pickabeau1:


as a professed feminist, i will have expected you to be aghast at a tradition that values females and makes them a booty or prize to be haggled over by men

safarigirl:
wherever did I profess to be a feminist? You must have me confused with someone else.

pickabeau1:


Oh...thought you said so once

No problem then

Dont you howeveer think it should be proscribed

cococandy:
Where there is understanding, it shouldn't be a big deal.
Even if the man can afford everything . If she can find a way to take on some of the list requirements,then no harm in it.

At least it sends across the message that the girl and her family aren't out to milk him but are doing it because they can't side step that's process of the traditional marriage.

safarigirl:
I lean more toward the male folk than females. Do I think it should be proscribed? No. Do I think the amount spent should be reduced, by all means yes.

pickabeau1:


It's a tradition rooted in times when women leaving a clan were seen as disadvantageous to her clan hence compensation

These are modern times

safarigirl:
it remains disadvantageous to some extent. There are worse traditions than the dowry, it's hardly an issue IMO.

keenn:



Am a regular visitor of this forum and I do appreciate interesting comments. Quite a number of times have a appreciated comments only to discover it is from u (cococandy)

pickabeau1:


How does a daughter leaving her father to marry disadvantage the father

Which traditions are worse

Please don't say FGM or widow stuff

Those r barbaric...no need for discourse

safarigirl:
lol...you should discuss this with a lecturer of mine who's of the opinion that if you're going to come take away the person who cooks, cleans and does a sizable amount of housework at least drop as much as she's worked...his words not mine.

safarigirl:
lol...you should discuss this with a lecturer of mine who's of the opinion that if you're going to come take away the person who cooks, cleans and does a sizable amount of housework at least drop as much as she's worked...his words not mine.

safarigirl:
lol...you should discuss this with a lecturer of mine who's of the opinion that if you're going to come take away the person who cooks, cleans and does a sizable amount of housework at least drop as much as she's worked...his words not mine.

aisha2:


So after he pays that huge sum I hope he isn't expected to help with house work oh since you have said it's okay he pays all the demands because the wife is coming to work
You shouldn't get a maid either because why pay so much and still be forced to pay for the services of a maid again. Plus she must do all the work manually since thats what he has paid for.

I would think we would be more concerned about building a life together than in having our family suck the man dry

pickabeau1:



Still goes back to my initial premise
That women are assets to be bargained over and they have no say

I'm giving you an asset that will give you babies and cook for

Pay me for the loss of this asset

safarigirl:
if she has to go to an office and bring in money for the family, then she has the right to a maid if she pleases. My dad paid my mum's dowry, she went to work, paid 2 of 3 kids' fees and still made sure to cook the meals. It all depends on the woman in question. If you're paying her dowry and she's not working, then she needs no maid. A dowry is a small price to pay for a woman who'll bear kids for you and baby you

lolababe331e:
The whole thing should be scraped. We women have come further than to be sold like a cow, in my tribe most people no longer practice it. You just bring some gifts and traditional things and the brides family gives gifts back. As a feminist I can't allow anyone to collect money from my man to marry me

aisha2:


Going to the office or not she must be a maid oh after all that is the justification for the exploitation in form of bride price the fact that she will cook and clean
Better believe that if I was a man and you stood by and let your family exploit me I will be your lord and master, you will not only cook, clean make babies but if you work I own your salary after all you have been purchased at a huge price

safarigirl:
I hope your father won't collect a cent from whoever marries you (if you aren't already married)....cuz we hear Hausas charge in terms of cows.

Btw, I believe I said that the dowry should be cheaper, don't scrap it, just subsidize it. So telling me about costly bride price is you swaying from my point. The bride price in my village is about five naira for instance...I'm not aware of any other extras. And even if there was, I doubt it would cost more than 20-50k....

But I digress, matters pertaining to marriage is better discussed amongst people who wish to partake in such unions

lolababe331e:
The whole thing should be scraped. We women have come further than to be sold like a cow, in my tribe most people no longer practice it. You just bring some gifts and traditional things and the brides family gives gifts back. As a feminist I can't allow anyone to collect money from my man to marry me

aisha2:


It serves no purpose so nothing was collected. We are both enjoying the marriage we were both trained so why should he pay?

Anyway the issue here is that the dowry is extravagant so much so that it will weigh down their other plans. Thats what this topic is about. Any woman who stands proudly while she is haggled over like a cow should humbly accept what she faces in her husbands house. We women are custodians of cultural practices that keep us in bondage

safarigirl:
last I checked, being an asset is a good thing...anyway tis not my concern, I'm not looking to get married

safarigirl:
once again, I'm forced to reiterate my stand.

My initial point from the onset is: Reduce the dowry, do not scrap the dowry.

All this 'feminist' talk na wash...many feminists have gotten married and 'exorbitant' fees were paid on their heads. You can blow all the hot air you want, when a man comes along, your father and kinsmen will be the ones to deliberate on what he should drop, you can only intervene by pleading for a reduction, but you can't stop the dowry tradition. That's the point I've been trying to make

safarigirl:
once again, I'm forced to reiterate my stand.

My initial point from the onset is: Reduce the dowry, do not scrap the dowry.

All this 'feminist' talk na wash...many feminists have gotten married and 'exorbitant' fees were paid on their heads. You can blow all the hot air you want, when a man comes along, your father and kinsmen will be the ones to deliberate on what he should drop, you can only intervene by pleading for a reduction, but you can't stop the dowry tradition. That's the point I've been trying to make

safarigirl:
I hope your father won't collect a cent from whoever marries you (if you aren't already married)....cuz we hear Hausas charge in terms of cows.

Btw, I believe I said that the dowry should be cheaper, don't scrap it, just subsidize it. So telling me about costly bride price is you swaying from my point. The bride price in my village is about five naira for instance...I'm not aware of any other extras. And even if there was, I doubt it would cost more than 20-50k....

But I digress, matters pertaining to marriage is better discussed amongst people who wish to partake in such unions

listenersky:
Why cant they wait till they are both ready to get married.Must they go ahead with the marriage when its clear that only the Lady is ready.My point is if the Man cant pay the bride price,that means he's not ready for marriage yet.

Kachisbarbie:
hmmm.
I think it's a wont here in Nigeria that the man shoulders responsibilities like that because it's believed to increase the value of the woman in his sight.

But, come to think of it
*If a man can't pay the bride price alone, where does he plan getting money for the wedding proper?i.e considering the fact that, that expense is "basically" on him too.
_ he should pay the bride price (borrow from his friends nd family) and the lady can come in later, during the trad/white wedding.


To the woman:
_Are you doing it out of desperation?
_Or are you genuinely trying to help? If this is the case, nothing wrong...the adage that if one hand is weak the other helps to pull up comes into play.

If the bride price is outrageous and she has to support, it's ideal she develops amnesia, immediately after helping him out - never bring it up...no matter the situation...lols

If they are both mature....
If they both understand they are doing it for them...not "one person"....
If he is visionary and she knows it's just a temporary set back....

It shouldn't be a problem.

unibenstudent1:
yea me again,so answer d qwenshion sha

jomile:
y will I be desperate 4 a guy wen I have u

mutter:
A good idea however the problem is it could lead to insult.

Woman - you are not even a man I am the one that married you.

Man- you were so desperate you even paid me to marry you.

unibenstudent1:
hey hey ,so when did we marry jomile?