We got married about 6 years ago after courting for four years, we had issues during courtship but we always settled it, we were both young, fast forward we got married at 25 years old (same age) I got preggy about 5 months after intro/traditional marriage due to pressure cos I had medical/fertility issues for a long time and he stood by me. We had our white wedding 4 months after I got preggy.
When we started dating he was a corper and by the time we got married he just got a job, I had a job too but as a graduate intern so the pay was vry small, barely covered my transport.
I am a conservative person when it comes to spending money cos I have had to manage all my life but he grew up with a silverspoon, immediately he got a job he bought a brandnew car, very expensive; the payment was spread for 5 years;he dint tell me b4 he bought d car, when he eventually told me I was very unhappy. The payment for the car put a strain on our finances, but he was still comfortable.
Where I was serving then sumone told me about Forex (evryone was into forex then) and I just mentioned it, b4 I knew it he started trading I dint know in time.By the time I knew he was neck deep. He gave me the impression that all was well and like every woman that loves her hubby or hubby to be, Iwas happy for him, he even convinced me to send all ma savings as a corper to him so he can trade for me and den he will be paying me 10k per month. I sent everytin I had cos I trusted him, he paid first 2 instalments and stopped, if I ask he gets angry so I let it go

We had our first baby, at that point we could barely feed cos he was neck deep in debt. We were managing my meagre salary, he ran to friends and family but none helped, they were mocking him (beefs that he got a brand new car) even his father asked us to pack out of his house cos we were staying in the house he rented in lagos for his use whenever he is in town. We were at our wits end, he had to sell his PSP on one paricular Saturday cos I ran out of cash and we dint have anything to eat, it was that bad. It was difficult to pay the hospital bill, cos at that point my appointment had been terminated (as a graduate intern ure not entitled to maternity leave) I was constantly sad then (post natal depression). Life was so hard then that when his mum suggested I come stay with her for proper care I readily agreed (at least I will be able to eat well cos I was bffing and it will help hubby to sort out financial troubles). When I moved dre,Life was hell!! I became fully depressed, I had to move to ma parents house. I was having seizures and attempted suicide over 5 times, I was on suicide watch 24 hrs/7days. Thank God I have loving parents, I cldnt breast feed, my parents took over expenses for formula, diaper, my several hospital visits, numeeous drugs and Injections(I had a stubborn infection @ episiotomy site which left me constantly in pain) cos my hubby cldnt afford it. It took 5 months to get better (the first 2 months my husband dint want to talk to me cos he was told my parents were responsible for my condition, his father toldhim not to accept me back that when his child grows he will look for him, eventually he realised his mistakes )
When I got better we were still strained financially, but fortunately I got called back by the company where I woked as an intern and offered full employment, at that point my husband was still loosing all his money to forex I was taking care of the homefront. If I try to talk to him about stopping forex he gets angry and so I left him(for the peace of our marriage).

My husband was my best and only friend then and I was his best and only friend too(he cut off all friends cos of the mockery when he asked for financial help) even tho we were financially strained we will take a drive to allen, to the island just for sightseeing, (we cldnt afford a proper date) He loved me soo much and I loved him with my whole life, I cld sacrifice my life for him without blinking an eye
This fateful day came and he called me at work crying that he will be sacked cos of some financial misappropriation or so, I quickly called my dad and even tho he didnt have lots f money he sent his last money and all the little money I saved I sent to him to sort out the issue. The matter came to a head when a certain amount of money was paid to all the staff in d organisation and he was given half of his entitlement only.
He was so broken, it was a friday we decided to go for all night prayers in our church, we did, handed everytin to God and we were at peace.

Lest I forget at that point we had rented a house, we got the money by engaging in this Ajo (monthly contribution) both of us contributed 50/50. It was the happiest period of my life cos even tho we were financially strained, we were both in love and happy. I trusted him Totally. We had our ups and downs . He says I talk when he talks and he hates it but I always apologise and we settle it
we gradually started overcomimg our financial difficulties, I got promoted he landed a big customer, we were no longer in debt and comfortable. Oh how I love my life den. It was my husbands bday and I wanted to do something special, so I organised a surprise bday for him, it was a sitting room affair but lovely; as I said earlier he dint have friends anymore so it was just colleagues and family affair
4 weeks after he beat me up for the first time; why? Because I was upset with him cos he was getting reckless financially, ive been working for so long I cldnt buy myself a decent cloth or shoe and my husband was always shopping online for new shoes, new clothes etc when I was still buying our son first grade okrika from yaba all out of pocket, I cant bear to see my son suffer so I get him things he needs and stuffs he has lacked, and was still contributing to the family savings and still contributing to feeding allowance 50/50. What I had left was just enought to cover transport fare and occasional lunch, I was so upset and let him know my mind.( saved for his bday) he beat me up becos of that, but atleast he got a bicycle I have been saving up to get for my son. The following day he bought me a new phone and asked for forgiveness, I forgave and moved on.

He suddenly changed, I started seeing all sorts of msges on his phone but I turned a blindeye, I was still in denial, cos I neva eva thot my husband will do such to me after all we have gone thru together.
The 2nd time he beat me was for eggs; we had
just given birth to our 2nd baby and I was constantly tired (was later diagnosed of a medical condition that caused the tiredness) I went for a friends wedding and I made sure evrywia was neat and tidy but he wanted to pick a fight with me at all cost ( cos I was upset he got home late, he started getting home 11:30, 12 midnight constantly ) I got back from the wedding, and he started shouting that the house was untidy, I apologised and started cleaning (fot peace sake, the house was really neat; we had a maid, I hate an untidy house Nd he knows that) as I was cleaning he brought the matress in our bedroom up and started cleaning under the bed all the while insulting me. I kept quiet but was deeply hurt, I was also cooking and he told me he wnt eat my food that d maid shld fry eggs for him, I took the eggs and kept it cos I bought it, buy most tins and he doesnt appreciate it, I was trying to get his attention but I was doing it the wrong way, I knew I was wrong but dint care cos I was tired of his attitude, he beat me up in front of d children, maid and bro in law. He beat me and kicked me around, I had issues breathing for a long time, I had to call my parent (the first time he beat me I cldnt tell anyone I was ashamed) I thot I was going to die cos I needed to get to the hospital and I dint know who else to call, my mum started crying and my dad called my sis husband to come and pik me, take me to the hospital. It was raining so heavily he cldnt come, oh how I thot I was going to die on that day. I said a lots of things that day that I regret, in terms of insults, curses and all that was after the beating, I wasnt in my right frame of mind, I apologised to him, he apologised to me and we made up. Since that day he hates my parents because they dint support him for beating up their daughter

He started having an affair with his exgirlfriend before the 2nd beating and that made him change, I had to beg for sex sumtimes a month goes by without sex. Am a very attractive lady, I still weighed 59kg I weighed b4 I started having kids, I looked good and took care of myself, it had nothing to do with my looks.

He took his first trip abroad , I wanted to go with him but he refused, i discovered he went on the trip with the exgirlfriend, when I went to pick him up at the arrival section of the airport, he thot I will wait in the car, but as I said earlier I looked good and was able to charm my way into the arrivals, he was shocked wen he saw me there and screamed at me to get out in front of everybody, it was embarrassing, he dint wnt me to see d girl but I had sighted her
He took the 2nd trip and went with same girl, refused to go wiv me , I lost my job during dse time, diagnosed of an hard to treat illness that altered.my looks (made my eyes bulge, skin thick and black) and hormones, messed up with my self esteem, I travelled abroad too to buy goods to sell he gave me some money to assist added with my entitlements thats what I manage now.

Now he gets home constantly at 12 midnight or later, I saw a message on his phone where he was telling the lady that she is his wife and all, he regrets being with me blah blah blah he told me to my face that he dislikes my family and does not regret the affair, no apologies nufin. Its constant grief now, he barely talks to me now, whatever issues he raises e.g I talk when he talks, I stop. He gives me boundaries and rules I abide by them only for him to make new ones, if he is going out he doesnt tell me wia he goes to, he has loads of friends that I dont even know , he stopped wearing his wedding ring, sex has totally stopped, he says all sort of hateful things to me, he tells me all d time that he feeds me so I shldnt question his movement or anything, he is into new businesses I dnt know anytin about he refuses to share tins with me cos he says am badluck, he doesnt go out wiv me at alllll anymore, he treats me with disdain, doesnt eat, doesnt sleep in the bedroom we shar.e. Av tried everything humanly possible, I still love him totally, I love my children and do not want them to grow up in a broken home. He throws to my face constantly that its becos I dnt have a job thats why I have time for nonsense (he calls my efforts at working on the marriage nonsense).This morning I suggested marriage counselling, he insulted the living day out of me, he says all d time I shld work on myself without being explicit, I dnt know what am doing wrong, I used to be a confident happy wife wife and mum. Now my self esteem is wrecked, my dignity and my health, am hypertensive now coupled with the health probs I mentioned earlier. He told me he cannot remember anything good about the marriage, I asked him why he dint marry his ex instead of coming to me, he said he was too young ans he regrets it. I have read every self help book, marriage book tried everything I know or read. I dnt want the marriage to break up, and at the same time if I keep on like this I will break down emotionally, depression is already setting in.
I am sorry for all the epistle , I need to pour my mind out, maybe the pain in my heart will lessen, house am not saying I am perfect, I am not at all but one thing I know am not is proud or selfish. I can be rude when am frustrated but that was when I was younger, I always apologise and we always settle. We both grew up in this marriage we learnt everyday, I have invested too mch in this marriage in terms of emotions I am rambling again, I aPologise. sorry for the typos I typed with ma phone

The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

I actually felt so sick reading this, your pain is glaring. .quite sad how a man you toiled with when things were hard suddenly changed....You really had a wonderful marriage before things went wrong. . His ex is the main cause of his sudden change, so sad how women wreck their fellow women's marriage. .. Your husband never bothered to ask himself where that ex of his was when things were rough?

Since you have a job which can take care of your needs and that of your two children, I think you should get a separation and see whether he comes to his senses... From there, you can take your next step. .

A man that abuses you emotionally and physically isn't worth staying with because you will live in misery and may lead to untimely death..

Engage in things that make you happy, maybe visit friends, relations, take yourself out, see movies, etc..Please do everything to make yourself happy, your husband isn't worth the stress and you only gat to live once...if you die today because of your present situation (God forbid), your husband will still continue his life happily. ..

You have no reason to lose your self esteem, that you're encountering this problem doesn't mean that everybody else is better than you, we all have our various problems. .

You also have to learn to control your use of words while angry.

Lastly, I will say you take everything to God...There's no situation God can't turn around. ..


I pray the joy, peace and happiness you knew in your marriage return..From the depth of my heart, I wish you Success

Hmmm this is a one sided report. I had a feeling that you held back some tell of your own misgivings and fully highlighted his. One may need to hear his own side to fully understand why he's love for you changed that bad.

But if what you portray is the way it exactly is, then I have no business with the egg-head you call a husband. Its you im concerned about. I want you to not get knocked down. But grow in a good mind state, and health despite the situation. Do take care of your mind.

As for that egg-head, he's only a boy in a man's body. He doesnt undertand the responsibilities a man, especially one with a family of his own. He still wants to gyrate about town with the latest car and woman and dream of bigger bucks.

If it were possible to reverse his present financial status back to zilch and those days of no cash, i'm sure thats when he could come back to his senses and revive his love for you.


Well I advice you switch to damage control. Like Arsene wenger would do when Chelsea is thrashing them 7-0 and its still the 1st half.

Damage control as in take care of your health, pray, set aside a private trust fund account he must not know about and stash it up little by little, focus on your kids and proper care for them, find ways to get occupied or religious to relieve your womanly intimacy needs, be good to him, seek proper and trust worthy counsel, register at a fitness centre/gymnasium and avoid unnecessary stress.
i'm not a supporter of rampant divorce except your life is threatened.

As onirugbon said, its a 1sided story but still, my comments wl b as regards ur story wt d assumption dt its d pure nd whole truth.... If u 4lo d advice dt u shld try a temporary divorce wt hope dt he'll cum bck to his senses, my dear u r on a long tin. M no marriage counselor bt my understanding. Of human behaviour is dt he'll seriously appreciate ur absence nd if he truly cums bck to his sensesn I won't advice u accept him. D best u cn do to my knowledge is to live ur life lyk a woman wt out husband, try to b independent for d sake of ur kids nd as adviced get religious to tackle ur intimate needs cos he definitely won't cum close to u for dt. Live for you children by living a single-parent live nd if in his 'free' tym, he feels lyk being 'kind' to u nd d kids, d 'gifts' wl b added bonus for u. I pray God rewards u as ur intent towards ur 'ex-husband'. Cos I dnt c him as ur husband.

I was moved by Your story but got pissed when i came across the " i LOVE HIM " bla bla bla poo

(or whatever that implies) on Your post. What amazes Me is the amount of energy n time on this Love

Bullshit ladies expend on the Son's of Adam. See Dove it is never in a woman's position to love a man

(that the hard truth) You are only admonised by God to RESPECT AND SUBMIT to a Man NEVER THE OTHER

WAY ROUND ( U can only Love a Man's Money )

U r depressed U still love Him

U have a major health and U still love Him

anyway sha My prayers are with You.....

This will surely pass for a nollywod movie, parts 1,2 ,3 & 4.

Tell me this is not real just a figment of imagination? If indeed it is I am sorry about your predicament never underestimate the power of prayers. Please nobody can ever make you feel bad or have a low self esteem unless you give them the chance to.

Fellow human beings will treat you based on the way you hint them to treat you. Pls love yourself more. If you feel like talking it over call me (check my signature for mobile number).

God bless you, will have you in my prayers.

Adufemi, all I can say to you is well done! you have played your part. I know the type of man your husband is. weather you ll stay with him or leave is entirely up to you, but do not let ur husband sap all your joy. do not let him dictate ur hapiness. Focus on raising ur children, get ursef a source of lively hood. Kip playing ur part as a wife, expect nothing from ur husband.

if he cheats without remorse, just let him be. live ur own life, try to be happy, make friends who can suport u. draw close to God. if things get too ugly, move away from the house for a while .

ur husband is still young nd restless. he ll grow up one day, with a lot of regrets

Like for reals? Nna eh I don't get why people remain in such situations o, Hian! Even Satan knows that no man can treat me this way, not in this life.

I don't even know what to advice cos remaining with someone who treats you worse than trash is something I'll never be able to understand.

Some of us men can be very erratic and irresponsible when we make that happy stumble on wealth and riches. Am feeling bad at the ordeal you're going through but for your sanity, your health and for the overall benefits of your children, please and please again, learn to manage your emotions (I know it can be difficult with women). Distract yourself from his activities by being happy. Do those things that give your joy, take care of your health and be more concerned about the kids.
Whatever G(g)od you express believe in, pray to it for intervention. If you're close to his mum, please share your plight with her and see if he can be called to order.


It's a phase albeit an unhappy one and you know what, I think it will pass and very soon. To think that people reward goodness with this undeserved bad treatment you're getting is unimaginable. Be strong and think about your kids and their welfare. God is your strength madam!

freecocoa: Like for reals? Nna eh I don't get why people remain in such situations o, Hian! Even Satan knows that no man can treat me this way, not in this life.

I don't even know what to advice cos remaining with someone who treats you worse than trash is something I'll never be able to understand.

We are not talking about you here madam. Everything mustn't be about you you you all the time. This is a fellow woman like you going through a deep emotional plus health condition. The least you can do is drop her a piece of encouraging words/advice or better still, ignore the post. Don't see this as an attack, please.

bellong:
The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

Thank you sir, God bless you

I really do not know where this 'staying for kids' in a toxic environment came from. The kids are learning fast that's why domestic violence will never cease.

@ OP, Please move out of the house temporarily for your sanity's sake and health. Luckily, you have a business that can get you going for now. Also involve your parents and let him come out to say what his future for your marriage is.

It takes two (husband & wife) to work on a marriage, you cannot do it alone

It is well

Adufemi:

OP,

In order of priority, you need to focus on

1. Yourself
2. Children
3. Marriage ( or what is left of it)

Your life is the most important, If you die, you can't be there for yourself, your parents, your children and your "husband"

You Children need you, at leat tilll when they are 18 , so that they can have a chance at having a successful future

You marriage is ONLY important, if you are enjoying it. If not you're killing yourself slowly. As soon as you are financially stable, you can get a place for yourself, not necessarily divorcing him for now
There is something the guy loves about you, but he is taking for granted now.
If the ex was better than you, he would have married her, except you "tied" him down with pregnancy when courting.

Don't ever think of committing suicide, for the sake of your children

@OP my biggest worry at the moment is you clearly stated that you cannot live without this guy. However, I will urge you for the sake of your sanity and the welfare of your children, leave that house. Note that I haven't said leave your husband! Leave the house so you can rebuild yourself and your health. Thank goodness you have a warm family that cares. Your children will be worse off if you die trying to hang on in a terrible marriage. You are gonna hurt o when you eventually leave, you will cry in the middle of the night o, you will imagine where he is and who he is with, but time will heal all that. Stop wondering where you went wrong cos from the little expose' you have given us, I can beat my chest to the fact that you are a great woman. No perfect being sure! but you have given your all, don't give your life please.

The Lord God will be your strength and see you through.

OP your husband is long gone. No sex, insults, openly flaunts his ex, regrets marrying you. There is no way he can have an about turn. Forget him and face your business. Plus you're hypertensive! For the sake of your health and so your kids don't end up motherless, move on with your life and forget your husband.

You need space!
I am in no way suggesting a separation but you really need sometime apart to heal and rediscover yourself.
God be with you

You build your life around this guy and shyte is happening to your love story.

Wake up!!!!!!!! and tell him enough is enough.
This marital squabbles started a long time ago but as a Nigerian wife, you probably want to die in that house with the presumed love you felt for that husband of yours.

The way cookies crumble.....

OP.

Poo happens. Do not think yours is the worst story ever heard. Lift your head up high and re-discover yourself.

This is a presumed case of mental and physical abuse. The physical part is even minute.The mental part....hmmmm. Surround yourself with friends that make you feel good about yourself then learn how to activate the delete button for the scumbag.

This is better justification for divorce not the one that Oyakhilome woman is busy working herself over.

But ....wait a minute...b4 a guy starts behaving in this manner, you must have done something unbearable.People do not just change like that. Tell us the other side then I will tell you how to activate the delete button.

In all you do, ensure you retain your sanity.
Your husband, it is so unfortunate he isn't grateful to have you as his wife who stood by him even in his hard times. Truly, the real character of any human particularly a Nigerian is known when he lands a fortune.

Madam OP, why in the world will you let another human being control your life? Why are you hanging your happiness, your life and your health on one human being? A human being that clearly hates you? I don't get it.

Yes you love him but think about it, do you love the him that is in front of you? Or the him he used to be?

I know you will not leave him so I wouldn't even suggest it, but for your own good get a life. It is see finish that is making him treat you like that, knowing fully well you will be his doormat. Live your life to the fullest, blank him. Be alive, happy and healthy.

If you die in this situation do you think for one second that he will mourn you? What lessons are you teaching your son on how a woman should be treated. That boy is watching and learning and all your suffering will be in vain. He will treat his wife the way your husband treats you, believe me I speak from experience.

Honestly I feel bad for you just know that he won't respect you if you keep dying for him

Longest post eveeeeeeer!
And I read it from beginning to the end

OK, my advice is...em...I dey come...

theplanmaker: Adufemi, all I can say to you is well done! you have played your part. I know the type of man your husband is. weather you ll stay with him or leave is entirely up to you, but do not let ur husband sap all your joy. do not let him dictate ur hapiness. Focus on raising ur children, get ursef a source of lively hood. Kip playing ur part as a wife, expect nothing from ur husband.

if he cheats without remorse, just let him be. live ur own life, try to be happy, make friends who can suport u. draw close to God. if things get too ugly, move away from the house for a while .

ur husband is still young nd restless. he ll grow up one day, with a lot of regrets

I'm going to go with this one. Op I think you should follow this advice.

Also I think you might be neglecting the fact that you are clinically depressed. Are you taking drugs for that? There are drugs you can take for depression and emotionally you won't feel so down.

Stop making this man the centre of your world. Right now you have to focus on yourself, your happiness.

I.understand you don't want to have a broken marriage, I get it that its very important to you. But I think you need a little time off. Can you arrange to have time off away from him? Do so. Have a holiday in a new environment, a place where you can relax and be happy. You can go alone or the kids can come with you.

Also you should start keeping some personal savings aside. Do not for any reason tell him about it. You are both going to need it in the near future.

I said I wasn't going to write anything long so let me stop here.

Obviously, you can't take all these alone! Your parents should be in the know! Involve your family! He's trying to break your spirit! If he succeeds, am afraid ,cos of ur suicidal tendencies! YOUR FAMILY (PARENTS) SHOULD BE FULLY AWARE! DO NOT HIDE ANYTHING FROM THEM!

just please leave dat man for good.... Take ur children as all what u av. Start a new life...
God will Give u d strength and all u need amen.

MADAM DO YOU WANT TO DIE THERE? ALL THESE HEALTH ISSUES WITHOUT PREVIOUS SYMTHOMS BEFORE YOU GOT MARRIED AND YOU ARE STILL STICKING AROUND. FYI, YOUR HOME IS ALREADY BROKEN, YOU ARE NOW LIVING WITH A TOTAL STRANGER. PLEASE PACK YOUR LOAD AND GO TO YOUR PARENTS BECAUSE I DO NOT WANT TO READ ANY OBITUARY HERE. *pls note that the capital letters mean I am shouting at the top of my voice at you* walahi, if you were my sister, I will personally come and evacuate you from that home, scratch that, house. And those of you saying one sided this one sided that, would you beat up yr dog and kick it around the house till it couldnt breathe, abeg make una still dey try sometimes.

I know I'm not an authority on d issue of marriage,bt girl u need to wake up!!! You need to realise dat ur life is much more important than even ur marriage!why subject urself to this degradation and psychological torture?Love?! Dats twisted and I wish I could shake u out of it.Seek help bt first u need to move outta ur "home".The walls don't make a home bt d people in it! You need ur family(parents) around u.In my opinion,its better to pay a divorce attorney than an undertaker!my two cents.

Oh dear! Really short of words! Every advice so far is on point. PleaSe save your self, your children needs you!

How old are you?

Alright, this is my advice for you.
go get a good comedy disk to laugh out your burden ... then have a good bath,dress nd look good(if u dnt take care of yourself, who will? ), cook your best food or go out to a lively place maybe to watch a cinema or go shopping.
If your culinary skills is superb, cook what your husband likes, whenever he comes home, never question him but welcome him heartily nd cheerfully.don't stop even if he rejects it . Of course at first don't expect him to change instantly, work on yourself, get to know more about how to keep a marriage, don't allow your husband to be cared for outside than in the home, many people talk of love but never understnd wat it entails to love or the works of love.
Your own side of the story is never enough to judge your husband, the issue is, both of you had little or nothing of marriage counsels or knowledge, all i read was love,love,love- which has now expire.
Keeping or sustaining a marriage is a personal commitment, especially for the sake of the children, if your parents are still together it should give you a renewed vigor nd commitment to keep your marriage. From your post i could noticed that you've wounded his ego (a man never jokes wt it), the fact that you're of the same age,doesn't mean you still are after marriage,give him all the needed respect.
You need a lot of damage control strategies ma'am - to yourself, your husband, your children and most importantly to God for not, as it seems, involving Him before nd during your marriage. it's well, I'm sure you'll find help even as we join our faith wt yours in prayers. Shalom!

ireneidiva: How old are you?

you should be able to deduce that from her write up, late 20s or early 30s.
BTW, how does this question ameliorate her problems, kinda of pointless to me.

AdeniyiA:
you should be able to deduce that from her write up, late 20s or early 30s.
BTW, how does this question ameliorate her problems, kinda of pointless to me.

An adult should know what to do in this situation rather than having a pity party.