Hello Nairalanders. I'm in a dire need of your advice. Pls tell me what you'd do, if you were in my shoes.

I live in The UK presently and i'v been here since 2004 with my husband. In 2005 , my husband had some police issues , so he had to go back to Nigeria and due to this incident, he can NEVER come back to the UK. I am here with a set of twins, 2 boys who i had in 2006 few months after he left, and i've been struggling day in day out to cater for our children. To be honest with you, my husband gives us a monthly allowance of 350pounds, which in NGN is alot of my ., so my expenses is cut with his help.He has a business in Nigeria and he is VERY HARD WORKING. I must also tell you that he's very loving and a God fearing person who doesn't cheat(one should not trust men though).
My main dilemma is should i go relocate to Nigeria with my children , but that forfeits us being able to get the Uk citizenship or stay back in the UK for another 5yrs plus to get the citizenship and the children will only know their father when they re about 8yrs old? Also consider the side of (body no be fire wood) for both of us. I have a degree from a nigerian uni and some professional certicates from the Uk., so i think getting a job should be kinda easy as i was working before i left Nigeria.
Pls help a sister out, as this gives me sleepless nights. I'm planning to move by the first quarter of 2009.
British citienship for me and kids or a happy family life?

This is a difficult one. It's not easy being away from your soul mate for that many years. Even though, you will likely visit your husband in Nigeria during this period. If you feel the citizenship is critical for you and your kids, then you have to go that route. I know you said your husband is God fearing, however anything is possible. Heck! the pastors that commit adultery with young girls are god fearing too. And their wives live in the same country and house with them. In your own case you are thousands of miles apart.  Either way you go, there are possible consequences. You just have to way the importance of each, and do what's best for your family. I know it's easier said than done, but personally, I would just head back to Nigeria, so that you can raise the kids together and possibly grow his business together. Hope things work out for you.

temidara:

Hello Nairalanders. I'm in a dire need of your advice. please tell me what you'd do, if you were in my shoes.

I live in The UK presently and i'v been here since 2004 with my husband. In 2005 , my husband had some police issues , so he had to go back to Nigeria and due to this incident, he can NEVER come back to the UK. I am here with a set of twins, 2 boys who i had in 2006 few months after he left, and i've been struggling day in day out to cater for our children. To be honest with you, my husband gives us a monthly allowance of 350pounds, which in NGN is alot of my ., so my expenses is cut with his help.He has a business in Nigeria and he is VERY HARD WORKING. I must also tell you that he's very loving and a God fearing person who doesn't cheat(one should not trust men though).
My main dilemma is should i go relocate to Nigeria with my children , but that forfeits us being able to get the Uk citizenship or stay back in the UK for another 5yrs plus to get the citizenship and the children will only know their father when they re about 8yrs old? Also consider the side of (body no be fire wood) for both of us. I have a degree from a nigerian uni and some professional certicates from the Uk., so i think getting a job should be kind of easy as i was working before i left Nigeria.
please help a sister out, as this gives me sleepless nights. I'm planning to move by the first quarter of 2009.
British citienship for me and kids or a happy family life?

I want to assume you are banking on the seven-year concessionary policy of the Uk immigration.If that is true,you should as well look into the conditions set for that policy to get indefinite leave to remain and subsequently citizenship-
(a) the length of the parents' residence without leave;
(b) whether removal has been delayed through protracted (and often repetitive) representations or by the parents going to ground;
(c) the age of the children;
(d) whether the children were conceived at a time when either of the parents had a leave to remain;
(e) whether return to the parents' country of origin would cause extreme hardship for the children or put their health seriously at risk;
(f) whether either of the parents has a history of criminal behavior or deception

The other side of the story is subjecting the children to poverty and sub standard of living because of your minimum income from Nigeria and possible few pound here in the UK.You children deserve better life because the expected British citizenship is not a better itself but a possible means to a better living(It never guarantees a better life).
Honestly speaking,Nigeria will be a better place for the children so that both parents can take care of them.
Wish you the best.

Just go home. your husband's issue will definitely be a problem after that 5 yrs . . .

Hmm this is a hard one.

Even me who has a good job in the UK and really no major issue have already hinted my newly wed wife that we should start planning a move to Naija.
I have started quickly constructing a house there .
Reason is no place like home and really lets face it the UK economy is in big trouble worse then most of europe due to its close relationship with the USA.
If I had to choose between my family and some piece of paper i may or may not get in 5 years with laws changing by the day i will eaily pick my family and go home.
If he can provide you with £350 a month it means he can at least give you a manageable life in Nigeria .

really?

I advice u to go back to ur husband if really both of u really love each other as u claimed, distance can distroy feelings, and for ur kids, they need to also feel dad's love closer than it will be great for them to grow up with both parents, i live in the europe i know how difficult u re facing with these kids alone, it's not very easy to raise up kids how much more doing it alone. forget about paper thing, they will always have it in as long as they were born there. maybe u should register ur reason of relocating back to 9ja befor moving to avoid future stress.
Good luck.

mmm this is tough but considering that ur husband have a good business in nigeria and can give u and ur kids a good life in nigeria ,family should always come first,staying in UK without husband will destroy ur marriage and ur kids will grow up without there father which will affect them in the long round.
i think u and ur husband should sit down and discuss this issue, citizenship wont garantee u a better life.

Angolobabe:

mmm this is tough but considering that ur husband have a good business in nigeria and can give u and ur kids a good life in nigeria ,family should always come first,staying in UK without husband will destroy ur marriage and ur kids will grow up without there father which will affect them in the long round.
i think u and ur husband should sit down and discuss this issue, citizenship wont garantee u a better life.

wHER U DEY HID? I AM LOOKING FOR U EVERYWHERE FOR THE GOOD NEWS

thank you everybody, i'm very grateful. I feel somewhat relieved. May God meet you all at the point of ur needs. More advice still needed though. cheers

I live in The UK presently and i'v been here since 2004 with my husband. In 2005 , my husband had some police issues , so he had to go back to Nigeria and due to this incident, he can NEVER come back to the UK. I am here with a set of twins, 2 boys who i had in 2006 few months after he left, and i've been struggling day in day out to cater for our children. To be honest with you, my husband gives us a monthly allowance of 350pounds, which in NGN is alot of my ., so my expenses is cut with his help.He has a business in Nigeria and he is VERY HARD WORKING. I must also tell you that he's very loving and a God fearing person who doesn't cheat(one should not trust men though).
My main dilemma is should i go relocate to Nigeria with my children , but that forfeits us being able to get the Uk citizenship or stay back in the UK for another 5yrs plus to get the citizenship and the children will only know their father when they re about 8yrs old? Also consider the side of (body no be fire wood) for both of us. I have a degree from a nigerian uni and some professional certicates from the Uk., so i think getting a job should be kind of easy as i was working before i left Nigeria.

I would suggest for you to think about what "police issues" your husband had. Did he do time in prison? You'll want to think about the crime-assuming he's guilty. If he's doing low life things, that's probably not the kind of man you want in your life. Also what state is your marriage in? You may want to have your family back home give you the lowdown on your hubby. Find out if he's taken up with any women or have any other children. You need to know these things before you make this big move. The main issue here is how you feel about your husband, what kind of man he is and if you're in a good marriage. You may also want to go talk to a lawyer to see if there's any way your husband can get papers to come back sooner or at least to visit. Also try not to assume anything. From the UK it may seem easy to get a job with a degree and certificates, but that might not be the case in Nigeria.

Go back to Nigerian, Relocate to another Country

Shikena

Can't you do the regular visits now and then ?

If i was in the same situation as you i would put my kids future ahead of anything else that doesn't mean u don't love their father,but think about it for a minute you are responsible now for their future u can make then have the best future you didn't ( i am not say papers = good future oh ) but with lots of hard work and persistent you will look back in a few years time and say THANK YOU LORD !. Stay put in the UK or Locate somewhere else in europe Nigeria is a nice place for those who only have connections,lots of money , houses,and cars.if u haven't got any of these in naija just forget it atleast in the UK u don't have to beg the gateman for example to let u into a goverment premise where u are supossed to be helped that is the case in naija oh !

The issue my husband had with the police was on immigration matters and he did not do time in prison. Also , in as much as my children's future means the best to me, don't you also think it is best if both a mother and father raise their kids in as much as they re both alive? I feel their dad is missing out on their growing up years.

@Temidara,

Go home.

U sd, ur hubby can never come bk to d UK anyway.

Citizenship or not, ur kids will become what God has predestined dm to become.

Get a visa if u want 2 come on hols or biz.

Boys hv never sn their dad. No! Go back to Naija.

If it was me I would move back and be with my husband.

Move back to naija, It shouldnt even be thought about twice.

I think i would move back with my husband or i would relocate to another country with my husband and kids. I think the kids not knowing their dad is not a very good thing.
I wish you all the best always.

temidara:

The issue my husband had with the police was on immigration matters and he did not do time in prison. Also , in as much as my children's future means the best to me, don't you also think it is best if both a mother and father raise their kids in as much as they re both alive? I feel their dad is missing out on their growing up years.

Since your husband's issue was with immigration, why not go see a lawyer?

when its time to register your kids as british citizens the issue of ur husband will be there hanging like a spectre over them. not worth it. If its God's plan for those kids to come back to the UK He will make a way for them.

abujabooks:

@Temidara,

Go home.

U sd, ur hubby can never come bk to d UK anyway.

Citizenship or not, ur kids will become what God has predestined dm to become.

Get a visa if u want 2 come on hols or biz.

Boys hv never sn their dad. No! Go back to Naija.

What more can I say

with pple you can never know.

it all been said.
go back to ur hubby with the kids.
let them grow with both parental eyes watchin
Uk is not a do or die affair?
u can always come back
aside Nigeria is not that bad as painted?
with ur cert and qualifications u will get a GOOD job soonest ( am so certain, u stand a better chance wit ur western qualifications)
start makin plans soon (which include scouting for job back home)
let me give u tips (throw ur resume to places u would love to work)
most multinationals, oil n gas, telecommunications and banks now accept resume online.
try apply to www.mtnonline.com/careers
i work there and can be of help.
all the best

Please go home and meet your husband so u both can raise up your children, you could still relocate to another countryin europe if u so desire to stay out.

Ple, ase go home to your husband,not just for thhe sake
of your children,but also for the sake of your marriage.it is not
good for you to raise your children without your husband.Besides
with your qualifications you can get a good paying job in naija.

all the same i know its not an easy decision to take,nd i hope
the lord directs you.

my advice for u is to relocate back home and re unite with ur hubby.

To every one who contributed, I'm so so grateful. THANK YOU

@Temi
Please i will advise you to come home and start up with your hard working man . Your support will really go a long way ! I've been through this before and life was very miserable for me,then i knew how important it is for a man to have a family to come beck home to everyday. I can imagine what your man is going through now. Abeg leave citizenship for the oyinbos.

please come home and stay with your husband , your future is in God's hands as well as your kids' future.
you can always travel to any other country later,

@poster!!! go for your happiness woman. relocate to niaja to meet him and forget that stupid citizenship krap!!