troubled marriages wrestle with. Divorced couples may look back and wonder, "Should we have tried to make it work for the kids' sake?" Some reason that sacrificing their own happiness by staying in an unhappy marriage is a necessity to help ensure their children's happiness. Others ultimately decide to split because they don't want their children to learn that staying in a truly unhealthy marriage is "normal."

Which answer is right?

7 Surprising Answers to "Should We Stay Together For The Kids?" (from some Parents and Kids)

1. "I am staying because it’s the best thing for the kids and it’s the easiest thing for me. I will do my best to make them think everything is fine." – Parent

2. "Kids aren't dumb. They know when their parents are unhappy. Sometimes it better to have two awesome parents who aren't together than have two parents who are sad, miserable, unhappy and angry and, only sticking together for the sake of the children." – Child

3. "Leaving is hard, but I am so much happier. And my kids can see that. Sometimes you have to put yourself first. I felt selfish for thinking that way, but don't anymore." – Parent

4. "Our marriage was bad, but I was going to stay for our daughter. I was miserable but I wouldn't leave just so I could possibly be happy. He was unhappy, I was unhappy, but neither one of us left. Now, several years later, we own a home together, have another child, and we ARE happy. Together." – Parent

5. "My parents were in this situation, where the only reason they stayed together was because of the kids. As one of the kids I say LEAVE! Seriously, it's so much better with both my parents happy and away from each other. My life is better now, so are my mom and dad's." – Child

6. "I am married to a man I'm no longer madly in love with, and I won't leave because of the children. However, we are content together. We don't fight much, and the only thing we've lost is the early passion of our early marriage. I absolutely will not compromise my children's happy family life on the chance I might meet someone whom I am more physically compatible with." – Parent

7. "Sticking together for the kids does not work...been there done that. We know that's why you're together, and it affects our happiness too." – Child

So should you or shouldn't you stay together for the sake of kids?

Only you know where the shoe pinches - no one else.

Reference: "Secret Regrets: What If You Had A Second Chance?" by Kevin A. Hansen

Brb

If you decide to stay or leave its your choice as an adult just ensure the kids do not pay for your mistakes:

1. Dont make them referees when you fight, trying to seperate you or running out at night to look for people to seperate you. Una wan fight go look for some deserted park fight your hearts out like children, clean up and come home, pretend all is well.

2. Dont make them take sides " See how your mother is behaving" " see how useless your father is" the kids are not fighting with either of their parents, its the parents who are fighting and adults should fight like adults.

3. If you decide to leave ensure that the kids do not suffer, both parents should do all necessary to work together to let their kids have a comfortable life and not punish the kids by refusing to fund their education.
Also do not over indulge the kids to make yourself look better and spite the other parent.
Both parents should unite for the sake of the kids and work together to ensure that they jointly discipline and jointly provide for the kids, suspend your fights when any issue concerning the welfare of the child arises.

Children should not bare the burden of our wrong choices

It's so sad how foolish people make kids suffer for their silly and greedy mistakes. You see a girl with the best curves on earth...you know quite well she's badly behaved, you still go ahead to marry her just cos you want a trophy wife. When the heat became unbearable, you decided to leave your kids to be raised in a broken home cos you divorced. Adam still stood by eve even after she made his world to crash. My friend, you can't leave your wife till she commits adultery. You spent your youthfulness disregarding good and innocent guys who were ready to love you than you deserved but surrounded yourself with bad boys, thugs, yahoo guys and liars just cos they had money to throw around. Don't blame anybody for ending in an abusive marriage with one of them. The whole thing heats up and the next thing you think is soothing is to bail leaving the kids behind. My lady, remain in the marriage cos no adultery has been committed except you want the society to be filled with kids who lacked father or mother figure while growing up thereby moving on to making worse mistakes than you did during your youthfulness. I believe you weren't blind before marriage

The reason I would leave an unhappy marriage is because of the kids.

Imagine the convo between me and my 4yr old daughter:
"mummy,daddy is always shouting at you". I replied and said
"no darl,his voice is naturally high.so when he talks,u would think he's shouting".
"No mum,that day on grandma's birthday,daddy was shouting at you".
With a silly smile on my face and knowing full well that she was right I said he was shouting at someone who upset him and not me and her final response dazed me. She said:
"No mum!near the gen set. He was shouting at you!" And I kept quiet.

Months later,she heard daddy shouting at me again and says "mum,I told you that daddy is always shouting at you!"

I have never heard my dad raise his voice at my mum and the last thing I want to do is raise my kids in the hostile environment I was living in and make my daughter believe that its ok to be shouted at and talked down on and even assaulted by your husband. Or make my son believe that its ok to be hostile to your wife like dad is to mum.

My husband's attitude was influenced indirectly by his father's hostility to his mum and I want my son to grow up differently with another mindset.

So staying because of the kids is certainly what I don't believe in.

It was because of this mentality that my MiL stayed in her unhappy marriage and developed high blood pressure.

Life is too short to live in misery and unhappiness.

kreamidiva: The reason I would leave an unhappy marriage is because of the kids.

Imagine the convo between me and my 4yr old daughter:
"mummy,daddy is always shouting at you". I replied and said
"no darl,his voice is naturally high.so when he talks,u would think he's shouting".
"No mum,that day on grandma's birthday,daddy was shouting at you".
With a silly smile on my face and knowing full well that she was right I said he was shouting at someone who upset him and not me and her final response dazed me. She said:
"No mum!near the gen set. He was shouting at you!" And I kept quiet.

Months later,she heard daddy shouting at me again and says "mum,I told you that daddy is always shouting at you!"

I have never heard my dad raise his voice at my mum and the last thing I want to do is raise my kids in the hostile environment I was living in and make my daughter believe that its ok to be shouted at and talked down on and even assaulted by your husband. Or make my son believe that its ok to be hostile to your wife like dad is to mum.

My husband's attitude was influenced indirectly by his father's hostility to his mum and I want my son to grow up differently with another mindset.

So staying because of the kids is certainly what I don't believe in.

It was because of this mentality that my MiL stayed in her unhappy marriage and developed high blood pressure.

Life is too short to live in misery and unhappiness.

do you do things that make him shout? If no, then he's an animal and that animalistic trait was spotted by you during courtship but you chose to ignore it. I don't mean to judge you but I think it's possible you got into the relationship for some selfish reasons. If you are not christian, feel free to divorce him.