Tanx 4 d update dear

Aipete2: Tanx 4 d update dear

No problem ma. I'm very busy nowadays

The storyline is getting interesting, but pls, give details where necessary,e.g, when she remembered how her parents died, i was expecting the full picture of what happened that night.
Nice work

KennieJay: The storyline is getting interesting, but pls, give details where necessary,e.g, when she remembered how her parents died, i was expecting the full picture of what happened that night.
Nice work

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Thanks. I'll take note

Jessica counted her steps as she walked slowly to Vera's room. She walked in and looked around. Vera had added a new picture of Angelina Jolie to the other ones on the wall now making the total number of posters 25. Jessica had counted them the last time she came. She wished she had a room like that. Vera's room was pink with posters on the walls, a small bedside drawer with a mirror and her own standing wardrobe.
She looked around in envy. Vera came in a few minutes later looking very angry. She paced around the room a few times then turned to face Jessica with a look that class kill. ' Jessica, Jessica, Jessica. You know who I am don't you?' Vera asked looking her straight in the eye. 'Yes' Jessica managed to mutter.
'Very good. Then you should know that Vera always gets what she wants. And when Vera doesn't get what she wants, Vera gets mad and when Vera gets mad, things go bad. '. Jessica could only nod.
'Stay away from Henry Jessica or I'll forget we were ever friends. Am I clear!'. Jessica nodded again. 'Good. Then leave.'. Jessica didn't wait to be asked again. She walked to the door slowly. Opened it, walked out and closed it back. Then she bolted to her room.

She opened the door and closed it hurriedly. 'Wetin dey pursue like did so?' Suzy asked and Jessica who had not noticed her jolted.
'Na snake?' Suzy asked again. 'No na python' Jessica said angrily.
Just then someone knocked. Jessica opened the door but shut it almost immediately. 'Who be dat?' Suzy asked but Jessica ignored her. She took a deep breath and opened it again. 'Yes' she asked the boy standing in front of the door. 'Excuse me please but I'm looking for Suzy.' The boy said smiling. 'And you are?' Jessica asked. 'James' He replied still smiling.
'Susanna! You get visitor' Jessica said not taking her eyes of the boy standing in front of the door. 'Who be dat?' Suzy asked putting down the Chemistry textbook she was reading. 'James' Jessica replied. Suzy practically jumped of the bed. She had pushed Jessica and was standing in front of the door in seconds. 'Hi James.' she said putting on her best smile. 'Hey. I couldn't return the book yesterday. I hope you're not mad.' He said apologetically. 'Not at all.' Suzy said still smiling. He handed her the note and said goodbye.
' Oh my God!' Suzy said jumping on her bed and staring at the ceiling. Jessica just hissed and sat on her own bed sulking

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onosj: Following bumper 2 bumper

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Thanks

Divepen: Are you a writer or an aspiring writer, this workshop is for you...
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. I'll check it out

if You ask of my opinion, I will say You are doing great. it's your first work and no one expects u to be perfect. Keep d updates coming, don't get mad about some of d comments here just pick d ones dt makes u Better. for me I will say kudos and Keep ur updates coming if possible make dem very frequent. NL can only make u Better.

hassan85: if You ask of my opinion, I will say You are doing great. it's your first work and no one expects u to be perfect. Keep d updates coming, don't get mad about some of d comments here just pick d ones dt makes u Better. for me I will say kudos and Keep ur updates coming if possible make dem very frequent. NL can only make u Better.

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Thank u sir for d encouragement

Dear, ur story is quite interesting, buh i cant really make a gud picture f d boarding skul in ds story- (a guy coming 2 a girl's rum?), i t0t a|| boarding skuls shld av boys h0stel as well as girls,and boys are always prohibited 4rm entering girls h0stel same 2girls, 0w cums its dat easy 4 d guy in d story..... Ur story is more like a university campus dan a boarding house.... Btw Ure doing a gud job though.

D9ty7
is here with his correction from a writer's point of view.
1. Introduction of the characters: You didn't give us the full
description of ths characters and therefore we the readers couldn't
picture what they(the characters) look like. Am more intersted in
Jessica and Henry. I don't know what Jessica looks like. Is she
beautiful? I don't know. Its good to know that there is a kind of heart
connection between Henry and Jessica. Love at first sight they call it,
but we all know love in secondary school is caused by one major factor,
BEAUTY.
2. The school: You said Jessica attends a secondary school as a boarder.
You made the school look like a recreational school. Whats the name of
the school? I don't know. Where's it located? I don't know. The way you
made their rooms look like is far from being a school dormitory. I
didn't attend a boarding school tho but why was Vera's room painted pink
and Jessica's yellow? Am not sure about the colours tho. Pictures of Angelina Jolie pasted on the wall looks like a university students room. Do tehy allow such in secondary school dormitories? You made Vera look like the leader of a female gang in the school but the way Jessica became a member looks so easy. The school may well be represented as a high school like we have in the western countries(US and Britain)
3. Jessica and Henry: We all know Jessica is not giving out time to Henry to talk to her. Its like she is ignoring/avoiding her. And Henry on the other hand is only good at staring, he is yet to approach her. Henry loves her and from the story so far, Jessica loved him too. Do you know I don't believe Jessica loves him or feel something for him. It would have been better if Jessica is an art student and Henry a science student. That way they'll only meet once in a while during general courses like maths and english. If Jessica loves him, she'll be looking forward to every english and maths class so she can see him and vice versa.

Thanks alot. I gave a description of Jessica in d beginning but I'll work on it nd the school has a lot of recreational facilities just lyk mine. We have a basketball, lawn tennis court and we hav a normal swimming pool and a competitive swimming pool etc

Crowny1: Thanks alot. I gave a description of Jessica in d beginning but I'll work on it nd the school has a lot of recreational facilities just lyk mine. We have a basketball, lawn tennis court and we hav a normal swimming pool and a competitive swimming pool etc

Where's yours?

Whistling and walks into d thread and grab a sit in d front
#Following

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Strolls into thread. Nice story cooking here. work on description like U've been told. It makes the story come alive.

jaymomma: Strolls into thread. Nice story cooking here. work on description like U've been told. It makes the story come alive.

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Thanks I will

wreckingball: Where's yours?

. I used to attend Imperial

9c story ma'am
#u gave a description quite alright bt is nt a detailed description and as time goes by u will improve in ur diction and imagery...

Onemansquad: 9c story ma'am
#u gave a description quite alright bt is nt a detailed description and as time goes by u will improve in ur diction and imagery...

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Thank u

they all said what they suppose to say as a good followers who loved u n want u to improved on ur writeup, but I must confess as a beginner you really tried so let d good work continue.they all said what they suppose to say as a good followers who loved u n want u to improved on ur writeup, but I must confess as a beginner you really tried so let d good work continue.they all said what they suppose to say as a good followers who loved u n want u to improved on ur writeup, but I must confess as a beginner you really tried so let d good work continue.

mohalexyz:
they all said what they suppose to say as a good followers who loved u n want u to improved on ur writeup, but I must confess as a beginner you really tried so let d good work continue.they all said what they suppose to say as a good followers who loved u n want u to improved on ur writeup, but I must confess as a beginner you really tried so let d good work continue.they all said what they suppose to say as a good followers who loved u n want u to improved on ur writeup, but I must confess as a beginner you really tried so let d good work continue.

Thanks

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Your story is really great ma. It makes me remember my secondary school days, keep it up but i believe you need to edit your last update. In boarding schools, boys are not allowed anywhere near girls' hostel and same goes to the girls. A boy cannot come to the hostel, talk more of knocking on the door.
Again, is Vera having a room to herself? It is a boarding school, I believe wall papers should not be allowed, and you described the colour of the wall as if Vera had a say in its section. Is that the case?

TiffanyJ:
Your story is really great ma. It makes me remember my secondary school days, keep it up but i believe you need to edit your last update. In boarding schools, boys are not allowed anywhere near girls' hostel and same goes to the girls. A boy cannot come to the hostel, talk more of knocking on the door.
Again, is Vera having a room to herself? It is a boarding school, I believe wall papers should not be allowed, and you described the colour of the wall as if Vera had a say in its section. Is that the case?

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Yep. Vera happens to come from a very rich home. Secondly it's fiction. It was never allowed in my Boarding school though I would have liked it. I happened to have more male than female friends. Girls get under my skin. And 8 out of every 10 are gossips

Crowny1:
Pls don't just view. Leave a comment. I seriously need criticism

Wow...Your story is really intriguing hun..And my,she's my namesake...Giggles!