The horror never stops and I'm not sure it ever will. I look around me and all I can see is the horrifying truth of what the rest of my life will be like. I know they say when there is hope, there is life but at the moment, I prefer death to this sad life I'm forced to live. I can't even imagine what mama will be going through at home but I'm glad she doesn't have to see me this way. It is selfish to say but I never want to return to her, ever. I doubt if I'll ever be normal again. If I would be able to leave the confines of my room without the fear of what might happen to me out there. I'm not even sure I would be able to look at my father and brothers without screaming or cringing. I am terrified that I may wake up one night and stab them all to death without flinching. I'm terrified of the animal they have turned me into in just two weeks, I'm terrified of myself. I'm terrified because despite everything that is going on around me, there is no tear for me to shed.

Although at first, I had cried till my eyes were red and swollen shut. I cried for myself, I cried for mama, I cried for papa, I cried for my siblings, I cried for others who had been lucky to escape this horror when they died, I cried for the unlucky ones like me tied to the trees waiting for them to decide our fate. I cried when the first girl was taken and raped right in front of us. So many of the soldiers took turn in raping her till she passed out. I cried when I was called with two other girls to carry the body out and dump it in a dark room that smelled worse than the unwashed bodies of our abductors. The tears flowed freely when one of the girls resisted being raped and was slaughtered right in front of us. Her head was cut off from her body and the blood kept sprouting from her neck. They did not even tell us to bury the body; they set it right in front of us a reminder of what can happen if we try to resist them or run away. Even when I had witnessed the rape of so many girls, I could not stop crying when the large manhood of a soldier ripped my hymen and many other took their turns on me.

The tears would not stop then but it has stopped now. The fear has been replaced with a murderous hatred for everything that looks like a man and that is why mama must not see her precious daughter this way. The eyes that was once filled with life and happiness is filled with hatred. It will hurt mama that the heart once capable of love is now cold and has plotted the death of these creatures. The once long and soft hair you loved plaiting has been shaved off, mama. Everywhere I turn in this forest, all I see and smell is death and horror. It drives me crazy, that this may be my fate till they finally get tired of us all, kill us and then abduct new girls. Now, I can feel the tears. Tears for innocent lives walking out there with their fates unknown to them


Written for the 200+ abducted girls and the victims of Boko Haram. I have deep pain in my heart and I know only God can help us.


Written about a year ago on www.theinkheartblog.com....

I've been working on something related to this for a while now but I abandoned it coz it wasn't really coming out right. This should make me revisit the work. Thanks for sharing.