Argggh, so i just did a pregnancy test, and there were two lines on the stick this was semi planned by my fiance and I by the way. He was moving back to Nigeria, and i didn't want him to leave me in jand just like that, eventhough he has always promised no matter where he is its me n him. So now that im pregnant I kno my parents will be upset and want me to get married as soon as before i start to show, this doesnt leave a lot of time, although we have been saving up for getting married, me personally would like to have the baby before we get married, so NL what will you advice, do it my way (I.e get married after the baby) or do it my parents way (i.e get married in the next 2 -3 months) Please urgent advice needed from mature people. Thanks!!!!!

Are your parents willingly to negotiate ? Probably not. Most parents want their pregnant daughter sitting in her husband's house or want their grandchild born into a marriage. Its not up to us to decide but for you to find out if your parents are willingly to compromise.

doing what your way? Do you mean having seeex your way(style) or your parents's way?

How about our way?
Is he OK with the idea of having the wedding after you give birth?
At the end of the day it's you guys wedding not your folks so do whatever u guys r comfortable with.

LOL Save your saliva for prayers n hope that he marries you.lol

You should have contacted us before phocking.
Abi we dey for dia to hellep you preggo?
Shiooooooooooooooooooor!!!

jay bee:

How about our way?
Is he OK with the idea of having the wedding after you give birth?
At the end of the day it's you guys wedding not your folks so do whatever u guys r comfortable with.

Not so, at least in the nigerian context where the wedding is an occassion where the family(father) give the daughter away in marriage, the reality of this case is that the family are looking at damage limitation, they don't quite like the idea of their daughter having a child outside wedlock and would rather do a hush hush marriage before the baby comes than after. The poster should have considered all angles before deliberately getting pregnant on the premise that it would keep the couple together. What if the guy decides against marriage? Anyway my advice is discuss with your parents and rather than hold on to your "way" see how you can reach a compromise on this

^^^
She doesn't live in Nigeria so less obligation to follow the crowd.
Do you even know why most parents frown at the idea? They probably do cos of what people will say not because it's a tradition or what not

jay bee:

^^^
She doesn't live in Nigeria so less obligation to follow the crowd.
Do you even know why most parents frown at the idea? They probably do cos of what people will say not because it's a tradition or what not

But she is a nigerian. Look I'm trying to see the arguement from both sides, while trying to be sympathetic to her plight; just because she is living abroad does not mean she should abandon the tradition her family subscribes to in its entirety especially when it comes to issues like marriage where families tend to see it as a very big deal. I know a couple who actually live in UK are were in the same boat as the poster at the end of the day the parents flew over from naija and insisted they got married before the pikin arrives. I guess for what it's worth the poster should consider the parent's "way" afterall shebi na to get married ni

We have already started saving for a summer wedding nxt year, and because of the way we are, we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves, with no help at all from any of our parents, we only just reached half our target for the budget,

Me personally, I will like to wait till next begfore we get married, so we can still reach our target, but i know both parents will now say that they will contribute if we decide to get married before the baby comes, I hope this makes more sense now,

at T-J of course I am Nigerian, but like jay bee sed its frowned on to get pregnant before getting married because of what "people will say" not cos of anything else

IfeLuvely:

We have already started saving for a summer wedding nxt year, and because of the way we are, we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves, with no help at all from any of our parents, we only just reached half our target for the budget,

Me personally, I will like to wait till next begfore we get married, so we can still reach our target, but i know both parents will now say that they will contribute if we decide to get married before the baby comes, I hope this makes more sense now,

at T-J of course I am Nigerian, but like jay bee sed its frowned on to get pregnant before getting married because of what "people will say" not cos of anything else

That's funny . . . .You have a 'target' for getting married and yet NONE for having babies

If you can't afford a wedding now, what makes you think you will one year from now when you have a baby to take care of.

Believe it or not, you savings will go down the drain, taking care of your child and you are just gonna wake up and realize you waited for nothing.

You don't need a summer wedding or any flamboyance that comes with weddings . . . If you and this man wants to be together, then you have to realize how important it is for you guys to tie the knots NOW!

But if you still want to wait . . . . it's ur choice!

IfeLuvely:

We have already started saving for a summer wedding nxt year, and because of the way we are, we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves, with no help at all from any of our parents, we only just reached half our target for the budget,

Me personally, I will like to wait till next begfore we get married, so we can still reach our target, but i know both parents will now say that they will contribute if we decide to get married before the baby comes, I hope this makes more sense now,

at T-J of course I am Nigerian, but like jay bee sed its frowned on to get pregnant before getting married because of what "people will say" not cos of anything else

I think for what its worth you guys should try and reach a compromise, the good thing is that marriage is in the offing, so all the parents are asking is that you bring it forward, let them know what your reasons are for wanting to do it next year and if they still insist they would rather have it sooner then they are free to bear the financial burden and you guys can keep your savings for the real issue of bringing up a child in the uk.  I wont l

jay bee:

^^^
She doesn't live in Nigeria so less obligation to follow the crowd.
Do you even know why most parents frown at the idea? They probably do cos of what people will say not because it's a tradition or what not

It's not a completely ignorant tradition either . . .  I mean if they are going to get married anyways, then pray tell, why should they wait?

The baby is coming already so they can as well forget the princess wedding and get it over with! My opinion . . .  

Ujujoan:

It's not a completely ignorant tradition either . . . I mean if they are going to get married anyways, then pray tell, why should they wait?

The baby is coming already so they can as well forget the princess wedding and get it over with! My opinion . . .

They are meant to have own choice not parent's choice => Ma point
They are the ones getting married not parent hence going along with what's comfortable for 'em both. At the end of the day they are paying for it so why allow parents dictate?

IfeLuvely:

We have already started saving for a summer wedding nxt year, and because of the way we are, we wanted to pay for the wedding ourselves, with no help at all from any of our parents, we only just reached half our target for the budget,

Me personally, I will like to wait till next begfore we get married, so we can still reach our target, but i know both parents will now say that they will contribute if we decide to get married before the baby comes, I hope this makes more sense now,

at T-J of course I am Nigerian, but like jay bee sed its frowned on to get pregnant before getting married because of what "people will say" not cos of anything else

but you guys can still do registry for now

if you are trying to please your parents and do the big one later

jay bee:

They are meant to have own choice not parent's choice => Ma point
They are the ones getting married not parent hence going along with what's comfortable for 'em both. At the end of the day they are paying for it so why allow parents dictate?

An adage says, what an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see it from the highest ladder!

Granted, it's their life, it's their wedding bla bla bla . . . . But this is their parents we are talking about.

No parent will want something bad for h/her child. She's the girl and it's only natural for them to insists, lest they have their young daughter raising a child all on her own . . .

The uncertainty of the relationship is great enough,without the guy going off on his own!

And yes, they have the right to dictate. They are her parents . . . .

Ujujoan:

An adage says, what an elder sees sitting down, a child cannot see it from the highest ladder!

Meaning they are always right

Ujujoan:

Granted, it's their life, it's their wedding bla bla bla . . . . But this is their parents we are talking about.

Not disputing that fact but the wedding is going to be between Mr A and Miss B

Ujujoan:

No parent will want something bad for h/her child. She's the girl and it's only natural for them to insists, lest they have their young daughter raising a child all on her own . . .

Ok this is not part of the script. We are talking about having a wedding before or after giving birth

Ujujoan:

The uncertainty of the relationship is great enough,without the guy going off on his own!

So does having the wedding before the child birth guarantees he would not run off if that has always been his plan?

Ujujoan:

And yes, they have the right to dictate. They are her parents . . . .

No they don't if they aren't paying.

Why not do some court/registry stuff, Something that ties you legally to your bf, Else you might be on the path to being a Baby momma.

I dont know about you but its somehow shameful for a Nigerian to have a kid outside of wedlock and thats what you are about doing.

It doesnt look well on your upbringing

dayokanu:

Why not do some court/registry stuff, Something that ties you legally to your bf, Else you might be on the path to being a Baby momma.

I dont know about you but its somehow shameful for a Nigerian to have a kid outside of wedlock and thats what you are about doing.

It doesnt look well on your upbringing

ooops dont let naija girls living abroad see that comment

dayokanu:

Why not do some court/registry stuff, Something that ties you legally to your bf, Else you might be on the path to being a Baby momma.

I dont know about you but its somehow shameful for a Nigerian to have a kid outside of wedlock and thats what you are about doing.

It doesnt look well on your upbringing

says who?

you are doing good until you get to that bolded part

Ujujoan:

That's funny . . . .You have a 'target' for getting married and yet NONE for having babies

If you can't afford a wedding now, what makes you think you will one year from now when you have a baby to take care of.

We started a child fund like 2 years back, that is currently sitting in an ISA,

r231:

says who?

you are doing good until you get to that bolded part

How would it look on you when your daughter gets pregnant and has a child before getting married

dayokanu:

How would it look on you when your daughter gets pregnant and has a child before getting married

it depends on the age

jay bee:

Meaning they are always right
Not disputing that fact but the wedding is going to be between Mr A and Miss B
Ok this is not part of the script. We are talking about having a wedding before or after giving birth
So does having the wedding before the child birth guarantees he would not run off if that has always been his plan?
No they don't if they aren't paying.

They are not paying because they were asked not to and I don't think they will hesitate to contribute if neccessary.

Parents might NOT always ne right, but in this case . . . they are! There is nothing stopping them from getting married now if they really know the meaning of marriage.

Having a wedding might not be a 100% guaratee that he won't run off, but it definitely is an 80% guarantee!

Not having a wedding however, is an 20% guarantee!

And incase you don't know, when parents insist their daughter must be married before starting a family, it's partly because they don't want their daughter ending up a single parent!

IfeLuvely:

We started a child fund like 2 years back, that is currently sitting in an ISA,

You guys seem to be good planners, I must commend that. But what use is a plan that can't be flexible. I'm sure you didn't bargain for a child this earlier, but it has happened. And if your plans cannot make the right provisions for that, then it's not a good plan.

All I'm saying is that you try to do the right thing. You are gonna marry him anyways, so why wait?

You want a 'summer' wedding? Well you didn't want a child now and it came . . . things happen so change is allowed!

Blazay:

You should have contacted us before phocking.
Abi we dey for dia to hellep you preggo?
Shiooooooooooooooooooor!!!

LOL.
well, from you and your fiance's actions, you've already decided to do wedding first, baby second. what does your fiance say about your parents' wishes? that's the important thing.
if i were you, get the court license now and do the big celebration later when you all are ready.

r231:

it depends on the age

How do you mean it depends on the age? If she is old enough to get pregant why not just marry the baby Daddy

dayokanu:

How do you mean it depends on the age? If she is old enough to get pregant why not just marry the baby Daddy

Haba! So any woman that gets preggy must marry the baby daddy? Mba nu.


But in this case, they already have plans to get marreid so why wait?

dayokanu:

How do you mean it depends on the age? If she is old enough to get pregant why not just marry the baby Daddy

hahaha. . . . . . .  10yr old kid gets pregnant this days

basically what i am saying is if she is over 25 then its allowed

r231:

hahaha. . . . . . . 10yr old kid gets pregnant this days

basically what i am saying is if she is over 25 then its allowed

What is allowed? so the parents should sit back fold their hands and watch their daughter as she decides to be sisi London, mba nu

Tee_Jay:

What is allowed? so the parents should sit back fold their hands and watch their daughter as she decides to be sisi London, mba nu

25yrs old is ADELEBO

so really they can just do registry for now since she is pregnant alrdy

This is very simple. Do a court wedding now. Then you can do your big wedding after you have your kid.