zeefa: Do I call both families together to resolve it?

mentorken05: From what I read...I can say that he is more than a brother to you.let ur wife get dat into her head.Ask her why she hates him around and if there is no good reason from her,den don't listen to her.am sorry but as for me,I can't loose my brother from another mother special thanks to unmeaningless request from my wife... Meanwhile 1st to comment...dancing azonto

Kgdavid: grown men shuld not spend so much time talkin to each other on the phone, your wife probably feels ignored and neglected during that period!

alutacontinua: Maybe u shld move dis to the family section. But then, seems lyk she might av her reasons. You come back from work, let's assume by 6.00pm and spend 2 hours with ur friend on phone. Let's assume u call ur parents and oda pple too for about about 1 hour too. Dt leaves about an hour or two with ur wife and children before u go to bed. Don't u think u might actually be putting ur friendship before ur family


Also, let's even assume u're ready to give up ut marriage for ur friendship, are u ready to sacrifice ur friend's fanily too since he said his wyf is complaining

I think u know u av a bit of fault, u just don't want to be told what to do bu ur wyf.

If u face ur wyf and give her attention, i doubt she actually would want to come in between u and ur best friend. U're both married now and dt means ur friendship has become secondary.

jnr prof: I don't see anything wrong with the closeness you have with your friend. I'm sure she knew how tight u guys were before the marriage. I'll just ask you and your friend to check closely and ensure that you're not neglecting your wives in any way. As long as you give her attention when she needs it, or respond to her when she calls u, there's no problem. She's just jealous, let her get over it. Thankfully your best friend isn't female so there can't be any allegations of infidelity. I've been that close to a friend before and pple began to say all sorts, so i understand how it is. It takes someone having such a close friend that you can call a brother and would stand by you no matter what happens that'll understand. Maybe u should do as you have suggested: bring both families together for a meeting.

luvmijeje: Op ur wife is suppose to be your best friend. To be candid you are being selfish.2hrs afterwork every weekdays and also on weekends,haba.!So u are expecting are not to complained.
You better set your priority right before your marriage fails.

Duke_Nija:

Abeg keep quiet!
What do you know about friendship?
Any Man that loses such a great friend is a big FO.oL!

Who will he run to when Life turns sour? This kind wife?

zeefa:


What kind of attention again? Cos most times when we don't go to work we are always together

Rocktation: But seriously, what d'you discuss with a man for two hours everyday, over the phone? Surely you resolve some of the issues you discuss on each day, without having to relive the discussions, on another day naaaa! Or is it that you just got married and away from each other? It is absurd, walahi.

Wife and husband alike, crave attention, for mental stimulation if nothing else. Denying her for reasons not so tangible as "gisting with my guy", is even having no concept of respect for her. You have a life and need your space, but so does she and yet she makes time for both of you. Imagine if she digs up a friend now and begins to call her everyday, for two hours before bedtime...after your own call session. Hmmn.

Being truly committed to your marriage, means that you are willing to take sacrifices to keep it alive. The challenge is that the commitment to taking active steps to maintain the union, means that you may not get your way in certain areas. Reduce all those calls oga, or call him in your free time at work. Don't use another's reggae to spoil your own blues abeg.

I don advice you my own be dat oo.

tsmith: What marks a man from a boy is how he is able to adequately manage his relationships. It's okay to talk for hours when you are single, but as a married person, one needs to learn to repioritise and realign one's requirements. Your top obligations now is to your immediate family.

Your wife threatening you is nothing but a cry for your attention, read in between the lines and salvage your marriage now before its too late. And to anyone saying the wife needs to get a life or occupied, that's only wedging a bridge that is destined for destruction.

I'm only speaking from someone who has toiled similar lines and hubby now crying over split milk.

luvmijeje: Op ur wife is suppose to be your best friend. To be candid you are being selfish.2hrs afterwork every weekdays and also on weekends,haba.!So u are expecting her not to complained.
You better set your priority right before your marriage fails.

Ice4jez: i beg to disagree u see my dear becos u marry a lady dont mean u forget some certain pple .some ladies marry a guy n want all d attention for themselve.this particular friend is one dat is very faithful.watin she want again.after a hard day ur husband comes to the house and call his best friend where dey discuss problems n find possible solution.wat of if he left the house and dey meet in a bar .which one will she prefer.he is faithful and responsible but she want satan to use her to seperate him from someone that can impact his life.

luvmijeje:
Eeeeehn,so she should be grateful that her husband come home everyday to spend time with his friend instead of her? To be grateful that his husband considered his friendship more important than his marriage? He even has to report his wife to his friend.! One chance!
I'm not saying he should not spend time with his friend but his wife happiness should also matter to him.

zeefa:

Report my wife to my friend? Nope! He hates coming in2 our issues, and always tell me 2 handle my family affair myself without a third party. How I wish you people have the feelings of the kind of person Dayo is! He made it clear to me that our wives are friends especially here where you have no other families apart from the one's around us.

I still don't understand her problems & promise 2 get back here to you guyz on our conclusion.

zeefa:

I agreed with your comment. But the truth is that we talk about so many things that will better our life. He helped me with the HSMP program I used 2 enter uk. We don't talk about girls or anything nasty. We talk about his projects, his challenges and I share mine with him. He always advise me even when my wife misbehaves. He is such a good friend and a brother.

Kgdavid:

behold the root cause of your problem broda. your wife is threatened by your friend and probably feels exposed and thereby degraded; that yu seek his advice so much probably makes her feel less important cuz thats a role every good wife wants to play(and shuld play) plus seeking his advice on her when yu feel she is misbehaving, turns him into an enemy for her. believe me women take all these so important and not just any old woman at that but your wife.

there is no 100% win/win here cuz either way someone is gonna get hurt at least a little but its a no brainer that your wife shuld be more important than your friend and if she is not then yu shuldnt have married her in the first place but thats another topic for another day. if yu want to save your home you must:

1. find out exactly why your wife is upset and even if she is acting calm right now she is definitely upset. probe her a little and the flood-gates will open up to reveal the source of her hurt.

2. i'm sure that the issues i listed above are at least part of the problem in her mind so therefore when she opens up be prepared. this your friend must cease to become YOUR friend alone but rather your FAMILY friend. make sure you, your wife, your friend and his wife (if he has one) do something together like have dinner or just visit each other. let the tie between you and him extend to your families as well. if she sees him as a friend too, then half the problem is solved.

you must also make her feel that no matter how much you talk to him, she is still more important in your life. you would be making a big mistake for example if yu go talk to him about an issue before talking to your wife about it even if that is his field. little things make a big difference in relationships.

good luck

p.s im not sure discussing your wife with your friend is a really good idea. you are exposing her weakness to someone she is not close to so even if he is your bro from another mother this is a form of betrayal to her. she's your wife mann, unless what she has done is really too much to bear then keep it indoors plz. and if it is too much then yu realy shuldnt have married her but again thats another topic for another day.

zeefa:

Well, I don't kw what to say as per your comment. I feel she is just getting jealous unnecessarily. As regards your suggestion, if she decided to pick up calls from any of her female friends too. Franklyspeaking, I won't mind if that will make her happy.
The person in question help her get the materials for her PLAB exams & other stuffz. This person is not just a friend but a brother from another woman ready to do anything for us as a family.

My dear, I can't be given u details of my family on NL. But he has done a lot for her too especially when she was pregnant. His wife don't really complain cos he told me he has warned her never to pokenose into our affair.

But my own wife seems to be strong headed that won't just listen or understand but all she intend to do is 2 dish out the threat of a divorce.

As I said, I will call both party to a meeting on sunday, then I will give the house details on our conclusion. I pray it works, but if things go wrong, I have no choice than to let her go. I respect her a lot & I love her and I don't expect such from a woman that care & love her husband.

Besides, am so grateful for all your advise & suggestions.