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Nairaland Forum / Nairaland / General / Family / My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! (6651 Views)
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My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Nobody: 7:28am On Apr 09, 2015 |
I and my Fiance have known each other for three years now...so we decided to talk about us i asked him deep questions about himself that was when he told me that he once got a lady pregnant and she refused to abort the child so decide to have the baby. He said the child is with his mom in his village but promise it wont affect us or our marriage if we finally settle down and that i will be the one to decide if the child should stay with us or not. I asked him why he hid the secret from me since and he said he was scared of losing me and felt this is the right time to tell me... i felt bad and also had the feeling he is keeping other secret from me he assured me that he has no other secret. I have never in my life imagine getting married to someone who already have a child, a Divorcee or a Second wife though i know this case is different but i have always wanted to start afresh with my man. I know we all make mistakes at one point in our lives...... Nairalanders please advise me thanks. I decided to post this topic on this section because i am very sure of getting matured response. |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Fabdedon(m): 7:31am On Apr 09, 2015 |
at least he told you he has one.. Pretend you are not happy and try asking him if there are other things he would like to tell you.. he sure will to see you are happy.. but am glad he did tell you about the son than letting you find out.. 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by kayboy4y(m): 7:35am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Ur destiny is in your hands. If its a sincere assurance better grab it, be wt him and move forward. Let the baby remain in d village if not he will come and start claiming 'first born' for u. But u have to be firm and a bit strict Also, he has to be sincere to u if he's still seeing his baby mama or else, wahala go dey. Goodluck 1 Like 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Fecodear(f): 7:36am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Definitely you'll feel bad, you are human that after 3years you are juz getting to know this very important information now. Although it is better knowing it now than years into the marriage. I know also that you'll be thinking that this guy's love is going to be divided between yourself and his child perhaps also his baby mama. Maybe he was feeling you might leave him and wanted you deep down into the relationship first. Let him know how bad you feel about keeping this kind of secret away from you. Let him assure you that there is nothing again going on between his baby mama and himself. He has to assure you there are no more skeletons in his cupboard. FINALLY, the innocent child deserves your love if and when the marriage pushes forth. What an ORUBEBE juz when everything was moving on fine, but in everything try to be JEGALIZED and make the right decision. 13 Likes 1 Share |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by sweettease(f): 7:36am On Apr 09, 2015 |
I think it's unfair if you dump him because of that. If he isn't from one of those tribes where the first son(if the child is a boy) is the all and all, it's not enough to cause a break up. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 7:38am On Apr 09, 2015 |
sweettease:Huh? If she dumps him, it is her prerogative. I won't praise her or condemn her, what gave the man the right to lie to her for 3 years? It is too much biko 15 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by sweettease(f): 7:47am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Mynd44:3 years means he shouldn't have kept this from her that long but it also means they've been through quite some challenges that can make her pardon it. At least the bright side is that he didn't break it to her after the marriage. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Nobody: 7:52am On Apr 09, 2015 |
ClassicQueen, i'm sure he expected this reaction from you that's why he didn't tell you earlier. It was selfish of him no doubt, but he was actually scared of losing a woman he loves perhaps. So it's up to you now, either you live with the reality and carry on, or you walk away and start afresh with another man who may not be half as good as him. You know him better than us, so ask yourself, other than this, has he been a liar? Has he given you other reasons to doubt him? If you decide to carry on, make sure you have a concrete plan on how to care for his son, so doesn't become a problem to your marriage. Will he be staying with you? What kind of relationship will Your husband have with the child's mother? Will your husband's family object to any decision you make about the boy? If he stays with you, can you care for him like your own? Will your man respect your agreement after marriage? If you chose to move on,....... Just make sure it's the right decision 5 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Nobody: 7:56am On Apr 09, 2015 |
First of all, ask him if he isn't married or if he was once married and if his ans is no, my dear marry him if you truly love him. That child will be a bless in the nearest future. |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by GboyegaD(m): 7:56am On Apr 09, 2015 |
The good thing is that he finally told you. He could have had the child at some point he was busy exploring however, that doesn't make him a bad person. My advice to you is to search your heart and see if you can cope with the reality since you have always had it in mind not to marry someone who already has a child. If you think you cannot cope with it, let him know and move on but please, take your time to think through it. 2 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Nobody: 7:59am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Mynd44: Relax bro, breaking such news would have been difficult. If i were him, I'd do the same. Telling her at the initial stage would have freaked her out, she would have taken to her heels, and there goes his heart. But telling her now has given her the time to know him, understand, and love him. So her decision wouldn't be based on this info alone but on their relationship too. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 8:02am On Apr 09, 2015 |
dicefrost:But he kept a secret like that from her for so long even though he claims to love her when he knows the longer he keeps it, the more she will be hurt just because he wants to keep her. I see some degree of selfishness. 14 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 8:04am On Apr 09, 2015 |
sweettease:Is that supposed to make her feel better? 4 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Nobody: 8:15am On Apr 09, 2015 |
He said he has never been married. he told me the woman left the child and went away when he(child) was barely 1year... i asked him what if the mom comes for the child later in life, he said she wont dare that even if it happens, he is very sure the child will never want to go with her. I really love this man and it is very obvious he loves me more than i love him he is very crazy about me. He can do anything for me just to make me happy even if it will cause him pains. Just that i am confused and scared of the unknown at this moment! |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by babygirlfl: 8:30am On Apr 09, 2015 |
dicefrost: Well done op the questions in bold are important especially the one in red. Can you trust a man that lied to you for that long?This thread below might help you. I know its not exactly the same situation but it might help as it may give you some insight about being a step mum. https://www.nairaland.com/2128507/having-child-future-husband-already 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by sweettease(f): 8:31am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Mynd44:It's supposed to make it hurt less. 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by godofwar666(m): 8:33am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Sorry to say i dont trust your fiance because its sound so ridiculous 4 over 3yrs he's now telling the truth just assume if u dont ask deeply abt him dat means he will never tells u something like that my own opinion is that u shld leave him and move on, cus dis kind of man is dangerous. Thanks 7 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Tallesty1(m): 8:34am On Apr 09, 2015 |
It is your fault. You didn't ask him the deep questions in time 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by MizMyColi(f): 8:38am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Mynd44: In other words, she should dump him. Don't pretend you don't know our opinions could actually hold sway. Show some humanity 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by MizMyColi(f): 8:40am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Tallesty1: We could do without the blame games and proffer a way forward. What if it never occurred to her, like it's something she couldn't fathom ATT. Show some humanity...too 1 Like |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by kaboninc(m): 8:57am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Fecodear: Really? |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by jnrbayano(m): 8:57am On Apr 09, 2015 |
3years? and he just revealed this to you? Well as a human I should worry about this. Try to find out all about the baby's mum. Her whereabouts, family, occupation and more importantly, why they broke up in the first place. I believe those information will guide you better. I have the gut feeling some secret are still kept away. |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 9:02am On Apr 09, 2015 |
MizMyColi:Read my post again biko. I said it is her choice... |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Tallesty1(m): 9:03am On Apr 09, 2015 |
I come online these days to blame people MizMyColi:It started on Monday n will end on Friday. |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 9:03am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 9:05am On Apr 09, 2015 |
ClassicQueen:You already know what to do. You have chosen what you want to do. Why come here to bother people with the hope of looking for people to back you up? |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Moana(f): 9:05am On Apr 09, 2015 |
GboyegaD:and if she was the one who had the baby while exploring? 3 Likes |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by MizMyColi(f): 9:10am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Mynd44: 9:11am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Moana:We will first curse her for being a loosed woman Then we curse her for abandoning the child with her mother Then we curse her for lying for so long. Then we say she must have other secrets Then we call her an irresponsible mother We also curse her for trying to blackmail him into taking another man's child as his own Then we move on the insult all women. 20 Likes 2 Shares |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by Moana(f): 9:12am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Mynd44:corect guy |
Re: My Fiance Just Told Me He Has A Son! by GboyegaD(m): 9:13am On Apr 09, 2015 |
Moana: Same for the guy. My advise is general and it is same I will give to any sex. |
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