TheoneandOnlyMe post=/post/26831037:
After a divorce, both parents struggle hard to get custody of the child, some even go to the extreme by running away with the child leaving the other with emotional pain, pain of not being able to see their child. Some even tell the child bad things (of which most are lies) about the other, inciting hate in the heart of the child. Some bribe their way in the court to get the child.
So who's supposed to take custody of the child when neither of the parents is abusive?

carefreewannabe post=/post/26831064:

Both. It's THEIR child.

TheoneandOnlyMe post=/post/26831909:

I said when they're "divorced", they both can't have the child because they don't stay together anymore, one has to make a sacrifice by letting the other have the child. But who's that gonna be?

EfemenaXY post=/post/26831976:
The most financially & emotionally stable of the two, for starters.

Let the courts decide, but in most cases, custody is granted to the mother with agreed visitation rights for the dad.

Not easy for those involved but decisions should be made with the children's best interests at heart.

carefreewannabe post=/post/26832040:


The child can stay with one parent during the week and with the other at weekends, for example.

TheoneandOnlyMe:
What if they don't stay close? How's the child gonna cope with his/her academics? Who do you think is the best person to have the child?

NairaMode: I won't deceive myself. Not because I am a male though but the answer to your question is mostly culturally determined.
We all know culture forms the laws of a land.

In Nigeria, the man owns the child. Simple!!!

Circumstances can however make the court decide otherwise.

carefreewannabe:

They SHOULD stay close. The one who wants to move away, must live with the consequences of not being around his / her children.

This is my opinion.

I have a friend who lives abroad. She wanted to move back home several times but decided to stay abroad for her child to be close to his father.

TheoneandOnlyMe:
I know in most Nigerian culture the man own the child, the child bears the surname of the father... But do you think the father can show as much love as the mother? Will the child feel more comfortable staying with the father or mother? This things need to be considered it's not just about culture.

NairaMode:

The father can do the following depending on the age but I guess it's a little child right? If it is he can:
Get a good girlfriend (An ex)
Take the child to his mother
Get a live-in nanny or
Devote more time to the child on weekends.

Children can easily acclimatize and so it's not really about the mother or the father showing love. It's about getting genuine love from whoever they are with and that can be arranged.

Are you getting divorced.

NairaMode:

The father can do the following depending on the age but I guess it's a little child right? If it is he can:
Get a good girlfriend (An ex)
Take the child to his mother
Get a live-in nanny or
Devote more time to the child on weekends.

Children can easily acclimatize and so it's not really about the mother or the father showing love. It's about getting genuine love from whoever they are with and that can be arranged.

Are you getting divorced.

TheoneandOnlyMe:
I'm not getting divorced, I'm not even thinking of getting married yet. I'm friends with someone who's parents got divorced, she and her younger ones prefer leaving with their mum. Her mum's financially stable, but due to her dad's connection he got them. Most children prefer their mum because even though she gets married again she'll show the same love for the children in her previous marriage and the present one. But for the father, they tend to show more love to children from their present marriage, it's very obvious even though they deny it.
My opinion.

carefreewannabe:

Why would a child stay with the father when the father can't take care of the child by himself?


Imagine someone said, the child can stay with the mother and if the mother needs help, she can get a boyfriend.

NairaMode:

Awwww... Sorry about your friends experience.
Truth is nowadays, people are lazy towards committment & marriage in itself is hardwork. It wont work if you dont work it. Truth be told.

As for what you said about men, I get you but I would never ever love my children differently or more honestly, I will never ever show it. It is totally uncalled for and senseless because if that happenes, nothing guarantees that the new children you are showing love will turn out to be the best or will reciprocate it at his old age.

What you said cannot be true of all men... The reason the scenario you painted above may happen is if the mother treated him badly or she cheated on him. Seeing those kids from that bad marriage may make him have reservations towards them.

To me sha I wouldnt do that. Not for anything.
Would like to know you though. You seem decent. PM me please.

NairaMode:

I totally get your point.
All our opinions here though are sentimental and judgemental and ofcourse most times from a blind spot.

The husband and wife will make their decision or the court will and they MUST live with the consequences of their actions.

So painful is the fact that those children will share part of the pain.

Life goes on babe.

carefreewannabe:

I am not sentimental.
A child has a father and a mother and I therefore think that they must have shared custody.

NairaMode:

In this case I think now I understand.
If they divorce, you are saying the child should spend sometime with dad and then later with mum again?

I think if it is workable and agreeable by them then it is a good choice.

TheoneandOnlyMe:

So what's the need to take the child if you know they're going to remind you of a ugly past?
I can't access my mail.

carefreewannabe:

I think that different solutions can be worked out. You have described one.

NairaMode

A short life yet full of travail and troubles.
Wheew!!!

Better are the dead than the living finally sha.

carefreewannabe:

This is what makes it interesting. Challenges make us grow.



Maybe, maybe not.

NairaMode:

Interesting fellow you are.

NairaMode:

Well because they are your kids.
Because of ego.
Because of your responsibility to have them with you.
Hatred for the woman and the need to punish her.
Family influence.
Endless list.

What would you do if you were the woman though?. Just asking.

NairaMode:

The father can do the following depending on the age but I guess it's a little child right? If it is he can:
Get a good girlfriend (An ex)
Take the child to his mother
Get a live-in nanny or
Devote more time to the child on weekends.

Children can easily acclimatize and so it's not really about the mother or the father showing love. It's about getting genuine love from whoever they are with and that can be arranged.

Are you getting divorced.

TheoneandOnlyMe:

If I were the woman (don't wanna be her) I'll do ANYTHING to get my child back, TBH I don't think I can ever let anyone(even the father) take my child. I've seen so many things go wrong I don't even wanna put myself in that position.