[img]http://2.bp..com/-nRfuk-J1ZDA/UQ7zNf9NWUI/AAAAAAAAASE/4BiF_jgLAoY/s280/silverbird-cinemas-victoria-island-lagos-nigeria.jpg[/img]

Since those who run this country have decided that you will not enjoy any form of entertainment in your own home by constantly ensuring that power supply remains an illusion, going out is your only consolation and the cinema has thus become an integral part of your existence.
You know what they say about when you’re in Rome, right? Well, should you choose to go to the cinema around here, please be advised to obey these golden rules:
Inside the Cinema Halls…

BRING FOOD! EVERYONE in the cinema hall will be eating something. The smacking of lips seems to be a prerequisite of cinema attendance. Security at Naija cinemas is so slack that you can smuggle a cow’s thigh in. I once sat beside someone who had a bowl of Amala and goat meat! Feel free to bring your starch and banga, or fufu and Oha soup. When you are done, remember to smack your lips loudly and comment on the food, to everyone’s hearing, of course.

BRING A DRINK – If you are a guy and you are seeing a chic flick with the (in)significant other, smuggle some Vodka or Henni in a juice pack to help through the gloom. If not, just bring a straw with whatever drink you are bringing. When you have almost finished the drink, take a long drag with the straw and make a nuisance of yourself with the accompanying sound. Don’t worry, everyone else would be doing the same!

SPEAK UP! – What’s the point of a movie without commentary? Share your observations and opinions with all those who are unfortunate enough to have bought a ticket to see the same film as you: “Ah, don’t go there! The bad guy is waiting o!” “Kill him jo!” “Ah, no now (sob! Sob!!) don’t leave her now…” You will not be the only one speaking up so be as loud as possible.

KEEP YOUR LIPS TO YOURSELF – Kissing is universally accepted as a part of the cinema experience. However, if you sit in a Naija cinema anywhere within the sights of members of the National Association of Currently Unattached Female Citizens (NACUFC), you may get an earful should your lips venture forth: “What? Is it that bad? Can’t they wait till they get home? And it’s not as if they are in love like that o; yeye show-off! People who are truly in love don’t PDA. Psssssew!! Rubbish! Abeg! See see, they don’t even know how to kiss sef; is he going to swallow her tongue?!

KEEP YOUR HANDS TO YOURSELF – After eating his popcorn off his date’s cleavage, a friend of mine decided to venture further with his hands. He had depended on the darkness of the cinema hall for cover but clearly underestimated the presence of ‘men of God’ in everything Nigerian. A hand grabbed his advancing fingers from behind and declared in a clerical voice: “You shall come forth but no further. Salvation is better than earthly desires!” You may hold hands, or sling your hands across shoulders, but that’s about it!


Outside the Cinema Halls

PAY TOILET TAX – After sitting through a 2hr movie, using the restrooms is always a good idea. If you are male and you go to the male convenience, please go there with some money. You will be welcome by about four cleaners who will hail you as if you are their long lost brother. They will sing your praises while you pee. They will be ready to help with the soap when you want to wash your hands. These otherwise personal acts will be rudely interrupted by these tax collectors and all through their praise-singing, there would be an underlined firmness to their request. Ignore them at your own peril. While cases of physical assaults have not been reported to us, it is just smarter to give the boys something.

DO NOT TOAST, UNLESS… – Unless you see a certified birth certificate or a sworn affidavit, do not toast any female within the walls of Silverbird or Genesis Deluxe. Looks are very deceptive and I guess you do not really want to ask your 13 year old niece’s friend out. Forget that they look developed and ready; they are kids! On the other hand, do not be deceived by the body-hugging clothes, tight jeans and flimsy tops; things are going south beneath them. So, unless you like being handled by a young-babe-wannabe cougar, you are advised to demand for certification

In the interest of peace, I will like to comment... just in case.



Nice write up btw

Lmao!!!!

Nice use of sarcasm.

Very funny...

lol...

zizman: [img]http://2.bp..com/-nRfuk-J1ZDA/UQ7zNf9NWUI/AAAAAAAAASE/4BiF_jgLAoY/s280/silverbird-cinemas-victoria-island-lagos-nigeria.jpg[/img]

DO NOT TOAST, UNLESS… – Unless you see a certified birth certificate or a sworn affidavit, do not toast any female within the walls of Silverbird or Genesis Deluxe. Looks are very deceptive and I guess you do not really want to ask your 13 year old niece’s friend out. Forget that they look developed and ready; they are kids! On the other hand, do not be deceived by the body-hugging clothes, tight jeans and flimsy tops; things are going south beneath them. So, unless you like being handled by a young-babe-wannabe cougar, you are advised to demand for certification

lol

@OP Your head dey there jo

Nice one OP really funny but I find it difficult 2 believe that someone brought amala into d cinema. I think you are exaggerating.

Yes oh... That your number one point I no dey miss am...
FOOD

the good thing is white house is close to that Ozone in Sabo so I usually package Amala and Ewedu with gbegiri and Ogufe from White house and stroll into Ozone to watch terminator Part 6

Lol....@ the bowl of Amala in the Cinema hall.
My country people never cease to crack me up.

penny wise, pound foolish

I thought you were there to watch movies not to observe,anyway you should not use oyibo's culture as a yardstick over ours,it is our cinema and our culture bro,concentrate on your movie next time

Hehehe

?

ababanwoke: I thought you were there to watch movies not to observe,anyway you should not use oyibo's culture as a yardstick over ours,it is our cinema and our culture bro,concentrate on your movie next time

Are you guilty? Or was it you that came with bowl of Amala?

Anytin can happen in dis country

PastorOluT: ?

Busted

Hilarious

Baby oya,plenty popcorn for two

Interesting......although cinema movie watching is overrated. rather stay in my room with my home theater topless with just boxers and by myself. get to rewind and forward at will....

This was once on front page...

Op quote ur source.

Hmmm

You just won't know what to say on some threads

Cinema ? What are they doing there.
#teamdownloadandwatchatyourownconvience

lol... It is...........

True.

Jst a nyc piece