Chorus

Whatever it is, it feels like it’s laughing at me through the glass of a two-sided mirror
Whatever it is, it’s just laughing at me
And I just wanna scream

What now? I just can’t figure it out
What now? I guess I’ll just wait it out (wait it out)
What now? Ohhhh what now?

The whisper drew her closer as she headed towards the balcony, away from the cacophony of noise and all the smiling faces milling about. She was tired of smiling and accepting congratulations from both known and unknown faces. She had just won four awards at the highest award event in acting but she felt empty. She had picked up the awards for the Best Actress of the Year, Female Actress with the Most Loyal Fans, Most Stylish Actress of the Year and Most Desired Female Celebrity.

She had this big lump in her throat that made her feel like she was going to cry but tears were for the weaker days when she had first started out in the movie industry. Her six years in the industry had seen her attending several events either to premier a new movie, receive an award or donate to charity. It was the kind of life everybody envied but in all of the glitz and glamour, there was a pain nobody could understand. She could swear that the more she was happy, the more she felt alone. Yes, she was feeling lonely amidst this crowd now even after just being the biggest winner for the night. She felt nothing but emptiness deep inside of her. Everybody believed she was happy but for some strange reason she wasn’t.

Only sad thoughts flitted across her mind and she felt depressed as if something bad had just happened. She felt like she had been run over by a trailer feel. Jumping over that balcony she was standing on now was the most appealing option in her head. Going down that fifteen floor, flying across the open air with nothing but the elation of falling down to meet the embrace of the hard earth below that was sure to end it all. Something was missing and she couldn’t place her hands on it. She drew closer to the edge of the balcony and peered off into the dark night. She couldn’t see the ground floor from her position that high up but she knew it was waiting there; the cold hard concrete that would welcome her body if she was daring enough to take the plunge. Whatever it was that was missing in her life, she felt like it was somewhere sitting and laughing at her, taunting her to find out what it was. So close whole yet so far away, right under her grasp while she still couldn’t grab it. She was feeling anything but the most desired person in the world at that moment as she contemplated the decision between life and death. Though she had an adoring husband of five years who was doing well in the music industry as an entertainer as well, and a fan base of teeming over twenty-seven million, yet she still didn’t know what to feel or who to run to or where to go.

Only that tiny voice in her head seemed to understand her frustration as she ran my fingers across the railing and contemplated doing it. If she decided to take that plunge, it was going to end it all, as a professional actress she had become so adept at her job that she could easily fake an emotion and right now the emotions were not even going to come out right. She made up her mind just then she was going to do it, at least in death she would finally find silence and rest and maybe the true her. She had for so long acted the role of many characters that even she didn’t know who she really was anymore. They were first going to think she had been so excited and drunk she fell over, but when it was discovered it was suicide, there was going to be a big shock around the globe.

Taking a calming breath, she dropped the glass of champagne in her hand beside the flower pot and leaned dangerously over the railing of the balcony. She took a final deep breath and heard the tinkling laughter from within where the party was still in full swing. She hesitated for just a second and then felt the wind blow tresses of her hair to caress her face like, it were as if even nature mocked her. Then she felt a hand on her shoulder. She paused and looked at who it was; it was her husband, George. Thankfully he had not been aware of what she had been about to do and she fell back in his arms and sobbed silently. He like the rest of the blind world smiled at her and told her to be happy of her achievements. He thought she was being emotional at having won four awards in one night at the most prestigious award in her career. He enveloped her in hug and as she sobbed into his chest she realized then that there was no one she could turn to and that the action had only been delayed for another day.


This story was inspired by the song “What Now” by international music star Rihanna. “What Now” is track #8 on Rihanna’s seventh studio album Unapologetic. The song peaked at number 25 on the US Billboard Hot 100 and number 21 on the UK Singles Chart, while topping the US Hot Dance Club Songs chart and attaining a top three peak on the UK R&B Chart.

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