I got narried last year. My husband and I never really lived together because of paper problems though we both live in western world, we try to visit once every month. The reason for my heartache now is that my husband talks/chats with too many women for my comfort. These women i dont know, never met or heard about any of them. I found out most of them are single, never married or even divorced.
I usually dont check his phone when we are around but whenever i play with his phone there is always something there for me to question. I have talked to my husband about this and everytime he kept promising to change. The last one even happened when he came to visit he was chatting with one of his female friends and they were planing to meet up when he gets back to his base.
I really dont know what it is he is looking for out there, i thought we were best friends. I dont understand why he enjoys chatting n talking those talks with other women. Is it that he is seeking attention or what? This is not about me being insecure, im just asking myself if im not enough for him. To the extent that he even talks to them while with me and he never shows me any sign something was wrong with us.
I really wish i have an answer to all my questions. Im dealing with trust issue now. I dont know what he is doing anytime. He try to cover his tracks by deleting messages, usually im not interested in sniffing around but when i look i find lots of conversation he s having with other ladies that aint ok with me.
He told me one time that as a married woman im not suppose to be chatting with a single guy and any couple i talk to should be friends with him too like family friends, but none of those my husband is talking to is my friend, i dont even know these people he never talks about them and when i ask him he says they are old time friends or distant cousins etc.
Im just not sure what it is he is looking for, we talk like all the time and i thought we talked about everything now im convinced thats not true. He is my best friend but now im not sure i feel good talking to him anymore, i feel he is betraying my trust, i feel like i dont want to talk to him anymore becuase i dont see the point if he has other talk mates outside. I feel like im married to a stranger. I dont know how to handle this. Please advise.

You say you talk all the time do you talk about how his chatting with other women makes you feel?

You say you feel like you are married to a stranger?I'll tell you the truth,you are.
I really don't know how long distance relationships work but they have a disadvantage in the fact that you can never really get to know each other well.Most times,it's a gamble.
I don't know how old your husband is but he's not mentally ready for married life.He still wants the freedom to mingle with ladies.He may not be physically cheating but he is emotionally.

What to do?Keep discussing with him about this and how it makes you feel.You will need a lot of patience too.

The first part of your story is contradicting.

You are trying to sound cool and in control but you're not.

You are married to a stranger.

Maybe you need a few new , good friends/talk mates yourself

Marriage is not a prison sentence. I think you feel cheated/betrayed because you felt you are giving him the best of you, friendship included while he is enjoying the best of two worlds ie your friendship and that of other friends.

First, make some new friends, keep healthy relationships outside of your marriage.

Some couples are best of friends, some are not. It's not something that can be forced or faked.

I agree with @ify
Time for you to make new friends.

I do talk to him about how i feel and he always promise me he isn't doing anything 'stupid'. But he never stops there is always someone if not more than one on the side.
I used to have my own friends before i got married but he was always complaining about them even though they are people i talked to him about before. I stopped taking to almost all my old male friends just to make him comfortable. Now i only have very few female friends and we dont even talk all the time or about everything. I know i could keep my own friends but the thing is if he gets to know he would not like it and he is going to give me a lot of trouble over it.
I want to keep peace. I dont want to do the same thing im complaining about, but that is what he is doing, doing exactly what he used to complain about.

really people are the architects of their problems and op is one. How can you claim you have a husband when you don't live together? even people living together are still complaining of one party cheating talk more of you guys living several miles apart. The only answer to your problem is finding a way to live together. Don't you know when couples don't stay together, they grow apart?

dsgirl:
I do talk to him about how i feel and he always promise me he isn't doing anything 'stupid'. But he never stops there is always someone if not more than one on the side.
I used to have my own friends before i got married but he was always complaining about them even though they are people i talked to him about before. I stopped taking to almost all my old male friends just to make him comfortable. Now i only have very few female friends and we dont even talk all the time or about everything. I know i could keep my own friends but the thing is if he gets to know he would not like it and he is going to give me a lot of trouble over it.
I want to keep peace. I dont want to do the same thing im complaining about, but that is what he is doing, doing exactly what he used to complain about.

Sorry.

I didn't even know its a long distance marriage. So how do you cope with little or no friends?

My dear, it's a big, fun filled life that you only live once, do not because of marriage or man turn yourself to a semi widow oo, locked up and away from the outside world. I'm not saying you should cheat or leave your marriage but please, go out and get some air. Your hubby is doing so already. You are practically making him your husband, best friend, whole world while to him, you are just his wife.

Advise yourself and take action before you turn to an old, bitter woman.

African women like wahala sha-sha!
Lady! You need to grow some thick skin!
No man in this world has only one woman he talks to!
Go and make your own friends!

Marriage is only a continuation of DATING!

Instead of whining about the situation. . . LEAVE!

Simple!

I looooooooooooooove WHITE PEOPLE toooooooo much!

dsgirl:
I do talk to him about how i feel and he always promise me he isn't doing anything 'stupid'. But he never stops there is always someone if not more than one on the side.
I used to have my own friends before i got married but he was always complaining about them even though they are people i talked to him about before. I stopped taking to almost all my old male friends just to make him comfortable. Now i only have very few female friends and we dont even talk all the time or about everything. I know i could keep my own friends but the thing is if he gets to know he would not like it and he is going to give me a lot of trouble over it.
I want to keep peace. I dont want to do the same thing im complaining about, but that is what he is doing, doing exactly what he used to complain about.

You used to, you stopped, you could, but he won't be comfortable. Is it all about him? what about you?

I do things for me but when i think about me alone again he complains im selfish that all i think about is me...lol that i dont listen to him, marriage is for two people coming together as one...and that was the reason i stopped communicating with people he is not comfortable with.
I tire o. I dont even know which one to follow sef.
I know no man has only one woman he talks to but this my husbands own is too much. Even if they dont look for him, he looks for them on all the social media he knows. On facebook my husband does not usually add males na soso females, 90% of people on his whatsapp na females even BBM. The reason i know they dont talk normal friendship talks is he deletes the messages right after each chat.
Im thinking if he is doing this because we dont live together. Even on days when we have real intimate chats or talk over the phone he would still have his own side talk with his women, like he does not get tired.
Im just trying to figure out a way to handle this situation. I dont think this is enough reason to leave, i love him, i want to stay but im not comfortable with this.

I know this is not a comfortable thing to deal with but i am just thinking maybe you can do right by you and not keep trying to get him to make you comfortable in your marriage perhaps this will reduce your anxiety levels and also not look like you are trying to control him because really you can't force him to stop chatting with those women as uncomfortable as it makes you,you don't know what is driving him to behave like this. It looks like he is having all the fun and you are waiting for him to change/behave before you can be happy or get on with the business of living.

dsgirl:
I do talk to him about how i feel and he always promise me he isn't doing anything 'stupid'. But he never stops there is always someone if not more than one on the side.
I used to have my own friends before i got married but he was always complaining about them even though they are people i talked to him about before. I stopped taking to almost all my old male friends just to make him comfortable. Now i only have very few female friends and we dont even talk all the time or about everything. I know i could keep my own friends but the thing is if he gets to know he would not like it and he is going to give me a lot of trouble over it.
I want to keep peace. I dont want to do the same thing im complaining about, but that is what he is doing, doing exactly what he used to complain about.

your guy is a 'smart' and selfish guy.Most cheats try to keep their partners within limits because they know how the game is.
That's exactly what your husband is doing.Only you know why you married him.
I'm afraid it's his game and not yours.He's either going to retire and make things better for you or you will have to live with it.