Dear friend, with a divorce rate of 50% in most developing countries and an increase in domestic violence and other forms of abuse, our relationships and family life are under severe pressure. No longer are we satisfied with the old ways of relating, no longer are we prepared to sacrifice our ambitions, our creativity and our deeper desires.

A correct relationship with yourself is crucial, for from it flow all possible right relationships with others. It is now more important than ever to be able to love and accept ourselves. Only if you are totally accepting of yourself will you be able to accept the other person who holds up the mirror for you. And if you love yourself, you will be able to love them and be with them.

Acceptance means to be able to be with that person in love and grace, without needing to change them or make them anything other than what they are in the moment. So many relationships are based on people falling in love with potential. This is followed by frustration as the potential may never be realized.

We are living in an amazing time. Sometimes it may feel as if there is water rising around us: but no human lifeguards out there are capable of saving us. To avoid drowning, we have the individual responsibility to be our own lifeguard, by letting go of outer old ways and embracing new opportunities for growth.

The world is changing so quickly these days, our relationship forms need to be able to change quickly also. Trouble and emotional pain may come when we fail to accept progressive changes in the forms our relationships take.

We therefore, must look at re-creating our relationships and marriages to support our personal fulfillment. No longer motivated by basic drives, but by higher needs, we expect more from ourselves and from life. As a result, we look to our relationships for emotional support to help us be all we can be.

When we understand that the person we have chosen to relate to is part of us, and what we see in ourselves, then we can be in compassion and love with ourselves and then with them. From this place of communion and understanding we can learn to relate with total acceptance of ourselves and of others.

Our primary relationship is with ourselves, and ultimately that’s the only one that can provide the foundation for wholeness. That’s the place where we need to find integration and balance.

Many people, especially women, say they want committed relationships, and can’t understand why they’re not happening. Many of us have had a hard time recognizing how much inner conflict and ambivalence we really have about committed relationships.

Summary please

2 long

We think we need to re-ignite our reading culture cos me no dey see wetin long for here oooo!

Um...you didn't state in clear terms how one can attract a loving partner as the thread title suggests. Loving oneself is cool but hardly the major driver when it comes to attracting a partner, though it can help sustain a relationship with a partner who already is attracted by some other major factors.

In any case, I tend to agree with your view about seeing a partner as an extension of oneself which obviously implies that to love oneself would ultimately mean loving ones partner. However, I believe that would be applicable to an already established union such as marriage. For those in pre-marital relationships, I don't see how feasible that approach will be.

Nice write-up!

@ Strk: thanks.... Thank God u later got the main point