Let me share with you this insightful article I found written by a parent (Lisa Levey) . She just expresses what I have been thinking about lately.

During an athletic event, we watch the incredible talent of young athletes from around the world strut their stuff. The cameras repeatedly show the eager parents, watching intently from the sidelines, no doubt riding a roller coaster of emotion. What parent watching hasn’t wondered: What do they know that I don’t? What is the special sauce for raising that kind of child—a successful one?

I contend that this thinking—endemic among modern-day educated, affluent parents—has led to a kind of parenting horse race that is making us all miserable. The pressure to get your child involved in every possible form of enrichment, so that they can be successful and get that competitive edge, is palpable in cities and towns across the country.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am all for hard work, dedication, and achievement. I greatly admire those who strive for their dreams and probably would be characterized as a striver by those who know me. And I think that exposing children to many activities while they are young, to discover what they enjoy and where their talents lie, is certainly a good thing. But the reality is a large majority of parents and children experience the full crush of activities as just plain too much—too much time, too much money, too much coordination, just plain too much. Where’s the common sense? Where’s the joy?

The word “success” as applied to children disturbs me. A quick Internet search on the definition of success focuses on achievement, prosperity, popularity. Now that is a certain aspect of success but certainly not my emphasis as a parent. To me the job of a parent is to help children discover their strengths and passions, to learn the value of hard work and, yes, accomplishment, to instill in them compassion and respect for others, and to figure out how they can be a contributing member of society. I’ve found that our modern focus on raising “successful” children seems to have transformed parents from guides or mentors to talent agents, continuously looking for the next angle to best position the child.

More disturbing, the focus on success gives the false impression that parenting is an input and output scenario, like creating a blueprint or programming a computer. The thinking seems to be that if you fine-tune all the details, the end product (your child) will be just as you had envisioned—successful and happy. If only it were that straightforward. And frankly it’s way too much pressure. In reality parents can mostly get it right and still their child may struggle mightily or they can make a whole lot of mistakes and their child’s greatest strengths may come from those learnings.
I suspect a better alternative than raising “successful children” is to bring down the stress—for ourselves as parents as well as for our kids—and instead focus on:

Giving kids an anchor– One of the greatest gifts parents can give their kids is a home environment that grounds them and makes them feel safe. Furthermore, in our overly connected world, giving kids a place to process all the stimuli of their busy, modern lives seems essential.

Helping kids develop life skills– We get so focused on helping kids develop their talents that it is easy to forget that life skills will best serve our children over the long run. Some of these essential “life skills” include critical thinking, seeing things from another’s point of view, self-directed learning and taking on challenges. Parents can teach their children these skills by sharing their values, their personal challenges and successes, and their own life lessons in the simple day-to-day interactions with their children.

Enjoying your own life– In the rush to give our kids every opportunity, we can easily forget that parents matter too. As part of a dual-career family, I know just how easy it is for the activity schedule to take over, but I also know that when I feel constantly pushed to the limit, I’m not a very good resource for anyone. Having parents safeguard some time for their relationship with each other—and for their own passions and interests—may be one of the best things we can do for our kids. Children want their parents to be happy. It provides them with a deep sense of security.

So instead of defining success as “maximizing your child’s potential,” how about redefining success as helping children learn to love learning, helping them be comfortable in their own skin, helping them get along with others, and helping them figure out how they want to make a contribution to their community and their world. Those are important tools for finding success.

NB : I made some modifications to the original piece written by Lisa Levey of libraconsulting.com

Share your Opinion

Good post. The expectation some parents have of their kids is just too high. They tell them to always stay at the top and never make a mistake. Life is not like that. It is good to be at the top, it is good to be perfect but we all know that life is full of ups and downs and we all make mistakes and fail sometimes. One cannot always be at the top and one should not always be on the ground either. Telling kids never to fail is to give them a wrong impression about life. Failing sometimes is necessary for one to appreciate success.

I know of this girl whose mum always wanted her to get the highest grades in her class, she could not get anything less than the perfect score. The girl was under so much pressure that she broke down one day and angrily told her mum 'Do you know how stressed I have been all this time? I'm not allowed to make even one mistake. The pressure is just suffocating!'

Yeah, it's normal parental instincts to desire success for your child but ensure that your methods of going about it will not be counter productive in the end.

to be quite frank ...things have not been the same since I joined this mad rush all in a bid to be successful...

Almost everyone I meet would expect so much from me maybe cause I am brilliant but I keep surprising them each time we meet. I have goals and dreams but they must happen at my own pace if not I let it go. Life is too short and so I must enjoy it to its fullest. Success to me is living my life the best possible way, at my own pace legally and making heaven at the end.

Beautiful

Lol, different strokes for different folks.

For me: I'll push my kids to the limit, and get them involved in as many things as possible, just to help them discover their unique talents from early.

Yea, i think the Op is true. You need to see the level of competition these days especially amongst mothers of these kids. "My son is 7years old and in JSS 2, my daughter is only 5 years old but she can read advanced physics", all in a bid to show you their child's the best.

Its natural for any parent to wanna show off their 'amazing child' but take time to consider the child. Is s/he really doing good with the exposure/demands on him to always excel? In short, is the child happy?? Push your kids, yes, but only as far as is suitable/healthy for them.

Nice comments so far. More

I dey push dem well well!
Before they skip school to land in Germany while I am working my azzzze off!

Like those 3 ijjjjiotic teenagers who left home to go and join ICIS!

Idle brain na satan workshop abi?
To spend time with riff raffs online via Facebook and Twitter shey?

MTCHEEEEEEEEEW!!!!!

more

Nice post!

More comments.

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Thank you.

parent wish

more comments

move this to the frontpage. Thanks.

Pushing them to succeed is good,but being too pushy is bad..

One lesson I have learnt is that life won't give you what you want,you have to strive to get it.

At least the pushing is still within the context of the child's ability.

If fertilizer can be added to the soil to improve output,why won't I push my kids..

Nobody wants a lagging kid,op.

Yomieluv:
Pushing them to succeed is good,but being too pushy is bad..

At least the pushing is still within the context of the child's ability.

That is the point of the article.

.......

OK

Lalasticlala, please move this to FP. Thank you