Enjoying the tory...flow keep flowing

buoye1:
Enjoying the tory...flow keep flowing

keep enjoying d tory jhur, me sef likey. Weldone flow.

FLOW! FLOW!! FLOW!!! Where u dey, d update no dey flow nah.

"take this money, go give it to my wife at home" My Boss handed over some money to me.

I counted it accurately to be 51,000 naira.

"what you have there is 50,000 naira, hurry and give it to my wife"

"Oga na 51,000naira dey for here oh" I almost said.


"what of if i carry this money run nkor" I said within me as i boarded a bus heading to Alakija.

I dared not run away with my Boss'es money, he would get me most definitely, because, saying my Boss was a Commissioner of Police wasn't a lie. He was affiliated to so many Senior Police Officers. If i tried it, i would definitely get roasted like Martins.



Martins!!! Martins was one of us; hardworking, diligent; but so con a man.

He was collecting a token fee for delivering parcels to people that were gullible enough to fall easy prey. When his con clock stopped was when he went to make a verification of address of a First Bank customer; on getting to the customer's house, he asked him to pay a token of 500 naira as what he coined "delivery charges", not knowing that that customer was a Big shot in First bank. The customer blatantly refused, so his verification was inconclusive.

Where his con water boiled was when the customer called our Boss directly to report.

Martins was summoned to the office, and as comic would have it, i got to the office before everyone that evening, and on seeing the three hefty Police Men with Guns, I almost ran back because the previous morning was the morning i warned Kel never to make s'exual advances on me, or else i would K'idnap her and hand her over to thugs that would r'ape her.


As i entered the office that evening, this was what transpired: "heeaaa!! come here!!" one of the Police officers took Four steps towads me. "na Joke i dey joke with her oh" I cried, as one of them grabbed my shirt. "na you be the thief boy abi". "i no be thief oooh" I cried as two of the Officers gave me an orchestrated hot slap each on my head, i saw The Sun and Jupiter spinning round my head. As Kel and My Boss came out of my Boss'es office where they were, they shouted together; "that is not the Boy!!!!!!!!!".

Martins really looked good on cuffs, and i pitied him not. "see the mumu wey make me chop two hot slap" I spoke out as Martins was dragged to the pick-up downstairs for him to have a free ride to the Police Station. "them the policemen slap you?" Amos asked me. "them no slap me oh, no be wetin i talk, i talk say, see the mumu wey for chop two hot slap" I lied since they were not present when i "ate" the slaps. "Martins don chop more than two hot slap na" James added.




"you hold change abi?" the bus conductor inquired.

"i no hold change oh, na five hundred naira i hold oh" i informed.

"You dey craze oh, you no hear me when i say if you no hold change make you no enter abi"

"i no hear you oh" I actually overheard him say that.

"as you be deaf and dumb, i no get change, you hear me now?" He was virtually shouting.

"i no be deaf and dumb"

"driver stop!! make this one comot for my bus" The bus stopped abruptly with a screech.

"Driver dey go, your conductor go find change" I pleaded.

"Abeg get down, i no want your wahala" The driver sounded drunk.

"oga!!! go down na !! go down na!!" Other passengers yelled at me.

I came down half way to were i was going, and since i saw that the rest distance was "leggable", i applied Johnny the walker. If i had known.


If i had known.


I walked 500metres like it was 50cm because i was listening to the music of a Barracks Musician Jay dee on my phone through my Ear piece. Legend has it that one walks faster when listening to music through the ear piece. It was true because in my line of Job, i had come to know that any day i left home without my ear piece, i delivered less parcels.


I was close to Alakija Bus stop when all of a sudden, i saw a gathering.


"you need Black berry phone, come take for free!!!! You need Black berry phone, come take for free!!!" The man at the center of the circular gathering kept announcing on a mega phone.


"you need Black berry phone, come and take for free!!!!"


Just then, my Boss called me asking me if i was at his house already.


After the call ended, i took a closer look at my Nokia X2 that had a gap teeth, the gap teeth was the "number 5" button that had gone as a result of the fact that i was regularly updating a story titled "Man wey dey Reason" on Nairaland Forum with it since my Laptop got damaged and there was no money for a new one.


Since the advent of several makes of Black berry phones, i had never owned one.

At that juncture, i decided i would go see if i could maybe replace my Nokia X2 with a Black berry phone.


I reached where the gathering was in no time, in time to hear the tattered looking man with the mega phone announced; "make 10 people come take this 10 Black berry phone", so i fumbled with the crowd into the Mat where the phones were.

I managed to pick a Black berry Bold Two phone with smiles. I operated the functionality of the phone, and it was sound and fine, so i left full of joy.

I was in Alakija in no time, and at that moment it was like i should throw away my Nokia X2 into the disgusting Gutter i saw. But then, i thought otherwise that i might sell it to Amos who told me he needed a phone.

I brought out my wallet to bring out my Etisalat SIM card that i thought right inserting on the Nokia X2 while the MTN would occupy the newly acquired Black berry phone.


As i brought out my Wallet, I noticed something had disappeared.



My Greatest Nightmare had occurred.





The 51,000K had traveled.

awoof don shook u 4 belle

waslead300:
FLOW! FLOW!! FLOW!!! Where u dey, d update no dey flow nah.

Sorry about that..................... Is just that I am always very busy................... and to type no dey easy

Oya do quick jooor...

Wetin do the money na

toykathy:
awoof don shook u 4 belle

Naso ooooooooooooooh. Black magic

Warlord3000:
Oya do quick jooor...

Wetin do the money na

I go update when i don go soak my eye for water come back. my eye dey pepper me for the one wey i update.

e go be like filmtrick for ur eyes... omo see gobe

I have noticed that this thread is scanty most times...... or have i lost my professional touch in writing?.................................. abi una want make i enter front page first?............................ Or so i thought.



PS: The story still plenty well oh.

Flow wei dey flow, I dey feel this story wella o.
More grease to ur elbow. U too much...

Flow Uv been away 4 a while nw dt u r bk u dnt jx expect ur thread to pull the traffic u would av wantd,but be calm as d story goes by the traffic ll cme...still u flow

fLOW u talk say dis thread no dey move... dis 1 update no go do am ooo... anyway u still flow

looool!, money don waka!....chisos!!

After the call ended, i took a closer look at my Nokia X2 that had a gap teeth, the gap teeth was the "number 5" button that had gone as a result of the fact that i was regularly updating a story titled "Man wey dey Reason" on Nairaland Forum

tushwitch:
looool!, money don waka!....chisos!!

After the call ended, i took a closer look at my Nokia X2 that had a gap teeth, the gap teeth was the "number 5" button that had gone as a result of the fact that i was regularly updating a story titled "Man wey dey Reason" on Nairaland Forum



^^Flow, you made me remember Man, man wey dey reason!! L101 and L102. Biscuit, mixing Rice and beans, Kate, Mr Haruna and her ugly wife plus kid.. You really tried on top that story. STILL U FLOW, STILL WE FOLLOW!

flow1759:
I have noticed that this thread is scanty most times...... or have i lost my professional touch in writing?.................................. abi una want make i enter front page first?............................ Or so i thought.



PS: The story still plenty well oh.

not at all cos ur write-up still remain pristine, just waiting for more update to ginger us ni o o

Lol, u want free BlackBerry,
meanwhile barman get me one more bottle of orjin and give one bottle of big 1759 to flow........ give the viewers one bottle of mineral each

4kizo:
Lol, u want free BlackBerry,
meanwhile barman get me one more bottle of orjin and give one bottle of big 1759 to flow........ give the viewers one bottle of mineral each

4kizo, kai. . . Walahi, I dey craze for head ko? Barman, make you gip eperybody por this place anythin dey want jare. Make I no give them Soft drinks ko?

[quote author=flow1759 post=30097751]I have noticed that this thread is scanty most times...... or have i lost my professional touch in writing?.................................. abi una want make i enter front page first?............................ Or so i thought.



PS: The story still plenty well oh.[/quot



not at all.... seems most of ur fans ar nt aware of it yet.... bt i assure u of massive crowd weneva it hit front page... u go pull fellowers pass GEJ...

Ramwab94:



4kizo, kai. . . Walahi, I dey craze for head ko? Barman, make you gip eperybody por this place anythin dey want jare. Make I no give them Soft drinks ko?

but some don't take alcohol

Oga flow! Believe it or not, you are one of the best. I pray that by this time in some months, the audience here would be massive. Of no doubt, this thread shall be the best thread ever! That Nairaland has ever produced. Although there some insignificant errors! But your writing prowess overshadows any shortcomings. I beseech you not to slack or relent on your good works. The Lord Is your Strength. As I would always say, #Man wey dey reason was a bomb! This one shall be bomber# I remain your loyal fan.

way to go boss#

"where this money!!!!" I was slowly going Mad.

I opened all the hidden areas of my wallet to see if the money took a walk there, i saw nothing but several sheets of paper and my wish was that those papers changed to money; to 50,000 naira or more.

"owo nlo!!!" I cried.


"that bastard jazz man don disappear my money" I was already close to my Boss'es house.

"i dey go back to that mumu jazz man go give am him phone and collect my money, if him no give me my money ehn, i go show am say i sabi fight" I had concluded, and as i was about turning around to go to the con man, i heard: "Mr Peter are you going to the house?"

It was Mrs Gladys Akeju.

"Good afternoon ma!!!"

"yes!! i was actually going to your house ma"

"and why is your face like this?" She eyeballed me.

"nothing ma"

"that's a lie, something is surely eating you" She queried.

"nothing ma, its just that am not feeling too well" I lied.

"what is wrong with you?" She inquired.

"I have running stomach ma"

"ehyaaaaa!!! sorry, when we get home, i will give you some drugs, it will stop"

"ok, thank you ma"

"you are the one my Husband sent to give me the money for the Dog feed abi?"

"noooooo!!........... I mean.............Yes!!" I stammered.

"what do you mean No............... i mean....... Yes"

"i mean No...........Sorry, Yes........." I was near madness, very near.

"ok lets hurry home, the Dog feed man is already at home waiting, i have kept him awaiting for long"



As we walked home, i wished i took one step forward and two step backwards.


Knowing that Mr Wole Akeju loved his Dog so much, even more than his Wife, and i had lost the money that was for his Dog feed, i cried bitterly even more than the bitterness in Bitter-leaf.


"i don die oh" I spoke out.

"you are not dead, stop speaking negatively"

"when we get home i will give you some drugs" If only she knew.

If only she knew that the Money for the Dog feed was gone.




"good Afternoon Mr Peter" Ife greeted as we enter the house.

"good morning Ife" I replied.

"Mr Peter!! it is not morning" Ife corrected.

Ife was good at that, correcting people at the slightest of grammatical error, just because she was studying English Language in school.



"Madam!! i have been waiting for you for close to two hours now" A shadow dark man said.

"sorry Mr Ben, i went to the market across the street to buy something urgent, this is the guy with the money" My Boss's Wife pointed at me.

"oooooooooh God!!" I cried.


"Mr Peter!! is your stomach still disturbing you?"

"yes oh!!! yes ma!!" I was sweating in a fully air conditioned living room.

"Ife get Mr Peter Flagil" Mrs Akeju ordered.

"your husband told my Boss that he owed us 40,000 naira for our last Four supplies, plus this supply, that makes a total of 50,000 naira" The Dog feed man analyzed.



"good!! Mr Peter give him the Money" Mrs Akeju said.


"pls ma may i see you?" I requested.


"Don't worry na, Ife is bringing the drugs, you will be ok soon"

"No ma!!! I want to see you for a different thing" I spoke out.

"ok" She obliged



We were in the Kitchen in no time.



"eeeeeeeehm!! Madam, what i want to tell you is what happened to me about 45minutes ago....."


"ok, what is it, i hope it is not about your stomach?" She was over curious.

"first of all ma, i am not having running stomach, i lied to you"

"so?? why?" She touched my neck with the back of her palm to know if was running temperature because i was fidgeting.


"Mr Peter!!!! shey kosi?" She needed to know.

"Wahala Po ooh!!" I spoke what sounded like Yorubaish-Igbo.


"the...... the..... the..... ehn...... the.."

"the..... what?" She yelled

"The.. the Money daddy gave me to give to you is no where to be found ma"

"what!!!!!!!!!!! what happened to it?"

"I saw............. i saw......."

"you saw what??" She was becoming impatient.



Just then, Ife brought the drugs with a glass of water.

"Ife don't worry, he doesn't need the drugs anymore".

If there was any drug i needed at that moment, i guess it was sleeping drugs,or better still Poison.

"eheeeen!!! speak!!!!! you saw what?" Ife, while leaving turned to listen to our conversation.

"Ife go!!! there is no problem, me and Mr Peter is discussing something important"

Ife left shutting the Kitchen Door, but i still saw her eavesdropping from the knob.

That was another thing about the Beautiful girl Ife; she was the DSTV of the house. Information about everything was at her finger tips.


"ehen!!! talk na!!!! what did you see?"

"i saw this gathering where they were announcing that they were sharing ehen....... sharing phones close to Alakija bus stop, i walked to see what was happening there, as i goooooooot there eeeeeeeeehn"

"eheeeeen!! as you got there what happened" There was this Lioness look on her face.

"the man at the center of the gathering said some people should come and pick Black berry phone, and i was amongst the selected ones"


"so so so so I went into a mat to pick this phone" I brought out the phone. But to my greatest surprise....................................

To our greatest surprise........................


Immediately i brought it out, it had turned to something else. As at when it was in my pocket, it was a phone, but when i brought it out, it was another creature.


"blood of J'esus!!!!" The phone fell to the floor.


The phone was Ant infested. Big Ants!!!




The Ants stuck to what looked like an ordinary phone casing like Bee would to Nectar.

Mrs Akeju all of a sudden started Praying in Tongues, and i joined her.

My Tongues sounded like German, her's sounded like it had Yoruba flavour.


We "cast and bind" for about 10 minutes of which i opened my eyes to take a glimpse of the "Ant phone" at every 1 minute interval.


"in J'esus name!!!!!"

"Amen!!"

Immediately i said "Amen" and opened my eyes, i saw the Ants disappeared leaving just the casing. It was indeed a miracle. From that day onward i started believing in Miracles.


"thank you J'esus!!!! thank you J'esus!!!!" Mrs Akeju praised.





"so Mr Peter, tell me, what really happened to the money??"


"As i picked the phone, about 15 minutes later, and after i had left the gathering heading here, i brought out my wallet to discover that the money wasn't there"

"it was gone!!" I cried searching for tears tirelessly.


Mrs Akeju was Silent for a while thinking, then she said; "don't worry Mr Peter, we will work things out"

"work things out!!!! daddy will kill me?" I cried.

"don't worry with God all things are possible, don't you believe?"




"I believe!!!"

pcaliphate:
Oga flow! Believe it or not, you are one of the best. I pray that by this time in some months, the audience here would be massive. Of no doubt, this thread shall be the best thread ever! That Nairaland has ever produced. Although there some insignificant errors! But your writing prowess overshadows any shortcomings. I beseech you not to slack or relent on your good works. The Lord Is your Strength. As I would always say, #Man wey dey reason was a bomb! This one shall be bomber# I remain your loyal fan.

Thank you and God bless.

Pls i would love you to point out the insignificant errors so i will make amends.



STILL I GO DEY FLOW

If you have read the last update, go back and red again for your undersanding, i corrected just one word that would have made a diference.





PS: who konws the one word?

flow1759:
If you have read the last update, go back and red again for your undersanding, i corrected just one word that would have made a diference.





PS: who konws the one word?

dunno talk na

For the next few weeks, i was living in Penury. I was owing, and yet there wasn't any delivery job for us.

I was feeding from hand to mouth, and such situations, i detested staying around Family members because of the demands. So i went on vacation to my twin friends in Iba Estate.

Chidi and Chima.


I first met Chima who was in the same department with me in school, before i met Chidi who was in the same department also but in a different school in the same state of Imo.

Imo was their state of Origin, Mbaise was their Local Government Area, Port Harcourt was their Family base. But they based in Lagos courtesy of a Ugly Girl Chidinma.

Chidinma was the Girlfriend to Chidi, while Chima wanted my younger sister as Girlfriend.

Chidinma was as Tall as she was Ugly. And she was as Ugly as she spoke. She spoke "pure Queen's Igbotic English".



The date was July 4th; Chidinma's Birthday; as well as Kel my Ex.

I needed not to split myself into two equal halves to attend both occasions, i had made up my mind. So switching off my phone was my next bet.



"Mr Flow!!!" Was the song of praise as i entered the Estate that evening.


I was on a Red T Shirt, Blue Jean and of course my "drinking cap".


The cap when worn was notable to reduce the alcoholic intoxication of the wearer. Or so i thought.

Ejima never smoked, never womanized, but they Drank.

They both can run down the supplies in Nigerian Breweries within 24 hours. If it were just Beer that they liked drinking, i wouldn't had pitied their Kidneys. They loved Vodka like an infant loved suckling. I am sometimes scared of drinking water in their house with the fear that it might as well be water mixed with Vodka.


"Mr Flow!!!!!"

"how far my guys" I shook them both, as well as Ola their disciple.

One thing about Chima and Chidi was that they were professional con men and Ola was their Evangelist.

They could con even the Pope all thanks to where they are from; Mbaise!!!

I had met a handful of Mbaise guys, none has ever proved me wrong that all men from Mbaise are con men. None yet!!


"Olaniyi Olanipekun!!!!!!" I hailed Ola who was gulping directly from a bottle of Vodka. He had been tutored in the University of Vodja and he graduated with good grades, i was one student that had failed in gaining admission into the University.



"Flow i don tell you make you no dey call me Olaniyi, my name na Olatunji" He warned.

He had warned me severally not to call him "Olaniyi" since the day Chidi told him the meaning in Igbo language. It meant "a lost child". Indeed Ola was a lost child in all sense of it. He had a blossoming business in Benin Republic, not until a Yoruba girl from Benin ruined his life making him lose all he had. He ran back to Nigeria to start life afresh yet he met another Yoruba girl that gave him technical knockout that landed him in prison for 4 years. He came out of jail and got a lucrative job as a Motor park tout. Due to greed, he stole a huge amount of money from their "Agbero" head office and ran to make fortress in Iba Estate where he met the Ejimas.

How he met Ejima was when he was engaged in a fracas with Chidi, who called his twin Brother Chima and they both beat the hell out of him that he was hospitalized. Since that day Ola had been their best of friend.



The birthday began with cutting of the cake. As we cut the cake, i failed not to remind Chidi how we celebrated his Girlfriend's last Birthday with Cake and Beer. That was my first day of combining both. **My dear Brothers and Sisters reading this, Woe betide me if i fail to tell you to try this recipe, it is very delicious, but, be sure to build your room close to the toilet 3 hours after taking them both**. What happened to Myself, Chidi and Godwin who ate the combination was disastrous.

Chima was still in Owerri doing business, so it was myself, Chidi and Godwin that woke to the break of July 4th that year. Chidinma had told Chidi severally that her birthday must be celebrated even though Chidi had been telling her he had no money for such, she still insisted. So we all got dressed and headed to one Hiltop Hotel that was in a deserted area i could barely recollect. Chidinma never failed to come along with her birthday cake. She was so daft a girl that she made sure we cut the cake, sang her a birthday song, and ate the cake that tasted half baked even while drinking Beer. While Chidi and Godwin started complaining of running stomach about 3 hours later, i started complaining almost immediately visiting the Hotel's rest room every 2 minutes with a particular walking step; like i had Elephantiasis of the S'crotum.

I never forgave the daft Igbotic Chidinma since that day. Or i forgave her, but i never forgot.




30 minutes and the number of guys present had increased to 8; Fat Joe, Godwin, Chibyke, Nonso, Dady Munso, Onye Nku, Chidi, Chima, Ola, and Yours truly Flow.


"na only Guys guys dey this party?" Onye Nku noticed.

Onye Nku was not a birthname just as Dady Munso was not a birthname also, likewise Chibyke. At some point i thought these were their real names.

"As our faces are different, so are our challenges" they say, but i say "as our faces are different so are our characters". These men were real characters.


The cake was cut and shared to everyone present except me who blatantly refused to take what would cause my system havoc. Chidinma almost shut me with a Gun on the head for not eating her birthday cake, but i was once beaten and i had to be twice shy, owing to the fact that i wanted to stick to my brand Guinness all through the party.





Never knowing i would drink about Five brands that would cause me to sleep on a "Water Bed" that Night.

Still i flow

pcaliphate:
Oga flow! Believe it or not, you are one of the best. I pray that by this time in some months, the audience here would be massive. Of no doubt, this thread shall be the best thread ever! That Nairaland has ever produced. Although there some insignificant errors! But your writing prowess overshadows any shortcomings. I beseech you not to slack or relent on your good works. The Lord Is your Strength. As I would always say, #Man wey dey reason was a bomb! This one shall be bomber# I remain your loyal fan.

bomber ke? Abeg,,,, make I waka my nyash ooooo

Still FLOW nice tory

Drinking beer and cake is lik eatoin beans and plenty sugar...,u go shit to be contoinued