The response of about 90 per cent of women to the question of orgasm is that ‘I‘ve never had an orgasm before or I don‘t even know what it is all about.’ This happens each time I have opportunity to talk in most female meetings, or gatherings. Sometimes, some women are not sure if they‘ve been orgasmic, or that they used to be orgasmic, but now they aren‘t. It is expected that such women would want to know what they or their husbands could do.

An orgasm is a reflex response that gets triggered when there is enough build-up of sexual tension from effective stimulation and freedom to go after it without inhibition or fear of being out of control. A lady cannot reach orgasm willy-nilly, but she can encourage or resist it.

Sexual arousal and release (orgasm) are controlled by our involuntary or autonomic nervous system. Arousal, getting “turned-on” or sexually excited, is controlled by the passive branch of our involuntary nervous system. Arousal happens early in sexual play, in our sleep and even throughout the day. Nipple erection and vaginal lubrication are indications of arousal. To get aroused, a lady has to be relaxed and soaking in pleasure, because the passive or relaxed branch of her involuntary nervous system has to dominate.

Orgasm, however, is controlled by the active branch of our involuntary nervous system. As arousal builds to the point where we are just about to go ‘over the edge,‘ our body shifts from the parasympathetic nervous system (the relaxed side of our involuntary nervous system) being dominant to the sympathetic nervous system (the active branch of our involuntary nervous system) being dominant. So, to have an orgasm, we have to get active and go after it. Many women who struggle to be orgasmic tend to remain passive during their sexual experiences, so they don‘t help their bodies make the shift to the active nervous system’s control.

[b]Sexual arousal and release are conditioned responses. If, as a child or young adolescent, you learned to block intense sexual feelings that would have moved you toward orgasm because of guilt or shame, you may, as an adult, continue unknowingly to stop your arousal before it leads to orgasm. Perhaps you learned to be orgasmic by rocking on your pillow to help you fall asleep as a child and now you have no clue how to transfer that form of stimulation into sex with your husband. Or perhaps, you were exposed to pornography or had your first orgasm in response to a negative stimulus, and now you may have to picture that same stimulus to have an orgasm. You are left in a dilemma, either to have an orgasm and feel guilty about the images in your mind or not have an orgasm and feel sexually unsatisfied. Even though a lady‘s body has been designed for sexual arousal and release, various factors may interfere with her ability to respond ‘orgasmically.’ These reasons must be identified and corrected. Any difficulty or inability to reach orgasm after adequate sexual stimulation can be caused by a lady‘s passivity or previous conditioning, by emotional or sexual trauma, or many possible medical factors.[/b]

How important is it for you to have orgasms? How do you know if you have ever had one? What happens when you are orgasmic? What happens if you have been trying, and nothing seems to work? These are frequently asked questions that need to be answered as an introduction to releasing orgasmic potential.

First, the importance of orgasms is evident, because rarely does a woman is interested in sex if she is not orgasmic. Initially she will be excited and enjoy sex with her husband, but over time, she will allow less and less sexual intensity to build and start having sex primarily for him. God designed our bodies to respond sexually, and the scripture teaches that the sexual drives of men and women can be fulfilled in marriage.

Intense arousal causes engorgement or a building of sexual tension, in the genitals and throughout the body in general. The engorgement triggers the reflex of the orgasm. The orgasm reflex sets into motion contractions in the lower part of the vagina and the uterus.

If you have been trying and nothing seems to work, you need to follow some important steps towards enhancing responsiveness.

If something were wrong physically, not all the efforts in the world would ever produce an orgasm. Start with hormonal evaluation. You may need to request that your family doctor have your oestrogen or progesterone levels measured. If you are menopausal, hormone replacement therapy may prove beneficial. If you are on a birth-control pill that is high in progestin, which suppresses sexual desire and response, you should switch to a pill that is higher in oestrogen and androgen (testosterone) activity. An oestrogen cream inserted into the vagina with an applicator will increase lubrication and enhance sensation. A one per cent testosterone cream applied on the outside genitals around the clitoris will increase both desire and responsiveness. Your family doctor may have to order and manage these possibilities.

Learn to know your body and what feels good to you. Start with a genital self-examination. Then share that discovery with your husband and teach him what type of touch brings you the most pleasure. Discover what conditions you need for sex to be the best it can be for you. As you know and take responsibility to create these conditions, you will more easily free yourself to release your responsiveness. You may resist self-discovery or avoid taking responsibility for your conditions because you believe the myth that if your husband truly loved you, he would automatically know how, where, and when you wanted to be touched and would produce your orgasm for you. Since we as women are much more complex and changeable than men, no man can know and meet our complex and ever-changing sexual needs unless we know ourselves and communicate what our body hungers for in the moment.

Listen to bodily sensations. To know your body and communicate what you need sexually, you have to be attuned to your body‘s sexual messages. You can learn to listen to your body and to become the best authority on your body and your sexuality. Listen all day long. Listen in the shower, when you are going about your daily house chores or at work, and if you have even a flicker of sexual sensation. Listen during sex. Both you and your husband will be happier when you learn to listen to your body and go after what you need while he learns to listen to you and respond to your desires.

Lead by invitation. Sex works best and responsiveness is most likely when the woman leads with her sexuality, not with pressure from her husband. That is because a turned-on woman is usually a turn-on to a man, but a turned-on man can be a demand or pressure to a woman. If you feel like he is typically ahead of you in both sexual activity and intensity, you may shut down because of the demand you feel to catch up. Demand always stifles a sexual response.

Distract from watching. As the saying goes, a watched pot never boils. Even so, a watched woman will not respond sexually. Questions and evaluations either by your husband or by you will put pressure on you and interfere with your natural bodily response. The best distraction is to focus on the sensations of where you are being touched, on the enjoyment of your husband‘s body, and on the receiving of your husband‘s enjoyment of your body. You must redefine your goal to go for higher levels and longer times of pleasure rather than for release.

Get active and go after. Are you withholding from your pleasure because going for your orgasm would be giving in to him? Go for it! Maximise your pleasure. You cannot will an orgasm any more than you can a sneeze, but you can encourage it. When your body gets to the point when it feels like you are about to go over the hill, rather than trying to have an orgasm, work with your body. Practise what we refer to as the orgasmic triggers: when you feel like breathing, breath heavier; when you start gasping, gasp louder; point your toes; throw your head back; make facial grimaces; tighten and relax your vaginal muscles; and thrust your pelvis.

Be deliberate about sex. Most couples need to make time for physical connection if they are going to learn what the woman needs to build her arousal and release her responsiveness. Yet, couples often resist scheduling their times together. They may believe that spontaneity is better. Our consistent finding is that the anticipation of planned sexual times together builds quality and the allotment of those times increases quantity. It is important that some of these planned encounters be for connecting, cuddling, and passionate kissing without intercourse or the building towards release. Freedom to enjoy each other without any expectations is a prerequisite to your getting to know your body and sexuality. Sex doesn‘t always have to mean SEX!

Kiss passionately every day. Daily passionate kissing keeps the pilot light on so that you can more easily turn up the flame. We recommend fifteen minutes a day of face to face intimacy-sharing spiritually and emotionally-that ends in thirty seconds of passionate kissing that does not lead to sex. Many times, women stop kissing passionately because they fear it will lead to sex and they do not want to go there.

Learn to have fun and play together. Focus on what is working rather than on what isn‘t. As you are able to affirm God‘s design of your sexuality, eliminate all physical barriers, and pursue mutual pleasure with your husband. Over time, you will have longer and more intense pleasure and eventually release all the sexual potentials that God intended for you with your husband

http://www.punchng.com/entertainment/sex-sexuality/to-have-or-not/

I have heard too many cases of women who go looking for something outside because their partner doesn't take time to make sure the sex is as pleasurable for them as well. Im not saying its right to have extra-marital affairs (be it the man or the woman).

But its always best to try out new things to see what really makes your partner have an amazing time. If you want mind blowing s*x while with your wife, you shouldn't expect her to settle for anything else.
Try out new things...oral...toys... Always make it fun and exciting for the both of you.

Nice one OP.

In addition,ladies if you can't have orgasms, pls don't raise daughters who can't have orgasms too. Most females are sexually repressed because of their psyche growing up to believe that sex is evil and something to be guilty or feel dirty about.
Teach them to embrace their sexuality (while being responsible about it.)

And I read it to the end
Btw, 3rd to comment

chai... i havent even read 4 lines and i have an erect.ion already...

wondering why some women never have orgasm all their lives? ... they think too much..

soups to cook, when to visit the salon, iya kamoru's lace in d market, or why is ds man humping like a gorrilla..


i love being a man o.. we face a task wholeheartedly and finish strong ...

O boy
Nairaland will soon change the '0rgasm' to 'heavenly feeling'

kilokeys:
chai... i havent even read 4 lines and i have an erect.ion already...

wondering why some women never have orgasm all their lives? ... they think too much..

soups to cook, when to visit the salon, iya kamoru's lace in d market, or why is ds man humping like a gorrilla..


i love being a man o.. we face a task wholeheartedly and finish strong ...

4 lines = ere*ction? Are you for real? Young man, you need Jesus

Nice one op,thanks for sharing.

@ cococandy. Don't understand the part of mothers not raising their not to have OrGasm. Please elaborate if you don't mind.

taryour:
Nice one op,thanks for sharing.

@ cococandy. Don't understand the part of mothers not raising their not to have OrGasm. Please elaborate if you don't mind.

I think It is a mind thing first before being physical. Most of our African parents don't even like to talk about sex let alone give their kids especially the daughters the understanding that sex is nothing to feel guilty or dirty about.
After having grown up with that mind conditioning, it will be hard for a lady to let herself go enough to really explore her body and not feel whorish about it (even with the right person. AKA husband or fiancé).

I can't really say I blame them because many don't understand you can be free and open about sex to your kids without encouraging irresponsible behavior.

kilokeys:
chai... i havent even read 4 lines and i have an erect.ion already...

wondering why some women never have orgasm all their lives? ... they think too much..

soups to cook, when to visit the salon, iya kamoru's lace in d market, or why is ds man humping like a gorrilla..


i love being a man o.. we face a task wholeheartedly and finish strong ...

Na so e dey do you?

cococandy:

I think It is a mind thing first before being physical. Most of our African parents don't even like to talk about sex let alone give their kids especially the daughters the understanding that sex is nothing to feel guilty or dirty about.
After having grown up with that mind conditioning, it will be hard for a lady to let herself go enough to really explore her body and not feel whorish about it (even with the right person. AKA husband or fiancé).

I can't really say I blame them because many don't understand you can be free and open about sex to your kids without encouraging irresponsible behavior.

I couldn't agree more with you, Most parents are just so uncomfortable talking about sex with their teenage sons/daughters which is absurd, and even when they do, they act funny and become childish about it, Only majority will explain everything you need to know, which it's a good thing.

Too long abeg... wil read later..

mizzochocinco:
I have heard too many cases of women who go looking for something outside because their partner doesn't take time to make sure the sex is as pleasurable for them as well. Im not saying its right to have extra-marital affairs (be it the man or the woman).

Most of these cases are actually not because of sexual dissatisfaction but for greed and extreme lust.

But its always best to try out new things to see what really makes your partner have an amazing time. If you want mind blowing s*x while with your wife, you shouldn't expect her to settle for anything else.

The article is not about husbands but women who have created a big stumbling block in their hearts against reaching climax or enjoy the act. Irrespective of new thing you try, once this block is not eliminated, the new thing is a waste. And I think the author wrote it in the article.

This thread is not for virgins like moi.

Orgasm? Never heard of it.

Op, I like this course o. its for advance student though.
Lazy students will b like... summary pleeeease!

Phema:
This thread is not for virgins like moi.

Orgasm? Never heard of it.

if I hear.

Virgin phema

cococandy:
Nice one OP.

In addition,ladies if you can't have orgasms, pls don't raise daughters who can't have orgasms too. Most females are sexually repressed because of their psyche growing up to believe that sex is evil and something to be guilty or feel dirty about.
Teach them to embrace their sexuality (while being responsible about it.)

The bold must be at the right time that is when the mother start to discover that the adolescent child must have become curious as to the changes in her body or in the bodies of others (her sexuality)

Failing which the lesson I reckon will be counterproductive.

jnrbayano:


The bold must be at the right time that is when the mother start to discover that the adolescent child must have become curious as to the changes in her body or in the bodies of others (her sexuality)

Failing which the lesson I reckon will be counterproductive.

but of course

Hehehehehe

Odikwa serious

OP, what is the meaning of orgasm

cococandy:
if I hear.

Virgin phema

Oh yes. That's me.

Bibol:
Hehehehehe

Odikwa serious

OP, what is the meaning of orgasm

Op meant to write Organism.

Pardon him/her.

Nice essay. Well presented. Mature.

jnrbayano:
Op meant to write Organism.

Pardon him/her.

I thought as much.

Phema:
This thread is not for virgins like moi.

Orgasm? Never heard of it.

It is a biological experiment that requires one of the two participating moles to involuntary become a music machine by singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..."

This experiment can be taught or performed anywhere convenient for the participating teams while respecting free range moles.

jnrbayano:

Op meant to write Organism.
Pardon him/her.

bellong:


It is a biological experiment that requires one of the two participating moles to involuntary become a music machine by singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..."

This experiment can be taught or performed anywhere convenient for the participating teams while respecting free range moles.

Confusion

Nneka123:
Na so e dey do you?

we rnt that complicated na... but u girls are..


shhhh. scroll thru ur contacts and tell me how many mofos have ur digits..

while pple like us are kept in d dark.

bellong:

It is a biological experiment that requires one of the two participating moles to involuntary become a music machine by singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..."

This experiment can be taught or performed anywhere convenient for the participating teams while respecting free range moles.

OMG! You mean just anywhere? Interesting stuff. . .

"Amazing grace. . .", that sounds like a church thingy. I'm off to go try it in church with my 'brother in the Lord'.

I do hope this will not compromise my virginity in anyway. . .

cococandy:

I think It is a mind thing first before being physical. Most of our African parents don't even like to talk about sex let alone give their kids especially the daughters the understanding that sex is nothing to feel guilty or dirty about.
After having grown up with that mind conditioning, it will be hard for a lady to let herself go enough to really explore her body and not feel whorish about it (even with the right person. AKA husband or fiancé).

I can't really say I blame them because many don't understand you can be free and open about sex to your kids without encouraging irresponsible behavior.

Very true. As a matter of fact I never had such discussions with my mother or sisters and do not intend allowing such with me and my daughter. I will be very opened to her. Just yesterday I was discussing intimacy issues with my second sister who is getting married soon and noticed she felt very free discussing such issues with me. And am so sure she wunt discuss such with my mum.

Its not like my mum is wicked,strict or doesn't give room to openly discussions on any issues we might have. But I think kids just don't feel comfy discussing such issues with their parents,so they tend to get such info from wrong places which either turns out good or bad.

bellong:


It is a biological experiment that requires one of the two participating moles to involuntary become a music machine by singing "Amazing grace, how sweet the sound..."

This experiment can be taught or performed anywhere convenient for the participating teams while respecting free range moles.

OMG. Lol.

Phema:


OMG! You mean just anywhere? Interesting stuff. . .

"Amazing grace. . .", that sounds like a church thingy. I'm off to go try it in church with my 'brother in the Lord'.

I do hope this will not compromise my virginity in anyway. . .

Na OYO you dey ooo.... I concluded with "...while respecting free range moles"


It can't at all, at least my 71 year old mum is still a virgin.

taryour:

Its not like my mum is wicked,strict or doesn't give room to openly discussions on any issues we might have. But I think kids just don't feel comfy discussing such issues with their parents,so they tend to get such info from wrong places which either turns out good or bad.

They are not comfortable discussing it because most parents don't treat their children as friends but rather as strictly children. How many parents discuss their personal challenges and issues with their parents even if they don't understand? The level and depth of rapport with children will give them freedom to discuss anything and everything with parents.

First step is become their friend and you can take it from there.

ok

never had one too , still a v