Miscellaneous:
redgem , don't even dare to report to police or any activist as some guys here adviced, u even called relations for him ?…… u will only fuel the problem if u cannot chase it till the end. Guy, do u know what u are doing? This kind of father is not one dat should be dealt with this way. The beginning of trouble will be when ur dad even knows his right……… o boy nor try am do police mata o. I told u to email me let me give u proven advise which is being test-runned…… be careful if u choose not to mail me. May God give u wisdom to see the future & make the best decision……… bye man.

You can't even decipher if the Op is male or female in the post, how are we sure you read and understand the situation? smh
And you kept demanding for pm or email. No go mislead the poor girl o.

The first thing you and your mum shld do is to move out from that negatively charged house now!

Self preservation is the first law of nature so move out quickly from that house with ur mum before your dad fulfills his death promises, then seek for legal remedies by reporting his abusive sorry a$$ to the law enforcement organs (NPF) who will in turn charge and prosecute him for domestic violence and threat to life.

When they are done with him then u and your mum can also bring up a civil action against him were you can demand for damages but make sure you are not the aggressor here playing the victim!

He who seeks for equity must not only come with a clean hand but must also be equitable.

Onegai:
Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

You will never beg your father enough. This is not your fault or your mother's fault. He has been doing this since you were young, so why do you think it is still your mum's fault or your fault?

Some men and women have demons that you cannot fix. You are not supposed to fix them, stay away. An abusive person doesn't change because of any prayers. I know too many women and men in your situation, you staying there will help nothing, think of your siblings and think what your mum has taught them that it is acceptable.

Everyone has a temper but abusive people justify their lack of control, weakness and need to hurt people with that fact. It is not normal.

Leave that house or bury someone in the future. And btw, children from abusive homes never come out right without help. Better a separated home than an abusive home.

God bless you abundantly!

scachy:

Police is ur friend.

.

In 9ja, police will say "na family matter, couple wey don marry like 25 years, dem nor kill themselves, na now them wan kill themselves? Make dem go settle am for family."

God forbid, until it's too late. That's the attitude of police.

@ redgem....... If your mum is not ready to leave the house.....
Then you take the bold step of leaving first and after leaving, the vacuum you did fill when you were around will be empty and one of these days, she might come to her senses and say 'if I die now these children will live and be fine without them missing my presence but if am alive I will certainty witness their own time of uplifting and celebration'
°Because am sure she won't want to miss the time you get married
°She won't want to miss having to carry your first born
°She won't want to miss your house dedication
°She won't want to miss seeing your child taking the first step to walk


It because you are still there, she sees a shoulder to cry, she see someone who can help her, someone who feels her pain but the moment you are gone...... Its becomes an empty space, a vaccum, a void..... By that time, she will come to her senses and run for her life.
#am nothing talking in parables, am talking about what has happened. Happened to a relative.



As for your dad........ Just know you have a dad and not a Father
He is a beast and one who can kill


Good luck as you fashion your way out of this mess

AreaFada2:
.

In 9ja, police will say "na family matter, couple wey don marry like 25 years, dem nor kill themselves, na now them wan kill themselves? Make dem go settle am for family."

God forbid, until it's too late. That's the attitude of police.

Hmmm.too bad. Perhaps if something bad happens at last, they ll still come to make an arrest. NPF is pathetic though but we had to do d needful wen d need arises to avoid unnecessary blames n regret.

jayedu108:
What is this one saying,she should get out of that house,is dat the best advice you could give to her?All I see here is kids with silly advice!

why not offer your own advice instead of picking on other people's own?

Wise adult with better ideas.
So na your work be this. Going from thread to thread disturbing other posters when you have nothing better to offer yourself.

Mtchew

This issue should not be handled with kiddies gloves,if you dont have any considerate suggestions for the Op pls just keep quiet and watch from the sidelines.


thank you

Lalasticlala...the op is a girl..pls amend the topic on fp

lolly2pops:


If he is abusive in nature, the mother must be given full custody of the kids while he (the father) takes on the financial responsibility.

no be America be this o

raumdeuter:
OP a month ago you were just 21, just graduated and staying with your dad



Today you are with your husband who beats you

So whats the real story

Are you here at all?

Islie:
@ redgem....... If your mum is not ready to leave the house.....
Then you take the bold step of leaving first and after leaving, the vacuum you did fill when you were around will be empty and one of these days, she might come to her senses and say 'if I die now these children will live and be fine without them missing my presence but if am alive I will certainty witness their own time of uplifting and celebration'
°Because am sure she won't want to miss the time you get married
°She won't want to miss having to carry your first born
°She won't want to miss your house dedication
°She won't want to miss seeing your child taking the first step to walk


It because you are still there, she sees a shoulder to cry, she see someone who can help her, someone who feels her pain but the moment you are gone...... Its becomes an empty space, a vaccum, a void..... By that time, she will come to her senses and run for her life.
#am nothing talking in parables, am talking about what has happened. Happened to a relative.



As for your dad........ Just know you have a dad and not a Father
He is a beast and one who can kill


Good luck as you fashion your way out of this mess

wonder full u ave written d right tin. woow I doff my cap 4 u. Op u better heed 2 this advise 4 ur own benefit and dat of ur mom.

Women suffering from what they turned their husbands to over the years. And finally finding solace in church.

Op a few questions for u.
Was ur dad born mad?
Was he treating ur mum like dis from inception?
Did u grow to meet him smokin weeds and having mistreses?

Some men find it very difficult to let go and forgive.
Only ur mom will be able to answer why dis man has become what he his now.

She has the option of running or staying. But let her fix it. At least for the childrens sake.

No point using the toilet and running only for another peroson to come clean for you.

[size=14pt]Listen up you low self esteemed piece of shiiit.
Nobody online can help you.
Your mom is a fuccking walking corpse and I will be surprised if she lives to see 60.

If all you can do is beg and kneel.... then, beg and kneel....
Make sure u invite me to your mom's funeral loool.

Foolish people and their wahala....[/size]

xerotop:
Women suffering from what they turned their husbands to over the years. And finally finding solace in church.

Op a few questions for u.
Was ur dad born mad?
Was he treating ur mum like dis from inception?
Did u grow to meet him smokin weeds and having mistreses?

Some men find it very difficult to let go and forgive.
Only ur mom will be able to answer why dis man has become what he his now.

She has the option of running or staying. But let her fix it. At least for the childrens sake.

No point using the toilet and running only for another peroson to come clean for you.

Marriage no be by force. If u dont want the woman, let the bisssh go...
Or just murder her ans make it quick

Miscellaneous:
redgem , don't even dare to report to police or any activist as some guys here adviced, u even called relations for him ?…… u will only fuel the problem if u cannot chase it till the end. Guy, do u know what u are doing? This kind of father is not one dat should be dealt with this way. The beginning of trouble will be when ur dad even knows his right……… o boy nor try am do police mata o. I told u to email me let me give u proven advise which is being test-runned…… be careful if u choose not to mail me. May God give u wisdom to see the future & make the best decision……… bye man.

If there is anything you want to let her know must it be private since she already made it public in the first place? No ill feelings. I just want to understand.

Onegai:
[s]Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

You will never beg your father enough. This is not your fault or your mother's fault. He has been doing this since you were young, so why do you think it is still your mum's fault or your fault?

Some men and women have demons that you cannot fix. You are not supposed to fix them, stay away. An abusive person doesn't change because of any prayers. I know too many women and men in your situation, you staying there will help nothing, think of your siblings and think what your mum has taught them that it is acceptable.

Everyone has a temper but abusive people justify their lack of control, weakness and need to hurt people with that fact. It is not normal.

Leave that house or bury someone in the future. And btw, children from abusive homes never come out right without help. Better a separated home than an abusive home[/s].

Rubbish

They should get out of the house and come live with you right? or better still go to a relations house that will throw them out tomorrow.

brownlord:


Rubbish

They should get out of the house and come live with you right? or better still go to a relations house that will throw them out tomorrow.

Then let them stay innthe house and stfu.... why complain if u dont wanna deal with the situation??
As a matter of fact, I feel the poster is trolling,

icebeatz:


Then let them stay innthe house and stfu.... why complain if u dont wanna deal with the situation??
As a matter of fact, I feel the poster is trolling,

Living the house is no good start especially if the woman is not financially independent.

lolababe331e:


A man who smokes weed and threatens to strangle his wife , pour hot water on the Pastor and Church members and you think he should have custody of her siblings When his present punching bag is gone he will most likely take out his frustrations on the kids

I guess the kids don't matter that much

Aww this is saddening,may God not let me meet a man like this.

Miscellaneous:


if this is a better advice, I pray ur children abandon u as their mum at the times of trouble…… how abt that?

If I ever find myself in a situation where a man is pummeling me,strangling me and threatening to kill me and my children and I become so dense and so foolish as not to leave, may all the children I birthed through this my womb find the courage to leave that home and never return.
When my senses return I will look for them

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

How old are you?

Are you the first son?

You have to step in. Nobody will make your father stop except YOU, as a son of the family. Step up to him, he will mellow down.

Billyonaire:
No, financial responsibility agreement will not be respected by such a deranged man, and they will be back to square zero. He needs to be responsible fully for the kids, they should stay with him. While the wife should divorce in order to stay alive. One has to be alive to stay married, we should learn to avoid areas of madness and mayhem.

Is there no law over there? I'm shocked for years![b][/b]

lolly2pops:


Is there no law over there? I'm shocked for years![b][/b]

Nigeria has no laws

#Advise d old ones..

redgem:
I know begging and Kneeling is not the solution but my mum does not believe in leaving her matrimonial home... She prefers to stay and face whatever comes her way like how she's being doing since they married. Sometimes I even blame my mum for her silence all these years, she gets hurt and keeps on protecting him.. We went to his room this morning and he acted like he was asleep, so we left. Dad is currently calling people from the village telling them that I called police for them to arrest him, changing the truth and spoiling mum's name.

About taking the job if I leave her alone in the house, I fear for what will happen to her... She's not young any more, my mum's siblings stays in bayelsa, she has no one around my younger sis is still in the uni and she's scared of talking to dad cos he had threatened her for not funding her fees. My younger bro is still a boy and he can't say anything. The only people she has ar her pastor and church members who dad swore that if he sees any of them in his house, he will pour them hot water.

I'm sorry but i feel like slapping some sense into your head. Listen up young lady, it's time you went your own way. If you have a job in Lagos MOVEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Your mother has chosen to remain in such a toxic environment regardless. If you were not born perchance, she would not move an inch so ask yourself WHY SHOULD I PUT MY LIFE ON HOLD FOR HER?

Are you telling me that if someone proposes to you tomorrow you will say no because you want to remain in your father's house and continue protecting your mum? What a shame! Listen, get on with your life and can i tell you that environment is toxic for you as well. Do you know there is a tendency for an abused child to marry (or date) an abusive man tomorrow? Go and check the statistics.

Its in their psyche and they can't help but act out that script unless by some stroke of luck or grace. I see you already kneeling and begging for what is not your fault or business. If you aint careful, you will accept abuse like that tomorrow and fall on your knees and beg (God forbid though). Please you need to have good friends (not rude friends) that will BOOST your ego and remind you this thing (abuse) is not right.

Abuse is a cycle; don't remain in it if there is a clear way out. Your younger sister is still in school and she needs his help; thats a different thing. If you have a job or an opportunity, MOVE IT! Your mother has chosen to remain, that is her decision. You make your own decision. Good luck to you.

redgem:
Fellow Nairalander's please I need urgent help...who know of any human right activist in port harcourt? My dad is being abusive and threatens to kill my mum and I. He is being really violent and I fear he will fulfil his threat soon.... He has severally try to strangle my mum... Please, help its a matter of life and death.

op u av many problem no 1 is dat ur very lazy no 2 is dat ur still a kid no 3 is dat u dont think twise b4 talking no 4 is dat u dont no ur duty no 5 is dat dont no ur right in the family u belong.so correct all dis faulty of ur life nd save ur mother fast

Onegai:
Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

Get out of that house, take your siblings with you.

You will never beg your father enough. This is not your fault or your mother's fault. He has been doing this since you were young, so why do you think it is still your mum's fault or your fault?

Some men and women have demons that you cannot fix. You are not supposed to fix them, stay away. An abusive person doesn't change because of any prayers. I know too many women and men in your situation, you staying there will help nothing, think of your siblings and think what your mum has taught them that it is acceptable.

Everyone has a temper but abusive people justify their lack of control, weakness and need to hurt people with that fact. It is not normal.

Leave that house or bury someone in the future. And btw, children from abusive homes never come out right without help. Better a separated home than an abusive home.

op please go with this advice. Leave that toxic environment with your siblings. Weed smoking actually makes one mentally unstable.

If your mum chooses to stay back, you can do nothing about it. she is an adult and has made her choice. My worry now is the psychological damage domestic violence can have on you and your siblings. Please leave and seek professional help

Thank you all for your advices
I seriously don't know what to say again, some advices gives me strength and some weakens me.
But all the same, I will do what I feel is the better from the advices given and hope for the best.
Thanks

I'm a female and not a male

MarvellousGod:
Am I fighting with you? ? Can't you be a bit polite??
Seems everything na fight in this family section, unfortunately I have no such strength. ... Even the op I asked answered politely and you're here disturbing yourself..



And that meant I was justifying a man trying to strangle his wife? ? I only asked cos I wanted to know what led to the fight, maybe they were exchanging words or something but from what I read later, it's been like that since their childhood, so the man definitely has issues. .

Can a man wake up and start acting weird? ? Except he's mentally ill, I feel there are causes.. is he financially unstable? Is he a drunk or a smoker?.Something must be frustrating him.... That I asked whether the woman is verbally abuse didn't mean I was blaming the woman or justifying the man's action..
To solve a problem, you must know the causes.. Except the op and her mum will run away forever as some people advised. ..

Unfortunately when i read that part of your statement i was pissed off as well. I know you mean well but sometimes (especially in Nigeria) we tend to make excuses for the oppressors and rapi.sts. e.g are you mouthed? did you wear a tight dress that's probably why you were ra.ped. I'm not sure you respect your husband thats why he beat you and the kids. I see it all the time. Very few people say 'hey that's wrong. You should not be repay violence with violence even if the Mrs was rude to you' we are too quick to ask the woman 'what did you do wrong that made your husband beat you?' I'M SICK AND TIRED OF READING STUFF LIKE THAT!

its quite sad and i see it all the time on Nairaland. From what you've just written i can see you didn't mean it like that but that your sentence didn't sound like that to begin with.