We got married about 6 years ago after courting for four years, we had issues during courtship but we always settled it, we were both young, fast forward we got married at 25 years old (same age) I got preggy about 5 months after intro/traditional marriage due to pressure cos I had medical/fertility issues for a long time and he stood by me. We had our white wedding 4 months after I got preggy.
When we started dating he was a corper and by the time we got married he just got a job, I had a job too but as a graduate intern so the pay was vry small, barely covered my transport.
I am a conservative person when it comes to spending money cos I have had to manage all my life but he grew up with a silverspoon, immediately he got a job he bought a brandnew car, very expensive; the payment was spread for 5 years;he dint tell me b4 he bought d car, when he eventually told me I was very unhappy. The payment for the car put a strain on our finances, but he was still comfortable.
Where I was serving then sumone told me about Forex (evryone was into forex then) and I just mentioned it, b4 I knew it he started trading I dint know in time.By the time I knew he was neck deep. He gave me the impression that all was well and like every woman that loves her hubby or hubby to be, Iwas happy for him, he even convinced me to send all ma savings as a corper to him so he can trade for me and den he will be paying me 10k per month. I sent everytin I had cos I trusted him, he paid first 2 instalments and stopped, if I ask he gets angry so I let it go
We had our first baby, at that point we could barely feed cos he was neck deep in debt. We were managing my meagre salary, he ran to friends and family but none helped, they were mocking him (beefs that he got a brand new car) even his father asked us to pack out of his house cos we were staying in the house he rented in lagos for his use whenever he is in town. We were at our wits end, he had to sell his PSP on one paricular Saturday cos I ran out of cash and we dint have anything to eat, it was that bad. It was difficult to pay the hospital bill, cos at that point my appointment had been terminated (as a graduate intern ure not entitled to maternity leave) I was constantly sad then (post natal depression). Life was so hard then that when his mum suggested I come stay with her for proper care I readily agreed (at least I will be able to eat well cos I was bffing and it will help hubby to sort out financial troubles). When I moved dre,Life was hell!! I became fully depressed, I had to move to ma parents house. I was having seizures and attempted suicide over 5 times, I was on suicide watch 24 hrs/7days. Thank Gpd I have loving parents, I cldnt breast feed, my parents took over expenses for formula, diaper, my several hospital visits, numeeous drugs and Injections(I had a stubborn infection @ episiotomy site which left me constantly in pain) cos my hubby cldnt afford it. It took 5 months to get better (the first 2 months my husband dint want to talk to me cos he was told my parents were responsible for my condition, his father toldhim not to accept me back that when his child grows he will look for him, eventually he realised his mistakes )
When I got better we were still strained financially, but fortunately I got called back by the company where I woked as an intern and offered full employment, at that point my husband was still loosing all his money to forex I was taking care of the homefront. If I try to talk to him about stopping forex he gets angry and so I left him(for the peace of our marriage).
My husband was my best and only friend then and I was his best and only friend too(he cut off all friends cos of the mockery when he asked for financial help) even tho we were financially strained we will take a drive to allen, to the island just for sightseeing, (we cldnt afford a proper date)

Its long. Summarize.

You have not completed your story.

What do you need help on?

bellong: You have not completed your story.
What do you need help on?

In addition to this question..

why does he get angry when u talk of forex

Is he still working

Where is d car

I think am going to learn a lot from this thread #following

Well, for me I'll say don't continue with the story again, that's just okay to understand everything you are passing through. But the fault was all yours. You guys felt you should just get married and settle down. Marriage is not just all about falling in love and settling down with the person. When it comes to marriage, you need a re-think. You need to ask questions about the person you want to get married to. Most important is the person's mentality. This goes to explain how the person reason or think, how the person approach issues and other life challenges. Sad that you were even better than him in this direction. And sad again to say you got married to a boy; someone who was not mentally developed and trained for marriage--he wasn't just matured for it. I mean, why should he be hiding things from you? Just imagine, for crying out loud, how can a married man be playing gambling? But everything just boils down to parental brought up. The parents failed him. They failed to bring him up in a way he should go. And now, he is suffering it. And you, I blame you too, you felt since he's from a rich family, he'll always remain afloat atleast the parents are rich but now they have come to realized how careless and wasteful he is. Way forward: You can try to talk to somebody you know he'll listen to, to talk to him to make amends. Put him in your prayers everyday. Pray that God should rebuke that spirit of gambling that have taken a whole of him. I see him to be an unhappy man at the moment so you try to catch some funs with him. For now, I think he shouldn't know much about your finances. And lastly, keep your legs closed till further notice. If his problems persist, take him to rehabilitation centre if there's one around you. No need to feel depressed or unhappy, this is reality so you face it. Sit, think and act. We are always here to give counsel where necessary. We are a family. Wish you guys the best

@ bellong am thinking there is sumfin else I can do, am not thinking straight maybe am doing sumfin wrong, as no one is an island of knowledge, am looking for suggestions on what else I can do to make him love me @ Xano thats d summary @ pickabeau forex is a long time ago ,he gets angry then cos he was loosing money and he probably was feeling bad about it and he cldnt stop,he dint want anyone to remind him. forex is like gambling.he is very successful now now, has a great job bought several cars after that, disposed d car.off. @ Ayo gabriel and samuelson thanks

Adufemi: @ bellong am thinking there is sumfin else I can do, am not thinking straight maybe am doing sumfin wrong, as no one is an island of knowledge, am looking for suggestions on what else I can do to make him love me @ Xano thats d summary @ pickabeau forex is a long time ago ,he gets angry then cos he was loosing money and he probably was feeling bad about it and he cldnt stop,he dint want anyone to remind him. forex is like gambling.he is very successful now now, has a great job bought several cars after that, disposed d car.off. @ Ayo gabriel and samuelson thanks

lot of people lost money to forex and have moved on

Modified: I just saw the longer post

Wow.. you are going thru a lot

he travelled with his ex twice?

How is your business doing

have u discussed with your parents?

There is no where in your story to suggest that your husband doesn't love you.

He was in financial crisis that made him behave awkwardly and now he is standing firm on his feet. How is that a problem?

I have read the concluding part of your story in the other thread.

The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

Hmn...
this marriage thing

*speechless*

Nawa oo....
for the first time in a long time, I can actually feel someone's pain from their post.
One quick question, does he still hit you?


I think you really wanna define what you want for yourself.
If you wanna continue your life like this at your tender age, then by all means, stay with your hubby so that your kid grows to have a father and keep praying he would change.


but what I, alutacontinua can assure anybody is that I cannot sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't deserve it. Good thing is those who deserve it would not even ask
What am I trying to say? If you really wanna be happy in this 1 life that you have, you need some time off that marriage. Get a separation, put your life back together, focus on yourself and your kid and try discussing things with hubby (maybe with the help of friends and family),

Seriously, life is waaaaaayyyyyyyyy too short, you don't wanna wake up in 20 years and realize you just spent your good days in misery.

Cheer up, love- IT IS WELL!


#hugs and kisses#

Thanks all, I have thot of a temporary seperation, I ha

alutacontinua: Nawa oo....
for the first time in a long time, I can actually feel someone's pain from their post.
One quick question, does he still hit you?
I think you really wanna define what you want for yourself.
If you wanna continue your life like this at your tender age, then by all means, stay with your hubby so that your kid grows to have a father and keep praying he would change.
but what I, alutacontinua can assure anybody is that I cannot sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't deserve it. Good thing is those who deserve it would not even ask
What am I trying to say? If you really wanna be happy in this 1 life that you have, you need some time off that marriage. Get a separation, put your life back together, focus on yourself and your kid and try discussing things with hubby (maybe with the help of friends and family),
Seriously, life is waaaaaayyyyyyyyy too short, you don't wanna wake up in 20 years and realize you just spent your good days in misery.
Cheer up, love- IT IS WELL!
#hugs and kisses#

thanks for your suggestion, I have thought about the temporary seperation, I have even talked to him about it, if he feels it will help him sort his feelings out, he knows I dnt have have the guts am not sure ill be able to cope emotionally, who will be my friend? Who will love me? I love him way too much, I hate loving him that much, at the same time I dont want his ex to take advantage of the space. Yes I want my kids to grow with a father and also in a happy home, I grew up in one, but he grew up in a dysfunctional home, his father hits his mum. Am thinking he is a victim too, its a cycle. Ihave 2 boys I dnt wnt them to think its ok to hit their wives or grow up in a dysfunctional home. I desperately want to be happy but my happiness is tied to him(I know its unhealthy) but I cant help it
Ive discussed with his family but as i said earlier its dtsfunctional so no big deal to a husband hitting his wife if she is wrong, he doesnt speak to my parents anymore.

Thanks all, I have thot of a temporary seperation, I ha

alutacontinua: Nawa oo....
for the first time in a long time, I can actually feel someone's pain from their post.
One quick question, does he still hit you?
I think you really wanna define what you want for yourself.
If you wanna continue your life like this at your tender age, then by all means, stay with your hubby so that your kid grows to have a father and keep praying he would change.
but what I, alutacontinua can assure anybody is that I cannot sacrifice my happiness for someone who doesn't deserve it. Good thing is those who deserve it would not even ask
What am I trying to say? If you really wanna be happy in this 1 life that you have, you need some time off that marriage. Get a separation, put your life back together, focus on yourself and your kid and try discussing things with hubby (maybe with the help of friends and family),
Seriously, life is waaaaaayyyyyyyyy too short, you don't wanna wake up in 20 years and realize you just spent your good days in misery.
Cheer up, love- IT IS WELL!
#hugs and kisses#

thanks for your suggestion, I have thought about the temporary seperation, I have even talked to him about it, if he feels it will help him sort his feelings out, he knows I dnt have have the guts am not sure ill be able to cope emotionally, who will be my friend? Who will love me? I love him way too much, I hate loving him that much, at the same time I dont want his ex to take advantage of the space. Yes I want my kids to grow with a father and also in a happy home, I grew up in one, but he grew up in a dysfunctional home, his father hits his mum. Am thinking he is a victim too, its a cycle. Ihave 2 boys I dnt wnt them to think its ok to hit their wives or grow up in a dysfunctional home. I desperately want to be happy but my happiness is tied to him(I know its unhealthy) but I cant help it
Ive discussed with his family but as i said earlier its dtsfunctional so no big deal to a husband hitting his wife if she is wrong, he doesnt speak to my parents anymore
The hitting has stopped cos the last time he tried I ran out of the house and I involved my parents

bellong: I have read the concluding part of your story in the other thread.

The first thing you need now is to get your sanity and self esteem back. If you remain in a toxic environment, you will go deeper in depression than the current state.

What you are fighting for isn't right for the children. It is not doing them any psychological advantage for them to constantly witness how your husband batters you. They are better raised with a single responsible parent than with two parents who wouldn't be able to manage their business without involving them.

Please, your children shouldn't be present witnessing how your husband harrasses you all in the name of wanting them to grow up with a father.

Involve your parents about the situation, get a temporary separation from him. Stay away from him for about two - three months to give him time to reevaluate the situation.

Do not underestimate the power of prayer if peradventure he is under the influence of charms.

It is well.

Thanks so much for ur advice I know its wrong for the children, he and my parents do not talk anymore.
I think he is under a spell too spiritually(charms) been praying but recently its so hard to pray am so down.

pickabeau1:

lot of people lost money to forex and have moved on

Modified: I just saw the longer post

Wow.. you are going thru a lot

he travelled with his ex twice?

How is your business doing

have u discussed with your parents?

Yes he did, recently to the US . My business is struggling, I made a mistake by travelling to get goods cos most of my capital went to hotel, flight transportation etc I had little capital to buy the goods itself, I made a loss but with the little I made I have been buying and selling with it, sourcing for goods locally. Its lucrative but I cater for all my needs and some of my childrens needs from what I make. (He meets the childrens needs, he loves them) but as a mum I still take some up. I also take care of my medications and medical needs from this. it hasnt helped the biz. I am grateful tho cos I havent had to beg.

Madam all I can tell you is dat even as you work on getting ur sanity back, self esteem, your health (which is very important) and all sorts, pls go down on ur knees and pray. (Don't underestimate the power of Africa Remote Control).
Involve strong men of God to join you in prayers, I know he(hubby) may not approve of it or join u, he may even mock you, but be steadfast, u don't have to involve him.
Then again, stop making yourself so vulnerable and helpless before him, stop giving him that 'pls have pity on me and love me back' attitude, it will not make him love you if he doesn't. Rather channel ur energy into praying, takin care of ur health and kids, building your self esteem, and of course your business. Also keeping one or two matured and reasonable friends will do ur health, psychy and social life a lot of good.
And finally, pls and pls STOP attempting suicide, ur hubby is not worth it, and nobody is. Cherish the life u have, try to make urself happy. If you have a hobby, invest in it.
Yes I almost 4got, don't stop being a good wife, cook for him,(even if he doesn't eat), continue doing the thingz you've been doing and even more.

I pray that God will visit your family soon and turn around the situation for your good.

Holy Molly! What do you mean by your happiness is tied to him?
what are you? 10?
Sounds like something I would say when I was 12
you're making excuses for him, to be frank, I think you're the one under a charm here
Keep loving him and wait till he breaks your head, your hubby's ex would take wonderful care of your boys when you're gone

bellong, I don vex so?

Adufemi:
Thanks so much for ur advice I know its wrong for the children, he and my parents do not talk anymore.
I think he is under a spell too spiritually(charms) been praying but recently its so hard to pray am so down.

You can't pray in a hostile and toxic environment except you have no other choice to remain there.

If he wants to bring in his ex, your staying in his house wouldn't stop him.

He may not be hitting you again but he talks down on you in front of the kids every time.

I am not against you staying with him and absorbing all the negativity but I am more concerned about those kids. They shouldn't grow in such environment, they will be potential bomb in the future if care is not taken now.

Why don't you close this thread since it only has part of the story. .. There's one that has the full gist.....or modify your post...copy and paste the full story here since this one has bigger views and comments

Adufemi:

Yes he did, recently to the US . My business is struggling, I made a mistake by travelling to get goods cos most of my capital went to hotel, flight transportation etc I had little capital to buy the goods itself, I made a loss but with the little I made I have been buying and selling with it, sourcing for goods locally. Its lucrative but I cater for all my needs and some of my childrens needs from what I make. (He meets the childrens needs, he loves them) but as a mum I still take some up. I also take care of my medications and medical needs from this. it hasnt helped the biz. I am grateful tho cos I havent had to beg.

This is really sad..considering you are his family

The issue of the loss happened but it taught you some skills

Continue growing that biz

I asked have u spoken to your parents on the current issues.. He loves his kids? thats the bare minimum.. he should

alutacontinua:
bellong, I don vex so?

Not yet... You are only warming up


Adufemi, if you are scared of the lady taking over, take a two week vacation away from home free from hostility.

Talk to him not to insult or demean you in front of the kids. If he loves them that much, he should understand the implication of his actions. If he can stop misbehaving in their presence, I am good with whatever you decide.

hey dear,there are issues in life that you cant handle alone,the best thing you can do is pray,pray and pray.
The next best thing is to brace up,i mean not relying on anybody{including your hubby} for your happiness, stop being emotional about everything that happens,stop crying,though it hurts,instead of crying,pour out your energy on your business and kids.
I just want you to know that there are worst cases and at a point in time,they have survived it.
the lord is your strength and i speak peace into your life.

You got married to a boy.Indomie generation.
There are steps to a marriage.Did you go through marriage counselling?

This generation is just........I love him and.........gbam.Get married.

What I think you should do now is separate from him.It will be good for your sanity and health.Move in with your parents if you can't get a place of your own now.

Do not neglect to keep praying for him and your marriage. There is still room for reconciliation.

Look for ways to build your income and be self sufficient.

samuelson06: Well, for me I'll say don't continue with the story again, that's just okay to understand everything you are passing through. But the fault was all yours. You guys felt you should just get married and settle down. Marriage is not just all about falling in love and settling down with the person. When it comes to marriage, you need a re-think. You need to ask questions about the person you want to get married to. Most important is the person's mentality. This goes to explain how the person reason or think, how the person approach issues and other life challenges. Sad that you were even better than him in this direction. And sad again to say you got married to a boy; someone who was not mentally developed and trained for marriage--he wasn't just matured for it. I mean, why should he be hiding things from you? Just imagine, for crying out loud, how can a married man be playing gambling? But everything just boils down to parental brought up. The parents failed him. They failed to bring him up in a way he should go. And now, he is suffering it. And you, I blame you too, you felt since he's from a rich family, he'll always remain afloat atleast the parents are rich but now they have come to realized how careless and wasteful he is. Way forward: You can try to talk to somebody you know he'll listen to, to talk to him to make amends. Put him in your prayers everyday. Pray that God should rebuke that spirit of gambling that have taken a whole of him. I see him to be an unhappy man at the moment so you try to catch some funs with him. For now, I think he shouldn't know much about your finances. And lastly, keep your legs closed till further notice. If his problems persist, take him to rehabilitation centre if there's one around you. No need to feel depressed or unhappy, this is reality so you face it. Sit, think and act. We are always here to give counsel where necessary. We are a family. Wish you guys the best

best advise have seen in a while. God bless you

@adufemi I can feel your pain from your words but first things first NEVER ever let another human being determine your happiness at all times.Yes it is our spouse's responsibility to share life's joys,pains struggles etc but we should always have it the back of our mind that they are human and as such from time to time might fail us so please honey you CAN and will be happy with or without him.Thats why I have never gotten that 'he/She completes me" statement.

I am more worried about your health at the mo and if the only way you can actually move on to feeling better is a temporary separation maybe it's best you guys try it.As soon as physical/psychological/emotional abuse steps in up to the point where you are feeling suicidal that home has become toxic not just for you but for your child.Children are very very smart they can sense tension and it affects them waaaay more than you can imagine.

It is well like Aluta said I can soo feel your pain from your writing. Kisses and hugs to you

samuelson06: Well, for me I'll say don't continue with the story again, that's just okay to understand everything you are passing through. But the fault was all yours. You guys felt you should just get married and settle down. Marriage is not just all about falling in love and settling down with the person. When it comes to marriage, you need a re-think. You need to ask questions about the person you want to get married to. Most important is the person's mentality. This goes to explain how the person reason or think, how the person approach issues and other life challenges. Sad that you were even better than him in this direction. And sad again to say you got married to a boy; someone who was not mentally developed and trained for marriage--he wasn't just matured for it. I mean, why should he be hiding things from you? Just imagine, for crying out loud, how can a married man be playing gambling? But everything just boils down to parental brought up. The parents failed him. They failed to bring him up in a way he should go. And now, he is suffering it. And you, I blame you too, you felt since he's from a rich family, he'll always remain afloat atleast the parents are rich but now they have come to realized how careless and wasteful he is. Way forward: You can try to talk to somebody you know he'll listen to, to talk to him to make amends. Put him in your prayers everyday. Pray that God should rebuke that spirit of gambling that have taken a whole of him. I see him to be an unhappy man at the moment so you try to catch some funs with him. For now, I think he shouldn't know much about your finances. And lastly, keep your legs closed till further notice. If his problems persist, take him to rehabilitation centre if there's one around you. No need to feel depressed or unhappy, this is reality so you face it. Sit, think and act. We are always here to give counsel where necessary. We are a family. Wish you guys the best

When we got married we were young but a lot of people get married at that age but they make it a success, at the time we were getting married we thought it out (maybe I thought it out) and knew come what may, ill stand by this guy. Not even in my wildest dreams did I envisage all this. I dint marry him cos of money cos by the time I met him he was a corper and wasnt collecting a dime from his father, did I mention he and his dad do not see eye to eye? Probably I forgot, his dad is very manipulative sumtimes he is succesful at manipulating hubby withou my hubby even noticing, they always clash! So marrying him cos of staying afloat was never a consideration, I married him cos I loved him and was ready to go thru whatever it takes and support him

Forex is not gambling per se but to me its a form of gambling some people have a succesful career trading in forex( am nt sure tho, av not fully understood what it entails)

Thank you for the advice and suggestions

Me thinks you got married to a kid.

too shock to write.

I won't take any side for now,I hate a one sided thread.

Please,if need be,get a separation,it will help you get your sanity back.

Hope your parents are aware of all these? Maybe you move in with them temporarily,no man can make you feel inferior,except you allowed them.

Dear Adufemi(sighs) why do you tie your life and happiness to him. If you die then what becomes of your kids. Why not live for their sake just liked your's lived and saved you when he almost killed you the first time(depression). DONT decieve yourself, he is not CHARMED!! His parents(dad esp) didnt give him a foundation thats why he is moved by anything(friends esp). Those times he was good was because you were his all. Will you now pray for him to lose all again to come to his senses, he seemed-would have make a good man but the foundation is bad, what can you do? Trust me if you continue like this, your sons will be twice as bad cos he's offering his dad's and his portion of parenting. PLEASE PLEASE get a hold of yourself and separate from him, yes you can live without him, infact thats your chance of survival now before suicide thoughts come again. 4get about the girlfriend cos you will give her final victory when you die from depression. And stop thinking about her cos she will also drink from the cup he served you with and worse more. YOU ARE NOT THE CAUSE OF HIS ACTIONS. When you move, dont be tempted to look back, expect to see him at your door when he has lost all but DONT be fooled. Need i remind you that for all the time you came close to death(terrible diseases) it was cos of him and you are still holding and telling him to KILL you, ok oo.

Adufemi: @ bellong am thinking there is sumfin else I can do, am not thinking straight maybe am doing sumfin wrong, as no one is an island of knowledge, am looking for suggestions on what else I can do to make him love me @ Xano thats d summary @ pickabeau forex is a long time ago ,he gets angry then cos he was loosing money and he probably was feeling bad about it and he cldnt stop,he dint want anyone to remind him. forex is like gambling.he is very successful now now, has a great job bought several cars after that, disposed d car.off. @ Ayo gabriel and samuelson thanks

apart from the fleet of cars he's got now, u both shd try and acquire landed properties, it doesn't depreciate like cars. So dat uc won't be back to square zero.