read this short script and please add yours. lets share ideas


I’m Sorry. I Really Am



Written by killjoy




Scene one
Int. day
Jeremy’s Residence
[cool blues is playing in the background as cam opens on Jeremy’s feet placed on his table. Cam slowly zooms out and shows Jeremy (26, handsome, lanky) sitting on a sofa with his hands behind his head, resting on the sofa’s headrest. His legs are resting on the table and his eyes are closed. His doorbell rings and he opens his eyes]
Jeremy:
Who’s there? Come in…
Jemimah:
[24, beautiful, wearing a red gown that stops at her knees and a black leggings, walks in]
Hi baby….
Jeremy:
[drops his legs from the table, leans towards her but still sitting]
Jemimah, how are you?
Jemimah:
[sits down beside him, drops her bag on the table and gives him a side hug with a big smile]
I’m fine. I missed you.
Jeremy:
[With a blank expression on his face]
I missed you too.
[He picks the remote on the table and stops the music]
So how was the trip?
Jemimah:
[her big smile reduces to a expressionless face]
The trip was fine
[She stares at him blankly; he glances at her, and then glances away]
You are not happy to see me right? You’re still mad at me.
Jeremy:
I’m not… I am not mad at you and I’m happy to see you.
Jemimah:
[standing to her feet and raising her voice]
Then why don’t you show it?! No smiles, no hugs, no… no nothing.
[she sits down beside him, places her hands in between her knees, looks down sadly]
Maybe I shouldn’t have come. You haven’t forgiven me.
[she starts to sob]
Jeremy:
[He looks at her and looks away frantically. He swiftly gets to his feet and faces her]
Look! Just stop it! Please stop it! Don’t play the victim here.
[she continues to sob. Tears are now streaming out of her eyes. She wipes her eyes with her hands]
Jeremy (cont’d):
You see, this is the problem I have with you, with women.
[he starts pacing to and fro]
Do you expect me to start throwing back dives ‘cause I’m happy to see you? I assured you I have forgiven you. Why don’t you take my words at face value?
[still pacing around]
…you complain I’m insensitive whereas what you really want is for me to be a drama queen!
[she looks up at him, with tears in her eyes and she slips a little smile]
Jemimah:
It’s… it’s not drama queen, it’s drama king… since you’re a guy.
Jeremy:
Drama king is not a legitimate word in the dictionary! Drama isn’t associated with men but with women, females, queens… you…
[he stops pacing, faces her and speaks softly]
What’s with all this drama? I don’t like it
Jemimah:
[after wiping her face, she smoothens her thighs with her palms]
I’m not being dramatic my dear. I’m really hurt that I’m happy to see you but you don’t feel the same way towards me.
[she stands up and takes her bag]
Once again, I’m sorry for what I did. I shouldn’t have come here in the first place, at least, not so soon. I will take the next available flight. Take care
[she stands in front of him and stares at him, waiting for his reply]
Jeremy:
[after some seconds]
I cooked your favourite, just the way you like it.
Jemimah:
[her eyes widen in amazement]
Really?!
[she throws her bag on the sofa and jumps on him, while throwing her arms around his neck]
Ohh… I love you too!
[Scene fades. Scene resumes with Jeremy and Jemimah on the dining table eating]
Jemimah:
This was…mmmmmmm! I enjoyed it… totally!
Jeremy:
[with a blank expression and staring into his plate. He raises a brow]
Mmmm hmmmm?
Jemimah:
[slips an enthusiastic smile]
Let me tell you a funny thing that transpired at the airport this morning. I mean, before I boarded the….
Jeremy (interrupts):
I would love hear about it…
[he looks up]
…when I return.
Jemimah:
You going out?
Jeremy:
Briefly… I’d be back before you know it.
Jemimah:
[drops her fork on the plate and stands up quickly]
Fine. Let me quickly go wash up and change so we can…
Jeremy (interrupts):
[raises a hand]
No… don’t worry… it’s a guy’s hangout… sorry… exclusively for guys.
[he looks away]
Guys only.
Jemimah:
[exhales and looks depressed]
Oohhh… so I really can’t come?
Jeremy:
[shakes his head]
Sorry….
[she stares at him in desperation and sadness]

Scene fades

sholay2011:
This is an excerpt from a script of mine:

CUT TO:
EXT. FEMI’S HOUSE/DOORPOST-DAWN

SFX- OMINOUS SOUND CONTINUES

Anike walks to the doorpost and knocks at the door. She knocks again. The door opens and we see MRS. ATERE/ROLAKE (42), with wrapper tied to her chest.

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Good morning, ma.

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
Ah, Anike…morning. Hope no problem?

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Nothing really. ‘Just want to pick Dare so he won’t be late for school.

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
Pick Dare? Dare isn’t here.

There is a deadly silence.

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Em…em…ma, are you sure Dare didn’t sleep here ‘cos he and Femi went to play ball yesterday which…?

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
No, he didn’t. I didn’t even see him throughout yesterday.

Anike becomes a bit anxious.

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Can…can you please call Femi for me, ma?

MRS ATERE
Okay.

Mrs Atere leaves for inside the house. Anike rubs her palms together again to generate heat. Mrs Atere emerges with Femi, in a vest and shorts, at the doorpost.

ANIKE
Femi, good morning.

FEMI
Morning. How is Dare?

Anike appears taken aback. She and Mrs Atere look at each other.

ANIKE
Femi, are you telling me you didn’t come home with Dare yesterday?

Femi shakes his head.

ANIKE (Sighs)
So, after you people played ball and it started raining, where did he go?

FEMI
We finished the ball quickly because we saw that it wanted to rain. Dare packed his boots and I thought he went home. Is he not at home?

ANIKE
No, he is not.

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
I believe he is out somewhere, probably scared of the beating your mother would give him if she...

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Dare doesn’t sleep outside the house except your place…

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
Don’t be too sure. Children of nowadays can be very lousy…

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
-my brother is not lousy.

Mrs Atere gives her a stern look.

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Femi, can you quickly follow me to the field where you guys play, not sure I know the place?

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
My son is going nowhere this early morning. He has to prepare for school, woman.

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
I swear this will not take time. I just want him to…

MRS ATERE (In Yoruba)
No, no, no, no.

ANIKE (In Yoruba)
Please, ma…

MRS ATERE (Shakes head)
Hm-hm.

MR ATERE (44) emerges in the scene from the house.

MR ATERE (In Yoruba)
What’s happening here?

Anike and Mrs Atere look at each other.

Omolola1:
Nice

Let me just chip in something:

As a scriptwriter or screenwriter, whichever the case may be.. it's wrong to add "cut in" etc..that is the work of the director in what is called "Director's treatment"
As a screenwriter/scriptwriter, all you need to do is write.

Secondly,
This goes to the first writer
I'm sure the application you used is "final draft"
This application is used for scriptwriting.
There are tags like action, dialogue, parenthetical, character etc..

Descriptions such as this

[24, beautiful, wearing a red gown that stops at her knees and a black leggings, walks in]

Do not need to be in bracket, they are descriptions, thus, should be in an action format.
Only parenthetical such as: (sigh), (laughing) etc are bracketed, and this would be done automatically on final draft when highlighted and 'parenthetical' is selected.

Just thought I chip this in.

Inosenduatall:
Beautiful thread though. However I would like us to discuss some really important issues.

1. How can one make money writing scripts in Nigeria?

2. In the case where one wants to produce his own movie after writing the script but lacks the necessary funds, how can one source for funds?

Thank you and I hope my questions are addressed adequately and thoroughly.

killjoy:



my broda, scriptwriters, lyk many other art related professions r nt valued. d only way u can make money from ur scrip is to produce it urself.

Inosenduatall:


It's really unfortunate cos we've got a lot of amazing talents out there that can create a mind-blowing story on a very low budget. It's looking more and more like I may have to tow this route. The irony is, writing a wonderful script takes a lot of brain power in order for the sequence to flow seamlessly from one to the other and for the story as a whole to be engaging and most importantly, add up.

prof800:
@Inosenduatall, nice work up there.
....to your questions...
1. one can make money by getting to sell the written scripts or contributing to the development of a ready written script or writing episodes for tv shows etc...


2. there are kickstarter programs I think. Also watch out for govt. loans when it is announced... two have been given already over the past 5 years.



@Omolola1, I see you and I feel you.