aisha2: Burn ya trousers and wear double wrappers

aisha2: Burn ya trousers and wear double wrappers

aisha2: Burn ya trousers and wear double wrappers

how did you make that subtle switch from being addressed as a single lady to being addressed respectfully as a married woman.

aisha2: Burn ya trousers and wear double wrappers

cococandy:


The bolded is the problem we women always have.
What's that supposed to mean?
Does anyone deserve special respect because they are married?
It's comments like this that make young single women to feel like they are deficient and not worthy of respect because they are single.
It's what's also makes married ladies to look down on single ones as if having a man suddenly made them better and more respect worthy than a single person

You'll be addressed respectfully if you deserve it. It shouldn't have anything to do with your marital status.
Not judging you though.

That said,just wear what makes you comfortable. As long as you and your husband are cool with it,it's ok.
One shouldn't be going around town seeking to be indentified as married like it's a badge of honor.
It's your privacy. It's no one's business.

IyawoToBe: wow. I wasn't expecting that. We are all different and we interprete things differently. I don't think I should be responsible for how you interprete my post. But for the records, I didn't mean or imply any of that. Btw, respect is a psychological need and everyone deserves to be respected. No one said singles don't deserve to be respected as I was single some months ago and being married now hasn't changed a thing about me.

This is my first ever thread on nairaland and I wouldn't like you to bring me into your 'judgement cubicle'. We can always read and post without passing judgements. Now you want to subdue the original purpose of the thread and turn it to an argument by bringing in a controversial issue (whether or not singles deserve respect).

IyawoToBe: wow. I wasn't expecting that. We are all different and we interprete things differently. I don't think I should be responsible for how you interprete my post. But for the records, I didn't mean or imply any of that. Btw, respect is a psychological need and everyone deserves to be respected. No one said singles don't deserve to be respected as I was single some months ago and being married now hasn't changed a thing about me.
This is my first ever thread on nairaland and I wouldn't like you to bring me into your 'judgement cubicle'. We can always read and post without passing judgements. Now you want to subdue the original purpose of the thread and turn it to an argument by bringing in a controversial issue (whether or not singles deserve respect). Pls don't do that to my thread. Thanks

JayKayMaybachz: By behaving like a married woman ... Shikena

aisha2:

I don't think she was judging you, she was simply saying respect should be earned regardless or marital status. I doubt that is negative

JayKayMaybachz: By behaving like a married woman ... Shikena

Godmystrength: aisha2 will not kill person o..chai!!!!!!!

@OP, i don't have a problem if people think i don't look married. wetin concern them? I know my husband and my husband knows me. Shikena
I don't expect to be respected because of marital status.

As per dressing, i can even say i dress kind of ''conservatively'' when i was single but now, hahaha, you wan try me ni? How will i allow myself to dull myself ontop say i marry. My hubby sef na dresser die so if i dress one yeye married woman dressing and follow him out, na shame go catch me o. So i dress to match my hubby ni. I am always representing

cococandy: I knew that could have sounded judgemental. It wasn't my intention which is why I made sure to add 'not judging you'

I also stuck to the thread by saying you should wear what makes you comfortable.

But it doesn't change the fact that Nigerian married ladies like to feel uppity towards single ladies.maybe not intentionally but because that's how most of us were raised.
You hear ladies say stuff like 'I'm married now. Call me madam'
You know? things like that.

The paragraph I quoted implies that too.
You don't want to addressed as a single but RESPECTFULLY as a married woman.
Meaning that there's a difference between the way single and married ladies are addressed based on the marital status and not their personal worth.

Anyway no harm meant.
And I'm sorry if I offended you.

IyawoToBe: What does it mean when people say " Are you married?" "You don't look married". Though this question i constantly get from people does not mean anything to me, I will like to know what a married woman looks like.

Is it the way i dress? I got married some months ago and I still wear my jeans and top. Occasionally wear native and still wear my stilettos . I bassically still wear some of the clothes i wore while single. Not that they are revealing and slutty o, lol. But does that make me come across like an unmarried person.

Pls I will like to gauge responses from married women. Soon after getting married, how did you make that subtle switch from being addressed as a single lady to being addressed respectfully as a married woman. How did you groom yourself to make people address you accordingly?

IyawoToBe:

Alright dear. I now get your point. We are actually on the same page. It's just our societal norm. People give more respect to a married woman. Particularly in this part of the world. I am not using that as a yard stick for why I should be respected. I am only saying that, people constantly ask me if I am married (probably after seeing my ring), immediately I say I am, they change their perception of me and treat me differently. So am like, why can't they treat me right even before they know my marital status? Is it my fault or theirs? Is there anything I can do about it? Those are my concerns. Am not saying singles don't deserve respect.

IyawoToBe: You see what am saying? Aisha2

IyawoToBe: Ok. I understand. Everything still boils down to what the society expects. Whether you deny it or not, we all have in our mind this perfect picture of how a married woman should look. So when a person falls short of that picture, we withraw some things we would have said or do. Now, I have refused to change my lifestyle (mode of dressing, hair do and all) cos I got married. But then, I still want people to accord me the respect they would accord another lady that fits perfectly into the 'married woman' picture they carry about.

aisha2:



Well I don't know what to tell you then. I don't live by society's dictates or live for their fake respect I live a life for me and my family doing good what works for us.

I hope you find your answers

Godmystrength: How do/should they behave?

IyawoToBe: You see what am saying? Aisha2

IyawoToBe: lol. Did you bring the annoyance from the counselling thread here? No, i guess Then chill my dear. No matter how much we say we don't care about what people say or think about us, in the real sense we actually do. And respect is a human need which if not met could lead to psychological problem. So as much as I will like to live a life that works for me and my family, I will also not like us to live life as deviants. That's why I threw the question open on this thread. HOW DO MARRIED WOMEN LOOK?

JayKayMaybachz: Modest in dressing, manners, societal behavior etc ... Showin that motherly role

Godmystrength: Must you be married before exhibiting all these? even singles should be all these as well.