Friend zone. /ˈfrend ˌzəʊn/

“That special place where a guy who is
romantically eyeing a babe or vice versa
is relegated, like a poorly performing
football club. Persons in this zone are
referred to by the party they like as,
“brother, sister, my best friend, “she’s
like one of my guys…he’s like a male
girlfriend…etc.”

This word has the ability to break
hearts, make grown men cry in agony,
while clutching their pillows at night. At
the mention of it, some women pine in
the privacy of their bedrooms, kissing
pictures and drawing hearts and cupid
arrows all over their jotters. Some may
even play FLAMES, one cross-off
childhood matchmaking game like that
(if you don’t know it, ask someone).
On the other hand, being in that place
has been known to turn some people to
juju-consulting and application experts;
others to serial killers who take out the
competition until they’re the last man or
woman standing. Then their crush would
have no choice but to notice them.
If you’ve ever been there, let’s gist. I
tell you mine, you tell me yours.

A long time ago, I had the unfortunate
experience of being in the Friendzone. I
was on my own, jeje jeje mi, when this
young man popped out of somewhere
and we became friends, then best
friends. We shall call him That Fine Boy.
We talked about everything. I had no
secrets from him; I told him things I
didn’t even tell my mother, who was my
best friend before he dethroned her. He
too had no secrets from me. At least
that’s what I thought, until the day she
came along.
Now, before that time, I realised how
mushy I’d begun to feel towards That
Fine Boy. So, during a conversation one
day, I said, “Bros, I like you.” He replied
that he liked me too. I knew he wasn’t
coding my moves.
“You don’t understand. I like you like
that.” Mm-hmm.
His looked up very fast and his eyes met
mine. He gave me a stare so rich in
‘Ewww’, I wished I’d kept my mouth
shut.
“Eketi,” he said, looking at me with a
mixture of pity and affection, “we’re
just friends o. Shebi you know?”
I understood, sharperly. And because I
didn’t wish to ruin a good thing, I was
happy with being best friends. Until her.
The girl, whom we shall call That Friend
Spoiler, wasn’t beautiful. She wasn’t
pretty either. She was just there – you
know what I mean. I didn’t think she was
smart either… Of course, my mind was
heavily cloaked by the green fog of
jealousy at the time; so that assertion
may be inaccurate.
I hated her. She said she liked me, that
she wanted us to be friends. Friend-gini?
Tufiakwa!
I tried to be happy for him, I really did.
But whenever I saw them together,
which was often, my face was like moi-
moi that hadn’t been warmed for forty
days and forty nights. When the three of
us hung out, I would try to please him by
being the perfect best friend. I would
smile until the sun bleached my teeth.
Soon, his sister noticed the change in me
and asked me if I was romantically
interested in him. See this girl, trying to
rob me of my pride, which was all I had
left.
“Me? Like him?” I asked, staring at her
like you-don-dey-craze. “God forbid!
He’s like my brother.”
“Then why don’t you like her? She’s a
nice girl.”
I rolled my eyes to Jupiter and back.

Being in the Friendzone can pain eeeehh!
You know they’re not that into you, but
you still find yourself doing mumu-mumu
things, like trolling their Facebook page
to see if they’ve changed their status to
‘in a relationship with’; liking, sharing
and retweeting everything they put on
social media; going through the girl’s
Facebook page and wishing Zuckerberg
would hurry up and add a dislike button;
making a voodoo doll out of dry, brown
plantain leaves and chuking it with
needul; borrowing her stuff and then
“misplacing” them; watching them on
their wedding day and wishing you could
just “mistakenly” pour that flute of
champagne over her head, while making
the toast…

(I didn’t say I did any of the above o).

Eventually, I got out of the zone to a safe
place where I was genuinely happy for
the two of them.
I learned to say how I feel instead of
dying in silence. I fought for what I
wanted. I learned to let go with dignity.
I cut down on pretence. But above all, I
became skilled in the art of friendzoning
other people. (Please, don’t judge me)
So, to those of you out there who’re still
in this situation, sorry, you hear? To love
is a beautiful thing, yes. But don’t keep
pining for unrequited love, wey be like
ajayi work; e no dey pay.

If that person you feel something for is
still single and free, please talk your
mind, ho-ha. Else, you go old o!
If however the person already has
someone in their life, sing with me – “let
it gooooo…let it gooooo…”
Love is a choice; choose to move on and
love someone else. Life is short; live it
with someone who loves you back. The
Friendzone is not a place; avoid it as
much as you can.
And if you’re still in doubt, listen to the
song, Next Door To Alice by Smokie and
weep for yourself.

The End.

Cc lacastical

daaaamn this must be a terrible place to be (friend zone) years ago I did it to some girls and believe me it's not intentional at all it was the last one that made me realize how bad she felt and the thing made me feel bad cos this girl was ready to help me to do anything that I want or need. mtcheeeew I miss her even up till now I just don't know why or never noticed all the things she was doing and how caring she was and she use to playfully tell me I love u and i would just smile and stare at her till she will just say that it's agape love ooooo. even after I met my ex she use to come around but always casting my ex then and we would just laugh it off. she was the coolest female friend I ever had and sometimes when I think about it I just wish she had told me Ashe had feelings for me.
ladies pls try and tell a guy how u feel if u r into him, I will love and respect a girl that is bold enough to say how she feels to a guy. I totally respect that and if I'm not dating that time I'll love her like she never imagined.

Op i enjoy dis ur thread sha
U are funny but above all u nail it

Friendzone is not really d best zone to b

I don't make friends....logically, I can't be zoned. Learnt to pin my butt in one place a long while ago and that one place is the land of Celibacy and I'm King there.

Long post. You truly learned a lot of things

Cool story.

nice write up... it just got me thinking of the few ladies I friend zoned back in school and the ones that friend zone me.. even up till today

its a cruel world you know. here's another point I think most guys friend zone girls by mistake cuz dey we're clueless abt the signs dat she's in to us.. it happened to me in my 1st year. didn't know this babe was into me she would call text and would want to come and visit me. but me was a confirm novice then and I was trying to play the good boy or so I thought.

Juliano47:
I don't make friends....logically, I can't be zoned. Learnt to pin my butt in one place a long while ago and that one place is the land of Celibacy and I'm King there.

Are u for real? I respect celibate a lot. For How long have u been there?