Gerald Rogers
MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had...

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDI.OT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don't know i she will like what she finds... Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him 'I do', and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about. — with Gerald Rogers.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=10151735776813486&set=a.81166678485.79418.696628485&type=1

If only everyone could read and follow these, marriages will definitely be till death do us path .


The point i love most is forgiveness , when you can't forgive a person , you never truly loved that person .

Dey no go gree.
Until it is too late.

Where is azubuike to read that number 11
Sometimes when we are laying in bed,I see him writing in the air and calculating things

babyosisi:
Where is azubuike to read that number 11
Sometimes when we are laying in bed,I see him writing in the air and calculating things

he's calculating the money.
It is allowed.

cococandy:
he's calculating the money.
It is allowed.

And I haven't seen it


I found this write up quite interesting
The only one I don't agree with is the explanation following the main point in no 5
Absolute rubbish

I'd love to read the advice from a divorced woman. It'll help to balance things up when I'm advising intending divorcees.

babyosisi:
Where is azubuike to read that number 11
Sometimes when we are laying in bed,I see him writing in the air and calculating things

Lol! I guess you understand naa, why he is not always present. I believe he is present in spirit and his heart is ever present just that Man got to make some cash naa.
Those sweats needed thorough arithmetics, so support with ur advice.

I've read this....

All Right! I think you're Right

NICE WRITE UP
but useless to me




IF THIS POST HAD BEEN DIRECTED TO WOMEN THEN IN
OSISI,SAM.COCO.ND ALL THE SINGLE LADIES VOICEs




is IT the JOB of A WOMAN TO DO alL THIS .,.,.,.,

This is advice of a man that was divorced by his wife, how about advice from a man that divorced his wife nko? We have to hear both sides

comment from a divorced man.

For marriage to work. Both husband and wife should give it +75%. It shouldn't be the husband/men alone in the relationship putting all the effort. I have been married for 14 yrs and our marriage is hitting rock bottom. In our years of marriage, I have always given my wife gifts, flowers, massages, dinner dates on Christmas, Birthdays, Anniversary, Valentine and surprised her occasionally. Have I ever received a gift? No. She has never ever surprised me with flirting, sex, gifts, dinner, massages etc. It has always been I trying hard. Women, tend to just want to receive and never make an effort to give to the men. If both parties and be the giver and the receiver, marriages will stand a better chance. Being single, gets you a lot of flirting and great sex and awesome conversations.

cococandy:
he's calculating the money.
It is allowed.

kramer:
This is advice of a man that was divorced by his wife, how about advice from a man that divorced his wife nko? We have to hear both sides

ashually

Ignorance not only destroys but it disgraces.when I call you oloshide body go dey pepper you. The people wey be oloyede they exude intelligence and wisdom but your own na foolishness and poor man sense. Your iq contradicts your name in several ways

oloyede252:
NICE WRITE UP
but useless to me




IF THIS POST HAD BEEN DIRECTED TO WOMEN THEN IN
OSISI,SAM.COCO.ND ALL THE SINGLE LADIES VOICEs




is IT the JOB of A WOMAN TO DO alL THIS .,.,.,.,

So tired of all these advice topics. Now we are expected to take advice from a divorced man? There are people who would do all the points listed here but still end up in divorce. Anyone can throw a 'na me know pass' list of things to do. The blind leading the blind.

Marriage is ordained by God therefore every advice you need to sustain it is in the Bible!! Wise people know this

SAMBARRY:
Ignorance not only destroys but it disgraces.when I call you oloyede body go dey sweet you. The people wey be oloyede they exude intelligence and wisdom . Your iq contradicts your name in several ways

;p what your own,,,madam high IQ
na early morning we dey
go sleep.

Oniyade na the time wey your mates dey sleep be this?



And you wan get money. Na oshi go kill you

oloyede252:



;p what your own,,,madam high IQ
na early morning we dey
go sleep.

SAMBARRY:
Oniyade na the time wey your mates dey sleep be this?



And you wan get money. Na oshi go kill you

OLOYEDE is the name

yes we just wan sleep,,

na so lo go kill you,


@0p as have said before, a man doing all that without a corresponding reaction from the wife will bring about disequilibrium in the affairs of their marriage,

Hahahahah so you sabi speak English



I'm surprised. So you secondary school children are on holiday? That only explains why a boy will be planning to sleep at this time or are you taking a cue from that lazy old man that leeches on his wife's sweat




ole oraye wa.lowasese shey. Poverty is very close to a lazy man Oniyade

oloyede252:


OLOYEDE is the name

yes we just wan sleep,,

na so lo go kill you,


@0p as have said before, a man doing all that without a corresponding reaction from the wife will bring about disequilibrium in the affairs of their marriage,

SAMBARRY:
Hahahahah so you sabi speak English



I'm surprised. So you secondary school children are on holiday? That only explains why a boy will be planning to sleep at this time or are you taking a cue from that lazy old man that leeches on his wife's sweat




ole oraye wa.lowasese shey. Poverty is very close to a lazy man Oniyade

lol @ secondary school children,
please I want to sleep,don't disturb

life is not on nairaland,

send me money na

OLORIBURUKU SAMBODY

me go work you go chop. It's better for me to throw away money for river. Go sleep na. Na hungry/poverty go wake you up

oloyede252:


lol @ secondary school children,
please I want to sleep,don't disturb

life is not on nairaland,

send me money na

OLORIBURUKU SAMBODY

SAMBARRY:



me go work you go chop. It's better for me to throw away money for river. Go sleep na. Na hungry/poverty go wake you up

so send me money na and stop shouting poverty like it is your best friend,,




hunger don dey wire me o,,,
anyway sleeping continue,

Continue sleeping na. Oloshi na your friend na . Shebi you lazy

oloyede252:



so send me money na and stop shouting poverty like it is your best friend,,




hunger don dey wire me o,,,
anyway sleeping continue,

SAMBARRY:
Continue sleeping na. sambarry na your friend na . Shebi you lazy

lazy my foot,

ela there is free food

oloyede252:



lazy my foot,

ela there is free food in unilag

troll you've been noticed. Happy now?

The author of this piece hasn't learnt his lesson yet. There are men who have done way more than this and have been sent packing by their wives.

Once a western/westernised woman is bored with her marriage, no excuse is too flimsy or frivolous for divorce. All these points na enslavement tins. Everybody know your place and play your role, that's the way to marital bliss.

I guarantee that this man will end up in yet another divorce if carries this his unenlightened view into the new marriage.

SAMBARRY:
troll you've been noticed. Happy now?

u blind before...

Timbuktou:
The author of this piece hasn't learnt his lesson yet. There are men who have done way more than this and have been sent packing by their wives.

Once a western/westernised woman spouse is bored with her the marriage, no excuse is too flimsy or frivolous for divorce. All these points na enslavement tins. Everybody know your place and play your role, that's the way to marital bliss.

I guarantee that this man will end up in yet another divorce if carries this his unenlightened view into the new marriage.

Interesting.

@bold: I believe he will have a blissful marriage if he does these and meets the right woman.