As a counsellor and as a research fellow I have been opportune to share the secret thoughts of most couples relating to how bad their marriage have degenerated to an internal civil war which will continue forever because of such ridiculous and odeforous wedding vows as "till death do us parth"! Pls pls pls I feel am in bondage being administerd such spiritual bondage oath/vow by a pastor. Can we repeal that vow so parties can go their different ways when ever they can never be together? Must we die in pretence and silence?

The truth must be said, most marriages are seriously in urgly shape. Most couples are incompartible, they just can't be husband and wife. it won't work! A lady I talked with disclosed to me that she'd look for an oportunity for her spouse to die because the heat is tough on her, and I asked why not file a divorce? Her reply was she can't stand the shame of what the society will say because their wedding was the talk of the town because she came from an aristocratic and well respected family and as such it will be unheard that she left her marriage or divorce! And worse still the guy's dad is a clergy man. Hmmm...now u see the extent of pressure in her? So both are locked in forever heheheheh

In this discussion, we shall exray the church vow "till death do us parth" even when the marriage won't work anymore

Secondly would it be wise enduring hell in marriage or gain freedom from marriage bondage?

Thirdly what really causes such pressures and situations that degenerates to a condition for possible divorce?

Finally how can we improve our marriages making it blissful and enjoyable?


Add your opinion, let's help save our failing marriages!

Men should treat women like humans and partners, do unto them(wives)what they want to be done to them, men should also know that women will never accept or condole cheating even if the wife doesn't leave the marriage because of the stigma of divorce in naija, she will stay there and HATE you till death. Women be submissive to a good husband.

smokescreen4: Men should treat women like humans and partners, do unto them(wives)what they want to be done to them, men should also know that women will never accept or condole cheating even if the wife doesn't leave the marriage because of the stigma of divorce in naija, she will stay there and HATE you till death. Women be submissive to a good husband.

Hmm Great contribution there. @smokescreen are u a lady?

wealthinfos: As a counsellor and as a research fellow I have been opportune to share the secret thoughts of most couples relating to how bad their marriage have degenerated to an internal civil war which will continue forever because of such ridiculous and odeforous wedding vows as "till death do us parth"! Pls pls pls I feel am in bondage being administerd such spiritual bondage oath/vow by a pastor. Can we repeal that vow so parties can go their different ways when ever they can never be together? Must we die in pretence and silence?

The truth must be said, most marriages are seriously in urgly shape. Most couples are incompartible, they just can't be husband and wife. it won't work! A lady I talked with disclosed to me that she'd look for an oportunity for her spouse to die because the heat is tough on her, and I asked why not file a divorce? Her reply was she can't stand the shame of what the society will say because their wedding was the talk of the town because she came from an aristocratic and well respected family and as such it will be unheard that she left her marriage or divorce! And worse still the guy's dad is a clergy man. Hmmm...now u see the extent of pressure in her? So both are locked in forever heheheheh

In this discussion, we shall exray the church vow "till death do us parth" even when the marriage won't work anymore

Secondly would it be wise enduring hell in marriage or gain freedom from marriage bondage?

Thirdly what really causes such pressures and situations that degenerates to a condition for possible divorce?

Finally how can we improve our marriages making it blissful and enjoyable?


Add your opinion, let's help save our failing marriages!

Woooow! U rather wait for someone to die than get a divorce?? Gud lawd! ! Dats cray! Anyways!! Divorce and staying together has always been a tough option for ppl. Ppl underestimate the value for PEACE OF MIND! Most Christians strongly believe that getting a divorce is a bad thing and it's not an option and some only get a divorce if someone else is taking them to court. They will never be caught initiating the process. I strongly believe that people change and all. And if there are obvious signs that suggest this marriage is damaged beyond repair and staying in it will be more painful then I believe praying over it, getting a divorce and hopefully restoring ya peace of mind to some degree will definately out weigh the embarrassment u may feel from community, family and whoever that strongly believed in the longevity of the marriage. Don't underestimate the value of peace of mind...holding on to it can be life changing.

just my two cent!

Things like this happen when people live by other's standard,or what they feel people would think of them.

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed,and not endured..why stay in a loveless marriage,when there's option of exit in divorce.

This marriage thing is overhyped,it isn't meant for everyone,but due to societal pressure,most people do it just to keep friends,and families mouth shut,and not to be seen as failure in life..

[quote author=wealthinfos]

Hmm Great contribution there. @smokescreen are u a lady?

A marriage that is doomed to fail cannot be saved!
Shikena o!

Yomieluv:
This marriage thing is overhyped,it isn't meant for everyone,but due to societal pressure,most people do it just to keep friends,and families mouth shut,and not to be seen as failure in life..

suffering and smillling. Living their life for other people's happiness.# Mental slavery, hehehhe

Issues like this makes me dread marriage.

Divorce is always an option, if you see your marriage in an ugly shape(I pray not) kindly divorce ASAP!

littlemistress: Issues like this makes me dread marriage.

Hehehe but can we run from it? We've got to profer solutions to dis issue, and yours is highly appreciated

Divorce is never an option. There is always a way out of every situation!

Mintayo: Divorce is never an option. There is always a way out of every situation!

Says who?

The surest recipe to a very horrible bad marriage is marrying for the wrong reasons. Many men marry beautiful bodies they want to monopolize for s*ex and call them wives, when the s*ex dries out then monster in the beautiful body shows up. On the other hand, many ladies marry either for money, to travel abroad, position of authority or to please relatives/society but down the line they find out they can't eat paper money, 'authority' doesn't make good love, relatives/society will abandon you shortly after the wedding reception.

There is no perfect marriage out there without some issues but invest time in friendship, and marry your best friend no matter what she looks like, or what he has and increase your chances of peace of mind in marriage. Ladies stop abandoning your age-long boyfriends who invested time and resources on you. Men stop abandoning ladies who had multiple abortions for you and cleaned you up when you were a mess.

I advocate for 6 months cohabitation before marriage. Take a walk if cohabitation is not working.

Woged2005: The surest recipe to a very horrible bad marriage is marrying for the wrong reasons. Many men marry beautiful bodies they want to monopolize for s*ex and call them wives, when the s*ex dries out then monster in the beautiful body shows up. On the other hand, many ladies marry either for money, to travel abroad, position of authority or to please relatives/society but down the line they find out they can't eat paper money, 'authority' doesn't make good love, relatives/society will abandon you shortly after the wedding reception.

There is no perfect marriage out there without some issues but invest time in friendship, and marry your best friend no matter what she looks like, or what he has and increase your chances of peace of mind in marriage. Ladies stop abandoning your age-long boyfriends who invested time and resources on you. Men stop abandoning ladies who had multiple abortions for you and cleaned you up when you were a mess.

I advocate for 6 months cohabitation before marriage. Take a walk if cohabitation is not working.

Wise words

Mintayo: Divorce is never an option. There is always a way out of every situation!

Pls what's the way out?

I advocate for 6 months cohabitation before marriage. Take a walk if cohabitation is not working. [/quote]

Well thought out. However, pls can u shed more light on when u say, 6 months cohabitation before marriage?

Did'nt they say both people who are frm diffrent background, culture and religeon should not get closer until they say "I do?" Which I think has realy been a key factor resulting to such unfarmiliarity amongst couples thereby resulting to so many serious issues in marriage

Woged2005:

I advocate for 6 months cohabitation before marriage. Take a walk if cohabitation is not working.

Well thought out, however, pls can u shed more light on how you mean cohabiting for 6months? I thought they said we shouldn't get closer until we say "I do? Hehehehe

It takes two to tango, I can't be pulling up and my husband will be pulling down. I want our marrige to be 'till death do us part' just as we vowed but there are some situations that can make me consider divorce like if my life or my child's life is threatened or at stake or if for any reason he abandons me and my child.

Mintayo: Divorce is never an option. There is always a way out of every situation!

. Divorce is NEVER an option ? Are you for real ? Even if my life is at stake ?

sweetlady4real: . Divorce is NEVER an option ? Are you for real ? Even if my life is at stake ?

There is always a way out,i am looking at it from the Bible point of view,thats why i wouldnt wana say much!

There are no two humans on this planet who cannot be civil in their living together. Where there is, it is always because one or both parties choose not to be civil. It is a choice. Even God took his time to listen to Satan and even Satan behaves himself in the presence of God. It is always a choice.

Many people would rather devote their energies into fighting with their spouses than in trying to live as they once promised each other. Self aggrandisement over mutual compromise. Selfishness.

Loving someone is a choice. A good marriage is a choice. One each couple must make. One you should not wait for your spouse to make.

LewsTherin: There are no two humans on this planet who cannot be civil in their living together. Where there is, it is always because one or both parties choose not to be civil. It is a choice. Even God took his time to listen to Satan and even Satan behaves himself in the presence of God. It is always a choice.

Many people would rather devote their energies into fighting with their spouses than in trying to live as they once promised each other. Self aggrandisement over mutual compromise. Selfishness.

Loving someone is a choice. A good marriage is a choice. One each couple must make. One you should not wait for your spouse to make.

Thank you! Thank you!! Thank you!!!


TV

As an OP this is quite frankly ill-considered and rather shoddy work

wealthinfos: As a counsellor and as a research fellow I have been opportune to share the secret thoughts of most couples relating to how bad their marriage have degenerated to an internal civil war which will continue forever because of such ridiculous and odeforous wedding vows as "till death do us parth"!

Most? And the marriages degenerated because they took a vow. "Till death do part" is ridiculous? Did you say a counsellor?

wealthinfos: Pls pls pls I feel am in bondage being administerd such spiritual bondage oath/vow by a pastor. Can we repeal that vow so parties can go their different ways when ever they can never be together? Must we die in pretence and silence?

Who is forced to take vows? Are pastors the only ones that can join people or do they force people to be joined. No one forces marriage on anybody. People are free - freer than ever in fact - to content themselves with some other arrangement if they are not up to marriage

wealthinfos: The truth must be said, most marriages are seriously in urgly shape. Most couples are incompartible, they just can't be husband and wife. it won't work!

Where do you get your figures from? And in any case, is the remedy to problematic marriage to facilitate divorce?

wealthinfos: A lady I talked with disclosed to me that she'd look for an oportunity for her spouse to die because the heat is tough on her, and I asked why not file a divorce? Her reply was she can't stand the shame of what the society will say because their wedding was the talk of the town because she came from an aristocratic and well respected family and as such it will be unheard that she left her marriage or divorce! And worse still the guy's dad is a clergy man. Hmmm...now u see the extent of pressure in her? So both are locked in forever heheheheh

Presumably, as a counsellor, you then went on to counsel her how to enhance her marital rerlationship? It doesn't require a counsellor to seek divorce. Are you sure you're not a divorce lawyer trying to drum up business?

wealthinfos: In this discussion, we shall exray the church vow "till death do us parth" even when the marriage won't work anymore
If it's not till death do part, then it's not marriage. But let's see what this "x-ray" will reveal !

[quote author=wealthinfos] Secondly would it be wise enduring hell in marriage or gain freedom from marriage bondage?

Marrage in and of itself has no agency. It doesn't come with a "side helping of hell", and it's not bondage, it's unity. The couple should establish it on a firm foundation and ensure they spend time to maintaining it.

wealthinfos: Thirdly what really causes such pressures and situations that degenerates to a condition for possible divorce?

Biblically just adultery - and that does no tpre-suppose remarriage. Legally, it should never have been made more than Adultery, Abondonment or Abuse (and that's relative). In any event, these do not come with marriage, they are introduced into it by the parties.

wealthinfos: Finally how can we improve our marriages making it blissful and enjoyable?
Again, "The couple should establish it on a firm foundation and ensure they spend time to maintaining it". And that should have been your starting point.

[quote author=wealthinfos] Add your opinion, let's help save our failing marriages!

My opinion i sthat you are not enhancing marriage or improving relationships by championing divorce. I won't comment on what I think of you as a counsellor - unless you ask nicely !

Lots of kids are dropping out of school; should we, A. make it easier to do so or B. lower the pass mark? See the paucity of you thinking now?


TV


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@Professor TV01 tnx for ur observations, examinations and cross examinations. The blame is mine.

We can do more!

Add your opinion, let's help save our failing marriages

This topic doesn't help 'save' failing marriages. If anything it will further erode the foundation for which the institution of marriage is placed.

The moment you guys stopped allowing spirituality in your lives, the moment you decided that marriage was a business agreement instead of a spiritual bond, that is the moment marriage failed for you.


'Till death do us part' is not a statement that stands alone. It starts with promising to love and cherish the person. For the rest of your life. You enter a marriage because you feel you have found that someone you will give your all for. That someone you love UNCONDITIONALLY, not because he is rich or poor, not because she might give you children or not; UNCONDITIONALLY. If you want to marry just so as to fulfil societal will the by all means do traditional wedding. If you marry because you want to have kids with this person and make sure the person does not stray outside by all means write a prenuptail agreement and go to court.

But if you want to marry IN A CHURCH under a spiritual head then know it is a spiritual bond you are about to undertake and be ready to live it.

'Till death do us part' didn't do anything to you. Leave it alone. If you don't like it there are other options as stated above.
QED.

Next thing people will start divorcing because the partner sleeps with their tummy instead of their back and the other person 'just can't stand it'. Boo hoo. This generation is an irresponsible generation. A microwave generation that wants everything ready in five minutes and with a 'ping' instead of working for it. A mushroom generation with no deep set roots to withstand the harsh winds of life-how will it stand the test of time?


If you marry for selfish reasons, with a 'me first' attitude; you CANNOT have a fulfilled marriage. It is just not possible. You cannot physically meet and stay with anybody on this planet for the rest of your life without him/her rubbing you the wrong way. Even Romeo and Juliet had a disagreement at some point. If they had not committed suicide and lived 30yrs together the story would have been different.

Husbands marry and love your wives. If you love her your aggressive nature will be controlled and you won't want to harm her, rather you will want to use your strength and nurture her and she will bloom.

Wives marry and submit to your husbands. If you submit to him your rebellious and talkative tendencies will be controlled and your tongues will be used to bless your husband and your homes instead of tearing it down.

End.

With the rate some women are making silent threats to kill or poison their hubby if he steps out of line or as they see fit

They will not even mourn

I think divorce should be further destigmatized

It is better to divorce than DIEvorce

pickabeau1: With the rate some women are making silent threats to kill or poison their hubby if he steps out of line or as they see fit

They will not even mourn

I think divorce should be further destigmatized

It is better to divorce than DIEvorce

Marriage is unconditional. If either partner sets a line for the other to cross then it becomes inevitable that such a partner will cross that line. You cannot poison someone you love even if he hurts you. That's just the truth. It means you didn't marry him or her for the right reasons either.
A man should be able to forgive his wife if she commits adultery. A woman should be able to forgive her husband if he beats her. Moses only put the clause of 'except on grounds of adultery' because the people were hard of heart.

Yes I said it! Forgive the person or there will be no need for marriage! 'Till death do us part' is not a physical statement it is spiritual! There is wisdom in it! If you can't do it then don't come to church. Go do traditional wedding where all it take to divorce your wife is to return her bride price or divorcing your husband you show him your ass. Do not come to church!

5minsmadness:
Marriage is unconditional. If either partner sets a line for the other to cross then it becomes inevitable that such a partner will cross that line. You cannot poison someone you love even if he hurts you. That's just the truth. It means you didn't marry him or her for the right reasons either.
A man should be able to forgive his wife if she commits adultery. A woman should be able to forgive her husband if he beats her. Moses only put the clause of 'except on grounds of adultery' because the people were hard of heart.

Yes I said it! Forgive the person or there will be no need for marriage! 'Till death do us part' is not a physical statement it is spiritual! There is wisdom in it! If you can't do it then don't come to church. Go do traditional wedding where all it take to divorce your wife is to return her bride price or divorcing your husband you show him your ass. Do not come to church!

Nice one bro....I feel you

I am just being practical

Have u seen the thread on mourning a husband who died but was a cheat

pickabeau1:

Nice one bro....I feel you

I am just being practical

Have u seen the thread on mourning a husband who died but was a cheat

I ignored the thread. I saw the post that inspired it.

One thing women don't realise is that men ARE beasts. Yes we are. We have little feeling, little emotion. We are logical creatures. And we learn very fast.
By the time they poison the first man and throw a party to celebrate the death of the second man, we men will take over. We will poison more women to get the sexy vixen outside. We will celebrate the death of our nagging wives by marrying a new one a week later and fucking her in front of her children.
Men are beasts like that. We are hardly outdone.

Two wrongs never makes a right.

I have learnt to ignore certain threads so as not to get unnecessarily aggravated.

5minsmadness:
I ignored the thread. I saw the post that inspired it.

One thing women don't realise is that men ARE beasts. Yes we are. We have little feeling, little emotion. We are logical creatures. And we learn very fast.
By the time they poison the first man and throw a party to celebrate the death of the second man, we men will take over. We will poison more women to get the sexy vixen outside. We will celebrate the death of our nagging wives by marrying a new one a week later and fucking her in front of her children.
Men are beasts like that. We are hardly outdone.

Two wrongs never makes a right.

I have learnt to ignore certain threads so as not to get unnecessarily aggravated.

My guy...u better read it

Also there is a thread on polygamy..

Some posters were implying they don't know what they are capable of doing if faced with it

Women......