DIARIES OF A FRESH GRADUATE

epilogue
Back in 2010,I started my diary series. Diaries of a runaway kid, diaries of an i.t kid, diary of a good Samaritan, and then this "episode",diaries of a fresh graduate. Like all others, this too is 100% non-fiction(al)...

Story story! Story! Once upon a time! Time time!



So, it was a cool Sunday morning, 21st September, this year. Was my way to the atm, and church, but the result at the atm was going to determine which church I was to go, my fellowship or another "branch" .(Cherubim and Seraphim churches are rife in Ogbomoso). No withdrawal-able cash was in my account, So I chose to attend a church I had wanted to visit anyways... On my way, I was handed this flyer. Here is the content


Employment opportunity
Weekly
Part time #7000
Full-time #10,000

Monthly
Part time #30,000
Full-time #50,000
Call for interview and come with this flyer

I was kinda awed,I mean this is Ogbomoso village!!! You don't see such opportunities like that!!! I wanted to beckon to the bros that handed the "WONDERFUL" flyer to me, but I was running late for service. As you can imagine, I couldn't concentrate all through service, a 50k payment at the end of October kept flashing through my mind. I mean,such Buck made in few months before the national youth service corps (aka NOW YOUR SUCCESS CONTINUES) where a measly 18k awaits, isn't bad. It will come handy till then, I've a mind that multitasks, so I drew up list of what to get that first month! I've ph.d in daydreaming.

The service took longer than I was used to, but I looked forward to it ending! My joy knew no bounds when I left the church, I picked my phone, made a call to the only number attached to this flyer, and started my polished Ijebu-English. "Hello,I'm Benjamin from lautech,I am calling to make enquiries as per a flyer I got from your company ma'am.... bla bla bla". The voice at the other end didn't sound as Behind as mine, but I mean, this is Ogbomoso!!!!! I asked what type of job we were talking about, she told me I would find out at the interview. As she was about to give me the address, my credit burnt patapata! I let out a silent scream, "BOLU!!!" ,that was a sister from church I called on Saturday night after she flashed me. I put the low airtime palava blame on her. You know, when opportunities as such present themselves as seldom as this, many barriers arise. I asked MTN to lend me airtime for the time being, and all "they" felt I deserved was #50! Ehen that lady did tell me to send my details to her, and she would forward necessary details. I did that pronto, and some few hours later, a call from another man came in. I felt the lady was the junior PR and this was the senior PR calling. He gave me the address for the interview slated for 8am the next morning. (Una remember say I been tell u say money been no dey my hand) The venue is like 1km from my base, I knew I had to trek,I mean, who won't sacrifice a 1hr leg-ride for 50gees,I mean!!! I planned to leave home 7am, I'm such a slow walker, but a steady one, only people like us win the race they say.
I couldn't sleep all through the night, woke up like four times .I didn't want to get late for the interview, I even had to consciously reserve my cell phone's battery so as to place a call through to these PRs. 7am, Monday, I was good to go, good to go, good to go. NA HIM RAIN START. Like seriously!!! Like seriously I couldn't get mad at the rain.7:25am, this rain kept displaying it's skills. But it was a mild rain, and even the heaviest torrent won't make me miss that 50k walahi. I added a hoodie (that cardigan with attached cap)and a bag underneath. The hoodie to protect my tshirt and head from getting bathed, and the bag to dump my wet hoodie pre-interview. I never knew my secondary school days trekking-fast talents were still in me. O boy, come see trek.I got to the address 8am dot.I mean,who gets to an interview late,this is business and my soul's nickname is punctuality. I called the male PR, feeling proud of myself to have made it on time. The rain hadn't stop! Remember! He told me to wait 30/40 minutes since the rain was still drizzling. Big deal? I can even wait till 5pm.
He called 20 minutes later to tell me someone was coming to pick me up. She came, and we headed for this primary school like that, like 2 minutes away from where I waited. I felt I shouldn't ask the lady what sort of job it was, but I hesitated, I mean, why disturb people that want to employ you.I mean!!! From my incomplete diaries of a runaway kid, I did mention how I absconded home for 3months, and was "chilling" in the streets of Cotonou(I was just one stupid rebellious 14years old kid at the time, forgive me!!!),I survived, so any type of legal job for 50k pending the time I turn full-time superstar/celebrity won't move me. I have all it takes. So we got to this school jare, I was the first to turn up, u no say I serious. So a desk was given to me, and another placed in front of me. Met like 6 or 7 young people I assumed to be "prospective coworker". One even happened to be on hijab, I quickly "salam alekumed" her,I mean! Who wouldn't employ someone who even greets someone of another religion in the "proper" manner.(p s salam alekum is Arabic greeting for "peace be unto you". So, the "interview" kicked start, introduction et al, she asked if I understand the mother tongue, because I had been phoneticalizing all the while, I quickly went to the speech setting of my mouth, changed it to yoruba,and clicked on the ogbomoso-type option.emi ke. So she started what I thought was a preamble and literature review of "our" company. Robert Kiyosaki will be proud of this lady, she reeled off the yoruba version of his financial books. I was listening with rapt attention, the raptest actually. 40minutes into her speech or so, we were joined by two other guys, seemingly in their mid or early-late twenties. It was still raining, but very slightly. I said to myself, "I first una come,na me them go first give 50k October 31st"...

Two hours later, madam was still lecturing us on financial dependence and efficiency 101. First off, if any course I should be receiving lectures for should have a code, it will start with 6, the ones starting with a 1 were done in 2009. At this point, I knew the job was a scheme I couldn't remember the name. But I mean! Why not wait till the end of the class, who knows if they wanted to test us on endurance and patience. 30minutes later, she stopped beating around the bush, bush wey we suppose Don use mower cut since 2:30mins ago. SMH. GNLD!!! I knew it! [That moment , a dude we attended secondary together came to my mind, a namesake sort of, I call him funma,he did tell me about it in 2009,during the 3-month ASUU strike] Nice one. She finished, asked us if we had questions, to which we chorused no!!!.. she forced us to ask question by force o o! We did sha!she told us of one 11k starter pack/kit like that. (I mean, back in 09, it was 5k, but thanks to the Naira)We thought we were free to go, until a senior spokesperson came to "summarize" the lecture. The guy too try sha.he spent like an hour and few minutes. They portrayed a good image of the brand, showed us pictorial evidences, he even showed us his own 50k cheque for August. But I was hungry, and I couldn't stomach any more words. They now released us sha, and I promised to get back at them ... I switched on my phone (did I tell you that we were instructed to switch it off to prevent distractions, I mean,who puts his phone on in an interview),expecting a bank alert by miracle. Sms no gree enter. Checked at a nearby atm and it was still the same story of Sunday, I trekked back home with the image of 50k ripped off my mind. I had to alt+del all those plans I had for October's 50k and other months' 50ks.

But the experience was fun, the advertisement stunt they pulled was classical. At least, they didn't lie, they just didn't mention that 11k work-permit and the process of convincing people to buy health products and 11k starter packs. AND I HAVE PUT THE NUMBERS I CALLED ON AUTO-REJECT ON MY PHONE. But it's a nice scheme sha, if you can sacrifice 11k,time and a willing never-give-up attitude, you will get your first 50k cheque in less than 2 years.( the cheque grows from 12k or so sha). And if you get sweet mouth and a long patience too, I urge you to contact me


PROLOGUE
o boy!! U read am finish?? U get work sha!!
Well, life remains beautiful, I will keep brainstorming my head for inspiration till I hammer comically,lyrically and otherwisecally