Moana:
corect guy

Mynd44:

You already know what to do. You have chosen what you want to do.

Why come here to bother people with the hope of looking for people to back you up?

Mynd44:

Read my post again biko.

I said it is her choice...

MizMyColi:


We could all use some support and external validation at different points of our existence.

How we go about it is our prerogative.

If She has chosen strangers to help her out, good for her.
Kindly let her knock herself out.

Don't make her feel awkward.

MizMyColi:


Yet, you subtly showed her a way out.

"It is too much biko"

Mynd44:

Asking strangers to validate their decisions is not a sign of strength.
She has decided to take that gamble, the world can as well be against her but it is her choice.

All these "join body" are insignificant

MizMyColi:


No where has she outrightly said so...
Except there was a thread before this.

For all we know, her thoughts might be muddled up.

Watching people converse....
Reading their opinions, those might actually help the answers she needs to spring up from within.

Everyone has their ways of handling stuff and dealing with emotional issues.

You become a better human when you're able to meet them where they're at and then help them rise above, in love.

Not making them feel awkward....second guessing themselves.

babygirlfl:


Well done

op the questions in bold are important especially the one in red. Can you trust a man that lied to you for that long?This thread below might help you. I know its not exactly the same situation but it might help as it may give you some insight about being a step mum.
https://www.nairaland.com/2128507/having-child-future-husband-already

ClassicQueen:
He said he has never been married. he told me the woman left the child and went away when he(child) was barely 1year... i asked him what if the mom comes for the child later in life, he said she wont dare that even if it happens, he is very sure the child will never want to go with her. I really love this man and it is very obvious he loves me more than i love him he is very crazy about me. He can do anything for me just to make me happy even if it will cause him pains. Just that i am confused and scared of the unknown at this moment!

Mynd44:

You do realize it is BS right?

No offence

Mynd44:

We will first curse her for being a loosed woman

Then we curse her for abandoning the child with her mother

Then we curse her for lying for so long.

Then we say she must have other secrets

Then we call her an irresponsible mother

We also curse her for trying to blackmail him into taking another man's child as his own

Then we move on the insult all women.

crackhaus:
It's just not a good sign when someone is able to keep the existence of their own child secret for years.

That's all I gotta say.

Chiam55:
I would be more concerned that he lied for 3 years about something as important as his first born child

Then I would look at him sideways the fact that he wanted his child aborted.

Then I'd run for the hills when he puts me before his own flesh and blood child. All these would be huge red lights for me. But hey that's me. As for you I pray you make the right decision for your life. I would also advice you to use your brain as well as your heart. My humble £2.

jnrbayano:


Un-hypocritical and deep just like Mynd44's submissions.

Very nice.

MizMyColi:

Mynd44:

We will first curse her for being a loosed woman

Then we curse her for abandoning the child with her mother

Then we curse her for lying for so long.

Then we say she must have other secrets

Then we call her an irresponsible mother

We also curse her for trying to blackmail him into taking another man's child as his own

Then we move on the insult all women.

Tallesty1:

ClassicQueen:
Thanks

Mynd44:

Asking strangers to validate their decisions is not a sign of strength.
She has decided to take that gamble, the world can as well be against her but it is her choice.

All these "join body" are insignificant

Floodgater:
You were the one that asked questions that led to his opening up yet he still says he felt it was the right time to say it, that was crafty. Does it mean if you had not asked, you might have found out in marriage. You did not provide much about his person for us to know how genuine his love is, because sometimes the things you ladies call love is terrible. Put yourself in his son's shoe to catch a better glimps. He says you decide his son's future, it is either he is lying or does not value his son in which case it wont be long before he treats you and your kids same or what makes you think you are more special? If at this point he has no plans for the son he is abandoning with his mum, then he also didnt care for the boy whilst he was with his mum hence her returning the child to him after a year. I kinda want to cut him some slacks on the ground that he made a mistake but he doesnt sound remorseful with words like exploring, abortion etc. I bet you he has not said it exactly as it happened. It is clear that you are confuse, tell him to give you three months break not because he has a child but because he told you so late and you need time too to think through things. Sometimes we see things clearly from outside.

Onegai:


Remind me to FedEx you one chilled bottle of Orijin for this post.

3 years, he couldn't tell you because he was "scared" of losing you. That sounds like epic selfishness to me. I mean, he could have told you 6 months after, heck he could have told you immediately because there is no point staying with a spouse that cannot accept another child.

If you had kept this secret from him for 3 years, you'd have discovered how deep his love for you his (when you come here to cry that he broke up with you because of this).

I'm not expecting my hubby to pour out all his secrets to me (neither will I) but something this big and this important that will have to be faced in the future (or will his mother live forever, when she passes on, will you ship his child off to another relative to avoid said child?? )

There's nothing wrong with another child but there is something seriously messed up with keeping it a secret from someone you intend marrying for 3 freaking years...

He sent money, he visited, he called to enquire about the child (at least we hope he did all this) and could calmly be telling you how much he loved you without sharing all that info...

And you're concerned about marrying a single father more than marrying a man whose face is THAT STRAIGHT?!

Please stop bringing your emotions into this (all that "love this and he loves me till it pains him" )