cbrass: Most comments here are good except a comment from one silly female here, anyway @ Op what I think you should do is send her back to your parents, she has dicovered your weakness hence she is using it against you, even though my father gave birth to me he still tells me where ever he is going to, its just for security reasons, Godforbid some thing evil happens they will still blame you!

Thank you very much. My dad and mom do tell me where they are going to.

aisha2: What nonsense. If she doesn't want to be "Policed" let her get her own house. If you live with ANYONE older or younger you respect each other and account for your movement. Its common sense. Silly girl

Yeah Aisha, very silly girl. Imagine the effrontery. For those siding the sister as per her age (27), I don't care if she's 31. So long she decided to stay with her elder brother, she has got to show him RESPECT in his apartment. The part that irked me is the complete consumption of the meal prepared by him without leaving some for him to eat given the fact he prepared it himself with his money. How callous is that?


If the poster is over doing it, can't she have an intimate talk with him and bear out her mind. Then they reach an agreement, which they will both keep to. Instead she chose insult him "internally" and "externally".


Poster, next time she displays her silly attitude and repeats that overused statement "is it because I'm living in your house? If you want me to leave, say so", tell her "if you want to LEAVE, you are free to go BUT if you want to continue staying here, you have to abide by my rules."


Don't say more than that. Keep quiet and let her demonstrate all the silliness in her. Do not be moved and if your parents want to make you change your mind, please STAND YOUR GROUND for once in your life! The earlier they know you won't tolerate some nonsenses, the better for you.

ferhyntorlah: Thank you very much. My dad and mom do tell me where they are going to.

You are welcome

brilliant response

Onegai: She is too old to be policed (but I'm older and my family police me to death sha). So here's what to do. Tell her that if she wants to be an adult, she should:

- Split the bills, my bro would give me $200 for 2 weeks housekeeping and tell me "if it's finished that's it", and we would keep it in a jar on top of the fridge, even pizza or takeout came from that jar. So, yeah, she's an adult, she can pay for something (light, water, or groceries) or both of you contribute to the bills. I won my bf over by telling him we should have a joint in which we did a 60-40 contribution into it, for the home, then had out own separate savings and checking accounts. Tell your sis this is training for marriage. I know a popular director who won't date a girl that hasn't lived by herself and paid her bills with her hands.

- Chores should be shared. I only cleaned my bro's room out of love, and he would freak out if I made his bed. He did laundry and usually cleaned the car and the oven (which I usually messed up ). We both cleaned the bathroom.

-She has to come home at a particular time. Nigeria isn't safe, and she can get attacked and the attackers trail her home, putting you both in danger. My mum always tells me "if they kidnap you, price your ransom to N40,000, because that's all I'll pay on your head. If they insist on collecting N2.5mil, marry one of them ". So both of you have a reasonable curfew, including visiting times for friends so you both have privacy. Maybe she gets sundays at 3pm, you get saturdays at 3pm.

-Church is her business. Period. Her relationship with God is not for you to police, but for you to nurture when and only she asks you for help.

You too, be patient and don't bark orders at her (you say you don't but I know Naija brothers in general ). If she disagrees to all of the above (stated in a calm manner), change the locks one day. And leave a note asking her to move out. Sounds cold, but hey, it works.

Crackhaus
U've said it all, she needs independent fine, she have to do dat with her own money, thanks to Almighty God she is working, let her go and get herself an apartment with her own money, infact she is not the type of a girl/lady dat lives with a responsible man under same roof.

I'm still yet to see why all these reasons will make you 'tired of this world'. Who pays the bills? Whoever does that calls the shots. Firmly state your rules and if she is not ready to abide by them, report her to your folks or insist she gets a place of her own

Your kid sister shouldn't make you sound suicidal

Deputyvictor:
Crackhaus
U've said it all, she needs independent fine, she have to do dat with her own money, thanks to Almighty God she is working, let her go and get herself an apartment with her own money, infact she is not the type of a girl/lady dat lives with a responsible man under same roof.

You're right bro.

Enoquin:
OP, you dey make me vex. If your sister is 27, it therefore means your age starts from 28. The thing is there is no foundation to the respect you want from your sister, which is usually when you are all growing up. For example, when they were growing, my brothers used to squabble amongst themselves...hot intense squabbles, I was careful on how I helped resolved these conflicts, I tried to be neutral while carefully pointing out to the younger one on the need to respect his elder brother (the elder one was the quiet type), later I might go to the elder one if he was in the wrong and tell him how wrong he was, he was more likely to accept...now they've grown and there is mutual respect, no squabbles...except playful ones where I am called to judge for fun and which I do knowing there is already a solid foundation.

It was how my parents brought me up and how I also helped my parents bring them up (we first borns are also mini parents). No case was ever reported to my parents without the issue of respect being drummed into our heads. The only cases now in the house is when one group needs a mediator e.g parents want to reach out to my younger ones and want me to back their decision or help hit the nail on the head or one of my siblings want to have a decision swing their way and recruit my help. I like the position I am in, helps me understand dual views objectively.

Do I report my siblings to my parents? No, except to playfully tell my parents that 'their' children run me dry by eating too much

Now, your father after your report should have called your sister to sternly warn her except you are one that hadnt been or isn't taken seriously either case, you need to carefully start to change some things.

1: I give my siblings respect and they give me mine. The boys are far taller than myself but submit themselves when necessary to authority (which is not abused). Two of my siblings stay with me and the last just came down from Lagos for his post ume. I don't police them but when it's a certain time and you are not home, you better call me from wherever you are with a valid excuse.

2: I pay the bills and provide for food, sometimes go to the market (I love going anyway), sometimes cook (love cooking) if I wash the dishes, I do so because perhaps my younger sister wasn't able to for which I am thanked. I thank whoever does anything for me and they thank me whenever I do anything for them. If I come back and the house has been rigorously cleaned, i smile in appreciation and proceed to thank or hail whoever in our native dialect

3: As much as we rarely have any friction between us and I love having them with me; they know I won't hesitate telling anyone that decides to give me much trouble to leave after attempts at trying to come to a middle ground. My sister is a graduate waiting for mobilization.

Now, your sister isn't a child anymore. She is 27 and grown even though she isn't fully matured emotionally. Stop treating her like a baby. If she offends you and you cannot bear it, send her home. And if your parents plead with you, give your rules before accepting her back. The rules should be:

*Ask her to call once it has passed a certain time, tell her it's to know her whereabouts and just so you know she is okay.
*if you used to wash the plates, stop. Let her know, that's her chore. If you want to wash plates once in a while, do so...but let her take it as a favour.
*I don't see why her or your friends can't come into the house when they come visiting except your room is too small. If so, whenever you find her friends inside, politely tell them to move outside and apologize for the inconvenience.
*Demand your respect and stand no nonsense from her. Once she shouts, drag her outside and lock her out. I guess you are too self conscious and worry what your neighbours might say but they will talk either way.
*She sees you as too soft perhaps from childhood and you haven't done anything to change that too.
*She is 27, tell her to start paying the light bill. I think when people reach a certain age, they should start paying up for some things.
*As for church...touchy ground. I think she has a right to attend wherever she darn pleases...no forget say she be grown woman oh.

I guess your own job isn't too demanding. I hope you are saving and not buying everything to please her.

Lastly, sorry for the epistle

Very analytical and intelligent write up! Quite impressive! Love me a sharp woman, a great turn on, not forgetting your maturity! Add me up on BlackBerry, 2ac1201e

^^^
Just like that?

Mr op in your story i can see how you love and care for your sister(thanks to you for doing that) but she is not a kid anymore let her make is own dicision and forget about what you are doing for her she is your sister you can even do more than that for her if you get the power to do so,stop treating are like a kid even if you want to correct her there should be a way you will correct her, if someone want to catch a monkey he/she we do like a monkey don't misqoute me,call her, please her, talk to her like a responsible man, stand like a man and show are more love. let her know how much you love her as your little blood sister all this is for a main time and i know that she too know the right thing even if you want to separate with her not this moment it can cause another problem now or in the future,invite your mother to your house let are talk her and if you want to talk to her let your word be always intresting, the word that will make her think, make jokes with her go out with her if you are less busy and don't let are ves with you also pray for her.