Mrs. Poster your post are below. According to you, you stated you are new. That's a lie. You are not new. You opened a new account. You have been using nairaland since last year. Last month you opened a new account just for this thread. There is nothing bad in a woman than lying. Lying is very bad. Since you are a liar that makes a lot of things about you questionable. See wahala O, Can you Imagine you want advice from nairaland and all you can come up is a lie? What if this your story is a lie? Lying is bad. Lying in a relationship is extra bad. I read some where on this forum about a guy complaining his wife lied to him before marriage about some virginity bullshit. Who knows if that thread is about you. Nawa for this world.


YOUR POSTS ARE BELOW:
dellynash (f)
cameroon
Posts: 234

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Re: My Husband Has Become Boring, He Hardly Makes The Bed When He Gets Up
« #69 on: November 28, 2008, 10:44 AM »

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Thanks plappville, for your contribution, as regards ur question i do go to work that is why i get up as early as 5.30 sometimes 5am to cook before going to work, i wake up before him and when he wakes up he will hardly touch the bed. About the second round stuff he use to even go like three times when we were dating but now he seems too tired, meanwhile i do all the house work, cooking, washing of his clothes, etc inshort everything, so i don't understand why he gets so tired in that area.

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You don't plan to be in love, it just happens.


sweet mama (f)
Cameroon
Posts: 22

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Re: My Husband Has Become Boring, He Hardly Makes The Bed When He Gets Up
« #70 on: November 28, 2008, 11:08 AM »

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Thanks plappville, for your contribution, as regards ur question i do go to work that is why i get up as early as 5.30 sometimes 5am to cook before going to work, i wake up before him and when he wakes up he will hardly touch the bed. About the second round stuff he use to even go like three times when we were dating but now he seems too tired, meanwhile i do all the house work, cooking, washing of his clothes, etc inshort everything, so i don't understand why he gets so tired in that area.

My dear your concerns are very normal for any young marriage. We often make the mistake of telling everyone about our challenges without telling GOD the author of marraige. Just go on your knees and you will never regret you did.

@ poster,

I am quite young in this business ( marriage) but i think i should chip in one or two things. It takes a couple of months( sometimes years) for two different people to actually try to become one. The first phase after marriage for a man is trying to act as the father of the house.

When i got married over 2 years ago, i suddenly found myself watching TV whenever my wife was in the kitchen. I get out of bed without looking back. Eating in the parlour without packing my plates to the kitchen, talkless of washing them in the kitchen.
Cooking, sweeping, vacuum cleaning, etc where thing i ignored but i must confess to you that i DID not deliberately ignore them. I was just passing thru a phase , which i was not in total control of.

It was later, after about 6-9 months, that i started to go back to my pre marriage behaviours, cooking, washing, sweeping, laying the bed, eating and then pack my plate and my wife plate, etc

Then SEX, before marriage, was a privilege not a right. There are time you want it and your fiancee might not give based on the reason that it's pre-marital. Then all of a sudden after some two hours in the church/mosque/ court and a paper you suddenly realise that you can have this thing everyday, anytime etc.

The conquest spirit in a man make the first few sex one looks too easy, always there at your beck and call, so that also needs some time to fix

But above all just keep your cool, he will soon come back to his former ways.hopefully

@Poster do your best and leave the rest that you can't. Good luck

To:Dellynash:

I am just making sure you are for real about your story.

Please before marriage make sure to go to a marriage counselor to get your priorities straight. Most of these marriage problems that most married people are going through could have been easily solved and avoided if you and your future husband talked and agreed on who is responsible for what. Women are not slaves or maids so should not be responsible for all of the housework. If a marriage is supposed to be 50/50 than the man should be responsible for something other than just working. Men have it easy and continues to have it easy because women and society allow it. If he was capable of taking care of himself before meeting you than he can sure damn well take care of himself now that he is with you. You really need to have a talk with him now before thinks get bad because the longer he keeps doing these things the madder, sadden and pissed off that you will become and that will only affect your relationship. Sit him down and tell him what you expect from him. He is not God and probably doesn't even notice the changes so it is up to you to tell him and give him options on how to improve his behaviors.

@ Outlaw

did you suggest living together before marriage? we are nigerian we don't do that. Besides the older generation didn't have to and most of them have good marriages. marriage is all about tolerance to me. so when you are dating, a smart person will look at the gray areas of the other person characteristic/ personality and see if he or she can cope with it. if you can, you are golden and if you can't then is time to talk it a day.

where do you live in Oregon?

I wish to respond to ur complains. I will like to start by asking if you are a christian or not? If u are, it makes the whole issues better. I have been happily married for three yrs to a wonderful wife and with a beautiful duaghter. Marriage is not a place u will expect 100% perfection, I tell u the gospel truth you cannot attain or have it any where but you can make your marriage what u want it to be. Ur husband may not be perfect and there is none that is perfect except God. Sex is only one of the reasons for marraige we have some many other reasons for marraige which I may not be able to reveal all on this forum. Make your husband/wife ur best friend or soulmate. Don't employ any house assistant to do ur work except if u are ready to share ur matrimonial home for the second party which God is against. Do all that u have been doing with love and cheerfulness without complain, resentment, anger or fury and one day your husband will come to his seenses and reciprocate ur love by picking few or even all that u have been doing alone. Please for those of u who are yet to marry, marriage is honourabble if only u don't defile the bed and it's a sweet thing to do. And for all marriaed couples; the Lord almighty shall uphold ur marital homes. For further counselling u can contact me on 08068856195 or maitanmi@yahoo.com and we will discuss better. God bless you all (Amen)

MAKE SURE YOU GUYS TALK ALOT. ABOUT ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. LET HIM KNOW HOW YOU FEEL ABOUT THE ISSUES YOU HAVE WITH HIM. HE WILL CHANGE BUT GRADUALLY. COS HE HAS FORMED HIS HABITS IT WILL TAKE TIME TO DE-FORM THEM. YOU KNOW EVEN YOU WOULD HAVE SOME ISSUES THAT HE HAS TO BEAR WITH YOU ABOUT. BUT WITH COMMUNICATION AND UNDERSTANDING, GRADUALLY THINGS WILL MAKE SENSE. IF YOU HAVE NEVER TAKEN SHIT IN YOUR LIFE BEFORE, THEN CONGRATS COS NOW YOU MUST BE WILLING TO EAT SHIT AND TRUTH IS, THATS WHAT MAKES MOST GOOD MARRIAGES WORK.
GOOD LUCK.

generally a good thread. NL at what they do best. no fight just sensible banter

Men are not usually good at this kind of things especially when they have a woman or children around. A man will only make his bed when he is single, most men hardly do these kind of things when they are married or have a companion who they believe will help them out when it comes to activities like making of bed.

may God help those of us who are yet to settle down cos what is happening in marrieges these days, its so obvious that 85% of marrieges are not happy.

God help us,

When i read posts like these, i begin to wonder what this whole marriage thing is really about.Women are generally the ones who push a man for commitment, they push further for marriage and once that is done. . .they start looking for issues to fuss about.From my point of view, 95% of marital problems are instigated directly or indirectly by women!

First of all, why do we get married? We get married so we can help the one we professed our unfailing love to achieve his or her ultimate goals and dreams in life. If you wedded in church, go back and read up the oath you took while tying the knots. You'll discover that you do not have a'thing to whine about. What if your man was incapacitated due to one sickness or mishap? Would you make fuss about how you do everything in the house? That's why I always advise folks to really know their spouses before taking the plunge called marriage. Communication is the only key to solving this issue you're confused about. Talk things over with your husband! Talk and don't whine. Talk and don't bring in third parties. A polite talk breaks all the ice.

@ delux; true Talk

, honestly what you are going though is a normal thing in new marriages, courtship is quite different from what is obtainable in marriages. A very organised man turns to an unorganised man once he gets married. why? because u are there to organise him and the house and that is the only time u can call the place a "HOME".

Women gets more excited about new marriages, men are more concerned about the new responsibilities and new role which tend to make them withdrawn. while u are thinking of all the congratulations, the man is thinking of all the responsibilities associated with marriages. cancelation of boys -night- out, honey, this and that, but u know what, u can make him feel relaxed by:

1- Talking it over with him, your sex life and fears
2- Making up your mind that its more of your responsibility to keep the house and home
3- Read Proverbs 31- 11- end.
4- Most imortantly dont compare your husband and dont rob shoulders, wives! submit to yor husbands.
5- Always talk, talk and talk things over that way, u learn each other more, its not about how many years u court this is a different institution of learning.

Wishing u a fruitful and spendid marriage.

Seriously naija guys are always like dat once they pay your bride price they will think you are in their net for life and would want 2 turn you into their househelp. but all the same babe u will get through it just be prayerful and keep on doing the gud work one day he will change

The poor man goes to work from 8am to 4pm or even come home later than that and you complain because he doesn't make the bed. What's your duty as a wife, isn't it to make the home conducive and comfortable to live in. If you don't want to be the house wife, maybe you should go hire a maid and get a job. So you want him to start making the bed, then it would come to washing the dishes for you and maybe it would progress to a stage where he would start doing the laundries and washing your undies. You can't expect a man to be strong in the love making process after the stress he's incurred at work.

I was always under the impression that a woman would love doing all those things for her husband when newly wed!!!
You probably nag so much that it is straining the marriage.
It is wrong to demand your husband picks up his shoes..a loving wife brings her husband his shoes and takes them off his feet when he comes home from work. Then she deserves more than one round in bed.
Keep nagging the bed is not made.. one day you might wake up to find the bed empty.
Please do not mislead yourself or let anyone mislead you because you do not have much clue about your duties as a wife.

seems the op did an about turn later:

sweet mama: I have to be able to take care of a home, look after my husband and kids, dress responsibly that is what makes me a woman.

https://www.nairaland.com/201287/what-makes-u-woman#3165080

mutter:
It is wrong to demand your husband picks up his shoes

mutter: I was always under the impression that a woman would love doing all those things for her husband when newly wed!!!
You probably nag so much that it is straining the marriage.
It is wrong to demand your husband picks up his shoes..a loving wife brings her husband his shoes and takes them off his feet when he comes home from work. Then she deserves more than one round in bed.
Keep nagging the bed is not made.. one day you might wake up to find the bed empty.
Please do not mislead yourself or let anyone mislead you because you do not have much clue about your duties as a wife.

picking up his shoes become hard-work when there's no love in the union. what's exactly physically-tasking in picking shoes up? some wives are big jokes.....

coogar:

picking up his shoes become hard-work when there's no love in the union. what's exactly physically-tasking in picking shoes up? some wives are big jokes.....

first of all this thread is 5years old so i presume the poster must have had a kid now between the age of 3-5 years old.2ndly as per the post,women are naturally loving people and care is what God has programmed in them so for poster whinning and nagging about it shows that the husband too is not fullfilling his own part of the bargain-showing love,care,empathy and concern for your wife.i even wonder why these generation of men are like this sef.when you guys are courting,they are all lovey dovey,so all over you,they show so much care,concern and are generally sweet but as soon as they wife you,they gradually stop what they are doing.however i believe communication will do the work NOT NAGGING,YELLING,CRYING OR SCREAMING.talk to him gently maybe like after dinner,tell him everything exactly the way you typed it and dont forget prayer too.pray before you go and meet him

kulyie: so for poster whinning and nagging about it shows that the husband too is not fullfilling his own part of the bargain-showing love,care,empathy and concern for your wife.i even wonder why these generation of men are like this sef.

All hail the Omniscient One.

Feels great to actually see woman proffering solutions to themselves! Kudos

in the olden days the op would have asked for housekeeping tips.

in modern days, posters ask for husband or wife bashing tips.

coogar:

wetin dey worry you coogar boy :p why you dey do mouth like that? 8-).because i said the truth abi.i know say the truth dey always pepper you people for body

fresh_dude: All hail the Omniscient One.

God forbid,na only GOD in the highest be omniscient,who i be,mere mortal