ttmacoy:
I totally disagree with you. Yes I agree that Men should not abuse women who work, but I disagree that paying bride proce is the way to ensure men do not abuse women because they work. We all know of situations where after marriage a man becomes unbearable with the attitude of I paid your bride price.

For a matured couple who understand each other and communicate effectively (which is something Nigerian men do not get) bride price is not what makes their marriage successful or brings mutual respect in the marriage, its their maturity, open communication and mutual respect so bride price is not relevant and should be scrapped not especially when people start using it to make outrageous demands.

You mentioned dowry in India. Please read this article and come back and tell me dowry is right. In India even though its women who pay, its a form of slavery when outrageous demands are made on the woman and her family and they end up indebted to the grooms family which results in debt and violence. Dowry/Bride price is wrong, archaic and has nothing to do with respect or happiness in a marriage.


http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/india/10280802/Woman-killed-over-dowry-every-hour-in-India.html

bride price is nevessary. It's a tradition older than most countries in the world.

It has not killed anyone, it's very significant....if you can't afford it, no be by force to marry. Scrapping it is totally out of the question, it's a core part of tradition, not some flimsy angle

Uh...

ttmacoy:
Personally I think bride price should be abolished. It is archaic and puts down women by suggesting the man is buying them.

In my opinion a young man and woman get married to move forward together as one, not to impress the girls family with outrageous demands especially where he has to borrow for it. They then start their married life with debt just to please uncles and aunties in the village.

in this situation, if they are unable to bring down the bride price cost, then I see no reason why she cannot help him as they both know what they are working towards. I see it more as pride and mentality when people say they cannot allow. How then do you explain in India where it is the woman who pays bride or should I say groom price to the man? Does that mean the man paying is right in Nigeria and wrong in India? No it's just culture and mentality holding people in bondage.

i concur

safarigirl:
bride price is nevessary. It's a tradition older than most countries in the world.

It has not killed anyone, it's very significant....if you can't afford it, no be by force to marry. Scrapping it is totally out of the question, it's a core part of tradition, not some flimsy angle

as a professed feminist, i will have expected you to be aghast at a tradition that values females and makes them a booty or prize to be haggled over by men

It is a no no if he can't pay ur bride price then he is nt man enough to marry u. By d way bride price is nt expensive nw unless u r frm mbaise in imo state

It is sooo impt dt d money used is his no matter hw small bc there r spiritual effects to dt

i cant allow this in my opinion, it takes a woman with a heart of gold not to mention sth like that in a future misunderstandn.If i cant afford it, then the marriage has to wait...its as simple as that

sapien:
Yes, ofcourse. If the lady is from the tribe where the bride price is astronomical like the south east, it's advisable she helps with part payment if she could afford it.

No be she the man wan take the bride price marry?

Point of correction, mention the states and villages you know in South east because not all SouthEast pays such high amount.... Do your checking b4 making public statement... am sure in your place you give out you girls for free.....

I can't assist in money for bride price and the traditional marriage rites for the men in my clan(it has a spiritual implication) but I can assist in other things like entertainment and clothing.

BreezyRita:
I'm not sure where to post this. Mods help me out please

She's about to be married. The marriage requirements or 'lists' have been given to the husband to-be. Of course, he must have prepared for this. But the list is somewhat exorbitant and paying all these things will mean a less posh wedding........

My question: Should a woman who's financially stable assist her to-be with money for payment of the bride price or completion of the rites??

Is it advisable??

Please, let her help her husband to be.nothing wrong with it

@Poster,

Something might be wrong with this idea. The mere statement of posh wedding tells me that both parties might have some fake element somewhere. I totally will disagree about giving any support in this case. Let the man handle his call if he wants to retain some respect...

BigVeinyDick:
the woman go suffer.nor be now person dey do mumu

Not every rich home has real enjoyment... u need to be there to pity the woman. Some will be average...some poor anyway.

For what?? If she does that then she should be ready to fend for the home after marriage. She better not start what she can't finish

;Dif it is ok for the bride to assist the groom and there are misunderstanding in future which leads to divoce, who will return the bride price?

pickabeau1:


as a professed feminist, i will have expected you to be aghast at a tradition that values females and makes them a booty or prize to be haggled over by men

U dey mind them...confusionists.

Bride price is different from the "List" o. I don't think there is anything wrong with a financially stable lady contributing. On code sha o. She shouldn't let her family know. Plus, It will work out fine if the couple understand each other. if not, the girl will make that man miserable for the rest of his life. The man should pay the bride price tho. (I don't think it is expensive sha) But as for the requirements/list, the lady can assist or:

1. Talk with her ppl to adjust it to a reasonable amount.

2. She can tell her hubby to be to tell them that he is no longer interested in marrying her that the bill is tooo much Atleast 7 out of 10 families may reconsider unless they don't mean well for her. I have heard one story like that. They gave this guy the "list" and he almost had a heart attack. He was OK financially but these ppl wanted to scatter his budget and render him bankrupt! He showed his wifey the list and told her his concerns. ''If I spend this much on the marriage ceremony, wetin go remain for the marriage in itself?'' The wifey, knowing how her ppl were told him to tell them he was no longer interested. He was skeptical that they would just take him as an unserious suitor and look for a "bigger fish" for her. She encouraged him and asked him not to worry that she knew the kind of ppl they were.. One day, teh guy went to meet the in laws to re negotiate and one of the ''ogos'' (in law) started talking of how "they'' had trained their daughter to so so and so level and this n that. . . . The guy come vex. In ibo, he told them he was no longer interested and he would be going back with his ppl with immediate effect. See village men na. ''Ogo bia nu hian.. . . . Bia biko. Eweniwe."lol. Then begin beg the man for ibo. ''Don't go now, in law. . is that how u get angry? no now. come. Please come let us discuss. . . Bottom line, the items on the list were reduced and they had a wonderful marriage ceremony and have a wonderful marriage today.

Disclaimer: Abeg no go try number 2 because one ''nairalander'' (moi) told you one "Nollywood movie" o. . .You are entirely on your own and doing it is at your own risk. Ejorr o. To be fore warned is to be fore armed. Ehen.

Forwetinnah:
For what?? If she does that then she should be ready to fend for the home after marriage. She better not start what she can't finish

How do u know a man who paid that, is? Pple who borrow nko?

Gemc3:
Bride price is different from the "List" o. I don't think there is anything wrong with a financially stable lady contributing. On code sha o. She shouldn't let her family know. Plus, It will work out fine if the couple understand each other. if not, the girl will make that man miserable for the rest of his life. The man should pay the bride price tho. (I don't think it is expensive sha) But as for the requirements/list, the lady can assist or:

1. Talk with her ppl to adjust it to a reasonable amount.

2. She can tell her hubby to be to tell them that he is no longer interested in marrying her that the bill is tooo much Atleast 7 out of 10 families may reconsider unless they don't mean well for her. I have heard one story like that. They gave this guy the "list" and he almost had a heart attack. He was OK financially but these ppl wanted to scatter his budget and render him bankrupt! He showed his wifey the list and told her his concerns. ''If I spend this much on the marriage ceremony, wetin go remain for the marriage in itself?'' The wifey, knowing how her ppl were told him to tell them he was no longer interested. He was skeptical that they would just take him as an unserious suitor and look for a "bigger fish" for her. She encouraged him and asked him not to worry that she knew the kind of ppl they were.. One day, teh guy went to meet the in laws to re negotiate and one of the ''ogos'' (in law) started talking of how "they'' had trained their daughter to so so and so level and this n that. . . . The guy come vex. In ibo, he told them he was no longer interested and he would be going back with his ppl with immediate effect. See village men na. ''Ogo bia nu hian.. . . . Bia biko. Eweniwe."lol. Then begin beg the man for ibo. ''Don't go now, in law. . is that how u get angry? no now. come. Please come let us discuss. . . Bottom line, the items on the list were reduced and they had a wonderful marriage ceremony and have a wonderful marriage today.

Disclaimer: Abeg no go try number 2 because one ''nairalander'' (moi) told you one "Nollywood movie" o. . .You are entirely on your own and doing it is at your own risk. Ejorr o. To be fore warned is to be fore armed. Ehen.

You are right. The real price is not more than N3K while the addons are negotiated.
In my village, some ladies ask for pregnancy to confirm u and that reduces the goddamn list.

ferdimako:

You are right. The real price is not more than N3K but the addons are negotiated.

Exactly. . . But some families gan. . .they have BIG EYES. Scaring men from marriage. lol

Gemc3:


Exactly. . . But some families gan. . .they have BIG EYES. Scaring men from marriage. lol

Pregnancy tames them and whittles down the sth.

ferdimako:

You are right. The real price is not more than N3K while the addons are negotiated.
In my village, some ladies ask for pregnancy[b] to confirm u [/b]and that reduces the goddamn list.

hahahahaa

The whole thing sounds like a self inflicted bondage. Why do have to do something you can't afford? Must you have a lavish wedding or must you pay a bride price to be with who you love?

Africans needs mental state innovations to free themselves from inherent mental slavery and static culture.

ferdimako:

Not every rich home has real enjoyment... u need to be there to pity the woman. Some will be average...some poor anyway.

would you let your sister marry a guy not capable enough to finance a marriage?

BigVeinyDick:
would you let your sister marry a guy not capable enough to finance a marriage?

Yes....not capable to fund a ceremony for idle mouths. Do u want your sister to elope or be a single mum?

ferdimako:

U dey mind them...confusionists.

Na so..lol

What a shame, we hold on to things that helps no one. Instead of a couple worrying about how to start a life, rent, bills, etc the main concern is money to impress others.

As a wife I would not let anyone exploit my husband so much so that he needs to start looking for money to pay bride price.

Later we will be shouting womens right when we will fold our hands and watch men we are supposed to build with be exploited

What is the necessity? So if you cannot afford bride price don't marry because reason for marriage is bride price?

I'm sorry but I don't believe in doing things simply because it is tradition or because that's how we have always done.

Our forefathers did these things then for reasons, and many of these reasons are no longer valid especially with education and Christianity and we being more informed so requesting bride price simply for tradition doesn't cut it. Give me a sound simple logical reason for it.

I want to believe we are a lot more educated and informed than our forefathers so I see no reason why we cannot make make logical decisions that works now. Remember that the only thing constant is change.

safarigirl:
bride price is nevessary. It's a tradition older than most countries in the world.

It has not killed anyone, it's very significant....if you can't afford it, no be by force to marry. Scrapping it is totally out of the question, it's a core part of tradition, not some flimsy angle

If that man can't pay bride price, how does he plan sponsoring the wedding?
Must it be the bride price that the woman should assist him with? she can contribute to the wedding and make it a joint effort, if she doesn't want to contribute then make do with the little that the man has, afterall it's ladies that like their weddings to be extravagant

BreezyRita:
I'm not sure where to post this. Mods help me out please

She's about to be married. The marriage requirements or 'lists' have been given to the husband to-be. Of course, he must have prepared for this. But the list is somewhat exorbitant and paying all these things will mean a less posh wedding........

My question: Should a woman who's financially stable assist her to-be with money for payment of the bride price or completion of the rites??

Is it advisable??

A bride price is totally different from a list o...

A lady should not help in paying her bride price. D only help she can render is helping to talk to her ppl to reduce things for her fiancé. But if its in wedding, she can help out.

To me...I dnt really tnk its a big deal if de lady helps out in funding de requirements..like de one I saw yesterday wia I went to do a printing work.To my greatest surprise,a little gal brought some paper dat she needed it To be printed.At de headin was REQUITEMENT FOR BRIDE PRICE. De paper was like 5 pages...U see drink1 drink2 and drink3. I guess de villagers are planing on a drnkin competition dat day

Nothing is ever right when it comes to a woman spending her own money.

Seun:
Tactfully let him know that you think the demands are outrageous and you're interested in helping but only if he wants you to help. If he requests your help, help, and make sure that you never ever mention it during any future quarrel with him. This is extremely important.

i concur