flow1759:
Now it's high time i form my campaign team for Mr Nairaland 2015.

Volunteers pls.

Oga flow, abeg me sef wan dey write story like you oo.. I wan b among d best writers on nairaland....abeg check out ma first and new story, rugged life in sec. Sch. And rate it abeg....tanks
And before I forget..u neva pay me oooo

jayhaywhy:


Oga flow, abeg me sef wan dey write story like you oo.. I wan b among d best writers on nairaland....abeg check out ma first and new story, rugged life in sec. Sch. And rate it abeg....tanks
And before I forget..u neva pay me oooo

Ok i promise to read your story and rate.

I owe you money?

flow1759:


Ok i promise to read your story and rate.

I owe you money?

Tanks...buh na only one update yet...

And abt d money...u don forget say u talk say u go pay me wen I bin tell u say I fall for gutter..

I've sent u a pm.

cho25bc:
I've sent u a pm.

Check your mail

for the love of this story,I volunteer to be among the team...provided you give us updates regularly and not get carried away with the competition....

kayceerilyn:
for the love of this story,I volunteer to be among the team...provided you give us updates regularly and not get carried away with the competition....

No Wahala. I will do my best.

I have Pmed you

“Flow I need person wey go follow me go work oh!” Junior told me in the afternoon of May 20th.

“ehen! Where the work dey?” I needed to know.

“na for Obigbo na!”

“ok, I go go na, tomorrow I no get class sef!”

“no be say you go go oh! you go fit work?”

“wetin you mean? All this muscle we I get na for play?”

“Mr Muscle! POP work to be by muscle oh!”

“I go do am! As far as you go give me better colele!”

"wetin be colele" Junior asked

“na Money na!”

“I go colele you na!” He promised.








Soon we were at the site in Obigbo, and not too long another worker came, Junior introduced him to me as Gehad, not Gerald but Gehad, /Geiy-haaaad/, like pronouncing Jihad. Gehad is another brethren from Togo like Junior.

“Gehad we go work with this my guy, him name na Flow”

“Foam!!” Gehad giggled.

“you dey mad, na you be Faom!” I cursed within.

“Flow! I say Flow! Not Faom!” Junior corrected.

“ok Floam!”

“Flow! Flow!!” Gehad was becoming a clown.






Scaffold was constructed, Junior and Gehad climbed while I remained below to go errands for them.

Errand boy! that was who I was, from passing Hammer to passing the plumb device to passing plywood to passing so many materials I knew not their names to them at the top.





“Junior the hammer no reach my hand, throw am for ground!” I prayed Junior.

I cleared off the gangway to give him enough space to throw down the hammer, little did I know I was heading to where the “evil genius” Junior had in mind to throw the Hammer to.

“braparannnnaaaaa!” I thought the Trumpet had sounded and the world had come to an end.

Yes the world came to an end, but on my head alone.

“hahahahahahahahaha!!” I heard Gehad laughed.

“sorry Flow! You wound?”

“you dey mad there!” I cursed, “I show you where you go throw the hammer, na for my head you see to throw am!!!”

“no vex na, I wan throw am for ground but na your head block me”

“you dey craze there! You mean say my head dey too big wey be say e go cover all the ground and you no go see anywhere to throw the hammer put?”

“yes na! your head just full everywhere!”

“hahahahahahahaha!!!” Gehad continued laughing like it was funny. Or was it?





“Junior see as you don make my head swell up!” Like I carried an egg on my head.

“Sorry na! no vex!” Junior said, “make I see am”

“abeg get out jor! No see am!” I yelled, “if to say I know I for no follow you come do this work”

“hahahahahahahahaha!!” Gehad kept laughing.

“mumu! Why you dey laugh?”

“hahahahahahahahah!” His laughter sounded like melody to my ears.

“Flow no worry if we finish work I go carry you go pharmacy wey go help you massage the head” Junior Promised.

Imagine! Head massage.




“Flow no vex na! make we go chop na!”

On Salivating for food, the pains in my head stopped abruptly.



“Flow wetin you go chop na?” Junior asked on arriving one Mama put.

“eeehn make I first start with Rice”

“start with Rice and end with wetin?” Gehad asked.

“end with Eba na!” I answered.

I was so hungry that afternoon that I could eat Rice, Beans and Eba one after the other.



“Hahahahahahahaha! Which kin style of eating be that? You be A’boki?”

When he was the one that really looked like an A’boki.

Saying Gehad was an A’boki was an Understatement, he was as black as the back of my grand mother’s cooking pot.





After eating Rice and Eba, I walked like Papa Ajasco back to site; I could barely carry myself.


“Junior abeg make we rest small before we continue” I pleaded.

“Flow you no know say time don go, and we need to finish this work today?”

“no mind am, when him dey chop Rice and Eba him no know say the thing no go make am fit work……….”

“who tell you say I no go fit work” I cut him.

“oya stand up make we start work na!”

I stood up and tried to jump to make the food in my stomach sink. I did sink; I guess it sank in my kidney.




“Flow see wetin you go do……………” Junior said, “If me and Gehad climb up, you go carry this cement for your head stand for down of the scaffold so that me and Gehad go dey pack am small-small from your head.

“ok! So you go need to open the mouth of the bag of cement na” I said.

“ehn! Nahim I wan open so” Gehad tore the upper part of the sack.

That kind of cement was the conventional, but the whitish POP kind of cement that looks like powdered milk to me.


“so the water wey una go take dey mix the cement go dey with una for up abi?” I needed to prevent the case of me ending up mixing some of the cement on water and drink as milk.

“yes na, na for inside those two container we go mix am”


The cement was on my head and my head etched albeit I wore a face cap.

I was on the last step of the scaffold feeling like what I carried on my head was child’s play when I started becoming unbalanced.





20 minutes of the cement on my head and I was really unbalanced; my centre of gravity was to the left. Equilibrium was really really far from me; it was like I wasn’t obeying the principle of flotation. My fellow workers were not helping matters, maybe they thought I was some Scarecrow or something, or maybe not.


Before I could say; “Make una wait I no dey well”, “ggoooooom!” I landed on the ground.


And before I could wink, the sack of cement landed on my face.






What a life sef?






“Mr Muscle! POP work to be by muscle oh!” I remembered what "angel Junior' told me earlier.

Oga Flow your story na die.
Thumbs up.






I go like join your campaign team.

Skykid1208:
Oga Flow your story na die.
Thumbs up.






I go like join your campaign team.

Thank you for making out time to read. God bless.

I Have Pmed you. Reply

“Man wey reason! Welcome to my Akoh oh” I welcomed the now chubby Man wey dey reason to my house on 23rd May.

“oboy you don fat oh, see your belle!”

“hahahaha! Na evidence of good living na” Man’s voice was based too.

“which kin evidence of good living for student!” I said, “Student dey live well?"

“yes oh some student like us dey live well oh!”

“oboy you sure say you never start yahoo-yahoo for school?” I needed to know
.
“me? Yahoo-yahoo, I no sabi use computer na”

“so wetin come be the thing wey dey give you money? See as you dey smell fresh!” When he smelled A'boki perfume. Surely an A'boki will never leave putting on Northern Cologne even if he be rich.

“mehn na God oh!” I hate it when people say that, before na Satan e go be?

“So God just dey throw money for you from heaven when you no dey do anything?”

“no na I dey do something na!”

“then tell me the thing na!” I was becoming impatient.

“when we reach there you go know!” The Legendary Cliche had not leave Man.

“reach were!!!” I was furious.

“when we reach bar you go know!”

“bar as how? You wan carry me go drink?” I asked.

“Yes na!” That news gladdened my heart.










I and Man hit Goldberg Hotel, but we were later joined by Snow Nwanne.

“Man na that my brother wey I dey tell you of be this!”

“Snow Nwanne na that my guy wey I tell you say him name na Man be this” I did the introduction.

Snow eyeballed Man for a while and said; “ok na the guy wey you tell me say be Babalawo like Padiman abi?”

“hahahaha! That was then, I am a new creature now!”

Can Man ever be a new creature? I asked myself a hundred times, and a hundred times I heard an answer “No”.




“Man I dey happy for you say you no dey do Babalawo again oh” I almost knelt down praising God.

“but you still dey smoke Igboh?” I asked.

“yes oh! Old Soldier never die!!” Indeed, he was not only an old soldier, he was a General.

“what of you?” He asked.

“Me?” I said, “I don stop since na”

“Flow! Flow!” Man hailed

“Omoh that’s whats up oh! That thing no get pay!”

“As you don stop to smoke igboh that mean say you no go fit do this business wey I dey do wey dey give me money!”

“which kin business wey go need person wey dey smoke igboh?” I was shocked, “abi na armed robbery business?”

Is armed robbery really a business?


“God forbid bad thing! How I go dey do armed robbery!”

“then wetin be the business na?” I asked, “wetin be the business wey dey make you chop up like this?”

Man looked to see Snow wasn’t paying attention to what we were discussing as he faced the TV, but deep down I knew Snow’s Big ears couldn’t fail him to hearing even if a pin fell in that noisy bar.





“Guy I dey sell Groudnut!” He announced.

“which kin play be that?” I raised my voice, “Shey na play I dey play? I dey ask you serious question you dey dey tell me say you dey sell groundnut”

“Flow! You sabi jonz oh! abi na this drink wey you don drink?” Man said, “no be that kin Groundnut I dey talk”

“which kin groundnut? Shey you don dey deal on Guguru and Ekpa?”

“which one be Guguru and Ekpa again?” He replied, “I no dey deal on any Guguru and Ekpa, I dey deal on groundnut”

“ehnnn! Which kin groundnut na?” He was really getting my brain worked.




“Flow listen ehn, This thing wey I wan tell you so nahim make me come Port Harcourt come see you”

“I know say you be sharp Barrack boy” I nodded to the appraisal.

“so nahim make I say make I come reason you this thing”

“The groundnut wey I mean be say I dey sell gun and bullet to people wey need am”



“ehn!! You say wetin?”

“I say I dey sell gun and bullet and I wan even start to dey deal on Crane!”

“eheeen! how that one come take concern me?” I asked, “and wetin be crane?”

I would had said he was combining a lucrative legit business with a bad business had he told me that he was into hiring cranes used in building sky scrappers.

“crane na that thing wey them dey put for Nose na!” He was gesturing something I interpreted as Snuffs.

“Snuff abi?” I said.

“no, no be Snuff, Na Cocoa!” Our Man was getting me more confused.

“oooooh! you mean Cocoa wey them dey use do Chocolate?” I said, “Go Yoruba land na! e plenty there!”


“Flow! Why you no dey understand slang sef!”

“I mean say I dey sell gun and bullet, and I wan start to deal on Coke!”



“ehn! Ok! Guy I support make you start Coke business but I no support you to start gun and bullet business at all!” I was so high; high above the skies.

“so make we talk of the Coke Business, how you go take dey sell the Coke? You go be dealer or so go dey sell retail?” I needed to know his specialty.


“hahahahahahahahahaahaha!! Flow! You no go kill person oh!” I wondered what was funny that made him laughed.

“Hahahahahaha! I no mean Coke wey them dey drink, I mean C’ocaine”

“hahahahahahahahaha!” I laughed.

“why you dey laugh?” He asked.

“guy I dey laugh because you no get plan for your life at all, you first tell me say you wan sell Groundnut, then Crane, then Cocoa, and Now na Cool cain you wan sell, hahahahahahaha!”

“which kin of Cool cain you wan sell? Shey na Koboko or na water Cain? Hahahahahahahaha!”


“Flow! I no talk say Cool Cain, I talk say C’ocaine” That was indeed a shocker.




“oboy! Choi! You wan dey deal on C’ocaine?” I whispered and the “pretending not to be paying attention Snow” turned.




“Listen Flow, I see you as Barrack boy wey get mind to move guns from Barrack come sell for Civilians wey wan buy”

“see ehn! Na wetin I dey do wey dey give me plenty money, if you see how much wey dey my account ehn!” Man narrated.

“but who I go dey collect the guns from for Barracks na?”

Just then, I remembered Sir White, rumour had it then that he was into guns.

“guy you no be small pekin na, see ehn me if I enter all the Barracks wey dey North, I get Soldiers wey dey sell gun for me!”



Man that was sent to school to study Mechanical Engineering!


The life of a man!

flow1759:


Check your mail

I've replied ur mail.

flow u too sabi. I dey follow. One more update pls

flow1759:



Thank you for making out time to read. God bless.

I Have Pmed you. Reply

I've replied you

ajumaxbabe:
flow u too sabi. I dey follow. One more update pls

babe sup

flow don come hustle for Obigbo before....lol Man wey dey reason is really a mechanical Engr.

Oga flow weldone o

princesssusan:
Oga flow weldone o

Thank you

Snuff Cocoa Coke Cool cain
hahahahahahahahahahaha.... Lwkmd

I'm still waiting 4 ur response flow.

I've not seen ur reply Mr flow

cho25bc:
I've not seen ur reply Mr flow

Sorry i was kind of busy yesterday, i will send them today.

flow1759:


Sorry i was kind of busy yesterday, i will send them today.

Ok

“Flow Ashanti place no dey here?” Man asked the following morning.

“which one be Ashanti again” I thought he needed us to head to Ghana.

“so you no know where them dey call Ashanti?”

“No I no know, tell me!”

“A’shawo place na!” I was Shocked.

“ok A’shawo! You dey find A’shawo?”

“yes na, wey person go take cure himself!” Like he was ever sick.


“ok! You sef dey go that area?” Snow asked.

“me? but Snow you know say I no dey go that area na, I’m not down with that s’hit meahn!”

“which s’hit? who dey talk to you? Who ask you? Na Man I dey ask jor!” Snow said.


“wetin you mean sef Snow! You wan carry my friend go A’shawo place?”

“no be him ask?”

“and so what, does that mean……………..”

“Flow! You no be Papa oh! I have the right to go to wherever I want to go to” Man cut.

“I hear you Man, but something wey I no dey chop, my visitor no go chop am”





To Golderg A’shawo house Limited we headed the next day which was their A'shawo day.


“una two go enter inside go see them the A’shawo, me I go dey for the bar dey drink beer” I declared.

“me sef no go enter, I go just show Man the place, then I go come back come stay with you for bar dey drink!” Snow said.

“see your life! You dey carry person go show A’shawo house, but you no wan join am shake the A’shawo bush” I said to Snow.

“but you you know say I no dey sleep with A’shawo again, I just be their friend.


Snow had told me of an A’shawo by name Kehinde that fell in love with him way back then when he always patronized P’rostitutes.

He said Kehinde loved not only his “magic stick”, she loved everything about Snow; bodily though. He said Kehinde was so madly in love with him that she left Goldberg and started staying with him. And that was in era when Snow was as poor as a church rat.

Snow said, Kehinde was his helper financially, but he paid back in bed. And I mean he paid back handsomely.

Snow said where the love went bitter was when Kehinde demanded he “shined her Congo” morning-afternoon-night; and in between sometimes.

According to him, his eyes suddenly turned Blue in colour as a result of excess discharge of s’emen, his lips grew ticker as a result of excessive kissing, his "pee-pee" grew shorter as a result of countless insertion into "lake Chad".



“so Flow you no wan one A’shawo?” Man offered.

“I think I need beer and not A’shawo” I replied.

“how many bottles of beer you fit drink sef!” Man challenged.

Had he forgotten he spoke to the brewery himself?

“how many bottles you wan give me?”

“Five go dey Ok?”

“ehn! Make we start with Five-Five na” I said, “abi Snow how you see am?”

“naso Flow Nwanne!” Snow replied.


“Bar man!!” Man called.

And behold it was the World famous Nkume that answered.

“give them Five-Five bottles of any brand wey them dey drink” Man said, “take your money!”

“but before you go serve them, serve me one small Alomo make I drink, I get work to do” He smiled.



Man gulped down the Alomo Nkume brought straight without winking an eye.

“Snow come go show me where them the A’shawo dey, I want sleep with three of them at the same time”



After Snow and Man had left, Nkume came to whisper to my ears; “brother!! Make una buy me one bottle na!”

“ooooh! Na now I don become your brother abi? The other day wey our money lost you go report us for una oga say we drink we no wan pay”

“no be so na! I was only doing my job”

I guess wickedness was part of his job.

“ok, no worry, I go buy you, make my brother come lemme discuss it with him” Like what Nkume asked for was a 100 million naira road construction project.






Snow returned smiling.

“Guy why you dey smile na!”

“mehn that your guy carry three girls at the same time oh”

“ehnnn! You mean am?”

“yes na! if you see as them the girls fat com get big nyash ehn!”

“mehn make them no kill am oh!” I feared, “if them kill am for bed, I don run leave una two be that oh”

“oboy! Now-now, now-now! You don finish two bottles” Snow said.



“ehen! I forget to tell you, Nkume say make we buy am one bottle of beer” I informed him.

“that wicked boy!”

“see ehn! Two wrongs don’t make a right, let's buy him a bottle, after all we are not the one paying!”

“Nkume! Nkume!!” Snow called.

Then came Nkume with a smile that read; ”forgive me my sins”


“you say make we buy you beer abi?”

“yeees!” He answered with shyness written all over his face.


“shey the money wey that my guy give you complete for 10 bottles abi”

“Yes… No!”

“which one be Yes…No?”

“No! I go give am change 100 naira!” Nkume said.


“Nkume you be thief oh, so you wan die our change abi?”

“No oh!”

“Ok, as you hold our 100 naira change, I get 200 naira with me, take, add am to the 100 naira, buy yourself one bottle of beer make you take am cool your temper!” Snow said.

Nkume was “glader” than “Gladys” as he kicked air like a 2 year old.


“so na one bottle of beer wey we buy for am nahim make Nkume dey happy like this?”

“do you know if he lied about the change, maybe our change was more than 100 naira” I had started speaking Queen's English on the third bottle, and I was sure I would speak French on the fourth.


From nowhere, I saw someone strange sat close to me.

“who be this?” I asked.

“na me Man!”

“Flow! So you no recognize Man again”

“Man!” I was Longsighted.

Or had the t’hreesome changed his look?

“oboy those girls wan kill me oh!” He said.

“thank God say them no kill you oh!”

“You enjoy them?” Snow asked.

“enjoy! I enjoy them no be small!”

“e be like say I go go back oh!” I thought he had lost his senses.

“go back? You wey just finish n'ack three A’shawo, you wan still go back!!”

“yes oh, I wan go back!” He made up his mind.

As he stood, I swiftly grabbed his hand saying; “if you decide say you wan go die, pay for one more bottle of beer and two plates of Isiewu for us!”




And we almost lost Man.

laugh wan kill me oh.....for this same p.h....mehn things dey happen

flow so u no follow man go save his life frm d ashawos. E no good o Lwkm

Molz:

babe sup

am fine

;DLol.so conji na disease?anyway nice one.
Btw,I've replied ur mail.thanx 4 d compliment tho

“Snow mehn Man don tay for inside na!” I said, “it’s getting late na!”


“Him go soon come out, maybe him wan go extra round” Extra round ko! Technical Knockout ni!

“how you go take know weda na extra round him go, you dey there with am?”

“I no dey there with am, but I know say na because say him wan go extra round nahim make him waste time!”

“over sabi! sabi sabi!”




We waited and waited, yet there was no Man in sight.

“abi this guy don lost inside T’oto?”

“abi them don use am for money ritual?”

“abi them the a’shawo don wayah am sotey him no know road to come out again?” I asked myself all these questions.

“guy if we wait for Man for the next 10 minutes and him no come out, I go dey go house leave you here!” I promised.

“no be your friend? How you go go house leave your friend?” Snow said.

“and him number dey switch off”



Just then Nkume walked pass.

“Nkume! Abeg no vex,we dey look for that our friend! That one wey pay for the drink na!”

“I no see am oh!” Nkume answered, “wetin him do? Him thief?”

“your own na only people wey thief you dey see!”

“you no see the guy when him dey enter that room wey A’shawo them dey dey?” Snow asked.

“ooooook! I see am wey him dey enter room with three girls!” Nkume said.

“ehnnnn! Which room?” I asked.

“I no com know the room number of the room wey him enter oh!”




“oooooh God! This drink wey I drink dey turn my eye oh! I no fit stand well!” I was virtually flying.



Suddenly……….


“guy On your torch! I no dey see well again” But other people walking was seeing clearly. When had 1759 turned sight thief?

“me sef oh!” Like the darkness hovering covered not only my eyes, but Snow’s too.

“On torch na!” I yelled, “I no dey see road well!”

“give me the torch!” I grabbed his phone from him.



“Flow make we enter inside go look for Man” Snow suggested.

With one deemed light from a phone two blind men went in search of their lost friend.



In no time, we were at A’showo group of company limited hall.



“na me una dey find?”----- No we no dey find you, we dey find our friend Man.

“collect me for free!”----- I no dey like free things.

“Mama Dee is Delicious!”----- A woman old enough to be my mother.

“you like this thing?”--------- Yes oh I like am, e big no be small.

“why them this Mumu dey carry torchlight?” --------------------------- We dey find Gold.




“Aunty we dey look for one of our friend?” Snow said to one lady that was far from being his Aunty.

“which of your friend?”

“ehn! Him no too tall, him black!”

“eeeeeeheeeeeh!! Here be like Police Station wey them dey look for person?” She said.

“no vex na we no talk say here na Police Station, we just dey look for one of our friend wey carry A’shawo enter room!”


“ehnnnnn! That una friend wetin be him name?” She asked.

“Ehnnnn! Flow wetin be him name?” Snow asked a Flow that was carried away by the hot legs and fat a'sses he saw around.

“ok! Him name na Man!” I said, “Man wey dey reason!"

“you say?”

“I say him name na Man!”

“which kin name be that?” She was vexed, “na the name wey him Mama give am be that?”

I had totally forgotten Man’s real name.



“see make I tell una, if una no Vamoose for here I go call Police for una!”

“Police for inside A’shawo place? Who and who the Police go dey arrest!” I asked myself.



Soon I and Brother Snow stood outside the A’showa jurisdiction thinking of what next to do.

“how we go do this thing now! And Man no know road come house!”

“why will he want to sleep in a P’rostitute House without my consent?” Like i was his father.

“Flow that one wey you dey speak na Grammar” Snow said, “make we think of how we go go inside there go bring Man comot!” I noticed Alcohol really disturbed him.



“Guy rain don dey fall, make we dey go house”

“Make we dey small, rain no go melt us, we no be salt na!”

“wetin dey do you for head?” I yelled, “I dey tell you say rain don dey fall you dey talk say we no be salt”


“guy! You be wicked friend oh! your friend find you come from Anambra State and you wan leave am for A’shawo house go sleep! E no good oh!”

“wetin no good?”

“abeg make we dey go house jor!”


Immediately we took one step out of where we stood, the rain stopped instantly.

“Snow you be Mumu oh, rain no dey fall, why you com talk say rain dey fall?”

“Na me talk am, no be you talk am!”

“Na A/C water dey drop for our head you com say na rain dey fall!”

“no be me talk say rain dey fall, na you!”

Well, it rained; but on us alone, at least we were wet.






“Man fit don die oh!”





“Maybe them the girls kill am for bed com flush him body for toilet!” Like Man was poo.





“Why Man go die like this?”



“On top woman? God forbid!!”




“But why! Man why!”



“you no tell me say na like this you go go?”


And tears came rolling down my chick.


“Flow why you dey cry na?”……………………………………………………….





Fill in the blank space, like they say in English Examination. Who said that?

cho25bc:
;DLol.so conji na disease?anyway nice one.
Btw,I've replied ur mail.thanx 4 d compliment tho

You are highly welcome.

If you don't mind let the campaign kick off tomorrow.

I need more Volunteers for my campaign team oh.

Time don dey go oh.

Campaign would soon kick off.

I gat win MR Nairaland 2015, But i can't do that without all of you.

Make una come make we discuss how i go take win.

Sai Flow!!