Are You A Control Freak In Your Relationships?

We all want some control over our lives. We want to feel like we govern the direction our life takes. Of course, the circumstances of our lives are largely determined by those around us. Our spouses, kids, family members, co-workers, and friends have a huge influence. Their behavior, good or bad, determines a lot about what we have to deal with in life. Therefore, many of us want to control people. Some of us even go too far in trying to control others. We use whatever means available to get them to do what we want. We become Control Freaks.

Some Signs That You May Be A Control Freak

If you are curious as to whether or not you are one, here are a few signs. One or more of these symptoms generally exist in the life of a control freak.

⦁Lack of Delegation – Control freaks usually find themselves over-worked and exhausted because they refuse to delegate. Control freaks believe in the motto, "If you want it done right, you have to do it yourself!"

⦁Perfectionism – As you might have guessed, control freaks are often perfectionists as well. It is my way or the highway!

⦁Friction and Resentment – Control freaks often experience friction and resentment in their relationships. They don't understand that most people don’t want to be controlled and they certainly get tired of being made to feel inadequate. This usually creates friction and over the long-term a certain level of resentment.

⦁Fear – In more extreme cases, control freaks may realize others are afraid of them. When necessary, control freaks will use intimidation to manipulate. This intimidation can be physical or it can be emotional. Those around them walk on eggshells to avoid upsetting us and receiving the fury of their wrath.

If you identify at all with any of these, then you may want to go a little further before you call yourself a full-fledged control freak. There’s more you can use in your diagnosis.

The Tools Of A Control Freak

Control freaks have a lot of different methods at their disposal to get others to do what they want. They are master manipulators. If you aren’t sure yet whether you are a control freak, then assess yourself further by determining if you use these tactics in your relationships.

Guilt. Guilt is a favorite weapon of the control freak. The masters can make you feel guilty without batting an eye. It can be used in almost any situation and is effective on just about everybody.

Exaggeration. A control freak will blow the smallest thing out of proportion. They will exaggerate their positive performances and your failures to manipulate the situation.

Withdrawal. Withholding attention and affection is another tool of the control freak. If you don’t do what they like, then they’ll freeze you out. Of course, withdrawal can also take the form of physical absence.

Passive-Aggressive. Passive-aggressive behavior is devious. It involves things like intentional procrastination and stubbornness. An example might be intentionally failing to mail an important application until it is overdue thereby causing your spouse to miss an event they wanted to attend, but you opposed.

Belittling. Badgering a person continuously to ruin their self-confidence is a technique many control freaks use. The intent is to make others weak and dependent.

Rage and Threats. When all else fails, one of the more efficient means of controlling another person is intimidation. The control freak can throw an impressive fit. They will use their volume, size and strength to bully others into doing what they want.

Two Steps To Breaking Free

Being a control freak is unhealthy. It generally will destroy a relationship. Sooner or later those being controlled wake up and leave. Once they're outside of a control freak's sphere of influence, they rarely return. If you think you might be a control freak, then here are two first steps to breaking free.

1. Admit The Truth About Yourself. Recognizing you have a problem is often the hardest part of solving it. If any of the above sounds familiar to you, then you probably need to come clean about your control freak tendencies. Being honest with yourself and others won’t be easy, but it will start the healing process. Admit your guilt and tell those around you that you are going to try to do better. Enlist their help.

2. Accept That Performance Does Not Equal Self-Worth. Many control freaks feel that they are only as good as their latest performance. They equate their self-worth to how well they are doing on tasks, raising a family, etc. This is dangerous. It makes you want to micro-manage and control every aspect of other people's lives to prevent any type of failure. This is often a root cause of becoming a control freak. Accept yourself for who you are! You have intrinsic qualities that make you a valuable, lovable person even if your life isn’t perfect.
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Use this information to recognize what you’ve been doing and start making changes. The results will amaze you.

Source: e-harmony.com

A moment please.


Edited.
Am not a control freak.

Noted