Rep042:

My marriage is just 1 year and few days old,but within the last 365 days,I have seen torment and hell on daily basis. We dated for 2 years before tieing the knot,she's a nice person,but her mouth is destructive,she has this overbearing attitude,always trying to control me or dictate the pace,and can keep malice,anger and record of evil done to her for a long time. She's the type of person that talks very well,I mean convincely well,but unfortunately,she speaks more negative words. She can talk for hours non-stop,especially when provoked,saying all sorts of bad words.
She has threatened to kill me & send assassins after me on different occasions in the past,though I just ignored such threats.
My wife has been abusing me verbally and always say nasty things at every slightest provocation and at the same ready to engage me in fisticuffs.
She can really say unprintable words such as "it will not be well with you","as you go out,people will deal with you", "you will work like an elephant and eat like an ant", "this your certificate will never yeild you any good thing", etc, name callings,abuses,curses etc.
Please Nairalanders,I will like to know if it is wrong or out of place for a working class married lady to assist her husband in paying some bills or buying some foodstuffs at home. Because,anytime she assists in doing anything,she will record it and consequently use that to abuse and insult me whenever we have misunderstanding and or exchange of words.
After our traditional marriage on December 2013,I had some financial challenges,and then my rent was due for renewable,she offered to assist,at first I was skeptical about it ,because I know her kind of person,knowing full well that she will use that to ridicule and abuse me in no distant time. But,then,I didn't have any alternative,so I allowed her pay d rent. Now,she's claiming ownership,saying ..."which house,the one that I have been paying the rent or another one"...,she has done a lot of character assassination & damages to my personality before some of her relatives & family members(Her father and two sisters),thus they all support her & no longer regard me as anybody.
Few months into our marriage,she started wearing butt pads, I told her to stop ,because I don't like the stuff,but she flared up & we had exchange of words,she told me that she has to look good to outsiders.
Throughout her pregnancy period,she wore the butt pads on daily basis even at home,I allowed her because of her condition,even though it looked disgusting on her. After she put to bed,and few days later, I told her to quit wearing that stuff,but she refused,then I seized it,she started ranting to the hearing of everyone at home & neighbors that I have taken her padded pants(aka butt pad) to native doctor,I just ignored her,few days later,she bought another set.
On Xmas day(2014),she dressed up & wore the butt pads again,I told her to remove it ,but she refused,then i tried forcing her to do so,and that resulted to a serious fight. She tore my already ironed clothes to pieces(an expensive Indian attire I bought when I travelled to India),I tore hers too and forced the butt pads out from her body.
Hell was let loose that day,because she called her sisters,they came to my house and created a very nasty scene in my neighborhood,they insulted,ridiculed me and made a mockery of me,her elder sister who is a police officer threatened to deal with me,she was talking and hitting her hands on the ground saying that,they are going to teach me some bitter lessons in this town. I tried to respond but my Mum,who's on child's visit(Omukwo) asked me to hold my peace,it wasn't easy though,they also insulted her too.
Since that day till date,my wife doesn't talk to me,the only thing that connects us now is the new born baby.
Her words have actually killed me psychologically,emotionally etc ,to the extent that sometimes,I loose consciousness of my surrounding while driving to & fro from work , I will be lost in thought, and on a particular occasion nearly rammed another moving vehicle,if not for the speed bumps on the road that awaken my consciousness.
Her words:"if you are still regarding me as your wife,then you wasting your time",Its obvious she wants a divorce because to her,she's still very young(28 years),and can easily move on. She doesn't give a damn.
She has also repeated that same threat of killing me,these days ,the number of calls entering her phone is amazing,most times,she goes far from the house to answer those calls.
Please,kindly advice me.
Thank you.

Your wife hasn't cheated on you, stolen your money, or committed any mortal crime.

Your marriage is barely one year old. You made those vows for-better-for-worse. What you're going through is a bumpy phase. You don't just throw in the trowel at the first hurdle.

Man up and face your responsibilities and quit trying so hard to force yourself on her. It's not your place to tear down her clothes, butt pads or not, simply because you don't like them. By doing so, you've lowered yourself in her eyes, hence her fighting you back in retaliation.

Rather than dwell on the negatives of your marriage, try to see the positives - afterall, you must have seen something in her for you to have married her in the first place. Dwell on the positives and you both should strive to improve upon how you relate to each other. Cut out the third parties and keep your business your business.

Goodluck.

Thank you all for your contributions, I really appreciate your comments,suggestions and advice.
God bless.

After our traditional marriage on December 2013,I had some financial challenges,and then my rent was due for renewable,she offered to assist,at first I was skeptical about it ,because I know her kind of person,knowing full well that she will use that to ridicule and abuse me in no distant time.

i do tell people not to be carried away by or enter into debt because of wedding which lasts ,at most, for 3days.
You saw a pretty young lady, you got carried away by beauty, you proposed she accepted after a short time of shakara.
you are blinded by love(lust) even to her behaviours then because u are clueless about marriage.
You prepared only for wedding,not for marriage nd spent all your savings on wedding ceremonies. The reality dawn on you after you entered the real thing...


The only advice i can give you is to leave that house until she comes back to her senses

elantraceey:



I'm against divorce but in this case that's the only way out for you , A married woman wearing butt pad against her husbands' wish , who is she trying to impress?


But op be honest , you saw some of these signs before you married her right?

.

elantraceey:



why are you sounding like you were their when they were dating? No need to jump into hasty conclusions .


In as much as i'm against premarital sex i believe God doesn't purnish fornicator with a fsiled marriage else 80% of marriages would have failed just as it began.

i ve been married for three years .i kno nd understand every word i jst said n for ur info the 80% is just 10% that re truly happy in it.go n read ur bible abt consequence.a gal u ve not had sex wit befr marriage has higher repects cos she feels u re unpredictable.if at all she wants to show her attitude it will b in d second year if am lying d op shiuld say m lying

@Op , you and wife deserve each other.
Your wife has a crazy caustic mouth on her and you instead of being the voice of reason to a seemingly mad woman decided to join her in her craziness.
She wants to wear a buttpad on her body, not yours not your baby, but hers... Ok fine you aren't comfortable with it, what happened to reasoning with her. Even if she refused , remember she's an individual first with her own likes and dislikes before she is your wifen she isn't property your bought off a supermarket shelf.
Then you wnet further to exchange blows with your wife just to remove the buttpad. Its not like the buttpad has some crazy harmful effect on either of you. Its just your personal preference you are forcing on her.
Much ado about nothing

Elantraceey have said the whole truth about u seeing these triat in her during courtship and ignoring it



Anyway fast forward till today
Have you informed her parents about this
Have u informed ur God about it
Have u look at the proms and con's of being with her till today.
Have u any obligations towards her except being married.
What value did you place on your life if she did acts accordingly.
Have you weight the emotional abuses she gives you daily
Have u had a soul searching conversation with her and what was the result
Have u left her for some days alone and what was the result
Is her situation beyond redemption or....
Do you wanna raise a kid in that kind of situation


These are some of the questions you need to ask yourself before you take the next step
Because delay might be dangerous

Rosarie:
i ve been married for three years .i kno nd understand every word i jst said n for ur info the 80% is just 10% that re truly happy in it.go n read ur bible abt consequence.a gal u ve not had sex wit befr marriage has higher repects cos she feels u re unpredictable.if at all she wants to show her attitude it will b in d second year if am lying d op shiuld say m lying

Thank God for your marriage but there are still marriages in which the couple never had sex before marriage yet they still had problems , no marriage is a bed of roses.

You mean you were tearing each other's clothes on top butt-pad?
No be her butt again?

Rosarie:
first year of marriage has a lot of challenges but dose her words re deep cos as a wife na she suppose dey pray for y n again she hails from a stipud home but in all i blame u cos GOD will nvs ever lead u on a rong path.GOD DDID NOT GIVE A GO AHEAD N AM SURE U HAD PRE MARITAL SEX HE HATES SIN N WILL ALLOW U MAKE UR DESICIONS.MARRIAGE IS SUPPOSE TO B A BLISS

see condemnation!!!

@OP, it's a pity you have such vocal wife.

But, like you said its barely a year... Separation isn't really the answer. Would suggest you try to understand what drives her to act the way she does...and why she says what she says...

The issue is way beyond her paying for rent?

You need to understand that despite been married, we are firstly our own individual...and you need to respect that even if you don't agree.

Marriage is all about partnerships...work in progress... If you can't take hold of the situation... Then,... I don't know...

And like its usually advises to women...pls prayer for her...above all... Patience is Key.

Good luck

rebella:
@Op , you and wife deserve each other.
Your wife has a crazy caustic mouth on her and you instead of being the voice of reason to a seemingly mad woman decided to join her in her craziness.
She wants to wear a buttpad on her body, not yours not your baby, but hers... Ok fine you aren't comfortable with it, what happened to reasoning with her. Even if she refused , remember she's an individual first with her own likes and dislikes before she is your wifen she isn't property your bought off a supermarket shelf.
Then you wnet further to exchange blows with your wife just to remove the buttpad. Its not like the buttpad has some crazy harmful effect on either of you. Its just your personal preference you anre forcing on her.
Much ado about nothing

as soon as u get married ur bodies bcome each othersown.in marriage a lotssssss of adjustments comes in.u as a woman dressfor ur d way he likes u.d way he feels turned up wen he sees u cos dress adds to couples sex life.u no longer just dress to suit urself.and a woman shuld b api if a man loves her naturalky dats genuine love.nd u c a wife is d mostly d prayer warrior no mtr hw angry dre re wirds u shuld nva utter cos if d man progress na all of una go njoy am.a woman should kno wen to come dwn wos butt pad.pple who wear it ve low self esteem.some wifey re out dre praying fr deir hubby to love dem d way dey re!
and again calling ur family evn if una xchnge blow hahaha i lauf at her.she allowed it to escalate to dat anyway.ur pple will only destroy ur home by coming n den u allow dem talk him dwn!men dnt joke wit their pride so dnt hurt it.n d mumu inlaw nor fit settle dem.na u first get sister!ur sister good na dem punch am!pls b realistic!

Rep042:


Her sisters even supported her to wear butt pads,saying afterall some people likes it and she's one. And to signs before marriage,she once told me that she's manly(adim oke),thus hard hearted,but I advice her to pray God to remove that spirit from her ,hoping that she will eventually change.

You adviced her to pray but did you pray for her? You would have made sure she has changed before approaching the altar anyways no need to cry over spilled milk .


I have a question for you , do you still want to remain in the marriage and if yes why?

elantraceey:



Thank God for your marriage but there are still marriages in which the couple never had sex before marriage yet they still had problems , no marriage is a bed of roses.

true

Oh Lord have mercy! We have heard your part of the story but not hers. Woes on the people with caustic mouths! Na wa o. When you marry your friend, no amount spent on him/her will you feel over stretched for. My advise is ...don't kill yourself because of her, your real loved ones will miss you(family).


Good luck

The biggest red flag that should have made you press the pause button was when she started threatening to kill you.

Butt pads and insults and all those other things are not even issues that can't be resolved. They are kinda minor compared to the death threats in my opinion.

Although it was wrong of you to try force what she was wearing out of her body. See what it resulted in,tearing each other's clothes in front of people. Very embarrassing.

You could have spared yourself that shame by disregarding it afterall she was wearing it on her own body.

A body you should have distanced yourself from a long time before the butt pad came into the picture. She did start threatening to kill you before that. not so? That's when divorce proceeding should have started.

never ever ever I repeat spend a night with someone who has verbally threatened to kill you or has wished you dead.
Chei nwoke m you're playing ludo with your life.
If you've not already separated from her, then you're too slow for my liking.

Traditional wedding but no rent money . . .upside down priorities.
You married a girlfriend . . but are expecting a wife to live with you.
Which of her attributes didnt you see before you chose to put a ring on her finger?
She propably was wearing butt padd and bra padd before, so whats changed?

A leopard never changes its spots.
What made you think that she will change after she becomes Mrs?

In the meantime give it a break before your fights become dangerous and you end up strangling each other
I dont know how bad her bad attitude is ingrained in her and how if at all, she can change for the better
Some girls are not meant to be in anyones home.
In the meantime keep safe & give her a wide berth before the devil uses either of you.
Its just sad that there is an innocent baby involved.

The parents you want to report to are on her side.

Please take time out and get your life together. You are responsible for your own happiness and wellbeing.
If God forbid you crash your car whilst driving becasue you are distracted or thinking, you are only going to make things worse for yourself.

Rep042:


Her sisters even supported her to wear butt pads,saying afterall some people likes it and she's one. And to signs before marriage,she once told me that she's manly(adim oke),thus hard hearted,but I advice her to pray God to remove that spirit from her ,hoping that she will eventually change.

it seems you're more concerned about the butt pads that the real issues you have seeing as you dedicate much of your write-ups to that aspect. Maybe if she decides not to wear butt pads again you will take her back?

My brother read my lips. Capital no.
You have bigger issues at stake and that is your life not the wretched foam pad thing.

Even her saying you will work like an elephant and eat like an ant shows deep hatred for you.
only you can try to figure out the source of that kind of hatred.

But put yourself away from it and make sure you be a good father to your kid. That's all you owe her now.

chaircover:
Traditional wedding but no rent money . . .upside down priorities.
You married a girlfriend . . but are expecting a wife to live with you.
Which of her attributes didnt you see before you chose to put a ring on her finger?
She propably was wearing butt padd and bra padd before, so whats changed?

A leopard never changes its spots.
What made you think that she will change after she becomes Mrs?

In the meantime give it a break before your fights become dangerous and you end up strangling each other
I dont know how bad her bad attitude is ingrained in her and how if at all, she can change for the better
Some girls are not meant to be in anyones home.
In the meantime keep safe & give her a wide berth before the devil uses either of you.
Its just sad that there is an innocent baby involved.
A one year marriage . . . . .
The parents you want to report to are on her side.

i hope general buhari bans büttpads in nigeria when he wins the election.

coogar:


i hope general buhari bans büttpads in nigeria when he wins the election next year.

LOL . . . . .
I didnt even know they existed

chaircover:


LOL . . . . .
I didnt even know they existed

you don't mean that, do you?
you mean you don't sell that in your many stores. you better start stocking them before it gets banned.

it sells more than ebola sanitisers.

coogar:


you don't mean that, do you?
you mean you don't sell that in your many stores. you better start stocking them before it gets banned.

it sells more than ebola sanitisers.

Dont mind me
I feel a bit sorry for men though
You dont know what you are getting sometimes . .
bra pad, butt pad, mary kay, brazillian, acrylic nails . . . .
serves some of you right though

ifyalways:


You knew her kind of person yet you went ahead and married her. I'm sure alot of people advised you against marrying her then but you ignored them. Dear, you've made your bed, relax and enjoy or endure it.

I suggest you pray and fast, start with like 21 days fasting, report her to your pastor if the fasting thing does not work. Nothing impossible with God. Sorry dear

Lol.
Pardon me sister, but what exactly is 21 days fasting prayer supposed to do in this case, change the woman's dna, her upbringing, or exorcise the an imaginary demon in her?
I can bet you that the lady in question also prays for her husband to bend his ways for her benefit too.

And report her to her pastor so that he can do what , flog her ?

C'mon people, what la la land do you people live in where you cannot correctly identify and confront head on the common and complex challenges of life without depending on a spiritual/magical bailout ?

The Op already knows what he should do.
He just needs a little handholding to assure him that he must take that step.

chaircover:


Dont mind me
I feel a bit sorry for men though
You dont know what you are getting sometimes . .
bra pad, butt pad, mary kay, brazillian, acrylic nails . . . .
serves some of you right though

feel sorry for the men who don't test-drive.
where would a nakëd woman hide her büttpad? when men start using their common sense, they would stop falling vïctims to this kinda cheap fraud.

büttpad wahala didn't start today - it has been destroying marriages since 1999.


Man Divorces Wife On Wedding Day After Discovering Padded Bumbum.

A Lagos man has filed for divorce just hours after his expensive wedding, after discovering that his bride had been wearing what is known as a "butt pad" to augment the size of her rear.

According to the petition filed by the man at the Ikeja High Court, the couple had come home from the premium wedding reception, were eager to consumate their marriage for the first time, meaning that
the groom had never seen his wife nakëd before.

The groom cited that his wife insisted that he wait in the bedroom while she changed in the bathroom, but he could'nt wait to touch her, so he burst into the bathroom, filled with passion, only to catch her holding up the butt pad girdle.

As stated verbatim by the groom, "her yansh was as flat as an ironing board."
After discovering the deception, the groom immediately filed for divorce stating false pretense as grounds.

lol @bolded part.

Yawns.......another Hollywood,Bollywood & Nollywood movie in 2015..........@Op...continue the part 2, 3 & 4...

Op, advice you how na? You sef haf talk it that separation is imminent.

me, na blame I go blame you because no how no how, u sabi sey na so she be before Una marry but you still marry so guy, carry your cross! Whatever your eye see, take am like that because na you carry your own leg enter faya!!

Wow!
That's what I say when I read such bad news!

Jesus is the only way!

His kind of love- Agape love is the only love that can forever keep couples together for a very long time.

Smh

Rep042:
My marriage is just 1 year and few days old,but within the last 365 days,I have seen torment and hell on daily basis. We dated for 2 years before tying the knot,she's a nice person,but her mouth is destructive,she has this overbearing attitude,always trying to control me or dictate the pace,and can keep malice,anger and record of evil done to her for a long time. She's the type of person that talks very well,I mean convincely well,but unfortunately,she speaks more negative words. She can talk for hours non-stop,especially when provoked,saying all sorts of bad words.

She has threatened to kill me & send assassins after me on different occasions in the past,though I just ignored such threats.

My wife has been abusing me verbally and always say nasty things at every slightest provocation and at the same ready to engage me in fisticuffs.

She can really say unprintable words such as "it will not be well with you","as you go out,people will deal with you", "you will work like an elephant and eat like an ant", "this your certificate will never yield you any good thing", etc, name callings,abuses,curses etc.

Please Nairalanders, I will like to know if it is wrong or out of place for a working class married lady to assist her husband in paying some bills or buying some foodstuffs at home. Because,anytime she assists in doing anything,she will record it and consequently use that to abuse and insult me whenever we have misunderstanding and or exchange of words.

After our traditional marriage on December 2013,I had some financial challenges,and then my rent was due for renewable,she offered to assist,at first I was skeptical about it ,because I know her kind of person,knowing full well that she will use that to ridicule and abuse me in no distant time. But,then,I didn't have any alternative,so I allowed her pay d rent. Now,she's claiming ownership,saying ..."which house,the one that I have been paying the rent or another one"...

She has done a lot of character assassination & damages to my personality before some of her relatives & family members(Her father and two sisters),thus they all support her & no longer regard me as anybody.

Few months into our marriage,she started wearing butt pads, I told her to stop ,because I don't like the stuff,but she flared up and we had exchange of words. She told me that she has to look good to outsiders.

Throughout her pregnancy period,she wore the butt pads on daily basis even at home,I allowed her because of her condition,even though it looked disgusting on her. After she put to bed,and few days later, I told her to quit wearing that stuff, but she refused,then I seized it,she started ranting to the hearing of everyone at home & neighbors that I have taken her padded pants(aka butt pad) to native doctor. I just ignored her. Few days later, she bought another set.

On Xmas day(2014),she dressed up & wore the butt pads again,I told her to remove it ,but she refused,then i tried forcing her to do so,and that resulted to a serious fight. She tore my already ironed clothes to pieces(an expensive Indian attire I bought when I travelled to India),I tore hers too and forced the butt pads out from her body.

Hell was let loose that day,because she called her sisters,they came to my house and created a very nasty scene in my neighborhood,they insulted,ridiculed me and made a mockery of me,her elder sister who is a police officer threatened to deal with me,she was talking and hitting her hands on the ground saying that,they are going to teach me some bitter lessons in this town. I tried to respond but my Mum,who's on child's visit(Omugwo) asked me to hold my peace. It wasn't easy though,they also insulted her too.

Since that day till date,my wife doesn't talk to me. The only thing that connects us now is the new born baby.

Her words have actually killed me psychologically, emotionally etc, to the extent that sometimes, I loose consciousness of my surrounding while driving to and fro from work , I will be lost in thought, and on a particular occasion nearly rammed another moving vehicle,if not for the speed bumps on the road that awaken my consciousness.


Her words:"if you are still regarding me as your wife,then you wasting your time". Its obvious she wants a divorce because to her,she's still very young(28 years),and can easily move on. She doesn't give a damn.

She has also repeated that same threat of killing me,these days ,the number of calls entering her phone is amazing,most times,she goes far from the house to answer those calls.

Please,kindly advice me.
Thank you.

SMH, too long to read lol

Take her to tbj