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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives (274373 Views)
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Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Preternatura1(f): 9:34pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
Floodgater:Okay, so I shouldn't tell my family all I've written here then, I'm worried though, that my mum might give him some tough time as she likes to scrutinize, I don't want his ego to be affected in any way by my family, is there a way to avoid this? |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:36pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
There is one popular saying I've been noticing since I started reading posts on relationship. It's about ladies financing their guy's when they r down and when things turn out well for them,they tend to abandon those ladies. So my question is this. Should ladies stop helping their guy's to move forward? What is in d mind of such ladies when they r doing good samaritan work? Is it just to help or they r dreaming,hoping that the guy will later take them to the altar seeing that they hv invested so much in them(d guys)? When helping a guy,did u box him in a corner to say what he wouldn't have said cos he believes he has no choice then? Why feel bad if he moves ahead? So in a nutshell,what do ladies have in mind wheen they r financially helping their broke guys? 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 9:49pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
happysisi: This is just too one-sided. I would love to hear from the man himself. I'm quite certain that would make this story take a completely different direction. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 10:01pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
moca: Na wa o! I hate that term "pocket money". It's just sooo belittling. Like a primary school pupil / secondary school student asking a parent for money. Abeg..abeg...in Naija of all places, a woman must work. Irrespective of whether she's got kids or not. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 10:16pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
babyosisi: I think I get where she's coming from. There are some men that are just stingy, or (pretend to be) indifferent or both. Thing is come every Christmas, New Year, Valentine's, and / or Birthday, they'll either feign ignorance or just can't be bothered to do the needful. But when wife ignores them on their special day, it becomes something else... So she either keeps spending and trying to teach him by example, or completely ignore him on his special day. If it hurts him enough to talk about it, then she can let him know how ignoring her for all those 4 years has hurt her two. Then hopefully, from that point on, they make amends with genuine promises to change. 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 10:38pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
Preternatura1:You have no business telling your family his flaws, remember he protected you when you couldnt cook oha, that's what you should do for him all the time. Your family and friends will eventually see and take him the way you do before them, ensure it is the good way always because they may never be able to correct a previous bad impression you gave them, even if he is at fault, cover him up and correct later. You know your family more than him so prepare for any area that may cause problem in other to prevent it and projects his good sides when he is discussed in your family. Know it is the love he has that makes him adjust for you, no body like to move from their comfort zone but after complaining he still adjust for love sake, you will know it is a genuine change from his comments and attitude to the changes. Please step out of your familiy's standard and love this guy a little, btw what have you adjusted for him. Teach him gently with patience to be more modern, i think you would also do with some of his traditions and be grateful later. 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by bonsue1118(f): 10:47pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
Gud pm, my ex his begging me 2 come bak 2 him, bt d prob I av wit him is he womanise a lot. Am in love wit anoda person, bt he smokes, d person am in love wit truly love me, bt my fear is his habit. Pls am confused right nw, I need ur advices. Tnks. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by freecocoa(f): 10:57pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
bonsue1118:Wait, you no longer love your ex plus his womanizing prowess so what's the problem? Smoking is a habit that can be stopped na. 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:03pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
moca:Your question is same sort as how does a lady knows a man that will marry her? the signs are there. A lady has no business financing a guy she is not 95% sure will marry her, this alone is not enough too, she should ensure he is appreciative right from the little firsts she started with, that even whateversoever little he has of his own, he is willing to share with her not just waiting for when he has much, he is open about how he spends her money otherwise no woman should financially invest in a man that is not her son or husband instead should only assist with what she can comfortably part with. Any woman that after helping a man, rubs it in his face or gets angry that the man is now ahead, has problems that can make one to be unsure if the man used her or ran because the problems. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by happysisi: 11:05pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
It is actually not one sided. Maybe I am asking or expecting too much. I am someone who believes in telling my hubby everything, no secret. Even if I want to buy any small thing or go somewhere like grocery store. I know one of 2 things about finances like lands we have but anything about his bank accounts or how much he has, I have no idea. The problem might be cuz I have no job nd doesn't want me to know how he spends the money nd who he sends money to if I become a signatory to his accounts. I am probably expecting much which I have stopped for sometime now and it's all cool. My biggest problem is his non communication and even if u ask, no straight answer, thus making discussion difficult. Or he simply tells me pray, imagine. I strongly believe being financially independent, caring less, being away from him for sometime will do a great deal so he appreciate me. This is someone I was helping to apply for a job nd he freely gave me his password nd I would apply nd call him on the phone to tell him where and where I applied. He finally got a good job, we got married nd he passwords every single thing of his. I do not bother myself anymore and just looking and praying to God for a job EfemenaXY: |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by EfemenaXY: 11:08pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
happysisi: Yeah, I've read a couple more of your posts since then. My dear, just keep on trying to get that job of yours. Never give up and you'll get it soon. You're noticing everything he does and hurting because you aren't earning at the moment. All that will change when you get your job. Just hang on in there, sis and all will be well. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by happysisi: 11:09pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
His bday celebration is booking mass. He says he didn't celebrate his birthday growing up nd he turned out well. There might have been reasons why he didn't celebration growing up cuz of money but I believe. Growing up too, I didn't get to celebrate bday cuz we were mu h nd doesn't occur to my parents nd I don't even have baby pic till secondary school but now I take lots of pictures and that of my kids and celebrate bday no matter how small because I want to do what my parents couldn't do EfemenaXY: 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by thorpido(m): 11:14pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
bonsue1118:So you are considering going back to your ex who womanises?Has he stopped womanising? There's no confusion here.Help your current guy quit his smoking habit. 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:16pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
bonsue1118:Why would you bring you ex into the picture if you are done with him and his womanising habit. You kind of made it look like womanising is better than smoking or he is the one you love. People do anything for love, if smoking is detesting to you, tell him you cant marry one that smokes and watch him change if he really love you. Go up here, you will see the testimony of one whose hubby stopped smoking before marriage because she cant take it and now he hates it. So you see people changes when they trully love. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:38pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
ileobatojo: There are some that will insist on wearing 3 piece suit and Afro with those ties that look like a woman's scarf Try all you can he won't change All men are not equal 3 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:45pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
Floodgater: The rule of thumb Any man that will shout submit submit and quote those submitting scriptures to you at the drop of a hat without telling you the BIble says men should love their wives ,is a control freak waiting to manifest fully ,if he hasn't already . If they are not married yet,she may need to think twice about someone beating her upside the head with a King James Bible and concordance I don't want a man whipping up the Bible to prove his point 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 11:54pm On Mar 06, 2015 |
bonsue1118: The smoker may end up with cancer or give you cancer from second hand smoking I will forget about both men if I am worried about the smoking habit 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 12:09am On Mar 07, 2015 |
EfemenaXY:Nne,na reality wee dey face here o. Some r yet to get work. Work no dey. B4 u know it,u don carry belle,by d time u born and weane,arrange for baby to sttart creche etac,one or two yrs don pass. Heaven help u if preggy no dey disturb u and nobody is ready to employ a preggy woman unless u r lucky to get civil service work which is a national cake. So from d time u r idle to ur start of work,hubby no dey give u money to use for personal things? Abi na war? Or give u anyhow for feeding? How do those involved handle this kind of ish? Cos I know,its a big issue in marriage especially d early yrs. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 12:13am On Mar 07, 2015 |
babyosisi:She can't make him quit. He will quit if he wanna but she can't make him to so if she don't like it,the earlier she bail out d better. Personally,i can't stand up to 5 minutes with one. I hv never. Hates that with passion. I don't like alcohol too. I also believe that u r attracted to things/ personalities u like. 2 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 12:16am On Mar 07, 2015 |
@preternatura1 Read this post below and the bold very very well. Don't let what your family perception about his class may be stop you from settling down with a nice man. Both of you may very well grow into each other before you know it,him rubbing off on you and you rubbing off on him. You then discover that you're quite satisfied with even less expensive stuff than you were used to and he is no longer very primitive in mannerism and appearance.you may not see it happening but you wake up one day and realize it has happened. If those things you listed there are all the only problems you have with him,I don't see that it is something not fixable. If you do get married to him, pls don't let your family call the shots as per the higher earning end. No o. You have to respect him and they will follow suit. Don't let anyone ridicule your man in your presence because of his class or upbringing. Floodgater: |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by gleatz: 12:16am On Mar 07, 2015 |
@MOCA Differen gals have different reasons why they tends to help their broke guys. I will speak for mysef, I love extremely and selflessly, I can do anything to make anyone I love comfortable and happy. I gave out cash not cos I was thinking he would in turn marry me but cos ve a large heart and won't love to see my guy gnash teeth in pain. Currently, my ex is owing me some cash, but one thing I know is that some of this cash I did not give it out totaly, some we loans. Since we broke up he has refused to pay back, one thing is sure, even if he's given 10yrs added to his age, he can't finish paying all he's owing and that does not make me less human or financially down. Its up to him. Events of the past has thought me a great deal, my motto now is "Any money I can't dash out freely, I won't borrow anybody" and its beeing working for me. Same way am not ready to mother any guy for now. It won't stop me from being a giver. Its just painful when you see all you worked for crumbling before your eyes. Shit happens though. We learn everyday. 6 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 12:27am On Mar 07, 2015 |
gleatz:U r indeed wise. Very rare. Keep it up and see how heaven will open its windows of blessing ur way. 5 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by deuce7(m): 1:02am On Mar 07, 2015 |
CoCoLav:Hehehehe...you feel I was referring to you? |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by happysisi: 1:18am On Mar 07, 2015 |
Thank you so much EfemenaXY: |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 2:02am On Mar 07, 2015 |
moca: I am allergic to cigarettes smokes so nature already eliminated a smoker for me Can't stand them 4 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by gleatz: 2:55am On Mar 07, 2015 |
moca: Amen. Thanks darl |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Preternatura1(f): 3:41am On Mar 07, 2015 |
cococandy:Thank you kind ma'am, for your equally kind words, I just needed to be sure and you all have been most helpful. 1 Like |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Preternatura1(f): 4:26am On Mar 07, 2015 |
Floodgater:If only there was a way to really show you how grateful I am for your help so far, thank you so much. I will do my best to make sure he is not disrespected in any way, though it's just that what he may consider 'disrespect' might be different from how my family view it, still I will put more effort to make it work. My family is not used to the idea of him yet as I don't live in the same state with them(I visit on holidays and some weekends) so they don't get to see him a lot but I know that will change now as mother will like to scrutinize before giving approval, I will try to be more supportive of him. I have learnt how to cook some foods because of him, I go to church with him sometimes, I didn't really grow up with church but I remember attending mass with nannies when I was younger and after high school that didn't really stick, so going to church with him is something he really appreciates but I don't know if I can continue , I do house chores that I can, sometimes, because he thinks it's not proper that I didn't use to. He is a good man, he is very patient with me, does my laundry, cooks and I've noticed that I don't have the kind of problems my sister,cousins and some friends have with their relationships, they usually suspect their men of cheating, he is somewhat different from the kind of men I'm surrounded by, guess this is why we came this far. I'm beginning to think I let my fears in and that is what is affecting our sex life, I am now ready to work on this with hope that there be fire again. Once again, thank you very much, I feel greatly relived. It's amazing how strangers can be so helpful, I'm very thankful to Google for leading me here. 16 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by cococandy(f): 6:28am On Mar 07, 2015 |
Invite us to the wedding o I have a gele that I haven't worn For once. I need to attend a wedding so bad in that gele Best of luck dear Preternatura1: |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by CoCoLav(f): 7:03am On Mar 07, 2015 |
deuce7: Naaa, just teasing you. |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by nannymcphee(f): 8:35am On Mar 07, 2015 |
My apologies for not quoting your whole post, I hope what I quoted will not be taken out of context. Compatibility issues comes to mind here, some are minor & can & should be overlooked while others are major & should not be overlooked You have a particular class & I will advise you go for that class because with the quotes below, if you go into marriage with him without reaching a genuine compromise(not the one he will agree to ur terms now, meanwhile planning a different thing for you after marriage) Preternatura1:Should you go ahead with the wedding, you will resent him & alienate your kids against him, imagine u scolding junior for eating loud & his defense will be that's how daddy does it, you find urself correcting him, you are indirectly telling him daddy is a bush man The above secenerio will play out in other circumstances
Here again, compatibility, these issues you raised above can cause serious issues, should junior misbehave you can't tell him not to spank or flog his own child!! He might not be the type that will eat food not prepared by you but you on the other hand grew up with maids
it appears you are living as though you are not in Nigeria(there is nothing wrong with that per say, just look for someone that shares same traits) No Nigerian adult will accept that from a younger one to be "quiet", that's akin to shut up You obviously didn't see that much of a big deal, I know kids abroad tell their parents to shut up either jokingly or seriously depending on the context & most don't see it as a biggie you talked about the gown part, he was taking you to his mum & you couldn't agree with him on what to wear, haba I'm not married o but I'm sure the average married woman dresses according to the husband's taste(make una correct me o) my dear look for a good man amongst your class & save yourself from unnecessary heartache, continue with him on the grounds that you have reached a "genuine compromise" or he shows & proves that he is willing to change to your way of living Most Nigerian men don't believe in changing for a woman, most times just to win her, they do so but after marriage, Ghen Ghen!!!! 7 Likes |
Re: Babyosisi's Marital Advice To New And Intended Wives by Nobody: 9:38am On Mar 07, 2015 |
gleatz:You sound just like me... Are you my twin? 1 Like |
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