What can a single person do to make themselves “available” without looking desperate?

You’re approaching your mid-twenties as a single young adult. It seems like everyone around you is getting ushered into the world of love and marriage, while you find yourself wondering if you will ever find the one. You’re torn between trusting God to bring you the right one- and working it in the world of love and dating. So, how exactly does a single young adult make themselves available without seeming too desperate?


The only way to avoid looking desperate is to stop believing that you are, because a person will appear as desperate as they feel. The more fixated you are on finding love and obsessed about entering marriage, the more desperate you will appear, because eventually, the things that you think about most start seeping into every part of your life for the whole world to see.

Here are some ways to stop fixating on your fears and begin focusing on your future:

1. Exchange your fear for trust:

When you are driven by fear, you live a desperate life. In an attempt to save your future from the fear of isolation, you can find yourself taking control of everything and everyone in your life. Fear can drive you to make harmful choices. It can push you to give your heart away too quickly and cause you to take risks you were never intended to take. The first step to being gracefully available is in exchanging your fear for trust in God- trusting that He knows the way, and that His plan for your life is always what’s best. Exchanging fear for trust will ultimately free you to live abundantly rather than desperately.

2. Get involved in things you love:

The best way to meet a potential match is to get out there and do what you love. Find activities and passions that resonate with your heart, because there, you will find people who connect with your heart. The best relationships are made up of two people with similar passions and shared interests. Invest in the kind of places that will draw you to these kinds of people, all the while quenching your heart with the things you love the most.

3. Be open to making new friends:

Christian young adults can be terrified of male/female friendships. Afraid of risking a broken heart, or looking inappropriate to the innocent passerby, it’s easy to avoid friendships that could very well be the foundation of finding a future mate. Take off the pressure of getting married, and be open to making friends. Whether or not these friendships lead to marriage, they can lead to encouragement, sharpening, and an all-around broadening of horizons.

4. Don’t be shy about singleness:

It’s okay to spread the word about your singleness, in fact, I recommend it! Don’t hide from the fact that you are not in a relationship, embrace it. There will be a time and place to give your life to another, but until then, focus on giving your life to the world around you. Singleness is a time of growth, maturity, and learning about yourself- things are easy to miss out on when you are focused on finding the one. Don’t lose yourself in the pursuit of love, rather take the time to find yourself.

At the end of the day, love happens when you’re least expecting it- but right when you need it the most. God knows where you are at and is perfectly in tune with you need. Following Him will only get you closer to that place. Until then, trust Him, pursue your passions, make friends, embrace singleness- and enjoy the ride.

For all you know, love might just be right around the corner.

Source>>> http://www.whonaija.com/2014/08/4-ways-to-look-available-not-desperate.html

I refuse to be ashamed of being single.
Especially now that I am a bit depressed.

Nice write-up.
Encouraging....i'v never been ashamed of being single really,my esteem na 100% daily.
God's time is still and will ever be d best. Allow God to work on u b4 u settle wif dat spouse.

Na wah o, this Nigerian mentality sef about single ladies...its just absurd..as far as am concern, there is nothing wrong in being single and happy. Than tie the knot with a man u can't make sense of...hmmm..naija still has a long way to go in terms of exposure and adapting to changing world.

Naetochukwu: I refuse to be ashamed of being single.
Especially now that I am a bit depressed.

Depression ain't good.
Oya come make we take vacation to Liberia.

hmmm...another list.
I like my single life and am proud to say it loud.

Liability: hmmm...another list.
I like my single life and am proud to say it loud.

yeah na...its actually kinda good 4 u....who wanna mingle with a liabilty ...more like a pest




to d rest dont worry God will send u dat right man at d right time...which is soon....been single doesnt make u a lesser person hun

Bootybuttchic: yeah na...its actually kinda good 4 u....who wanna mingle with a liabilty ...more like a pest




to d rest dont worry God will send u dat right man at d right time...which is soon....been single doesnt make u a lesser person hun

tanx, madam shiit hole

Houseofglam7:
Depression ain't good.
Oya come make we take vacation to Liberia.

He didnt say he wants to commit suicide oh.

Ceasar1: ^^^ They are both lying.

Ceasar!

Liability: tanx, madam shiit hole

u welkum ...at least a shiit hole has its responsibilities.....shitting on liabilities

Bootybuttchic: u welkum ...at least a shiit hole has its responsibilities.....shitting on liabilities

*shows her my hands*
talk to my hands

Liability: *shows her my hands*
talk to my hands

*sniffs hand*chisos.....u shlda included ur job in dat thread of worst jobs.....dont tell me u scrape pubs

egopersonified:

He didnt say he wants to commit suicide oh.

OohMpa:



You girls need to be punished. Get into Ooh Mpa room and shut the door.....

*pulls down pants*

oman pa pa....u no well

egopersonified:

He didnt say he wants to commit suicide oh.

madam egopersonified. Persecuting the righteous since 1941.

Being single is only the absence of the opposite sex from your life but not the absence of happiness, fun, love and freedom. So, I see no reason why any woman should be desperate because she's single.

krall: madam egopersonified. Persecuting the righteous since 1941.

Krall is not solely responsible for anything he posts or uploads on nairaland, his village people have been making sure of that since 2005.

Btw, how you dey?

prettyem: Nice write-up.
Encouraging....i'v never been ashamed of being single really,my esteem na 100% daily.
God's time is still and will ever be d best. Allow God to work on u b4 u settle wif dat spouse.

Accept that proposal, stop waiting for Mr perfect!

egopersonified:

Krall is not solely responsible for anything he posts or uploads on nairaland, his village people have been making sure of that since 2005.

Btw, how you dey?

did you connive with my "village people" to tie me down? Av been around just watching.