As i write you this piece, my heart is heavy and full of confusion. I decided to share it, perhaps i might get a breakthrough advice.
Few years ago, the woman i just married last November (2014) bore a daughter she told me i was the father. Young, naive and silly, i refused to accept responsibility. Two years later (after the baby was born), i went to tender a wholesome apology and pleaded with her to give me another chance to make things right. By then, i had become a bit matured and in the elementary years of my University Education. She did forgave and accepted me back after i pleaded guilty and i did my best to ensure i made things right as promised. Through my advocacy, she returned back to school and the baby was then given to her younger sister (who had gotten married by then) to take care of. Things actually went smooth and today she's done with schooling and we just wedded about 2 months ago. The girl has grown now and i am thinking of bringing us all together as one family and taking care of the later's education from here. But to my surprise, my wife flared up. At first she said it was too early, and later when i contacted her people, they told me it was impossible to claim her. My wife never denied i was the father. I remembered when we were at level one of our marriage course, we were told it's time to share our secretes with our intendeds. When we came back that faithful day, i asked her again and she yielded in positive not ever minding i threatened to go for DNA test with the little girl. My problem now is, how do i convince my wife i do not want my baby raised by another person as an adult or her people that all i wanted is one big happy family for all of us? How would posterity judge me looking at my little girl take on her maiden name almost getting to senior secondary now? I wanted to discuss with my brother in-law just this afternoon to give me hints on the things i should be looking out to pay to the family for them to allow the girl to at least visit us during her next holiday, but he accused me of being ingrate. He frankly told me i should not have even asked for her. My people, where has this even happened? The mother is my incumbent wife and not some kind of a stranger. Those with similar experience, please come to my rescue before i 'd approach this the wrong way. Thanks

Well can start by teaching other young men nt to be as stupid as u wer wen u wer young. Coz most abundon deir kids nawadays and think dat the day deir stupid heads decide to take responsibility everone will still be waiting for dem

I can't really say I feel your pain, because that would be a blatant lie.

But, I've put myself in your shoes and I don't like the way it pinches.

First of all, I've got some questions. You said the baby was given to her sister who just got married? Were you made aware of it? Or did you find out later?

If you found out later, please remember that the "girl" - your child is all grown now, who might have been brought up with the knowledge that your wifes' sister is her mum and now you want to turn her world upside down with your news.

I don't know if I'm making sense, but I digress. Nothing stops you from asking for your daughter, but remember the time, resources and emotional care that was put into her by her foster parents (Your wife's sister & hubby). Some things cannot be paid for.

I suggest you take the slow approach. Does the girl in question know you are her biological father? Is she ready to leave her "parents" for you?

hmmm, give it time. And tell ur wife that u want ur child bk. If she refuses, u have 2 take legal actions! this z a case of kidnap!

At the time i reconciled with my wife (two years after the baby was born), i was still in my early years in school and cannot assume responsibility. Yes i am aware when the girl was given to my sister in-law to hold, so my wife can return back to finish her school. And, my intention here is not actually to be ungrateful for what they did for me. In fact i told my wife if the girl feels better to stay with her foster parents, i will oblige her. But she has to be aware officially who the father is, take up her rightful surname, visit us often and i be allowed to train her (education wise) the way i want.

Then by all means go for it. Meet with your wifes' folks and iron out the issue. It goes without saying that you should also inform an elderly member of your own family and let him know about everything, then possibly you in the company of your kinsmen should meet your in-laws.

As an aside, you should also try to find out why your wife is kicking against bringing your daughter into the house though.

guyinpain:
At the time i reconciled with my wife (two years after the baby was born), i was still in my early years in school and cannot assume responsibility. Yes i am aware when the girl was given to my sister in-law to hold, so my wife can return back to finish her school. And, my intention here is not actually to be ungrateful for what they did for me. In fact i told my wife if the girl feels better to stay with her foster parents, i will oblige her. But she has to be aware officially who the father is, take up her rightful surname, visit us often and i be allowed to train her (education wise) the way i want.

Your ears na how many?? You're not the father of that child sir.. You do you need periscope to tell you the truth

Thanks yungchop, but i don't pray to be. Somehow, their kinsmen have argued, i was yet to pay her bride price at the time the baby was born. But if that were to be true, is it completely a situation impossible to redeem? I paid the supreme price training the mother in school and getting married to her eventually. How well do you believe that i cannot lay claim to the girl because my bride price came rather late by Eastern culture?

Whether your bride price came late or early is beside the point man.

If the child is yours, nwanne you have every right and authority to demand for her custody.

I don talk finish.

guyinpain:
Thanks yungchop, but i don't pray to be. Somehow, their kinsmen have argued, i was yet to pay her bride price at the time the baby was born. But if that were to be true, is it completely a situation impossible to redeem? I paid the supreme price training the mother in school and getting married to her eventually. How well do you believe that i cannot lay claim to the girl because my bride price came rather late by Eastern culture?