After years of casual observation, I've pinpointed some of the most common reasons marriages between American women and Nigerian/African men fail.

1. The Control Factor. Although most of these marriages start out with the best of intentions, the need for the Nigerian/African man to control his wife is problematic. Most American women I know are not comfortable with being controlled and treated like minor children who need discipline, training and guidance. Generally speaking, American women are not used to accounting for every move they make, interrogated about where've they been, queried about how they spend their hard-earned money, not willing to turn over they paychecks to their husbands, not used to being told who they can or can not associate with and resent being told what to do, when to do it and how to do it. If the women have been living on their own and doing for themselves for some years, they may go into full 'rebellion', and that's even true of white and Asian women who some Nigerian/African men seem to think are the epitome of the 'Perfect Wife', and more 'agreeable' than any other group of women in America, including Nigerian/African women. Result: Divorce.

2. Sending Money Home. Generally, American women understand the concept of family and the need to help out financially from time to time. But what causes friction is when the children start coming and their Nigerian/African husbands start taking money from the household to send back home to needy relatives, without their knowledge. It's well-understood that elderly parents need financial assistance, so there's no objection there. But it's the constant begging for money from other relatives that causes the arguments. Add this to the unrelenting requests for school fees, cell phones, ipods, laptops, name-brand clothing, etc. that sends the American wives over the edge. The same way some Nigerian/African women object to their husbands supporting out-of-wedlock kids is the same way most American women object to their own husbands taking money out of the household and sending it home. In the American wives' minds, their husbands should take care of home first, parents second, and for the rest...just say no, at least most of the time. If not, then the husbands should use their own personal money -- not household money.

3. Unemployed Relatives Living In The Home. Another bone of contention is the presence of unemployed relatives who come from home and stay and stay and stay, with no job prospects in sight. Worse is when such relatives show little or no initiative to help out around the house. Even worse is when the relatives DO land jobs and NEVER offer to pay a bill or buy groceries, but will Western Union money home and spend the rest on themselves. This ticks off most American wives I know and causes some major fights, even to the point of separation. The wives say their husbands claim that relatives are guests and shouldn't be expected to help out around the house or give money toward paying bills and buying groceries. It's their culture, the husbands say, like it or not. But the wives hotly disagree. Result: Divorce.

4. Family Members Disrespecting The Marriage. Some American women I know report that their Nigerian/African husbands' parents or relatives are in the habit of visiting with single Nigerian/African women they feel are more 'suitable' for their sons, brothers, uncles, etc. To the American wife, this is the height of disrespect and a deliberate attempt to sabotage their marriages, even if there are children are involved. It's like whatever she does or how good a wife and mother she is, it will never be good enough. In the eyes of her husband's people, she'll NEVER be good enough, because she's not a "good Nigerian/African woman", therefore, unworthy of serious consideration. Result: Divorce.

5. Constant Put Downs Of Her Culture. Some American wives I know report that they find it hard to stomach the continuous insults to their own culture, year after year after year. While they wholeheartedly embrace their Nigerian/African husbands' culture, educate themselves about that culture, struggle to understand and speak the language, cook his favorite foods, dress in native wear and maintain a respectful, positive attitude toward him and his particular ethnic group, what they receive in return are continuous assaults and insults against their own culture. Some say their husbands hold some of the worst myths and stereotypes about their culture and nothing they say or do sways their husbands' mindset. This makes them feel resentful, disrespected and only serves to unravel the very fabric of their marriage. Result: Divorce.

6. Favoritism Towards Grandkids. Some American wives say their Nigerian/African husband's family all but ignore their American-Nigerian/African grandkids, in favor of their full-blooded Nigerian/African grandkids. They reported they're husbands' parents and other family members rarely show up for milestone events in their children's lives like christenings, baptisms, confirmations, birthday parties, graduations/etc., but were in full attendance for these events, when it came to their full-blooded Nigerian/African grandkids' milestones. This made the American wives seethe and sowed the seeds of resentment and hatred, especially if the wives' parents and family members came out en masse for events regarding the children from the husband's side of the family.

7. Stealing/Identity Theft. One American wife reported that one day she noted almost $2,000 missing from the household account. Upon investigation, she found out that her husband had withdrawn the money and bought up different items for his parents and shipped them home, without her knowledge or consent. This caused such an uproar that she and the husband had a huge fight and separated over it -- eventually divorcing. Another found that her husband applied for two credit cards in her name, used them to buy a used car and shipped it home to his brother, so that the brother could use it to start a taxi cab business, without discussing it with her first. Result: She pressed charges against him and filed for divorce.

8. Lack Of Appreciation. One American wife said that one year, she spent over $5,000 on a container filled with household goods, foodstuffs, clothing, school supplies and medicines and shipped it home to her Nigerian husband's family three years ago and has yet to receive a thank-you. At the time, her husband had been laid off from his job and couldn't contribute a dime. Another wife said for the last 5 years, she has sent home a huge Christmas box to her husband's parents and extended relatives and has yet to receive a thank you.

9. Domestic Abuse At Home And Abroad. Several wives I know report that they ended up being physically abused by their Nigerian/African husbands, filed charges against them and finally divorced them, when their husbands refused to go to counseling. Another wife said her Nigerian husband morphed into a Neanderthal when they traveled home for the first time, after three years of marriage, with their infant son. He became domineering, abusive and demeaned her in front of his parents and extended relatives. She said he actually expected her to kneel down and serve him his food and drink -- something he'd never demanded, back in the States. She said she kept her cool, because she was in unknown territory. But once she got home, she filed for a restraining order, divorce and child support, then called on her father and brothers to remove all her husband's belongings to a storage unit. She said she had to petition family court to arrange supervised visits, because once the husband found what she had done, he threatened to take the son home and swore she'd never see him again.

10. Selfishness In Bed. Several wives reported that they were fed up with their Nigerian/African husbands' continued selfishness in bed -- only thinking of themselves -- leaving them s-xually frustrated, time and time again. Result: Divorce.

11. Amorous In-Laws. A couple of American wives reported that a couple of their Nigerian/African male relatives had the notion that all American women were wh-res and came on to them. When they reported the incidents to their husbands, the husbands flipped out and accused THEM of coming on to the male in-laws and called them all kinds of nasty names. Incensed that their husbands didn't believe them, they packed up themselves and the kids and left -- later filing for divorce.

12. Lack Of Affection. This was one of the most common complaints I heard. The American wives complained that they were starved for affection. Their marriages lacked intimacy. No "I love you", no hand-holding, no cuddling, no kissing, little or no conversation, beyond what was absolutely necessary. A couple even confessed to cheating but the guilt was too much. Result: Divorce.

13. Infidelity. Some American wives stated that their Nigerian/African husbands claimed that infidelity was acceptable in their culture -- no big deal. And...that no respectable Nigerian/African wife would divorce her husband over something so trivial. But the American wives weren't buying it and divorced them.

14. Not Helping Out Around The House. Three American wives (2 nurses, 1 teacher) said that it irritated the hell out of them that their Nigerian/African husbands expected them to come home and put in another shift doing housework and taking care of the kids, while they sat on the sofa, remote in one hand and a Heineken in the other, while the wives slaved away. And then the husbands had the nerve to expect them to service them at night, with enthusiasm. After some years of this -- they divorced.

15. Mr. & Mrs. & Mrs. Two American wives found out their Nigerian/African husbands had another wife and kids back home and those twice yearly trips home were to visit their other families. Long story short -- divorce.

Well...there you have it...some of top reasons I'VE discovered that caused the failure of some cross-cultural marriages between American women and Nigerian/African men.

What have YOU discovered as the causes of the failure of cross-cultural marriages between American/Any Other Women and Nigerian/African men?

ok.... Noted

A nigerian man (like moi ) can only be SUCCESSFULLY managed by a Nigerian woman.
That's why!

ok una don hear. naija men abroad, take note.

I see this making FP.

I don't even like them talkless of talking marriage with them....

Even if I travelled out now when my time is right I'll come home and get married...

Nothing in the world is as sweet as an African babe

zboyd says:

Most American women I know, some American women I know, several American wives I know, Several wives reported, one American wife said, a couple of American wives reported, common complaints I heard, some American wives stated, things I'VE discovered....

You ain't saying nothing!
No basis, no definitive research, no statistics, excessive generalizations, and mostly personal opinions.

As for your question:

zboyd: What have YOU discovered as the causes of the failure of cross-cultural marriages between American/Any Other Women and Nigerian/African men?

I haven't discovered anything, but what I can tell you is that there are more divorced American women and baby mamas compared to their African sistas.

Doesn't that tell you that at least 50% of the reasons for failed marriages involving American women are actually of their own making and not the Nigerian/African men you blame it all on?

To: crackhaus

You said: Most American women I know, some American women I know, several American wives I know, Several wives reported, one American wife said, a couple of American wives reported, common complaints I heard, some American wives stated, things I'VE discovered....

I say: You heard right. If you want to know something, the best way is to hear it from the horse's mouth -- not speculate.


You said: You ain't saying nothing! No basis, no definitive research, no statistics, excessive generalizations, and mostly personal opinions.

I say: Why are discounting the personal experiences of women who have lived through such marriages? So what's the need for definitive research and statistics? It's THEIR marriages. And I know these women. They're not lying! Are you serious?! What nonsense!


You said: As for your question: I haven't discovered anything, but what I can tell you is that there are more divorced American women and baby mamas compared to their African sistas.

I say: Better divorced and happy than married and miserable. And these women were MARRIED WOMEN...legally MARRIED WOMEN...not BABY MAMAS. Did you read well?


You said: Doesn't that tell you that at least 50% of the reasons for failed marriages involving American women are actually of their own making and not the Nigerian/African men you blame it all on?

I say: What right-thinking woman is going to accept such behavior from a man she calls husband...all in the name of marriage? Some men are just rotten to the core.

FACT!!!

So why are you jacking me up?

Why is it SOME men can't stand to see the dirty linen of their fellow brothers aired in public?

TOO BAD!!!

What did you call your point 7 again?" Stealing?"
Oh!!! for God's sakes rephrase that please haba!!!!
Apart from the wife, Who else is gonna withdraw money from house hold account? The kids?

Richy4: What did you call your point 7 again?" Stealing?"
Oh!!! for God's sakes rephrase that please haba!!!!
Apart from the wife, Who else is gonna withdraw money from house hold account? The kids?

Did you read well?

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
7. Stealing/Identity Theft. One American wife reported that one day she noted almost $2,000 missing from the household account. Upon investigation, she found out that her husband had withdrawn the money and bought up different items for his parents and shipped them home, without her knowledge or consent. This caused such an uproar that she and the husband had a huge fight and separated over it -- eventually divorcing. Another found that her husband applied for two credit cards in her name, used them to buy a used car and shipped it home to his brother, so that the brother could use it to start a taxi cab business, without discussing it with her first. Result: She pressed charges against him and filed for divorce.
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The husband withdrew $2,000 from the bank WITHOUT the wife's knowledge.

What if YOUR wife did that, WITHOUT YOUR KNOWLEDGE?

How would you feel?

What would YOU call it?

Would YOU be cool with it?

zboyd:
I say: You heard right. If you want to know something, the best way is to hear it from the horse's mouth -- not speculate.

Again, let me show you why I think you're speculating. Pay attention to the emboldened words:

Most American women I know, some American women I know, several American wives I know, Several wives reported, one American wife said, a couple of American wives reported, common complaints I heard, some American wives stated, things I'VE discovered....

You are either a clinical psychotherapist who every American woman married to a/an Nigerian/African tells her problems, or a chronic gossiper in everyone else's business... OR you exaggerated

I say: Why are discounting the personal experiences of women who have lived through such marriages? So what's the need for definitive research and statistics? It's THEIR marriages. And I know these women. They're not lying! Are you serious?! What nonsense!

Personal experiences of how many women?
Most? Some? Several? One? A couple?

Remember, these are the ones you know oo..what about the remaining & over 90% of American women married to a/an Nigerian/African that you don't know?

I say: Better divorced and happy than married and miserable. And these women were MARRIED WOMEN...legally MARRIED WOMEN...not BABY MAMAS. Did you read well?

Yes I read well.
The 'baby mamas' correlation is a deliberate effort to show you the moral comparisons between American women and African women. This should tell you American women are not as innocent as you make them seem.

As for the emboldened, are you saying that all women married to Nigerian men are miserable in their marriages?

I say: What right-thinking woman is going to accept such behavior from a man she calls husband...all in the name of marriage? Some men are just rotten to the core.

FACT!!!

This is your motivation for this topic, no surprise here.

So why are you jacking me up?

If jacking you up turns you on, then maybe that's why..

Why is it SOME men can't stand to see the dirty linen of their fellow brothers aired in public?

TOO BAD!!!

If you have a Nigerian father, husband, brother, or relative...then I'm also standing up for them.
You should appreciate it

As a matter of fact I read what you posted and you do not expect me to agree and swallow all.

Back to the topic you said the man withdrew $2000. The last time I checked there's something called two becomes one right? There are vows in marriage that says all I got is yours or do you guys turn deaf ears to those vows

l admitted that the man should have told her about the money but must it be branded stealing?
if all you got is mine vice versa. Why will she investigate knowing fully well that both are signatory to the account. Making him look like a common thief. why was she selfish?

Anyway, I am not married I'm not gonna Educate you guys on marriage issue but I love that institution so much but I think a lot of people came into it selfishly. No one wants to submit and be one another's best friend that's why it doesn't work

crackhaus:
Again, let me show you why I think you're speculating. Pay attention to the emboldened words:

Most American women I know, some American women I know, several American wives I know, Several wives reported, one American wife said, a couple of American wives reported, common complaints I heard, some American wives stated, things I'VE discovered....

You are either a clinical psychotherapist who every American woman married to a/an Nigerian/African tells her problems, or a chronic gossiper in everyone else's business... OR you exaggerated



Personal experiences of how many women?
Most? Some? Several? One? A couple?

Remember, these are the ones you know oo..what about the remaining & over 90% of American women married to a/an Nigerian/African that you don't know?


Yes I read well.
The 'baby mamas' correlation is a deliberate effort to show you the moral comparisons between American women and African women. This should tell you American women are not as innocent as you make them seem.

As for the emboldened, are you saying that all women married to Nigerian men are miserable in their marriages?



This is your motivation for this topic, no surprise here.


If jacking you up turns you on, then maybe that's why..


If you have a Nigerian father, husband, brother, or relative...then I'm also standing up for them.
You should appreciate it

Bottom line...not only are you indirectly calling these women liars but me also.

So be it.

Just know that some things aren't tolerated by American women AND are considered illegal by the American legal system which some Nigerian/African men have found out the hard way.

And another thing...no where did I say that ALL women married to Nigerian men are miserable in their marriages. You did. So stop putting words in my mouth.

One other thing...a Baby Mama (single mother) is NOT the same as a legally Married Woman.

Richy4:
As a matter of fact I read what you posted and you do not expect me to agree and swallow all.

Back to the topic you said the man withdrew $2000. The last time I checked there's something called two becomes one right? There are vows in marriage that says all I got is yours or do you guys turn deaf ears to those vows

l admitted that the man should have told her about the money but must it be branded stealing?
if all you got is mine vice versa. Why will she investigate knowing fully well that both are signatory to the account. Making him look like a common thief. why was she selfish?

Anyway, I am not married I'm not gonna Educate you guys on marriage issue but I love that institution so much but I think a lot of people came into it selfishly. No one wants to submit and be one another's best friend that's why it doesn't work

In what way can the wife be considered selfish, when she had no knowledge of what the husband was planning to do?

Legally, over here, in most states, it's considered theft of marital property. And...if the matter is taken to court, whatever spouse did the withdrawing from the joint bank account, without the consent or knowledge of the other spouse is responsible for making that money available, especially if dissolution of the marriage has been initiated.

zboyd:

Bottom line...not only are you indirectly calling these women liars but me also.

So be it.

I didn't directly or indirectly call you or any imaginary women I don't know liars.
I said you exaggerated!
You're putting words where there be none.

Just know that some things aren't tolerated by American women AND are considered illegal by the American legal system which some Nigerian/African men have found out the hard way.

This I agree with...another underlying motivation of yours for starting this topic.

And another thing...no where did I say that ALL women married to Nigerian men are miserable in their marriages. You did. So stop putting words in my mouth.

'Better single & happy than married & miserable...' this is what you said.

Since the topic of discussion is on Nigerian/African men, I just figured that the women who are not single but still married to Nigerian men after the bad picture you painted, may just be miserable.

However, it was a question I asked you though, not a conclusive statement... I was only baiting you.

One other thing...a Baby Mama (single mother) is NOT the same as a legally Married Woman.

Noted. Like I said before, I only used that to measure and compare morality.

zboyd:

In what way can the wife be considered selfish, when she had no knowledge of what the husband was planning to do?

Legally, over here, it's considered theft of marital property. And...if the matter is taken to court, whatever spouse did the withdrawing from the joint bank account, without the consent or knowledge of the other spouse is responsible for repaying it, especially if divorce proceedings have been initiated.

A wife would be considered selfish if she assume or thought in her heart that her husband was stealing money that was laboured by both in a joint account to solve pressing needs of his immediate family.

Although he should have told her. That is where communication comes in. My anger was that it was referred to as stealing by your write up. Maybe my definition of stealing is different from your.

And may be " all I have is yours" that was in martial vows should be removed over there.

Richy4:

A wife would be considered selfish if she assume or thought in her heart that her husband was stealing money that was laboured by both in a joint account to solve pressing needs of his immediate family.

Although he should have told her. That is where communication comes in. My anger was that it was referred to as stealing by your write up. Maybe my definition of stealing is different from your.And may be " all I have is yours" that was in martial vows should be removed over there.

Joint account - joint decision. Why should the wife have to 'discover' anything? If the wife referred to it as stealing, who am I to argue with her?

Anyways, here are related cases:

Does Your Spouse Steal From You?

Read more:

http://www.punchng.com/feature/court-vibes/police-arraign-man-for-stealing-wifes-n500-000/
http://www.nigeriavillagesquare.com/forum/lounge/60611-can-woman-steal-her-own-husband.html
http://newsnigerians..com/2012/10/my-husband-is-thief-wife-tells-court.html
http://howtocatchacheater.net/2996/does-your-spouse-steal-from-you/
https://www.nairaland.com/42446/woman-steal-husband
http://www.doughroller.net/money-management/steal-money-spouse/
https://www.nairaland.com/146868/steal-spouse